What A Midlife Crisis In Women May Look Like

Your perception of a “midlife crisis” may be influenced by our culture’s emphasis on men and male experiences. Maybe you think a midlife crisis is when a middle-aged man grows his hair out to resemble the length it was in his college band, or when a family man decides he’s tired of driving a minivan around and buys a fancy sports car. But midlife crises do not happen to only men; women, too, can experience them. 

Midlife crises in women vs. men

Midlife crises in women may look similar to those experienced by men, with the possibility of more physical changes and impacts. A midlife crisis can be unpleasant and overwhelming, but it can also be a pivotal moment that inspires positive change in a person’s life. Finding support for a midlife crisis, perhaps through online or in-person therapy, may maximize its potential benefits.

What causes a midlife crisis?

Feeling a sense of crisis in middle age can be triggered by many factors. Anybody, regardless of gender, may experience some of the possible causes of a midlife crisis, but other causes tend to be more common for middle-aged women. Some of the most common causes of a midlife crisis in women can include the following:

• Menopause: Many women and people with uteruses experience menopause between the ages of 40 and 60. This, along with perimenopause (the seven to 10-year period preceding menopause), is typically accompanied by a host of hormonal and physical changes in the body, along with potentially unpleasant symptoms like difficulty sleeping, hot flashes, and weight gain. Experiencing significant changes in one’s body and physical health may lead to a reevaluation of one’s life, potentially causing a midlife crisis.
• A meaningful change in one’s family dynamic: For women with children, middle age is often when significant shifts in a family dynamic may occur. These changes could include children starting puberty, graduating high school, moving out, going away to college, or potentially moving back in as an adult after they finish college or when they are experiencing an unforeseen life difficulty. 
• Concerns around identity: For some women, a midlife crisis may be triggered by passing a “milestone” birthday, such as turning 40 or 50. It can be a natural part of growing older to feel some anxiety around aging and what life as an older person might be like. This anxiety could be exacerbated by external reminders of aging and mortality, such as a parent passing away. 
• Shifts in roles and expectations: As women enter middle age, some of their responsibilities may change. Children who used to need intensive, one-on-one care may become more independent. In contrast, parents who used to be independent may have reached a point in the aging process where they require assistance with day-to-day tasks. A woman’s professional expectations may also be changing, potentially involving ascending to more senior roles in the workplace or re-entering the workforce after providing childcare at home. While some of these changes can be welcome, any life change, whether positive or negative, can lead to stress.
• Regrets about the past: As people age, they may become more likely to critically examine their pasts. As a woman sets into middle age, she may experience regrets about her career choices, having or not having children, or her marriage (or lack thereof). Worries about what kind of “legacy” one may leave behind can also emerge around this age. 
• A general sense of purposelessness: Feeling a growing sense of apathy or disconnect around midlife can be common. Women and people in this phase may feel as though they are searching for meaning, particularly if they are experiencing many of the significant changes described above. 

Signs of a midlife crisis in women

“Midlife crisis” is neither a medical term nor a mental health diagnosis, so there is generally no set list of symptoms that can designate someone as experiencing a midlife crisis. However, there can be a range of common experiences that middle-aged women may encounter as they enter this phase of life, potentially including the following: 

• Depression or depressive symptoms and behaviors
• Preoccupation with questions about one’s past and what could have been different
• Sleep-related conditions, possibly related to a preoccupation with the past or related worries and stressors (could also be due to menopause symptoms, such as hot flashes and other physical changes that can cause discomfort and interrupt sleep)
• A sense of boredom, apathy, or ambivalence
• Contemplating making a big change in one’s personal or professional life, such as relocating, leaving one’s partner, changing careers, etc. 
• Existential crisis (wondering about the purpose of human existence, etc.)
• Lack of motivation
• Feeling overwhelmed, potentially due to stressors related to increased expectations, including “sandwich” care responsibilities (where a woman must care for both her children and her aging parents), increased pressure at work, shifting family dynamics, etc., that can impact her emotional well-being
• Weight changes, potentially due to stress leading to a lack of appetite or using exercise or emotional eating as a coping mechanism 
• Sense of loss: loss of youth, loss of stability if one is considering making a significant life change, or a general sense of loss without any clear cause
• A fixation on the past that goes beyond nostalgia and may result in wanting to relive past experiences
• Physical pain (Note: You should always have physical pain checked out by a doctor, but if there is no medical explanation, pain can be a physical manifestation of emotional distress related to a potential midlife crisis)
• Desire to change physical appearance, such as finding a new hairstyle or a different way of applying makeup, or pursuing aesthetic interventions intended to make one look younger, such as cosmetic procedures 

Finding support during a midlife crisis

Regardless of the causes and impacts of a midlife crisis, the experience can be turbulent. There are several steps a woman can take to process the feelings that may arise during a midlife crisis and determine a way to move forward into middle age with an enhanced sense of self and purpose.

Self-reflection and goal setting

A midlife crisis can lead to many complicated emotions. It may help to try to understand the heart of these emotions through intentional reflection exercises, such as keeping a journal. Journaling about your feelings and desires can help you determine what in your life may be causing you dissatisfaction and find ways to change (i.e., possibly taking up a new hobby, looking into a potential career change, attending couples counseling or family therapy, etc.)

Focusing on healthy habits during midlife crises

Therapy for managing midlife crises

Sometimes, during stressful periods in a person’s life, talking to a licensed therapist who can provide a neutral perspective can be helpful. Middle-aged women often have many demands on their time, and it may be complicated to find room in the calendar for potential commutes and waiting times to see a therapist in person.

Benefits of online therapy

If this situation feels familiar, you may want to consider online therapy. Online therapy generally enables you to access professional mental health care from the comfort of your home. It can also be flexible, empowering you to receive care according to your schedule and convenience.

Use of online therapy in coping with a midlife crisis in women

Online therapy can be very effective. Research frequently suggests it can be just as helpful as in-person therapy. One study found that completing a course in online cognitive behavioral therapy often improved the psychological symptoms of middle-aged women experiencing menopause, a condition often linked to the development of a midlife crisis. If you think you could benefit from therapeutic support, online therapy may be just what you need.