When You Should Try Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling can be a practical method of addressing problems and improving mental health between partners in a romantic relationship. If you are looking for information on how to find a marriage counselor or a couples counselor, a search for "marriage counseling near me" will help you locate a skilled therapist in your area offering marriage and family therapy or another form of couples therapy. 

Typically, people consider going to marriage & relationship counseling after they are already aware of problems in their relationship. They may also feel unequipped to work through their issues without a marriage therapist. However, you can attend therapy to plan for future marriage challenges or work through daily stress. In general, couples therapy requires both partners to contribute time and effort to see results. You may find a local therapist to work with, or you may prefer beginning therapy for your marriage online.

Before you consider marriage therapy, it is important to understand how it could help you. You might begin by asking yourself what you mean when you ask, “Does couples therapy really work?” What criteria would you use to assess whether it works or not? If you mean, “Will couples therapy improve my relationship?” The answer may vary. Once you get to the root of the problem in your marriage, you may be faced with the decision to recommit or end things. Still, many find that, although it may feel difficult at first, therapy can address both the surface issues and core issues they’re experiencing, build new bridges between them so that they are on the same page, and offer tools for improving conflict resolution and intimacy. 

You might also consider whether marriage therapy is right for you and your partner. For this type of therapy to be effective, you generally need to commit to attending regular sessions with your significant other. Sometimes, your therapist might suggest you have a few individual therapy sessions in addition to the joint sessions to improve your own mental health and well-being, or even consider family therapy if you have children. With children involved, finding the right therapist trained in helping families can be key.

Common types of couples therapy

Mental health professionals typically complete formal education along with specialized training programs to address various needs. Therefore, it’s important to choose a professional therapist who can best meet the needs of your specific situation and background. The type of counseling you choose may also depend on the status of your marriage and your religious affiliations. 

Premarital therapy

If you are engaged or in the initial stages of planning your life together, you might choose premarital therapy with a licensed clinical social worker, for example. People who are in a romantic relationship but not yet married can use this time to learn more about the way the other person thinks and behaves. They can then learn techniques for building a healthy relationship dynamic and creating feelings of well-being within their partnership, or they may decide that the marriage is not for them after some short-term therapy sessions.

Family Therapy

For people who have children, family therapy might be more helpful than relationship therapy alone. Parents with dissimilar ideas about child rearing often have problems and recurring arguments in their marriage as a result. Some sessions might be for the partners alone, while other sessions might include the children, too, or even the extended family. An LMFT receives specific training so they can work with the entire family to help resolve communication issues and improve how the family functions. This can be one of the more popular approaches for partners who have children.

If religion is an important part of your life, religious leaders who offer religious therapy may be available online or in your local community. It can be wise to do some research to ensure you find a licensed therapist or a marriage counselor that offers religious therapy, as some religious counselor may not be licensed and cannot offer ethical or legal treatment.

How to find alternative therapies

There may also be some counseling options to consider that you may not have heard of before. For example, some therapists and mental health professionals have specific training qualifications and advanced degrees so they can practice as licensed therapists who are also able to prescribe medications (psychiatrists) or provide different treatment approaches (for example, emotionally focused therapy). You can also look for licensed therapists who specialize in helping partners with mental illness and substance use issues, as well as providing effective counseling. Look for a licensed counselor that offers a specific modality, such as trauma-informed care. If you already work with a psychologist or another mental health professional individually, you might ask them whether they can refer you to any of their co-workers who may be able to help with your marriage.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

The following is a brief list of therapy questions that may help you and your spouse prepare for your first sessions, where you may likely address the basic issues in your relationship.

• What issues cause problems in our marriage?
• What issues are most important for us to solve?
• Is either of us considering divorce?
• Are we both willing to put in the work to make our relationship successful?
• Is this a temporary bump in the road, or do we have long-term problems?
• What bothers us about each other?
• What are our feelings toward each other?
• Do we trust each other, or have we had issues keeping secrets from each other?
• Do we have a satisfying intimate relationship and sex life?
• Has either of us been unfaithful or considered seeing someone else?
• What do we expect will change if we go to therapy?
• How is our communication?
• Are we willing to change to save the relationship?
• How can we commit to coming together outside of therapy sessions, like scheduling a regular date night?
• Does either of us have any underlying mental health issues that may be affecting the relationship?

Be aware that you and your spouse might have completely different answers to these questions. You don't necessarily have to agree on everything to solve problems, but you may need to have some common ground if you want to improve your marriage and see positive changes. The common ground may even be that you both recognize there are issues that may need to be addressed.

Questions for premarital therapy

Are you considering premarital therapy? Once you find a mental health professional, you can prepare for your first session by answering a few questions. Premarital counseling questions are sometimes future-oriented but usually need to cover your past together and how you currently interact as well. Here are a few of the questions you might ask your partner before seeing a mental health professional:

• What attracted us to each other in the first place?
• What types of issues have we had in our relationship so far?
• What kind of marriage do we want?
• What did we learn about marriage from our parents?
• What kind of future do we want to build together?
• Do we want to have children together? If so, how will we raise them?
• What can premarital counseling do for us?
• Are we willing to change if necessary to have a healthy relationship?

After discerning your answers to the above questions, you can look for a therapist by searching through the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) or another online database that lists certified LMFTs.

Seeking counseling for you and your partner

If you decide it's time to move forward with therapy, the next step may be answering the question, “Where can I find couples therapy near me?” No matter where you live, the answer to finding a good therapist may be the same—online! You may be able to look for a therapist online, regardless of where you live. However, in many areas, you can search for a therapist to meet within your local community as well.

You can get a referral from your primary care doctor to see a mental health professional. If you are already working individually with a therapist, they may help you find an effective mental health professional to meet your needs.

One potential benefit to attending online couples therapy with BetterHelp may be that you may feel more comfortable and at ease sitting in your own space rather than in a therapist’s office. You may also find that if either you or your partner feels hesitant to try therapy, the idea of online counseling can be less intimidating.

As this study explains, online therapy can be as effective as in-office therapy. Although several of the couples participating in the study initially had doubts about whether online therapy would be helpful for them, they were able to form strong therapeutic alliances with their therapists and found that the overall experience was a positive and beneficial one.