What’s The Difference Between Separation & Divorce? Legal & Emotional Considerations
Some couples may feel confident that their relationship is over and decide to file for divorce, while others might not be ready to completely sever ties. Separations can sometimes be a beneficial “middle ground,” particularly for couples who believe that they might still reconcile down the line. Read on to learn more about the different types of separations, how they differ from divorce, and how to get support in managing the mental health impacts of an uncertain future.
Types of separation: trial separation and legal separation
The primary difference between a trial separation and legal separation is that a trial separation is an informal arrangement between spouses, while a legal separation involves a court order. They are often used in different ways by couples who decide they need a break from their marriage.
Trial separation
As mentioned above, a trial separation is informal, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s unstructured. In a trial separation, couples decide to live apart for a certain period of time to figure out whether or not they want to remain in the marriage. Taking this space and time away from one another can be beneficial for some relationships, as it gives spouses a chance to cool off and think about whether or not they want to work to fix their marriage.
For couples who decide to move forward with a trial separation, it can be beneficial to establish a plan for child custody, joint finances, and how long the trial separation will last. Couples should also set ground rules about topics like dating other people and how and when they’ll communicate with each other. Some spouses may choose to go to couples therapy during this time, which may help them work together to determine the best path forward for their marriage.
Legal separation
A legal separation can be an option for married couples who decide that they want a more significant break from their marriage but are not ready to get divorced. In a legal separation, spouses live independent lives but remain legally married. Some couples may live in separate homes while others may choose to live together for financial reasons or to make co-parenting easier.
Trial separations don’t require a couple to file anything in court, and not much usually changes for them legally. In contrast, a legal separation can have significant legal impacts—particularly on marital property, depending on your state.
Legal separations are formal and recognized by the court. The process is generally similar to divorce, with a judge overseeing the division of marital assets and debt, awarding spousal support, and deciding on child custody and child support if there are children involved. Some couples are able to cooperate and develop a legal separation agreement that they both agree with and have it approved by a judge; others may need to work with a mediator during the process.
Can a marriage be saved by a separation?
Every couple is different. Separations can sometimes lead to reconciliation. In this case, a trial separation can be more convenient than a legal separation, as the courts do not need to be involved. In other cases, a separation of any kind can end up leading to a divorce. In general, it can be advisable to prepare for either outcome.
Exploring the difference between separation and divorce
Legal separation and divorce both involve the court system, but they are different paths for a marriage. Below, we cover the similarities and differences.
Similarities between legal separation and divorce
Both legal separation and divorce involve the court system and legally binding terms for marital debt and assets, debt accrued after the date of separation, property division, family law related to child custody and child support, and spousal support. Note that not all states recognize legal separation (Delaware, Florida, Georgia, Mississippi, Pennsylvania, and Texas do not); you might speak to a lawyer about other options in this case.
The difference between separation and divorce
The biggest difference between legal separation and divorce is that a divorce legally ends the marriage, while a legal separation is more like pausing your marriage. You can’t marry someone else if you’re legally separated, and if you and your former partner choose to reconcile, you can get a court order to overturn the legal separation agreement. If you are divorced, you’re free to marry anyone. In the event of a reconciliation, you and your former spouse would have to get remarried.
Why consider a legal separation?
Couples may choose a legal separation for various reasons. First, it is possible to reverse a legal separation, so some couples who are not quite ready to permanently sever ties may opt for a legal separation as a way to protect their finances while figuring things out. Couples with young children may also wish to remain legally married to keep the family together.
There may be financial benefits to a legal separation too—specifically when it comes to health insurance benefits. Some health insurance companies may allow coverage for a spouse during legal separation, whereas they would lose this benefit if they were to get divorced. A married couple who is legally separated can continue to file joint tax returns too, so there may also be tax benefits.
Why consider a divorce?
Some couples may prefer divorce proceedings to a trial separation. If there is no financial benefit to staying married and if you’re certain the marriage is over, divorce can be a more straightforward option. Some spouses go through a legal separation only to then have to go through the divorce process, and going to court and hiring a divorce lawyer or family law attorney twice can be very costly.
If you want to get remarried, you’ll have to go through a divorce, as you can’t legally remarry when separated. Getting a divorce also typically ends any legal connection a married couple has to one another, including the ability to make medical or financial decisions for each other.
Practical considerations for legal separation and divorce: child support, the family home, and more
Both a legal separation and a divorce involve agreements about things the couple shares. Whether the couple legally separates or divorces, the court will likely consider the following.
Child support and custody
Multiple factors contribute to decisions on child custody and child support for couples who have kids, including parental income, the age of the child(ren), the relationship quality between the parents and the child(ren), and the wishes of the child(ren). In a legal separation or divorce, the court will also consider factors like domestic violence and substance use, if applicable.
Family home
For those who own property, the family home can be handled in a variety of ways. One spouse can keep the home and buy out the other’s share; the couple can sell the home and split the proceeds; or they can keep the house jointly and rent it out or work out some other arrangement. For example, when financially possible, former spouses may split time living in the family home so the kids can stay in one place.
Finances
Financial factors can be complicated in a legal separation or divorce. The judge will consider bank accounts, retirement accounts, vehicles, mortgage payments, personal debt, student loans, medical bills, and more. Each spouse’s income will also factor into how things are divided. Child support is generally determined based on the children’s needs and each parent’s ability to meet those needs, and alimony is generally determined by considering income disparity, the length of the marriage, and the ability to maintain a certain standard of living.
Emotional and mental health considerations
If you and your spouse choose legal separation or divorce due to irreconcilable differences or any other reason, the emotional toll can be difficult to manage. Over the years, research has suggested that there is likely a strong association between divorce and adverse mental and physical health outcomes.
People who are separated or divorced often experience increased levels of stress. Depression, anxiety, and social isolation are common as well, and a person’s self-esteem may be affected too. Adjustment disorders are also common, as are substance use disorders developing from maladaptive coping mechanisms. If you’re experiencing signs of a mental health condition, it’s generally recommended that you seek support from a mental health professional.
Tips for navigating the mental health effects of the end of a marriage
Beginning the process of separation and/or divorce can be challenging on many levels. To protect your mental well-being as best as possible, it may be helpful to keep the following tips in mind when navigating a separation or divorce:
- Be kind to yourself. You will likely experience a range of emotions, including anger, frustration, fear, guilt, and/or sadness, and some of these feelings can be quite intense. Allow yourself to feel your feelings and understand that they will typically fade in time.
- Practice self-care. Take care of yourself emotionally and physically to help manage stress. Try to get good sleep, move your body regularly, and eat nourishing foods as much as possible. It can help to maintain some normal routines, and it’s also advisable to avoid using alcohol, drugs, or other substances to cope.
- Try to cultivate hope. Over time, you might work toward accepting that life will be different than what you’d originally planned, but that it can still be good.
- Don’t try to handle everything on your own. Relying on your support system can help you navigate this stressful period, both practically and emotionally.
Getting support for your mental health
Whether you’re going through a separation or a divorce, taking care of your mental health may help you navigate the stress and emotional ups and downs more effectively. Many people benefit from the support of a therapist during this time. If you want to work with a therapist but feel that you don’t have time due to co-parenting challenges or are worried about the financial impact, online therapy can be a more convenient, affordable option.
With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can work with a licensed mental health professional from the comfort of your home or anywhere you have a reliable internet connection. Online therapy is often more affordable than in-person treatment, and you don’t have to worry about commuting to an office or being put on a waiting list. Most people who sign up can be matched with a provider in as little as 48 hours.
A growing body of research indicates that online therapy can have many benefits. In fact, various studies suggest that online therapy can often be just as effective as in-person treatment.
Takeaway
Why would you separate but not divorce?
Some people might choose to separate if they are not certain they want to get a divorce. Another reason some people choose to separate is that separation may allow both spouses to remain on their health insurance plan and continue filing joint taxes.
Is it financially better to separate or divorce?
It can sometimes be financially advantageous to separate, but this may depend on the specific circumstances of a divorce. With a separation, both parties involved can often continue to file taxes jointly and receive health insurance. Also, if a marriage has lasted at least 10 years, a divorced individual is typically entitled to part of their ex’s Social Security payments. For this reason, it may be best to separate until 10 years have passed since the marriage began.
Can you date while legally separated?
Dating while legally separated can be complex. Some states may not recognize legal separation, which means that seeing someone else could be considered adultery. Also, if a state does recognize separation, the timing of a new relationship could lead some people to claim that their spouse cheated, which could affect future alimony cases. Even if two people are living separately, dating someone could affect future divorce proceedings.
What are the disadvantages of being separated?
One of the possible disadvantages of separation is that spouses typically still have financial ties. This may affect a person’s freedom if their spouse still has decision-making authority regarding finances.
What is the first thing to do when separating?
One of the first things to do when separating may be to seek information about how debt is handled during a legal separation. Some states don’t allow for legal separation, but even in those that do, debts accumulated by one party may affect the other. Separation can lead to challenging times financially, so one party may take out a loan or use a credit card to pay for expenses. The other party could be held responsible for this debt in many cases. People who are separated may benefit from checking their credit report on an ongoing basis to ensure balances haven’t increased without their knowledge.
What happens if you are separated but not divorced?
If you are separated but not divorced, you and your spouse may still be able to reap the financial benefits of marriage. For example, you may be able to stay on your health insurance plan and still file taxes together. However, it may be best to consult an attorney in your state to receive personalized attention and advice about your specific circumstances.
Who loses more financially in a divorce?
Financial loss during a divorce may depend on a number of factors, including a person’s contributions to household income. Also, the reason for a divorce, such as adultery, could lead to financial loss.
Does a husband have to support his wife during separation?
The requirement for a husband to support his wife during separation may depend on the state. In some states, a husband may not have to support his wife during separation unless a court orders it.
What should a husband not do when separated?
Some attorneys advise people not to leave their family home during separation unless they are in danger. In some states, leaving the home may be considered abandonment. A person’s spouse may be able to use this against them in legal proceedings if they decide to move ahead with the dissolution of a marriage.
Can you be forced out of your home in a divorce?
The laws about residence may vary from one state to another. Prior to a divorce, a person often can’t be forced out unless there is domestic violence. During a divorce, a court may order that a property be divided according to each person’s contributions.
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