Trial Separation Vs. Legal Separation Vs. Divorce: Comparison & Emotional Impacts

A trial separation is an informal way for a cohabiting married couple to spend time apart to think about their marriage and whether or not they want to commit to making their relationship work. A trial separation can be beneficial, but there are some things to keep in mind when setting the ground rules. Here, we’ll compare a trial separation to a legal separation and a divorce, examine some possible emotional impacts of any kind of marital separation, and share how you can get support.

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What is a trial separation?

A trial separation is an informal agreement between spouses to spend some time living apart. Generally, this time is meant to give each partner space to think about their goals for their marriage and evaluate their feelings toward one another. Research suggests that anywhere from 6–18% of legally married couples in the US have separated at some point.

In a trial separation, there are no courts, lawyers, or judges involved. A couple may choose a trial separation because the problems in the marriage have reached a point where tensions and emotions are high. The partners may feel overwhelmed and unprepared to make a final decision about their marriage. 

To make a trial separation work as intended, it can often be helpful to set a timetable for the separation period. This strategy might prevent it from going on indefinitely. With a fixed timeline, spouses may be more likely to put effort into reflecting on what they want so they can come together again to make a decision about how to move forward. 

What are the potential effects of trial separations?

There can be both potential benefits and downsides to a trial separation period. Some examples are outlined below.

For you and your spouse

Spending time apart can give you and your spouse a fresh perspective on your relationship and what you want from it. Whether you will see a relationship benefit depends on many factors, but at a minimum, it can give you both time to clear your head and focus on your individual needs. That said, it can also give you both time to double down on your frustrations about the relationship, and one or both of you may realize that you prefer a life away from your partner.

For your marriage

Trial separations can prevent premature divorce filings in some cases because they give partners time to cool off and gain a more balanced understanding of the problems in the marriage. That said, according to the Gottman Institute, a separation can be a double-edged sword, since it also has the potential to drive partners farther apart. That’s why you and your partner might want to make a plan to use a separation in a thoughtful way.

For your children

Any type of separation, whether it’s a trial separation or divorce, can be difficult for the children involved—but so can staying in a family home with two parents who are constantly fighting. If a trial separation is approached with the kids in mind, it may have some benefits. 

For example, you and your spouse can commit to being co-parents and set ground rules, like not speaking badly of the other in front of the kids and not asking them to take sides. Committing to making the process as minimally disrupting and distressing for your children as possible can be advisable.

The importance of making a separation agreement regarding children, finances, and more

Even though a trial separation is informal, it can still benefit a couple to sit down and work out a separation agreement to follow. A separation agreement can be seen as a trial separation checklist that helps you establish logistics and financial practicalities to ensure that avoidable challenges don’t arise. Examples of topics it might cover are listed below.

Care of children

In a trial separation, a separation agreement does not include long-term child custody arrangements. However, couples with children still need to determine how they will co-parent during this time. 

Finances

Married couples are often financially intertwined, and some of these arrangements can be quite complicated to undo. There’s generally no need to make any definitive commitments, but couples will usually need to work out a plan for how mutual financial responsibilities will be met during this period.

Living arrangements

Because this separation is only a trial, there’s usually no need to talk about getting rid of the family home or who will ultimately live in it just yet. However, couples do need to decide on living arrangements for the time being. 

Some people may find that having one spouse move out over the course of the separation is the best way to make sure that everyone gets the space they need—whether they get a temporary rental or stay with a friend or family member. Others may start sleeping in separate bedrooms or turn a basement, office, or other available area into another living space. Living in the same house while separated can be challenging, but it can also be a more affordable option that makes co-parenting easier.

A timeframe

When deciding to move forward with a trial separation, it can be beneficial to set a timeframe. Some experts recommended a period of about six months from the separation date to ensure both spouses have enough time to work through any negative emotions about the marriage and really think about how they want to move forward.

What is a legal separation?

A legal separation is different from a trial separation in that it’s a court-ordered arrangement in which married people live apart and lead separate lives while remaining legally married. A legal separation agreement includes rules on matters like child support, child custody and visitation agreements, and property division, depending on your state's property laws.

Do you need a separation agreement in a legal separation?

A separation agreement is necessary for a legal separation. It’s a court-ordered and binding document, unlike the informal agreement a couple might draw up for themselves during a trial separation.

Trial separation vs. legal separation

The biggest difference between a trial separation and a legal separation is that a trial separation is informal while a legal separation is not. A trial separation is a temporary measure, while a legal separation usually lasts longer. In both cases, the couple is still legally married and may have the same legal rights as any other married couple, depending on the state. Both leave the door to reconciliation open to some degree.

Legal separation vs. divorce

The main difference between a legal separation and a divorce is that the couple remains legally married in a legal separation, whereas a divorce dissolves the marriage. Both processes involve dividing marital property and assets and establishing child support and custody arrangements, but a divorce is more comprehensive as it severs all ties between the two individuals. 

Some people opt for a legal separation due to religious or cultural beliefs about divorce. A legal separation can also be easier to undo than a divorce, so it can be seen as a step between a trial separation and a divorce. If the couple reconciles, they can ask the courts to dissolve the legal separation and return to being a legally married couple.

Trial separation vs. divorce

A trial separation is when a married couple takes some time apart to determine if they want their marriage to continue. It typically ends with the couple either reconciling or choosing to separate permanently. A divorce is the dissolution of a marriage and is generally done after all potential avenues of reconciliation have been exhausted.

The emotional impact of trial separations

A trial separation can feel like an emotional roller coaster. You may feel angry, sad, confused, lonely, uncertain, relieved, or even hopeful for what is next for you and your marriage. You’re also likely to experience multiple emotions at once, or feelings that ebb and flow as you process the realities of your relationship.

For some people, the significance as well as the logistics of a trial separation can cause high levels of stress. Some people may develop an adjustment disorder if they have trouble navigating the transition. It can be difficult to live in uncertainty regarding the future of your marriage, which can also cause anxiety. Reflecting on one’s entire marriage and experiencing loneliness could contribute to depression as well. That’s why engaging in self-care, leaning on your support system, and meeting with a therapist can all be helpful for preserving your mental health during a trial separation. Seeking professional support if you’re experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition is recommended. 

Do trial separations lead to divorce?

While there are no definitive studies currently available on the topic, a commonly cited statistic is that around 80% of separations end in divorce. Keep in mind that trial separations are unofficial and don’t result in any court records, so gathering accurate statistics on them can be challenging. 

Getting support in coping with the unknown and what comes next for your marriage

Regardless of how your trial separation ends, it can be beneficial to seek support in therapy. If you and your spouse are on the same page about wanting to make your marriage work, couples therapy can be an integral part of understanding the problems in your relationship, learning how to address them, and improving communication skills so you can continue to work on improving your relationship. If you decide that your marriage is over, therapy can help you process the loss of your relationship, manage your grief, gain confidence, and decide what path you want to take next.

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Online therapy as a more flexible option

Online therapy can be a convenient, flexible alternative to traditional therapy, whether you’re interested in individual therapy to help you manage your divorce or couples therapy so you and your spouse can work on your relationship. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples, you can work with a professional mental health care provider remotely from anywhere you have a reliable internet connection. Most people can be matched with a provider in as little as 48 hours of signing up, and you can change therapists at any time for no additional cost until you find someone you feel comfortable working with. 

Research suggests that, like in-person therapy, online therapy can be effective in helping people manage mental health challenges that may occur during separation or divorce. One study indicates that “Clinically, therapy is no less efficacious when delivered via videoconferencing than in-person,” and that “Live psychotherapy by video emerges not only as a popular and convenient choice but also one that is now upheld by meta-analytic evidence.”