Navigating The Masculinity Crisis: How To Practice Healthy Masculinity As A Man

Masculinity has long been associated with power, ruthlessness, and strength. However, with these stereotypes has come immense harm, both to men and to people of other genders. In the 2020s, a surge in toxic masculinity culture has arisen, leading to more rampant mistreatment of women and those of other genders, a lack of support for men, and false statistics that are made to boost online engagement by inciting anger. Below, learn more about what some are referring to as “the masculinity crisis” and how to reject toxic masculinity as someone who identifies as a man. 

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What is the masculinity crisis? Masculine and feminine stereotypes and gender normative culture 

The masculinity crisis is a real crisis that refers to the challenges both men and society experience as a result of the social expectations of performing masculinity as a man. In the 2020s, more concerns have arisen about increased societal and political discourse on men and masculinity in the US, as well as what makes a “good man” or “real men.”  

Unhealthy expressions of masculinity, harmful social expectations, and stereotypes that can influence male behavior have become more of a challenge. This challenge has increased especially as more men are making podcasts and online videos about these harmful ideals, influencing young men and boys toward sexism, anger, and the rejection of their own emotions. 

Other issues in the masculinity crisis involve confusion around men’s place in the workforce, difficulty finding partners, and a lack of positive male role models to help young people understand how to become a good person. For those without these role models, influencers have begun to fill in the gaps, even though the paths many of these influencers teach are harmful and contribute to “toxic masculinity.” 

Especially because young men are at a higher risk of suicide, substance misuse, and perpetuating abuse against women, the masculinity crisis is being examined from multiple angles to attempt to find ways to encourage men and boys to make more positive choices and connect in a healthier way to their gender identities as men. A prosocial model of masculinity is often recommended by experts: one in which men embrace their humanity, vulnerability, emotions, and needs without placing blame or violence on other groups, such as women. 

What does healthy masculinity look like? 

Healthy traits of masculinity generally include prosocial, non-sexist, and supportive traits that value the unique needs of men and masculine-presenting people without harming other groups in an effort to meet them. Below are some potential traits of healthy masculinity: 

• Strength that does not overshadow one’s empathy and care
• Openness about emotions, including those like sadness, fear, shame, guilt, love, and happiness 
• The ability to communicate non-violently and actively listen to others 
• The ability to practice humility and not assume negatively of others
• The ability to have and respect women teachers, mentors, and support individuals without a sense of being emasculated or wanting to prove them wrong 
• Supporting one’s community, including its most vulnerable members
• Being a positive role model for other men or masculine people 
• Seeking help when struggling
• Comfort in nurturing roles like nursing, offering therapy, cleaning, and caregiving, among others 
• Calling out harmful behavior in other men

Ways to practice healthy masculinity culture as a man living through the global crisis in masculinity 

There are many ways to practice healthy masculinity as a man. Below are a few examples.

Find positive role models for masculine and feminine traits and culture that push back against the crisis in masculinity 

Role models can be important for young people—including young men—in forming their identities. Research suggests that men often don’t personally agree with stereotypes of how men “should” act but go along with these behaviors because they believe other men believe them. Without an idea of how to act, young men today may turn to online influencers, including those with extremist views about being a man. 

Making an effort to turn to more positive online and in-person role models instead can make a big difference. Examples could include researchers studying the masculinity crisis, men making a public effort to showcase healthy masculinity, and people of other genders who perform healthy masculinity, such as those in the butch lesbian community who display positive behaviors. You can also become a role model yourself by being open about your journey toward healthy masculinity and allowing your masculinity to be prosocial instead of ego- or aggression-focused.  

Practice healthy communication and non-violent relationships 

Healthy communication is direct, non-violent, and collaborative. When practicing healthy masculinity, you might engage in active listening—which is listening to understand and validate instead of to argue or respond. Try not to assume that others need or want to learn from you, or that another person is not knowledgeable just because you are. Avoid raising your voice, insulting others, or speaking to others condescendingly, and be sure to give other people time to talk. 

Finally, be mindful of women and those of other genders in groups of men. If you and other men are frequently speaking over a woman or non-binary member of the group, make an effort to ask them questions and include them as an equal in the conversation. Do not assume a woman or other person wouldn’t want to join a conversation just because it’s on a topic you or society typically deems “masculine.” In addition, try to orient conversations with other men toward topics that do not serve only to sexualize women or make offensive jokes.  

Develop your empathy

Empathy can be a helpful trait to develop over time. The American Psychological Association (APA) recommends cultivating empathy in order to cultivate other prosocial behaviors, such as volunteering, forgiving, giving, and supporting. Empathy is the opposite of many harmful traits often wrongly associated with masculinity, such as violence, dominance, and ego. 

It can be helpful to remember that you don’t have to be born with a strong sense of empathy. Many people develop this skill over time by making an effort to listen openly to others, not make assumptions, and understand the diverse backgrounds people come from that can affect their behavior and personalities. 

Understand the privilege inherent in being a man, despite lower life expectancies and other trends 

Some men may feel defensive when hearing that being a man comes with privilege. One possible reason is that they may worry that accepting this fact would take away from the real issues men face, such as high suicide rates, difficulty finding their identity, harmful masculinity, and struggles in relationships. However, both realities can exist at the same time. 

Historically and in the present, men are the primary perpetrators of domestic violence, assault, and violent crime. In addition, men have had systemic and economic power over women and people of other genders for centuries. Men are often taken more seriously by other men, are more likely to get ahead in the workplace, and are, on the whole, paid more than women today—especially women of color. 

In addition, many men still believe that men should be sole providers for their households and that they shouldn’t partake in childcare, leading many women who are married or in relationships with men to solely take on all household duties, typically amounting to more hours than two full-time jobs combined. By acknowledging these facts, men can take steps to treat women more equally and encourage other men and themselves to react to challenges with solutions instead of violence and control. 

Embrace and encourage vulnerability to push back against the masculinity crisis

Vulnerability means taking ownership of your emotions and thoughts and being open about them in a nonviolent and non-manipulative way. Communicating about emotions healthily can look like crying when you need to, expressing your needs in relationships (not as an attempt to control someone else), being honest when you’re uncomfortable, standing up against injustice, and admitting when you’re unsure. Encourage vulnerability in other men by normalizing actions like physical affection, crying, and talking about complicated feelings. 

Connect with the positive aspects of masculinity instead of those promoted by the crisis of masculinity 

Masculinity is not inherently harmful. People of any gender might benefit from finding ways to connect with its positive aspects, such as community building, strength, protection, and advocacy. It can help to remember that being masculine is okay, and that masculine traits aren’t traits that only belong to those who identify as men. For some men, learning to reject harmful masculinity means accepting themselves or other men as more feminine—as some men are and enjoy being more feminine, which is also okay. 

Outside of men, some women reflect masculinity to others, regardless of sexuality, and many non-binary people align most with masculine traits and presentation. These people can also be role models for men in terms of the many different forms masculinity can take. Part of loving masculinity is loving its many faces, which may involve unpacking homophobia, transphobia, and/or sexism, as these often claim there is only one “right” way to be masculine when there are actually many ways to practice healthy masculinity.  

Stereotypes and myths to reject

Stereotypes play a role in societal messages about masculinity. Below are some false beliefs about masculinity that it can be beneficial to push back on: 

• Men must always be “breadwinners” or providers for their families. (False: Many working-class men or men of other socioeconomic levels are stay-at-home dads, do not have families to provide for, or split responsibilities with their partner or spouse.)
• Men can only date women. (False: Millions of men identify as gay or bisexual.)
• Men must be “alpha males” and show dominance and aggression to be respected. (False: This mindset contributes to the high amount of violent crimes that men are responsible for.)
• Men must pursue women regardless of the woman’s interest. (False: Pursuing someone after they’ve expressed disinterest is a form of harassment and can be illegal.)
• Only cisgender men (men assigned male at birth) are “real” men. (False: Many transgender men exist and are men. Disagreeing is a form of transphobia.) 
• Men are hypersexual and should never not want sex. (False: Many men do not have a high sex drive, have a varying sex drive depending on many factors, or identify as asexual.)
• Men can’t work in “feminine” fields like teaching or nursing. (False: There are many male teachers and nurses as well as a high demand for new ones in these fields.) 

Do men feel emotions less than women? 

A common stereotype about men is that they are more logically minded and feel fewer emotions or less intense ones than women. However, studies do not back up this claim. Research has found no conclusive differences between the brains of those assigned male at birth and those assigned female. Hormonal differences may cause slight changes in emotions from person to person, but these changes are not enough to cause significant emotional blocks in men or extreme emotional challenges in women. 

Instead, gender roles, stereotypes, and a society with certain expectations for certain genders are likely to blame. When men are often socially encouraged to keep their emotions inside and only express anger, they can be seen as more violent and logically minded. 

How to stand up to other men who show harmful behaviors

Stereotypes continue to be perpetuated because men and people of other genders are often afraid to stand up to men who show harmful behaviors, so change has to start with bravery. Telling someone, “I don’t appreciate that joke” or “I think the messages that the influencer you’re listening to shares are harmful” can be brave and powerful. If you’re afraid someone might respond with violence if you call them out on their behavior, you might ask yourself whether that person is truly healthy to have in your life. Finally, it can also help to be open about your support of healthy masculinity and make friends with other men who are as well.

Mental health support options for men’s problems, lower mental health-related life expectancies, and the crisis of masculinity 

Mental health support can be crucial to learning empathy, non-violent communication, and community-building skills and addressing men’s problems related to emotional well-being. You don’t have to have a mental illness to go to therapy, and many men see a therapist. In the US, over 55 million adults of all genders already go to therapy, and the number is rising each year. 

If you’re uncomfortable seeking help, know that you have options that may make the process feel more approachable. For example, using an online therapy platform like BetterHelp can be more discreet and comfortable, allowing you to attend therapy from home or anywhere with an internet connection via phone, video, or live chat. In addition, you can specify you prefer to get matched with a male therapist, as they may have lived experiences that you relate to. Studies suggest that online therapy can be helpful and effective, noting that men often appreciate this format due to the stigma surrounding men and mental healthcare. 

Takeaway 

Navigating the world as a man or a masculine person during a masculinity crisis can be challenging, but there are steps you can take to help make society more accepting of all. Some examples include being a positive role model for others and looking for non-violent ways to develop empathy and communication skills. Consider seeking guidance from a compassionate therapist online or in your area for support in this process.