What To Expect At Marriage Counseling & Therapy
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If you have never tried it before you may not be sure what to expect if you seek therapy or marriage counseling. In this article, we explain what to expect from marriage counseling and the therapeutic process so that you can be prepared for your first therapy session. Not every couples counselor works the same and the process may look a little different than depictions of marriage counseling you may have seen on television before. Learning what to expect from marriage counseling can help you to make the most out of your sessions. Couples counseling can provide additional support during this learning process.
Facts about marriage counseling services
There are lots of myths about marriage counseling and family therapy that you may have heard. Here are some of the facts:
- 49% of couples go to marriage counseling at some point
- 70% of couples report benefits from attending couples therapy
- Over half of all marriages end in divorce
- 75% of divorcees cited issues with commitment as their reason for splitting
- 60% of divorcees reported infidelity in the marriage
- Marriage counseling can benefit any married couple
- Frequent conflicts and arguing are the third most common reason for divorce
- Over half of divorced people wish their partner had worked harder to save the marriage
- 70% of divorcees say they did not understand what marriage entailed going into it
Licensed marriage and family therapists are trained mental health professionals who specifically work with married couples and family members in couples counseling. In these sessions, you can expect support in addressing a wide range of issues, from unhealthy behaviors like substance abuse to changes in your sex life. Couples counseling also emphasizes teaching new skills for positive change.
Marriage counseling is a type of relationship counseling that is directed toward the unique needs of married couples. This form of therapy often overlaps with couples counseling, as both aim to strengthen communication and resolve conflicts. There are a variety of different therapeutic approaches that marriage counselors may take, but in general, you can expect them to use talk therapy techniques in a nonjudgemental, safe environment to promote healthy relationships. It is common for the marriage counselor to give out homework assignments for the couple to work on in between sessions. Additionally, couples counseling often includes exercises designed to enhance mutual understanding.
What to expect at marriage counseling
It is normal for many couples seeking counseling to be nervous before the first session, but knowing what to expect can help put your mind at ease. Experienced mental health professionals can help guide you through your initial sessions until you feel completely comfortable opening up about your relationship. You can expect the therapist to ask questions that help uncover underlying issues.
If you do not feel comfortable with a particular therapist, you can always try again with a different couples counseling provider. Marital therapy is not a one size fits all deal and finding the right counselor is important for receiving all of the benefits. Couples counseling offers a tailored approach to each unique relationship.
During the initial session with a marriage counselor, you will discuss your current relationship issues, outline your goals, and create a treatment plan. Here are some more details of what to expect at the beginning of marriage counseling sessions. Expect to share honest feelings and thoughts during this phase.
What to expect at marriage counseling: You will meet with the therapist as a couple
Even in couples therapy, the therapist will likely meet with you individually at some point. However, at the beginning of the therapy sessions, the therapist will likely want to meet with you as a couple to see how you interact with each other. This initial meeting helps couples counseling to identify key areas of focus.
During this time the therapist will be able to observe how you interact as a couple and hear from all parties on an even playing field. Learning communication skills will be a focus at the beginning of couples therapy so that future sessions can be as effective as possible. Some couples may need to learn how to communicate in a healthy way (such as without raised voices) before the sessions can effectively delve deep into the relationship issues that may need addressing. Couples counseling often starts with establishing respectful communication.
You will go over your relationship issues and history
You can expect the first relationship therapy session to focus on going over the history of the relationship and past relationship issues. Past issues can come back up in relationships over and over again until they are resolved. Through couples counseling, these recurring issues can be addressed systematically.
The more the therapist knows about the story of the marriage and what concerns are impacting the couple the better the therapist can help. Examples of relationship issues that can be addressed in relationship counseling include intimacy, infidelity, communication, parenting, and more. Couples counseling provides a structured environment to explore these topics.
You may also want to talk about past traumas that you have experienced as individuals which are directly related to your current relationship concerns. For example, observing maladaptive behaviors from parental figures growing up can lead to negative patterns in adulthood. Expect to delve into personal histories as part of the counseling process.
Here are a few examples of questions you may be asked:
- How long have you been together?
- Do you both feel respected in the relationship?
- Where did you meet for the first time?
- Is there a particular event that brought you to therapy?
- What is your communication like?
- What are your goals for marriage counseling?
These questions might vary between couples. For example, therapy designed for long-term marital problems may look different from preventative premarital counseling and individual therapy. The former may emphasize finding common ground together while the latter might include an emphasis on individual therapy for each partner. Couples counseling adapts to the specific needs of each couple.
Work together to set goals for therapy and each partners' mental health
What are your goals for marriage therapy? Not all couples seek counseling for the same reasons. During the first sessions, the therapist will get to know what your goals are for therapy and help you create a plan of action. An experienced couples therapist can help recommend an effective plan of treatment after getting to know the couple and their past relationship history. Expect to set goals that align with both partners' aspirations collaboratively.
The goals of the couple may differ; for example, one partner may wish for their spouse to agree to have children while the other spouse wishes for the opposite. The therapist will be able to be an impartial mediator for these disputes and help the couple agree on the best course of action. Couples counseling facilitates balanced discussions to reach mutual understanding.
Who can benefit from a relationship counselor?
Some people may have the false idea that the only couples who can benefit from marriage counseling are those who expect it to be a last resort for solving relationship problems. However, your relationship does not have to be in distress for you to benefit from marriage counseling. Marriage counseling can help you learn better communication strategies and overcome obstacles together as a couple.
If you wait until you expect to experience a traumatic event to learn strategies for communicating and overcoming obstacles, you may experience more conflicts as a couple that could impact your relationship in the long run. Learning what you can expect from a successful marriage and how to express your needs to your partner can help you to have a long-lasting and fulfilling marriage.
You may want to attend marriage counseling if you are experiencing frequent conflicts or arguments in your relationship. If you expect the same fight to repeat over and over again, this can be a telltale sign that you need marriage counseling.
Every relationship has its ups and downs, but frequent arguing could be a sign of a lack of communication skills, especially if it is about the same issue. Marriage counseling can also help support the couple through big life changes, such as childbirth, loss, illness, or moving, as these events often bring about situations you might not expect.
What to expect at marriage counseling: Potential benefits of marriage counseling include:
- Learning effective communication strategies
- Identifying triggers so that they can be avoided
- Expressing needs in a safe space
- Learning active listening skills
- Developing strategies for resolving conflicts and disagreements
- Learning more about each other’s past
- Developing a deeper understanding of how the other person thinks
- Stop blaming each other
- Practicing compassion
- Rebuilding trust
- Setting boundaries
- Learning how to compromise
- Processing painful or traumatic events
- Letting go of the past
- Making a plan for the future
Tips for successful couples counseling sessions with your therapist
Your level of participation and the experience level of the therapist are just a few factors that contribute to the success of couples counseling sessions. Here are three ways to make the most out of your sessions and experience positive changes with marriage counseling.
Find a therapist who understands
Choosing the right therapist is very important for having a successful experience with marriage counseling. You may need to switch therapists more than once before finding the right fit. A good therapist will make you feel heard and take all of your concerns seriously. Having a trusting relationship with the therapist will make the sessions go smoothly and create a safe environment to work on issues impacting your relationship.
Let go of fear
One of the reasons why married people do not pursue couples counseling is because they may be afraid it will lead to divorce or that the therapist and spouse will gang up on them. Relationship counseling is not designed to break up couples, but rather to bring them together. Of course, the possibility of separation is always there, but marriage therapists are there to help you with your relationship and are not to sway you in one way or another when it comes to deciding whether to remain in the relationship.
Open up
Learning how to be vulnerable can be a difficult task for some people, but the safe environment provided by an experienced therapist can help you to open up more fully to your partner. Being vulnerable and expressing how you truly feel is often one of the first steps to having a more fulfilling relationship. Building trust with the therapist and with your partner can take time, but as the counseling sessions progress you may find it easier to open up more and more.
Online couples therapy to enhance mental health and communication
There are many benefits to attending therapy with a marriage counselor, but some couples face barriers that prevent them from attending sessions such as scheduling conflicts, location, or cost. Online therapy may be a more available or affordable option for some couples. With online therapy platforms like BetterHelp, you can connect with experienced therapists and counselors from any device with internet. You can expect online therapy to provide a wider selection of options for providers, easier scheduling, and no transportation limitations.
Is online marriage counseling effective for solving relationship issues?
Is online marriage counseling just as effective as in-person counseling? The most current research points to yes, there are no differences in the benefits of online therapy for married couples vs. in-person sessions. In fact, online therapy may have more benefits by removing certain obstacles. A research study on the effectiveness of online couples therapy during the Covid-19 pandemic found that the majority of patients and therapists reported positive results.
Takeaway
What is the goal of marriage counseling?
The goal of marriage counseling is ultimately for couples to build stronger, healthier, happier relationships. A marriage therapist helps couples resolve conflict and communication issues.
What to expect at a marriage counseling session?
A professional counselor for couples and relationships will use a number of currently accepted methods to support couples, including the Gottman method, emotionally focused therapy, or cognitive behavioral therapy. In therapy sessions, a therapist might help couples work on active listening, identifying feelings, and communication strategies in order to facilitate healthy communication and conflict resolution. They may teach couples how to make repair attempts, which are statements meant to establish reconnection and de-escalate conflicts.
How does marriage and family therapy work?
A marriage and family therapist (MFW) is a mental health professional who provides therapy to help individuals, couples, and families improve their mental health. They establish trust by creating a safe, neutral space, and they may use a number of therapeutic modalities during therapy sessions.
Why do married couples go to marriage counseling?
People go to marriage counseling for reasons including unrealistic expectations of their partners that lead to conflict, communication problems, or other factors. Some of the practical issues that couples work on in therapy are financial decisions, child rearing, and sexual intimacy, or serious issues such as substance misuse and infidelity.
Does marriage counseling improve mental health?
Marriage counseling has a success rate in resolving relationship issues of about 70% of couples according to the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy reports that three fourths of couples who attend counseling report improvements in their relationships. In the same study, most couples also reported improvements in their overall well being, with 90% claiming improvement in their mental health.
How long do most people do couples therapy for?
On average, a couple will attend 12–25 therapy sessions lasting somewhere between 4 and 10 months. However, the length of time that a couple attends therapy depends on their needs and the types of issues they hope to resolve. Therapy can last for only a few sessions or be long-term.
How do you know if marriage counseling is working for you?
Does your marriage counseling work for you and your partner? You can know if marriage counseling is working for you and your partner if you both feel comfortable with your therapist and if you learn helpful strategies during sessions. If you experience improved communication and have fewer conflicts with your partner based on these strategies, and if you have a renewed emotional connection, it is likely that marriage counseling is working for you.
Will a marriage counselor suggest separation?
A couples therapist will never recommend divorce. They might, however, suggest a therapeutic separation, during which both partners give thought to the relationship status.
How can you spot a bad therapist?
Good therapists have positive impacts on clients’ lives, so you can do some research on the therapist before you book an appointment, maybe reading a blog post they’ve written or reading other clients’ reviews to see what kind of impact the therapist has had on them. Also, once you’ve agreed to see a therapist, note how you’re feeling during the first few sessions. If you feel safe, comfortable, and listened to, this is a good sign. If you feel that your therapist is judgemental or dismissive, they are likely not the right therapist for you.
Is there anything you shouldn’t say in couples counseling?
There is nothing that you should not say during couples counseling. The more honest you are with your thoughts, feelings, and experiences, the more likely that the marriage counselor will be able to help you and your spouse. Open communication while still treating your partner with respect is important.
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