How To Overcome A Midlife Crisis

Research has shown that about 10 to 20% of middle-aged people experience a midlife crisis. “Midlife crisis” refers to a feeling of dissatisfaction and a drive to make substantial changes which can be triggered by several factors, including a significant life event or a heightened awareness of one’s mortality. Regardless of the cause, one can employ several strategies to work through the intense emotions accompanying a midlife crisis and find healing and peace. 

What may lead to a midlife crisis

A midlife crisis may not necessarily have a specific cause – some people may experience a general sense of malaise and purposelessness as they enter middle age. However, in some cases, it can be precipitated by a specific occurrence in one’s life course. Examples of these may include:

A major event leading to a significant change in one’s life

Often, an event that causes significant effects in a person’s life can lead to a midlife crisis. This event could be in one’s personal life, such as a divorce or the end of a meaningful relationship, or in one’s professional life, such as a promotion into a role with significantly more authority. The change may include children graduating high school and moving out of the house for the first time or moving back in after they finish college.

Evolving relationship roles and responsibilities

Other people's expectations of you may change as you enter middle age. If you have children, your kids may no longer need the kind of hands-on parenting required for younger kids and may even push back against your involvement in their lives as they seek greater levels of independence. Middle age is also typically a time when professional roles may shift, with a person potentially taking on more responsibility at work or re-entering the workforce after taking some time off to focus on childcare.

Experiencing nostalgia and regrets

In middle age, some people may look back on their past and wonder why they have made the choices they’ve made. They may experience regrets about what they chose to pursue as a career, the person they married, where they settled down and lived most of their life, whether or not they had children, and what they prioritized and spent most of their time doing. These regrets may lead to dramatic life choices and changes (hence the midlife crisis stereotype of a middle-aged man buying a flashy new sports car).

Physical changes in one’s body

Physical reminders of aging, such as increased back pain, graying hair, or an inability to run a mile as fast as one used to, can trigger a sense of crisis. For some people, passing a milestone birthday, such as 40 or 50, can make aging feel more salient. They may begin to be concerned about their mortality and what legacy they’ll leave behind for their loved ones, both in terms of material goods and relationships. For women and people assigned female at birth, the middle of life may bring about menopause or the end of menstrual cycles, which can have various physical and emotional symptoms and side effects.

Working through a midlife crisis

A midlife crisis can be challenging, but if you take the time to process them properly and seek help when necessary, you may be able to work through it and achieve enlightenment about who you are and what you want from life. Some ways to find support during a midlife crisis may include the following. 

Self-reflection 

You may experience various complicated emotions related to your midlife crisis, including dissatisfaction, apathy, frustration, sadness, nostalgia, guilt, anger, and others. While it can be tempting to try and run away from or hide negative thoughts and uncomfortable emotions, these feelings could be warning signs of a need to make major changes in your life. It can be helpful to lean into these emotions and try to understand them better instead of masking or numbing them (which can also be quite destructive). 

One effective way to reflect on your feelings and what they are trying to tell you can be through journaling. Some journals, such as feelings journals, can be specifically designed with prompts that may lead you to think about and process your emotions. You could also freeform a journal on your own about your feelings, which may help you to realize what in your life is causing negative emotions, what brings you joy, and what you may need to change. This realization could lead to leaving your job, pursuing a new career path, taking up a new hobby, or looking into family therapy or couples counseling. 

Focusing on health, wellness, and self-care

Many middle-aged and older adults may have difficulty maintaining beneficial physical health practices. This may be because of time constraints, reduced physical abilities, or health complications. Focusing on physical health may also improve emotional and mental health, potentially leading to a greater sense of clarity and enhanced ability to manage midlife crises.

Basic physical health practices can include making intentional dietary choices, abstaining from or reducing the use of drugs and alcohol, creating an exercise routine and sticking to it, practicing sleep hygiene, and regularly seeing a doctor. Self-care practices can also enhance physical health and mental health. Self-care can be defined as anything you do to care for yourself or feel more grounded and whole and can include meditation, yoga, or simply taking a few minutes for yourself every day.

In-person or online therapy

Therapists have been trained to help people to process intense emotions and life changes, and it may help to have a neutral outside perspective on what is going on in your life as you experience a midlife crisis.

Online therapy can be an effective and convenient option for middle-aged and older adults who may have a lot of demands on their time. Online therapy can be accessed from anywhere with an internet connection, meaning it may be more accessible than in-person therapy, especially for those with complicated schedules. Some individuals may feel more comfortable discussing sensitive topics related to their midlife crisis in their own space. Online therapy can provide a level of comfort that can help people open up and share their thoughts and emotions more freely.

Research has demonstrated that attending online therapy may have comparable outcomes to attending traditional in-person therapy. One study examining the effectiveness of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a common treatment for any kind of identity crisis, found no significant differences in effectiveness between patients who completed treatment online and those who completed their treatment in person.