Post-Divorce Trauma: Fostering Mental Health After The End Of A Marriage

Going through a divorce can be an emotionally challenging time, often producing complex feelings and potentially leading to serious mental health concerns. When divorces are tightly contested or protracted or when traumatic events occur, spouses may experience symptoms of trauma. Post-divorce trauma is a serious mental health challenge that can cause emotional distress and further complicate an individual’s ability to move on from their marriage. Below, we’re providing an overview of post-divorce trauma, discussing some potential effects of a traumatic divorce, and outlining options for coping with symptoms. 

Work through a traumatic divorce with professional support

Process trauma in online therapy

What is post-divorce trauma?

After a divorce, spouses may experience a range of challenging emotions. Feelings of sadness, anger, loneliness, shame, or anxiety may arise out of a divorce, to name a few. Losing a relationship due to divorce can also lead to grief. Many people go through the same stages of grief that are associated with the death of a loved one. 

In some people, the experience of divorce can lead to trauma. Post-divorce trauma can impact an individual’s mental health and physical well-being. It can also affect a person’s ability to function, potentially reducing work productivity and causing other life challenges. 

Causes of post-divorce trauma

In some cases, post-divorce trauma can be caused by a specific traumatic event as opposed to prolonged exposure to stress. Individuals who experienced abuse in their marriage, for example, may be more likely to show effects of trauma. It’s estimated that as many as 84% of survivors of intimate partner violence develop post-traumatic stress disorder. 

Shared traumatic events—as opposed to those experienced by only one spouse—can also cause trauma. Research suggests a link between traumatic events and an increased likelihood of divorce. A natural disaster, the death of a loved one, or a serious injury or illness may contribute to the end of a marriage as well as post-divorce trauma. Some couples may struggle to connect emotionally after experiencing shared trauma. Spouses may also have trouble providing each other with support as they navigate their marriage post-trauma.

The effects of a divorce-related traumatic event 

Post-divorce trauma can contribute to several life challenges, impacting not only the spouses but also their child or children, if applicable. Read on to explore some examples.

Children and divorce trauma

Children may experience a range of emotions when their parents or caregivers divorce. As with their parents, a child’s self-perception may be disrupted significantly by a divorce. Additionally, many children feel responsible for their parents’ separation, which can lead to feelings of guilt and substantial psychological distress. 

Research suggests that symptoms of divorce trauma may affect children more severely when at least some conflict in the marriage was related to them. For example, if a child frequently witnesses their parents argue about their academic performance and their parents divorce not long after, they may be more likely to experience the situation as traumatic. Trauma symptoms may also be more pronounced when the child is directly involved in the conflict or when excessive enmity between parents is present.  

Trauma-related mental health concerns

In some cases, a traumatic event may lead to symptoms of a mental health disorder. Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which we’ll discuss more below, is one example, but there are several other psychiatric disorders that can also arise out of a traumatic experience. For example, acute stress disorder is similar to PTSD but typically shorter in duration. It also generally occurs more immediately following a traumatic event, unlike PTSD, which can develop months or even years later. 

Adjustment disorders are also common following a divorce. This type of mental health condition involves unwanted thoughts and behavioral changes. Additionally, many people who live with trauma develop depressive disorders, anxiety disorders, and/or substance use disorder. 

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after divorce

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition characterized by excessive nervousness and worry, severe physical symptoms of anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and several other challenges. As discussed above, PTSD-related symptoms can be caused by various traumatic experiences, including living through war, experiencing a natural disaster, or witnessing actual or threatened death. For some people, divorce can also cause PTSD—especially if it was associated with abuse or another traumatic event.

Symptoms of PTSD

Post-traumatic stress disorder can lead to debilitating symptoms, including severe anxiety, flashbacks, nightmares, and recurring thoughts about the traumatic event. The following are common symptoms of PTSD:

• Recurring unwanted memories of the traumatic experience
• Frequent dreams related to the event
• Flashbacks and other forms of re-experiencing 
• Dissociation
• Extreme emotional reactions to triggers
• Avoidance of memories, emotions, or triggers related to the traumatic event
• Memory impairment related to the event
• Negative thought patterns 
• Blaming oneself based on cognitive distortions
• Lack of interest in previously enjoyed activities
• Withdrawal from social interaction
• Irritability 
• Heightened vigilance
• Trouble focusing
• Sleep disruptions

Additionally, post-traumatic stress symptoms often occur alongside symptoms of other mental health conditions. Depression, anxiety, and substance use disorder are common comorbidities. 

If you believe you might be living with PTSD or another mental health condition, it can be advisable to consult with a healthcare provider. A licensed medical or mental health professional can provide you with screenings and determine whether further testing, a formal PTSD diagnosis, and treatment are necessary. 

Coping strategies for trauma after a marriage ends

Navigating a new life without your former spouse can be difficult enough, but it may be even more challenging if you’re living with symptoms of a mental health disorder. In addition to seeking professional help for your symptoms, the following strategies may help you improve your mental well-being.

Practice self-care

It can be important to cultivate mental and physical wellness as you navigate post-divorce trauma. Whenever possible, try to get regular exercise, incorporate nutrient-rich foods into your meals, and get plenty of sleep. Self-care may also involve taking time to read a book, take a warm bath, or do something else you enjoy. Caring for your body and mind can help you remind yourself that you deserve compassion. 

Part of practicing self-care can also involve avoiding potentially unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance use. Using drugs or alcohol to address emotional distress can exacerbate symptoms of post-divorce trauma and lead to other complications. Meeting with a mental health professional for support can be important for those who are struggling with substance use.

Lean on your support system

Social support is closely connected to mental health—and it can be particularly important following a divorce. Your family and friends can be crucial sources of emotional support, guidance, and practical care. Loved ones can help ensure you're taking good care of yourself during this difficult period and can provide you with encouragement and advice as you embark on a new chapter in your life. 

You might consider reaching out to friends or members of your extended family. Your support system may also include close coworkers, neighbors, and faith leaders. Additionally, a mental health professional can be a valuable addition to a support network, as can members of a support group. 

Pursue your passions 

Engaging in pursuits you enjoy may help distract you from intrusive thoughts and allow you to start shaping your new life. You might participate in hobbies that you didn’t have time for before or take up new pastimes you’ve always wanted to explore. Certain hobbies may also offer additional benefits, such as hiking allowing you to get some fresh air and exercise, or joining a book club allowing you to meet new people.

Avoid arguments about the marriage

If you and your former spouse are still communicating, you might try to ensure your conversations remain civil. You may want to set boundaries for the topics you will and won’t discuss when you talk. For example, you may state that you’ll only talk about the logistics of the divorce.  

Mental health care for post-divorce trauma

For those living with PTSD symptoms or other mental health concerns related to a traumatic divorce, therapy is typically recommended as the first-line treatment. A therapist can offer an individual with PTSD emotional support, help them develop coping strategies, and address potential comorbid mental disorders. There are several types of psychotherapy that may be used to help participants process trauma, including cognitive behavioral therapy, cognitive processing therapy, and prolonged exposure therapy. 

Certain medications may also be prescribed for trauma symptoms in severe cases. Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) and serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs) are sometimes prescribed. Always consult with a healthcare professional prior to starting, stopping, or changing any medication. 

How an online therapist can help 

Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder or related concerns can often make leaving home difficult. If you’re seeking support for post-divorce trauma, online therapy can be a convenient, flexible form of care. 

Processing a divorce-related traumatic event in online therapy

With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist from a large pool of mental health professionals, giving you a good chance of connecting with someone who can address your specific concerns regarding trauma, divorce, or other challenges. You can then meet with your therapist virtually from the comfort of home. That means you can talk about sensitive topics from a place where you feel comfortable, and you don’t have to worry about the time, money, or stress often involved in commuting.

Work through a traumatic divorce with professional support

Process trauma in online therapy

The efficacy of online therapy

There is a large body of evidence pointing to the effectiveness of online therapy for addressing trauma. For example, in one systematic review and meta-analysis that included 10 studies and over 700 total participants, researchers suggest that online therapy may lead to significant reductions in symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder. There is also evidence that online therapy may help alleviate other mental health concerns that may arise out of divorce, such as grief, depression, and loneliness.