Monogamy As A Social Construct
Monogamy, or the practice of having only one romantic and sexual partner at a time, is considered the norm in many cultures. While some argue this is because monogamy is a natural human behavior, others suggest that the concept of relationship styles in general has been heavily influenced by society and its expectations as well as by history, culture, and religion. Even though many people may accept monogamy as the standard relationship style, viewing it as a social construct rather than an innate need may help us understand the diverse ways in which people may actually manage their romantic lives today.
Factors that may have influenced the popularity of monogamy
There are many reasons that monogamy may have become so widespread, including both “nature” and “nurture” elements. First, consider the evolution of pair bonding, which researchers suggest began to occur in early human societies as a way to ensure the survival of offspring. That said, less than 10% of mammal species are naturally monogamous, with only about a quarter of primates following this pattern—indicating that there may be other factors at play in how widespread monogamy has become for humans.
For example, religion and laws have also played a strong part in making monogamy the social norm. Historically, humans had many different ways of forming relationships, including practices of non-monogamy. However, as more agricultural societies developed and more permanent settlements began to take root, monogamy may have increased in popularity as a way to offer more stability and economic benefits. Religions such as Christianity and Judaism also came to encourage monogamy as the morally “right” choice for those who adhere to these faiths.
Laws and monogamy
Laws in many countries have also encouraged monogamy by making other types of relationships illegal. For example, polygamy is not allowed in many places, and the law often only recognizes marriages between two people. Legal restrictions like these may help reinforce monogamy as the “standard” model for relationships.
Exploring alternative relationship models
There are many different ways to have relationships that have been recognized in different cultures and societies over time. These models challenge the “default” idea of monogamy and may help us understand human relationships in a broader sense. Plus, recognizing the diversity of the ways in which people may choose to relate to each other romantically and/or sexually can help empower individuals to pursue the relationship style that may be right for them—whether that’s monogamy or not.
Acceptance of non-monogamous relationships
Although non-monogamy seems to always have existed in human societies, the discussion around this category of relationship types has recently entered the mainstream in a more significant way. It’s becoming more common for people to practice self-reflection to decide which relationship style may be the best fit for them rather than automatically taking on monogamy simply because of its cultural dominance. Today, around one in five American adults report having been involved in a non-monogamous relationship of some kind within their lifetime.
Some examples of non-monogamous, alternative relationship styles include:
- Open relationships, which usually refer to established couples who have decided to allow each other to pursue sexual connections outside their core relationship
- Polyamory, in which individuals may pursue multiple concurrent romantic and/or sexual relationships at a time
- Swinging, in which couples engage in sexual activity with other couples, usually in a club or at a party dedicated to this practice
- Polyfidelity, where three or more people choose to be in a romantic and/or sexual relationship that is closed to outside partners
While the formats listed above are common, ENM can take virtually limitless forms, since each individual, couple, or group can decide on their own set of rules and parameters. Also keep in mind that discussions of non-monogamy today usually refer to ethical non-monogamy (ENM) or consensual non-monogamy (CNM). These terms simply mean that all partners involved are aware of and have consented to the dynamic.
Choosing the right relationship style for you
Today, some people view their preferred relationship style as part of their identity, while others simply choose the one that best fits their lifestyle at a given time—which may change. Regardless of your view, it can be worth taking the time to reflect on your needs and desires and how they may be met by a certain relationship style over another. In general, both monogamous and non-monogamous relationship styles can be valid as long as they’re practiced ethically and consensually.
There are many different factors to consider when deciding what type of relationship model might work best for you, such as:
- Lifestyle
- Long-term goals
- Sexual needs and desires
- Past relationship patterns
- Legal considerations (especially for those interested in marriage, having children, adoption, etc.)
In the end, only you can decide what relationship format you may be called to or that may best suit your needs. It may help to know that a person’s needs or desires for their relationship(s) could change over time, so you may find yourself wanting to revisit the topic now and again. Finally, keep in mind that it is possible for a person to be able to find fulfillment in multiple types of relationship styles but to choose one in particular that aligns with their current needs and goals.
Getting support in exploring your relationship needs
Deciding how you want to structure your romantic and/or sexual life can be a big decision with many different elements to consider. If you’re looking for support in self-reflection on this topic or in managing relationship conflict or confusion, therapy can represent a valuable resource. The right therapist can support and guide you in learning more about yourself and your needs, coping with difficult feelings like stress or jealousy, and honing necessary skills for being in any type of relationship, including communication and conflict resolution.
That said, there are various reasons a person might not be able to regularly attend in-person therapy sessions, from transportation challenges to a busy schedule. In such cases, online therapy can be a valid alternative to consider. Research suggests that it can be as effective as in-person sessions for improving relationship satisfaction and overall mental health.
If you’re interested in virtual therapy, you might consider a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples. With either one, you can get matched with a licensed therapist according to your preferences who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging to address the challenges you may be facing.
Takeaway
What are the three 3 types of monogamy?
The three main types of monogamy include social monogamy, genetic monogamy, and sexual monogamy. Social monogamy relates to a living arrangement between two people who have sex and share resources, such as food and housing, and is associated with maternal and paternal care. Sexual monogamy refers to being sexually exclusive with one partner, whereas genetic monogamy involves only having offspring with one partner and raising children that are genetically related. In the animal kingdom, however, when males and females live in pairs (are socially monogamous), they tend to mate with others.
Is it normal to be monogamous and have a monogamous relationship?
Given the interest in alternative relationships, many people wonder "Is monogamy natural" and part of human nature? Evolutionary psychology has not come to a consensus on what may be considered a typical mating system for humans, as many arrangements have been found. In the course of evolution, however, humans tended to mate, or "pair bond" in intimate relationships, a preference that might have ensured the success of offspring. However, humans are considered socially monogamous rather than sexually monogamous. In other species, monogamy may take place during one or many mating seasons with breeding females, although sexual monogamy is rare.
Is monogamy healthy, and are monogamous relationships healthy?
According to some findings, the stability and support of a well-functioning marriage may provide benefits to one's physical health and emotional well-being over a single life. Sexual exclusivity can also reduce the chances of sexually transmitted diseases.
As humans evolved, researchers speculate that the human species came to adopt monogamy as part of their social systems, as monogamy provided many benefits, such as shared parenting and social support. Individuals can decide which type of relationship best suits their needs and desires. As long as the arrangement is consensual, monogamy and other forms of relationships, such as an open relationship, can be equally valid, ethical, and healthy for the individuals in it.
What is a monogamous relationship example, and what is polygamy?
There are many examples of a monogamous relationship, including a married cisgender woman and man who choose to be intimate only with each other, a same-sex couple living together and choosing to be sexually exclusive, and a person choosing to date only one man. Many people also practice serial monogamy rather than being with one single partner throughout their lives.
Polygamy refers to having multiple wives or husbands. Humans can have different types of relationships. For example, couples may live together but have multiple partners or identify as naturally polyamorous.
If monogamy is a social construct, is it okay to want monogamy?
It may be helpful to think of monogamy as an individual choice and agreement between two consenting partners with similar values and life goals. Generally, most people in the U.S. tend to prefer monogamy. However, many others are also interested in exploring other options outside of complete sexual monogamy.
How to be monogamous if you're new to monogamy?
Deciding to be monogamous can be a personal choice and an agreement between two adults. If you're new to monogamy, you may want to consider your reasons for practicing monogamy, such as your life goals, values, interests, and past relationship patterns. A person's desire may also change over time, so what may seem right at one point in your love life can be reconsidered at another stage.
Why do people like monogamy and monogamous relationships?
Along with the traditional social acceptance of monogamy, many people feel more comfortable with and satisfied in monogamous relationships. However, social constructs can influence one's decision to have one type of relationship over another. It may be helpful to keep in mind that the choice to be monogamous or non-monogamous is neither wrong nor right, as long as the decision is made ethically.
How do I know if I'm monogamous and like monogamy?
Many people feel more comfortable with having a romantic and/or sexual relationship with only one person at a time. However, findings indicate monogamy may mean different things to each partner and the actual practice of monogamy tends to be nuanced and complex.
Is it realistic to be monogamous rather than have an open relationship?
The choice to be sexually monogamous depends on the goals, values, preferences, and relationship patterns of the people in it. As many forms of relationships exist, some people choose alternative arrangements rather than complete sexual monogamy, which can be equally valid as long as it's practiced ethically and consensually.
Can monogamy be successful?
For people with similar values, preferences, and interests, monogamy may be successfully practiced. However, while monogamous relationships may be seen as the norm in many societies, this dynamic may be largely influenced by cultural values, religion, and laws that sometimes force people to choose this type of relationship over another.
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