How To Cope With Divorce: Protecting Your Mental Health During Separation & Divorce
Divorce often involves significant life changes that can make a person feel uprooted. Regardless of whether or not an individual was expecting divorce, it can cause significant emotional and mental health challenges. Even if both people accept that they need to move forward with their own lives, a marriage ending can feel disorienting and lead to major stress. Here, we’ll explore strategies that may help you cope with divorce and protect your emotional and mental health.
Stress, divorce, and mental health: America’s statistics
The following are some statistics related to divorce and mental health in the US:
- In 2022, the divorce rate in the United States rose to 14.56 divorces per 1,000 married women, up from 14.0 the year before.
- The US Census Bureau reports: “From 2008 to 2022, the national divorce rate declined from just over 10.0 to about 7.0. In contrast, the national marriage rate has generally remained between 16.0 and 18.0 since 2008, with the exception of 2021 when the rate fell below 15.0.”
- Research published in Biopsychosocial Science and Medicine suggests that the “experience of separation or divorce confers risk for poor health outcomes, including a 23% higher mortality rate.”
Common emotional challenges in separation and divorce
Divorce often involves a major transition that can make people feel a complex mix of emotions—even for the person who decided to end it. Some people may go through a phase of isolation as they adapt to what it’s like to be single again. The emotional stages of a divorce may also include moments of relief as a person leaves an unhappy relationship. In addition, some people may feel excited to start a new chapter and imagine the possibility of a future relationship. The contrast and sheer number of different emotions a person may feel can be confusing and may affect mental health.
How to cope with divorce emotionally
Each person’s situation is different, but many people can benefit from some general tips for rebalancing after separation. The following are some strategies that may help you cope with the emotional challenges of divorce.
Build a support system
Having a support system can make a big difference emotionally during a divorce. While friendships and family ties sometimes shift when a marriage ends, it’s often still possible to find or build an emotional support system.
For example, support groups for people experiencing a divorce may offer care, practical advice, and even lasting friendships. These groups typically allow each person to talk about their own divorce stress and how they’re coping with the divorce emotionally, which may help each participant feel heard and less alone in their struggles.
Write about your experience
Some people may find that writing about their experience helps them work through it emotionally. Research suggests that journaling may be beneficial for both mental and physical health, potentially reducing anxiety and even boosting the immune system.
Practice meditation
Research suggests that mindfulness can have a significant positive impact on emotional well-being. This ancient practice involves observing present thoughts and sensations without judgment. Engaging in it regularly may help people going through a divorce learn to not identify as much with negative emotions or inaccurate thoughts that may arise.
Care for your body
Navigating challenges related to children
One of the most common concerns among parents going through a divorce is how to protect their children’s well-being throughout the process. According to many experts, children often benefit from keeping to a routine as much as possible, as it may provide them with a sense of stability amidst the many changes that often come with a divorce.
Getting mental health support if you’re going through a divorce
In addition to considering the above strategies, a person going through a divorce may benefit from speaking with a mental health professional. A licensed therapist can often help people process what they’re experiencing, whether they’re just beginning the divorce process or working their way through it emotionally years later. A therapist can also treat any underlying mental health conditions a person may be living with, such as anxiety, depression, an adjustment disorder, or substance use.
Getting online support for divorce
Some people experiencing a divorce might prefer to speak with a therapist outside their local community. Others might live in an area with few licensed therapists. In such cases, an individual going through a divorce can still get help through online therapy.
With BetterHelp, you can connect with a therapist via audio, video, or live chat from anywhere you have an internet connection. Online therapy also can be more affordable than traditional in-person therapy without insurance, which may be helpful for people who are going through an expensive divorce.
In addition to offering relative affordability and flexible scheduling, research indicates that online therapy can often be effective for addressing the symptoms of various mental disorders. For example, one study suggests that online cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be effective for treating depression, anxiety, panic disorder, and substance use disorder, which aren’t uncommon among people experiencing a divorce.
Takeaway
What does Mental Health America say about divorce?
Mental Health America suggests that people going through a divorce try to accept their feelings without judgment. The organization also suggests that people not put pressure on themselves to perform at peak level during a divorce.
What are some strategies to help with children during separation and divorce?
Parents looking to offer a supportive family life during separation may find it helpful to maintain routines with their children during and after a divorce. Also, parents can encourage children to communicate what they’re feeling, emphasizing that all emotional responses are valid. Children may also benefit from the opportunity to spend time with extended family as they go through a divorce.
What is stonewalling in a relationship?
Stonewalling refers to the practice of shutting down communication when one feels emotionally overwhelmed. A person who stonewalls might turn away, act busy, or tune out their partner.
How soon after a divorce should a person start dating?
The decision to start dating someone new depends on the individual. Each person may emotionally process divorce in a different way and in a different time frame. Some people may be ready for a new relationship within a few months, whereas others might prefer to be single for years or indefinitely.
Where can I find a support group for people going through a divorce?
You may be able to find a local support group for people experiencing divorce by simply searching online. If you live in an area with few support groups, you might search for an online support group instead. This option may also be helpful if you prefer not to discuss what you’re experiencing with people in your immediate community. Others in a support group may not always understand exactly the way you’re feeling, but they may have knowledge and support to offer from similar experiences.
Where can I find more information on how to cope with divorce?
The following are some resources on coping with divorce from:
How do you mentally survive a divorce?
Mentally surviving a divorce may be easier with the help of a therapist and/or a divorce coach. A divorce coach typically has experience helping many people navigate the challenges of divorce, regardless of the reason. A divorce coach may have helpful tips on managing major decisions and handling conflict resolution and divorce mediation.
How do you emotionally deal with divorce?
Emotionally dealing with a divorce may be easier with a strong support network made up of good friends and family members. Family and friends can serve as protective factors if you find yourself missing certain family traditions from your previous marriage. Aside from leaning on your support network, you may benefit from joining a group of other divorced people. These support groups typically offer opportunities to engage in honest conversations about complex emotions. Some people may feel hesitant to attend an in-person support group when they’re at less than optimal level emotionally. However, there are often support groups available online for emotional recovery during and after a divorce.
What does divorce do to mental health?
Divorce can affect people’s mental health in a variety of ways. It can lead to different feelings in different people. Some people may find themselves feeling overwhelmed with their world upside down. They may experience anxiety or depression as they try to navigate the divorce process. Some people may feel guilty if they can’t spend time with their children. Others may feel guilty for other reasons, such as pursuing new romantic relationships. The mix of feelings can be confusing for some people, but there is help available from mental health professionals, both in person and online.
How do you accept divorce when you don't want it?
If you’ve already tried couples therapy and there’s no other option but divorce, you might consider talking to a counselor on your own. It can be common to experience confusion and sadness for a little while during and after a divorce. A therapist may be able to help you through not only the emotional challenges but also the practical considerations that people often have to face following a divorce, such as living arrangements, interaction with kids, and communication with the other parent. Therapy may also help you transition to the next stage where you begin to explore other relationships and enjoy life with those around you.
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