Navigating Life After Divorce: How To Recreate A Fulfilling Life

Divorce can seem like the end of a life you knew, the end of a significant relationship, and the end of an era. Even under the best of circumstances, divorce can be a difficult time to navigate, and can launch a complex series of emotions. However, divorce isn’t necessarily only an end…You may also view divorce as a new beginning and an opportunity for positive transformation. 

What to expect during divorce

Divorce is a big life change, like a big move, marriage, or a death. During and after the divorce, it is normal to experience an intense sense of loss and a period of mourning your old life. This type of grief may also occur for those who initiate the divorce and are confident that it is the right decision. Even if you know divorce is right for you, you might grieve the expectations you once had for your relationship. 

Divorce can feel like an ending: How to turn it into a new beginning

Divorce can be an upheaval, seeming like the end of the life you know. Post-divorce, divorcees often go through the stages of mourning and grief, including denial, bargaining, depression, anger, and acceptance. Everyone experiences these differently, and at different times. Some people may not experience these stages at all. While you may struggle to avoid these emotions during the divorce process, you can work on building the foundation for a better future. 

Changing your perspective surrounding divorce, as divorce can feel like an ending or beginning 

During a challenging time, such as a divorce, you may focus most on what you’ve lost or could have done differently to avoid the problem. Be intentional about recalling the reasons that you decided to divorce. Even if you weren’t on the same page, remember what wasn’t working in your relationship. Shifting your mindset may not happen overnight, but by intentionally focusing on the reasons you divorced rather than dwelling on regrets, the shift can occur over time. 

Avoid rushing through feelings after divorce

The finality of divorce can make it tempting to try again, regardless of the circumstances surrounding the split. However, allow yourself time to sit with your feelings, rather than reaching back or reaching forward. Another common challenge is rushing into a new relationship. You might not want to wait and sit with painful emotions and loneliness, especially if you and your ex-husband, wife, or partner had an unhappy relationship. However, attending to your mental health first can be beneficial for creating and maintaining healthy future relationships. . 

Asking for help post-divorce

Social connection can be an essential protective factor for mental health, especially during times of distress. Stay socially active with good friends and family members. Some people may be tempted to avoid events and activities, but social isolation can exacerbate depressive symptoms and contribute to a cycle of poor mental health. Be honest in asking for help from your friends and family. You might say, “I’m not in a place to host big events, but maybe we could go out for coffee sometime.” 

Planning life after divorce

After divorce, you may reach a time when you plan a new life. Planning may include practical aspects such as determining where you will live, assessing your financial stability, and adjusting to parenting schedules. You may also want to focus on more emotional aspects, such as deciding how to move forward from the old marriage and finding motivation for a new future. 

Set a series of attainable and actionable goals to work toward, tailored to your own needs and desires. You can write them out in a planner or journal if it helps. During this time, you may also consider working with a professional, such as a divorce coach or a mental health specialist, to set goals and process your feelings. Work through your goals steadily, while also offering yourself grace and room to fail and try again. No one gets everything right the first time. 

Supporting your children through divorce

Children can have their own emotional reactions to divorce, and whether you are co-parenting or are a single parent without support, understanding what to expect and how to support their needs can make the process smoother. For small children (preschool age), maintaining a consistent routine is crucial. Use simple language and, whenever possible, maintain a sense of stability and normalcy in daily routines. Your children may experience a period of confusion and fear, but this is a resilient age. With time, love, and consistency, they may bounce back. 

School-aged children often experience a great deal of emotional turmoil around divorce. These kids are at an age where they tend to see all situations through the lens of their own self. Children of this age can struggle with guilt and may blame themselves for the divorce. Be patient and loving, support their activities, and assure them of your love for them. Family therapy or individual therapy may help children process difficult emotions. 

Teens are most aware of family dynamics, and they often struggle with adapting to change. They may try to assert independence and work out their feelings with their own peer group. During this time, allow them the freedom to explore their feelings as needed, but also be open and let them know that you are there whenever they need to talk. For all age groups, avoid talking negatively about the other parent, using your children as a means to express your own thoughts or emotions, and allowing them to bend long-standing rules to gain favor. Boundaries can be essential during this time to maintain stability in the family unit. 

Supporting your own mental health during divorce

During times of increased stress, prioritize your mental health and wellness. Working and supporting yourself and others when overwhelmed by stress can be challenging. However, several strategies can be explored to improve mental health and overall quality of life after divorce. 

Maintaining social connections in life after divorce to have divorce support for yourself and your children 

Social connection can make a significant impact on your health after a divorce. Look at post-divorce as an opportunity for new discoveries and try to branch out into new activities while also maintaining old connections. Explore a hobby you’ve always wanted to try. Join a book club. Sign up for a community sports team. 

Some relationships can be complicated after divorce. If you had strong couple friendships or became friends with your ex’s friends, these connections may be reevaluated and shift in different directions depending on the circumstances. You may also want to speak with a friend who has gone through their own divorce. They’ve been where you are now and may be able to offer helpful advice and a listening ear. If you don’t have a friend like this, you may also consider seeking out a divorce support group in your area or online. 

Post-divorce self-care 

You can also view this time as an opportunity to focus on your own mental and physical health. Self-care practices can help you become healthier and more positive and can be protective against stress. Some effective self-care strategies include the following. 

Protecting your sleep

Stick to the same sleep schedule by going to bed and rising at the same times every day, including weekends, when possible. Practice good sleep hygiene habits like:

• Keeping your room like a cave, cool and dark
• Dedicating your bedroom to sleep and sex only
• Avoiding caffeine intake after 2 pm
• Limiting alcohol intake, especially before bedtime
• Avoiding screens for at least an hour before bed

Staying active

Participate in some form of regular physical activity that you enjoy. If you aren’t currently exercising, consider exploring different options to find what works best for you. Some options include walking, biking, hiking, and group fitness classes. The latter offers the additional benefit of a social aspect. 

Listening to your body 

A mindfulness practice can help you recognize when you may benefit from a physical, mental, or emotional break. Daily meditation and breathing exercises can also be an effective way to reset the nervous system and manage stress. 

Therapy as divorce support

During times of life change and emotional upheaval, you might not find relief from working through your emotions alone. Therapy with a licensed therapist can be an effective way to process emotions, rebuild self-esteem, and learn techniques for cultivating a positive mindset. A mental health professional can also offer ideas for stress management and guidance for goal setting. 

For individuals who are overwhelmed by life post-divorce and unmotivated to schedule and attend another appointment, online therapy can offer a practical and straightforward solution. Research shows that online therapy can be as effective as in-person sessions, and with online platforms like BetterHelp, you can schedule and attend therapy from the comfort of your own home. Complete an online questionnaire and be matched with a licensed therapist who meets your specific needs. You can then meet with them at your convenience via phone, video, or live chat.  

Takeaway

Divorce is a significant life change, and while it can be viewed as an ending, it may also be seen as a new beginning. With intention, mindfulness, and help from others, including professional assistance through therapy, you can move forward and build a vibrant, fulfilling life for yourself.