Premarital Counseling
All relationships whether between family or partners, require a solid foundation on which to stand. It's common for couples to get cold feet as the wedding approaches, faced with the daunting ceremony. Sometimes it can be because you're just not good in front of crowds, but marriage anxiety can also be brought on by concerns about the future of your marriage. That's where a couple therapist trained in premarital counseling online can help. Research shows that couples seeking premarital counseling sessions have stronger relationships than those who don’t.
Premarital options to plan for the future
Premarital couples counseling or a couples’ workshop can help you and your future spouse have important but difficult conversations that will keep you on the same page and set you up for a healthy relationship together and avoid becoming another statistic in the divorce rates.
If you plan to get married in a church or other place of worship, generally, faith-based religious leaders there often require that engaged couples complete a couples counseling pre-marriage. If not, it may be a good idea to seek out a professional counselor on your own.
Things to know about premarital counseling
Premarital counseling programs are designed for people who are not yet married but are planning to get married soon. The couples counselor can be a licensed marriage and family therapist, another type of licensed therapist, or a pastor or priest with training in family psychology.
Others choose to work by themselves through premarital counseling books, podcasts, or online courses such as those presented by relationship experts John and Julie Gottman. The important thing is for both partners to feel confident that they have the right therapist for their needs.
How does a licensed marriage therapist implement premarital counseling?
Relationship therapists providing premarital counseling can offer an extensive array of services to better the chances that your marriage will last. In some states, couples can get a discount or waiver of fees for their marriage license if they participate in premarital education before being wed.
Many couples opt not to reach out to a premarital counselor, commonly because they either believe they have no problems, or will solve them on their own. However, a premarital counselor can help in multiple ways. For example, some of the advantages of premarital counseling include coming to terms with differing opinions, exploring conflicts about a partner’s beliefs, and difficult decisions and issues that might include a frank discussion about the partner’s family, the couple’s sex life, or a partner’s feelings about how many children to have, if any. Premarital counseling sessions are not all the same for every couple, and the issues you choose to discuss when you seek premarital counseling will depend on what you and your partner discuss when you sign up for premarital counseling services.
Benefits of counseling sessions before marriage
Premarital therapy helps couples plan for the future, set financial or family planning goals, and helps couples find ways to accomplish their goals. Premarital counseling offers a safe place for couples to talk about their expectations for married life and what they want in the future with their partner.
The time spent in premarital counseling can help you discover what the other person thinks about many topics before you walk down the aisle and help you have a stronger relationship. In premarital counseling, you may explore the topic of religion, and within what religion you will raise your future children. You might talk about children and if you want them and how many. You may talk about your in-laws and how you want to split time between them on holidays or regular occasions. You might talk about how you want to split house duties how you want to raise children or how to go about setting realistic expectations about finances in your married life. All of these things are important to talk through before marriage, and premarital counseling is a great place to discuss these things and create a plan of action to feel prepared. Doing this can help prevent future conflicts and arguments for married couples.
Premarital counseling is also beneficial for the little problems that might already exist in a relationship. Little problems can turn into major arguments if they are given a chance to fester and build up internally. Holding things in, and not talking about them can create resentment towards your partner, which can cause tension and unkind feelings. Counseling can address these issues and help you work through negative feelings before they turn into something bigger.
Who can benefit from this counseling?
Whatever relationship concerns fill your table of contents, premarital counseling is a potential avenue for couples who plan to get married and want to gain the skills that could save their relationship in the future. It's a common misconception that only people in terrible circumstances need counseling. Couples of any race, gender, age, or previous marriage history can benefit from this type of counseling.
Maybe you have a bit of trouble expressing how you feel, or you want advice on how to express yourself in a loving way. Maybe that nagging little conflict is always there but doesn't feel big enough to bring up, and you are hoping it will just go away. Maybe you sense that your relationship has hit a rocky patch, but both of you are committed to saving the relationship and moving forward with marriage. Premarital counseling can benefit any couple considering long-term commitment, especially marriage.
How to get premarital counseling
As mentioned earlier, most churches and some community centers offer pre-wedding counseling, sometimes free of charge. You might want to ask whether your religious leader offers premarital counseling at your place of worship. If you and your significant other are not planning on a religious ceremony, there are still many options.
When you seek premarital counseling, make sure that your potential therapist specializes in this type of counseling service. Providing premarital counseling is a specialized field in which not all marriage and family therapists are trained, so be sure to ask the appropriate questions before making a time commitment with a specific therapist for premarital counseling. When you find a therapist, you might want to ask them, “What is premarital counseling for you?” to see if their answer is on the same page with your needs.
Online therapy
There are many mental health professionals who offer counseling services, as well as online resources such as BetterHelp for individual therapy. Premarital counseling costs typically run from $50 per hour up to $150 per hour, and that depends on whether they accept insurance, but online therapy at BetterHelp can be considerably less expensive than in-person one on one meetings with marriage and family therapists. With premarital counseling costs running high for some, BetterHelp is a convenient option for busy couples to seek premarital counseling at a more affordable rate. Licensed marriage counselors can work with both you and your partner through video chat sessions, phone calls, or even text messaging, making it easy to get the counseling services you need before your wedding day.
Takeaway
What is the meaning of “premarital relationship”?
A premarital relationship generally refers to a committed romantic relationship that is in the stages before marriage. Individuals in a premarital relationship may refer to each other as “boyfriend/girlfriend,” “partner,” or “fiancé(e),” depending on the stage of their relationship and their personal preferences.
Premarital relationships are often evaluated through premarital counseling programs to help couples ensure a successful relationship before making a lifelong commitment in marriage.
What kind of communication happens in premarital counseling?
Couples in premarital counseling are encouraged to communicate openly in the presence of a licensed professional or certified therapist. The focus of each session may vary, but it generally establishes each individual’s expectations of their partner in regard to daily life, finances, quality time to be spent together, and shared responsibilities. This focus might expand to help couples learn the skills of resolving conflict in a healthy way, imagining family dynamics, practicing specific religious beliefs, and balancing career goals and life goals as a household.
One survey finds that couples who engage in premarital programs with a licensed professional have a lower divorce rate than couples who do not attend counseling.
What is the meaning of pre-marriage?
“Pre-marriage” is the noun form of the adjective “premarital.” It describes the stage before an official marriage, where couples often engage in relationship-building activities such as seeking counseling. Depending on the couple, pre-marriage may be characterized by wedding planning and preparing for future shared responsibilities as a household.
What are the examples of relationship therapy?
Relationship therapy can take several forms, including:
- Premarital counseling.
- Couples therapy.
- Marriage and family counseling.
- Professional therapy administered to each individual.
A study published on relationship health shows that engaging in relationship therapy before marriage can reduce the rate of divorce.
Is premarital counseling a type of couples therapy?
Yes, premarital counseling is a type of couples therapy that fosters a closer bond and a deeper understanding of each partner. Premarital counseling implies that the couple is soon to marry, while couples therapy is a more general term that can apply to any romantic couple attending therapy together. For that reason, premarital counseling focuses on future planning of expectations of topics such as children, finances, religion, and career and life goals.
Does premarital therapy help couples plan for the future?
Yes, one of the main purposes of premarital therapy is to help couples map out their expectations for themselves, each other, and the trajectory of the relationship prior to marriage. This could include discussions of values, goals, financial planning, and work-life balance. Working with a licensed professional helps to foster an environment marked by open communication, compassion, and cooperation.
What is premarital sex, or any sex outside of marriage?
Premarital sex and sex outside of marriage refer to sexual activity that occurs before marriage. It is often discussed in relation to religious, cultural, or societal values. Pre- and postmarital sex may be addressed in premarital counseling if couples wish to discuss their boundaries on the matter.
What are the challenges of premarital counseling?
Discussing such deeply personal topics can come with a lot of emotion and, sometimes, disagreement. Perhaps the individuals of a particular couple misalign in their beliefs regarding religious beliefs or values, for example. Premarital counseling aims to work through those differences. Being honest about expectations in premarital counseling can help prevent conflict down the road.
What are the goals of premarital counseling?
The specific goals of premarital counseling may vary based on the couple’s needs, but some common goals include:
- Building conflict resolution skills.
- Creating a relationship dynamic that allows for a deeper understanding of each partner’s values and expectations.
- Planning life goals.
- Establishing relationship values.
- Helping partners allocate housework and other household needs.
- Allocating time to nurture the relationship.
These efforts contribute to a more solid foundation for a successful marriage.
What is the difference between premarital and marriage and family counseling?
Premarital counseling focuses specifically on the needs of a romantic relationship as the couple prepares for marriage. Marriage and family counseling, as the name suggests, addresses a broader range of issues that may involve additional family members like children.
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