When To Try Marriage Counseling
Marriage counseling can be a practical method of addressing problems and improving mental health between partners in a romantic relationship. If you are looking for information on how to find a marriage counselor, a search for "marriage counseling near me" will help you locate a skilled therapist in your area offering marriage and family therapy or another form of couples therapy.
When to try marriage counseling
Typically, people consider going to marriage counseling after they are already aware of problems in their relationship. They may also feel unequipped to work through their issues without a marriage therapist. However, you can attend marriage counseling to plan for future relationship challenges or work through daily stress. In general, couples therapy requires both partners to contribute time and effort to see results. You may find a local therapist or couples counselor to work with, or you may prefer beginning marriage counseling online.
How to find a marriage counselor: does couples therapy with a marriage and family therapist work?
Before you consider marriage counseling, it is important to understand how it could help you. You might begin by asking yourself what you mean when you ask, “Does couples therapy really work?” What criteria would you use to assess whether it works or not? If you mean, “Will couples therapy improve my relationship?” The answer may vary. Once you get to the root of the problem in your relationship, you may be faced with the decision to recommit or end things. Still, many couples find that, although it may feel difficult at first, working with a good therapist can address both the surface issues and core issues they’re experiencing, build new bridges between them so that they are on the same page, and offer tools for improving conflict resolution and intimacy.
You might also consider whether relationship therapy or counseling is right for you and your partner. For this type of therapy to be effective, you generally need to commit to attending regular sessions with your significant other. Sometimes, your couples therapist might suggest you have a few individual therapy sessions in addition to the joint sessions to improve your own mental health and well-being, or even consider family therapy if you have children. With children involved, finding the right therapist trained in helping families can be key.
Types of Couples Therapy
Mental health professionals typically complete formal education along with specialized training programs to address various needs. Therefore, it’s important to choose a professional therapist who can best meet the needs of your specific situation and background. The type of couples therapy you choose may also depend on the status of your relationship and your religious affiliations.
Premarital counseling
If you are engaged or in the initial stages of planning your life together, you might choose premarital counseling with a licensed clinical social worker, for example. People who are in a romantic relationship but not yet married can use this time to learn more about the way the other person thinks and behaves. They can then learn techniques for building a strong marriage and creating feelings of well-being within their partnership, or they may decide that marriage is not for them after some short-term therapy sessions.
For people who have children, family therapy might be more helpful than couples therapy alone. Parents with dissimilar ideas about child rearing often have problems and recurring arguments in their marriage as a result. Some sessions might be for the partners alone, while other sessions might include the children, too, or even the extended family. A marriage and family therapist receives specific training so they can work with the entire family to help resolve communication issues and improve how the family functions. This can be one of the more popular approaches for partners who have children.
If religion is an important part of your life, religious leaders who offer religious couples counseling may be available online or in your local community. It can be wise to do some research to ensure you find a licensed marriage and family therapist or a relationship therapist that offers religious counseling, as some religious marriage counselors may not be licensed and cannot offer ethical or legal treatment.
There may also be some therapy options to consider that you may not have heard of before. For example, some therapists and mental health professionals have specific training qualifications and advanced degrees so they can practice as licensed marriage therapists who are also able to prescribe medications (psychiatrists) or provide different treatment approaches (for example, emotionally focused therapy). You can also look for licensed marriage and family therapists who specialize in helping partners with mental illness and substance use issues, as well as providing effective therapy. Look for a licensed marriage and family therapist that offers a specific modality, such as Gottman therapy or trauma-informed care. If you already work with a psychologist or another mental health professional individually, you might ask them whether they can refer you to any of their co-workers who may be able to help with your relationship.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
Questions to ask yourself and your spouse before heading to couples therapy
The following is a brief list of couples therapy questions that may help you and your spouse prepare for your first therapy sessions, where you may likely address the basic issues in your relationship.
- What issues cause problems in our marriage?
- What issues are most important for us to solve?
- Is either of us considering divorce?
- Are we both willing to put in the work to make our relationship successful?
- Is this a temporary bump in the road, or do we have long-term problems?
- What bothers us about each other?
- What are our feelings toward each other?
- Do we trust each other, or have we had issues keeping secrets from each other?
- Do we have a satisfying intimate relationship and sex life?
- Has either of us been unfaithful or considered seeing someone else?
- What do we expect will change if we go to therapy?
- How is our communication?
- Are we willing to change to save the relationship?
- How can we commit to coming together outside of therapy sessions, like scheduling a regular date night?
- Does either of us have any underlying mental health issues that may be affecting the relationship?
Be aware that you and your spouse might have completely different answers to these questions. You don't necessarily have to agree on everything to solve problems, but you may need to have some common ground if you want to improve your relationship and see positive changes. The common ground may even be that you both recognize there are issues that may need to be addressed.
Questions for premarital couples counseling with a marriage counselor
Are you considering premarital counseling? Once you find a mental health professional, you can prepare for your first session by answering a few questions. Premarital counseling questions are sometimes future-oriented but usually need to cover your past together and how you currently interact as well. Here are a few of the questions you might ask your partner before seeing a mental health professional:
- What attracted us to each other in the first place?
- What types of issues have we had in our relationship so far?
- What kind of marriage do we want?
- What did we learn about marriage from our parents?
- What kind of future do we want to build together?
- Do we want to have children together? If so, how will we raise them?
- What can premarital counseling do for us?
- Are we willing to change if necessary to have a healthy relationship?
After discerning your answers to the above questions, you can look for a therapist by searching through the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) or another online database that lists certified marriage and family therapists.
Seeking counseling for you and your partner: How to find a marriage counselor
If you decide it's time to move forward with therapy, the next step may be answering the question, “Where can I find couples therapy near me?” No matter where you live, the answer to finding a good therapist may be the same—online! You may be able to look for a therapist online, regardless of where you live. However, in many areas, you can search for a marriage therapist to meet within your local community as well.
You can get a referral from your primary care doctor to see a mental health professional. If you are already working individually with a therapist, they may help you find an effective mental health professional to meet your needs.
One potential benefit to attending online couples therapy with BetterHelp could be that you may feel more comfortable and at ease sitting on your own couch than in a therapist’s office. You may also find that if either you or your partner feels hesitant to try therapy, the idea of online therapy can be less intimidating.
As this study explains, online couples therapy can be as effective as in-office couples therapy. Although several of the couples participating in the study initially had doubts about whether online therapy would be helpful for them, they were able to form strong therapeutic alliances with their therapists and found that the overall experience was a positive and beneficial one.
Takeaway
Can a marriage and family counselor help married couples resolve their marriage and mental health issues?
Yes, marriage counseling can help couples resolve conflicts in their partnership, which sometimes result in mental health issues. There are a number of common relationship problems that can be found in long term committed relationships, including financial issues, rehashing the same argument, a disconnect in physical intimacy, or a lack of communication. So many use seeking professional help as a last ditch effort to save a failing marriage, while marriage or couples counseling can actually be used proactively to support a healthy marriage.
Can couples therapy improve overall mental health?
Yes, any type of mental health counseling services can improve mental health, including couples therapy. A therapist can help you and your partner learn how to have honest conversations about difficult topics, develop strategies to improve communication, address issues around physical intimacy and sexual behaviors, and otherwise help you and your partner get on the same level. A long term partnership that
What are the most common issues tackled in couples therapy?
Some of the common issues that couples work on in therapy are financial decisions, child-rearing, sexual intimacy, substance misuse, communication, and infidelity. In a long term relationship, the problems that eat away at emotional intimacy aren’t always necessarily big ones like a mismatch of core values or common values as human beings, or keeping secrets from one another– they are often petty disagreements made toxic through a lack of productive communication.
What qualifications do couples therapists have?
A couples therapist is a licensed mental health counselor who may have a master’s degree in psychology or clinical social work. A clinical psychologist will likely have a PhD. A licensed therapist goes through professional training in the form of supervised clinical practice and must have passed a licensing exam.
What is the typical length of treatment for couples therapy?
On average, a couple will attend 12–25 therapy sessions lasting somewhere between 4 and 10 months. However, the length of time that a couple attends therapy depends on their needs and the types of issues they hope to resolve. Therapy can be short-term or long-term.
A professional counselor for couples and relationships will use a number of currently accepted methods to support couples, including the Gottman method, emotionally focused therapy, or cognitive behavioral therapy. In therapy sessions, a therapist might help couples work on active listening, identifying feelings, and communication strategies.
When should you try marriage counseling?
Couples must try marriage counseling when they experience struggles in their relationship as couples, including communication. A licensed marriage counselor can help a couple communicate more effectively by providing a safe space, helping the couple identify their communication patterns, giving them quick tips for better communication, and teaching the couple about active listening, “I” statements, and nonverbal communication.
You’ll know that you’ve found the right marriage counselor or couples counselor if both you and your partner feel comfortable with them and you are able to grow as a couple and resolve problems over a series of sessions. When looking for a potential marriage counselor, be sure to ask about their therapy modalities and be prepared with a list of questions.
A couple's counselor can’t save a relationship with major marital issues, but they can, however, support a couple in devising ways to improve their relationship, which might, in turn, save it. Counselors and therapists who work with people in committed relationships train couples in healthy communication skills, teaching how to have productive conversations on everything from ways to spend time together, to how to manage finances. Honest and open communication on subjects big and small is an effective way to build or restore intimacy, and to resolve conflicts with less hurt feelings.
Couples therapy may not work when one of the partners is not willing to engage in the therapeutic process or when a partner has underlying issues, such as substance use disorder, that they won’t address. If one partner or both is keeping secrets from one another and are unwilling to open up, or one carries the emotional burden of the relationship, therapy may not be effective either. A committed relationship is a two-way street, and communication skills cannot be taught effectively if only one person is invested. A good marriage counselor won’t recommend divorce, but they can help the couple navigate the question of whether divorce is the best option.
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