Mental Health Benefits Of Premarital Counseling And Couples Therapy Before Marriage

Marriage counseling is still stigmatized in some cases. However, attitudes about mental health assistance seem to be shifting, and more married couples are seeking help in couples therapy as a result. While some couples see a counselor to address existing issues within their marriages, more and more unmarried couples are turning to couples counseling as a proactive tool for nurturing their relationships. This article explores the benefits of couples therapy to strengthen premarital relationships and lay the groundwork for successful marriages.

Premarital counseling can promote a healthy marriage

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Why seek couples therapy before marriage?

Needs, preferences, and goals often differ between couples, as do the reasons why people seek therapy before they get married. Some enter therapy to address potential issues with attachment styles or other mental health challenges that affect the relationship. Others pursue premarital therapy to ensure their healthy relationship stays healthy. Regardless, previous studies indicate that premarital counseling can be highly effective. For example, one 2004 meta-analysis found that couples who completed premarital counseling reported 30% more marital satisfaction than couples who did not. 

Therapy for emotional readiness 

Premarital therapy can help individuals assess their emotional readiness for marriage and address any unresolved issues or fears. For example, some people may have personal insecurities that serve as barriers to emotional readiness, and others might have past experiences that challenge their readiness to commit to marriage. 

Personal definitions of marriage and commitment

People often have different ideas about what defines a marriage. Understanding what marriage and commitment mean for each partner can lay the foundation for reaching a shared vision of what is (and isn’t) important in a marriage. In premarital counseling, couples can explore their reasons for wanting to marry each other and share their personal beliefs about marriage. They may also openly discuss their expectations for marriage, including areas like finances, children, and household responsibilities, ensuring they are aligned on such aspects of their future together. 

Premarital counseling for personal exploration

Some people who participate in couples therapy before marriage may wish to delve further into self-exploration. Couples therapy before marriage can provide a space for individuals to better understand their needs, desires, and expectations for marriage. Examining these topics can help people care for their mental health and be better partners. 

Addressing “emotional baggage”

The term “emotional baggage” is often used colloquially to describe a person’s past experiences that affect their current emotional well-being. The emotional consequences of unresolved issues can contribute to fear and a reluctance to connect, raising barriers to a healthy marriage. In premarital counseling, individuals can find a safe and supportive environment to address any baggage they may be carrying and its impacts on their relationships—both past and present. 

Strengthening communication skills

Disagreements and challenges in relationships often stem from a lack of effective communication. Sometimes, partners may not feel seen or heard in their relationships. Other couples might have clashing communication styles that make it difficult to understand each other's points of view. In premarital therapy, couples can learn how to listen, communicate, and understand each other effectively.

Couples therapy for healthy conflict resolution skills

Couples therapy can be effective in helping couples develop empathy and learn to understand each other’s points of view during conflict. Couples may work on establishing common ground during arguments, as well as strengthen their compromise and negotiation skills. Couples might also learn to recognize when conflicts are escalating and use techniques like taking breaks, practicing empathy, and validating each other's emotions to de-escalate the situation.

Encouraging vulnerability and openness in marriage counseling 

Some people have trouble expressing emotions, particularly challenging emotions, in their relationships. This might be due to a fear of rejection, societal views on emotional expression, or conditioning from childhood. Therapy can help couples become more comfortable with emotional vulnerability and pave the way for more openness.

Clarifying core values and life goals

From views on financial practices to spiritual and religious beliefs, premarital counseling encourages couples to define what truly matters to them and explore the similarities and differences in their goals, values, and priorities. For example, one partner might place more emphasis on starting a family, while the other might want to focus on their career first. 

Additionally, couples might have differing attitudes toward money and finances, with one partner placing more value on saving for the future and the other spending money to establish a particular lifestyle, for instance. Premarital counseling can also be a good place for a couple to explore how issues like culture and spiritual beliefs affect their relationship. Aligning visions for the future can reduce potential long-term conflict and provide couples with a solid foundation on which to proceed. 

Enhancing intimacy 

Intimacy generally includes both emotional and sexual connections. In premarital counseling, therapists might guide conversations to help couples increase such bonds, deepen trust, and cultivate overall relationship satisfaction. Some relationship therapists might encourage couples to learn how each person expresses and prefers to receive love (sometimes called a love language). By understanding their partner’s love language, couples may better express their affection and help their partners feel loved and appreciated. 

Building preparedness for stressful life situations

Counselors can help couples identify and address negative interaction patterns that may hinder their relationship, paving the way for healthier coping skills in the face of life challenges. A premarital therapist may encourage the couple to explore potentially stressful situations common to married couples, such as loss of employment, financial instability, illness, or relocation. Couples can learn emotional regulation skills and establish shared coping strategies in therapy. 

Marriage counseling for long-term well-being

One of the primary goals of premarital therapy is to help couples cultivate a dynamic partnership that grows and evolves healthily with time. Therapists can guide couples to understand how issues like chronic stress, emotional burnout, and other mental health challenges can impact their marriage. They can help couples develop ways to prevent such problems and learn to recognize early warning signs to address them before they escalate. 

Types of premarital counseling used by mental health professionals

Many types of couples therapy can be applied at any point in a relationship, including when a couple is preparing for marriage. Premarital therapy may include one-on-one sessions, group sessions, or a combination of approaches. In some cases, therapists may assign “homework,” such as materials and discussion topics, as a therapeutic enhancement for the couple to complete between counseling sessions. Here are some popular premarital therapy methods:

• Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): EFT emphasizes the emotional bond between partners, helping them identify and work through underlying emotions and attachment patterns that affect the relationship. 
• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): While typically used for individual therapy, CBT can also help couples identify and challenge unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviors contributing to relationship problems. 
• The Gottman Method: This method focuses on strengthening the couple’s friendship, resolving conflict, and building intimacy. 
• Psychodynamic therapy: This approach helps couples understand their own and their partner's fears, hopes, and dreams, which can motivate their behavior. 
• Imago relationship therapy (IRT): Developed by Helen LaKelly Hunt and Harville Hendrix, Imago (from the Latin for “image”) therapy views a couple's issues through the lens of unconscious, unmet childhood needs and unhealed wounds. 
• Religious: This type of counseling is typically guided by a religious or spiritual facilitator and offers a faith-based framework for couples to prepare for marriage. 

Premarital counseling can promote a healthy marriage

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Destigmatizing mental health with relationship therapy 

Destigmatizing mental health challenges of any kind, including those related to relationships, usually involves changing societal perceptions and normalizing therapy as integral to mental health and relationship health. On a broader level, this may be achieved through education about how therapy can improve communication, resolve conflicts, and strengthen emotional bonds within a relationship. On a more personalized level, couples might destigmatize mental health through "emotional check-ins," in which they regularly discuss each partner's feelings and needs to foster an enduring sense of trust and connection. 

Although it can be highly beneficial, many couples experience barriers (including stigma) to premarital therapy that may deter them from seeking help. For example, some people feel uncomfortable speaking with a relationship or family therapist about sensitive topics face-to-face. Others might assume they can't afford therapy before marriage, or they may have accessibility or scheduling issues. 

Although it may not be appropriate in all cases, virtual therapy is becoming an increasingly popular and effective solution for many couples. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp offer couples a convenient way to speak with a premarital counselor from the comfort of home at a time that suits their schedule. Additionally, online counseling is often more affordable than conventional treatment without insurance. 

Research also suggests that online therapy may be as effective as in-person counseling for some couples. A 2021 meta-content review published in The International Journal of Family Therapy found that, among nine studies with more than 2,000 couples, online couple relationship education was effective for building communication skills, relationship confidence, and relationship satisfaction. The same report indicated that some premarital programs also showed "positive effects on participants' emotional expression, quality of life, and work functioning."