Positive Vs. Negative Self-Talk: How Kind Words Improve Your Mental Health

One of the most common themes repeated in therapy is the importance of positive affirmations. How people speak to themselves can significantly impact their ability to meet their goals.

Positive self-talk is associated with greater levels of motivation, self-esteem, goal attainment, and overall well-being. Increasing positive self-affirmation is especially important when engaging in new activities or confronting challenges, which is why many mental health professionals consider it a fundamental skill to teach their clients.

Negative vs. positive self-talk

Self-talk generally refers to a person’s “inner voice.” It is a mix of conscious and unconscious beliefs they hold about themselves and the world. These beliefs can be positive or negative, and most people experience instances of both. A positive self-talk statement can have helpful, protective effects, while instances of negativity may impair a person’s ability to achieve their goals.

Negative statements

Negative self-talk comprises any harmful, rude, or self-defeating beliefs a person holds about and expresses to themselves. These beliefs may include statements like, “I am not good enough,” “I always fail,” or “I will never get better.”

Negative self-affirmations are especially challenging because the human brain is wired to remember negative information over positive information. This can make negative affirmations more potent than positive ones, highlighting many people’s need to introduce positivity through conscious effort. It is possible to make this mental shift. Often, this shift begins by consciously and effortfully challenging negative affirmations.

Positive statements

If you frequently voice positive affirmations to yourself, your internal dialogue may include phrases like, “I know I can succeed if I try,” “I will do better next time,” and “I may have made a mistake, but I have learned a lot from it.”

Researchers have investigated positive self-affirmations in many domains. From sports psychology to academic achievement and mental health, scientific evidence suggests that speaking positively about yourself can significantly improve your well-being and happiness levels.

The benefits of positive self-affirmation

Positive self-affirmation and self-image have long been associated with improved motivation and goal attainment. Negative thinking does not necessarily make achieving your goals impossible, but you will not receive the extra boost that positive self-affirmations afford.

Improved mental health

Speaking to yourself negatively is strongly associated with mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. Replacing negative statements with positivity can potentially minimize symptoms of those and other mental health conditions. Positive self-affirmations often undermine biases and harmful beliefs we hold about ourselves, which may bolster good mental health and lessen emotional pain.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

If you or someone you know is experiencing an eating disorder, contact the National Eating Disorder Association Helpline at 1-800-931-2237 (Monday through Thursday from 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. EST and Friday from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. EST) or visit the website.

More confidence and resiliency

A negative view of yourself can lead to a more negative outlook overall. Persistent negativity can make problems seem insurmountable, even if you realistically have the skills and ability to address them.

On the other hand, holding a positive view of yourself often boosts confidence and increases self-determination. You are also more likely to be more resilient, meaning you will be able to recover faster and more completely than those who hold negative views of themselves. 

Reduced stress

Speaking to yourself kindly can make challenges seem less difficult to manage, but it can also increase the chance you will choose proactive solutions to tough situations.

Speaking to yourself positively can lower your overall stress levels and make it easier to manage difficult situations. Research suggests that this is because those who are positive and optimistic about themselves tend to use more active emotional management strategies. 

Approaching a problem proactively, rather than reactively, can significantly reduce the negative impacts of stressful circumstances. Choosing proactive solutions requires some amount of self-determination — at some level, you must believe you can overcome a challenge.

Stronger social relationships

Most people prefer to socialize with confident, positive, and optimistic individuals. Research suggests that higher levels of positivity result in a more favorable evaluation from others, potentially leading to stronger and more stable social relationships.

If you are optimistic and positive about yourself, you are more likely to bring a happy attitude to social situations. Evidence indicates that those who increase the happiness of a social interaction receive higher levels of cooperation and mutually beneficial outcomes than those who exude negativity or low self-worth.

Improving the way you speak to yourself

Speaking to yourself in positive ways is an important part of maintaining good mental health, achieving your goals, and surviving complex challenges. The importance of self-compassionate behaviors is frequently cited in psychology journals, and interventions to reduce negative views about oneself are commonplace in therapy.

Remember that the process will take time, no matter what technique you choose; this kind of change often happens slowly. It may also seem like you are not making reasonable progress. However, the process will likely get easier over time with sustained effort.

If you are ready to start improving the way you speak to yourself, try adhering to the following steps:

Step 1: Identify cognitive distortions

Engaging in negative self-talk suggests the presence of unhelpful and inaccurate thoughts in your thinking patterns. These thoughts, known as cognitive distortions, stem from negative internalized beliefs that may adversely impact your self-perception. Often unrealistic, they can hinder your ability to acknowledge positive aspects of yourself. Identifying and understanding these cognitive distortions marks a crucial initial stride toward fostering a more positive self-dialogue.

Here are a few common cognitive distortions:

• Black-and-white thinking leaves no room for gray areas — something is either wholly good or wholly bad.
• Disqualifying the positive occurs when a person disregards positive aspects of themselves and their lives and instead focuses on the negative and distressing aspects.
• Personalization occurs when a person considers themselves responsible for most of the negative interactions and events in their life, even if their beliefs are not realistic.
• “Should-ing” takes place when a person chastises themselves for what they “should” do or “should” have done, even if it is not reasonable.

At first, it may be challenging to identify cognitive distortions as they occur. Many experts recommend journaling  thoughts and feelings and then reading back through the journal to identify negative views and cognitive distortions that might have come out on the page.

Step 2: Challenge negativity

When reviewing your journal, approach your thoughts and feelings from a rational perspective. Why did you feel the way you did? Were circumstances within your control? Are you being fair to yourself and giving the leniency you would give to others you care about?

The goal is to rationally examine the reasons behind negative feelings that lead you to speak negatively about yourself. Cognitive distortions are often irrational; many people hold themselves to standards they cannot achieve or maintain expectations of themselves that are not realistic. Focus on challenging the negativity rationally. 

Step 3: Introduce self-affirmations

This is the point where you can turn negative self-talk into more positive phrases. Start by reviewing the negative beliefs and feelings in your journal and deliberately replacing them with positive, supportive statements. Make the conscious decision to say something positive about yourself, even if you do not think you deserve it.

Even if your negativity may sometimes be rational (nobody is perfect, after all) treating yourself kindly is still important. If you find a valid reason for your negativity, consider affirmations like, “I am using obstacles to learn and grow,” or, “I may have made a mistake this time, but it will not happen every time.” Repeated positive self-talk is essential; try to enforce positivity as often as you can. 

How can online therapy help?

If the prospect of viewing yourself in a more positive light seems challenging, you can always enlist the help of an online therapist through a service provider like BetterHelp. A therapist may help guide you toward a positive view of yourself by structuring the process, providing encouragement, and offering new strategies.

Conducting therapy remotely is becoming increasingly popular, especially because it often removes common barriers to therapy, like commuting to an office or having to take time off work to attend a session during regular business hours. Online therapists use the same  as in-person therapists, and research indicates that those techniques are just as effective when used remotely.