How To Adopt A Child: Types Of Adoption And Their Potential Impact On Families

Adopting a child can be a beautiful way to expand your family. There are many paths to adopting a child and many steps to take along the way. Learning about the adoption process and considering whether adoption would be right for your family is a good place for a prospective adoptive family to start. If you or a loved one is looking to adopt, getting supportive services and even therapy while going through the process of becoming an adoptive family is also recommended.

Types of adoption and considerations for how to adopt a child

There are four common types of adoption, and adoption agencies can assist with the legal process. Each comes with different requirements, costs, and waiting times. Adoptive families need to understand all the facts before they decide which path is right for them. Understanding the nuances of adoption can help with the process of how to adopt a kid—whether you are seeking a young baby or an older child. 

Some paths are more expensive than others. Some agencies have more flexible requirements for adoptive parents.

How to adopt a child: Types and agency processes

Adoption agencies can provide assistance and information about all the possibilities of becoming an adoptive parent. The following are general descriptions of each type, but the steps to adopt a child vary by agency, state, and country.

Domestic adoption process

• Licensed adoption agencies usually manage domestic adoptions of children. Often, a birth mother working with an adoption agency chooses the adoptive parents for an infant.
• Children adopted through domestic adoption agencies tend to be infants, and the birth mother must consent to the adoption.
• It is not very common to find a baby that is under the age of three months, so the wait could be long even if you are working with an agency.
• The goal is for a child to be adopted before they become a foster child.
• In the U.S., the cost for adoptive families may range from about $12,000 to $50,000 or more. It can take months or years for the domestic adoption of a child to be complete.

Foster parents: Adoption from foster care

• Adoption from foster care usually involves the adoption of a child of any age who is in the custody of a state or local foster care agency.
• Dependent on the age of a child, the judge may ask the child for their consent to be adopted.
• The foster care system prefers adopted siblings in a family to be placed in the same home. They look for families that would consider adopting them together.
• Children eligible for adoption through the foster care system may have been placed in a foster care agency due to abuse, neglect, or another form of trauma.
• There may be no cost for adoption, or the cost may be less than $2,500 for court and legal fees.
• The eligibility requirements for adoptive parents may be more flexible than they are for adoptions. Adoptive parents are usually considered on a case-by-case basis. Foster care agencies may be less restrictive about an adoptive parent’s age, marital or financial status, or sexual orientation.
• The process of becoming a foster family can last up to two years or more. It usually involves orientation, training, references, and home studies. Sometimes, foster children are adopted by their foster parents, but there are no guarantees that this will be the case. The social worker or adoption agency lets prospective adoptive families know if children will become available for adoption. In some cases, the court prefers to allow a relative of a birth parent to adopt a child over a foster family.
• When children are adopted through foster care, it is usually a local adoption.
• Many older children are available for placement through foster care. States often put photos and a profile of additional information about available children on their websites. 
• Many states also offer support services for people who decide to become adoptive parents.

International adoption

• Adopting a child of any age from another country typically involves research and working with an international adoption agency.
• The governments of both countries—the one where the adoptive parents live and the one where the child was born or lives—usually have guidelines and policies regarding international adoptions.
• Adopting through international means is expensive. It can cost from about $18,000 to $60,000 in addition to international travel expenses.
• The search process depends on which countries are open to the United States for adoptions, and that changes periodically.
• The international adoption process also requires a home study to ensure the child’s safety.
• International adoption services can take months or years to bring the parties together and be approved.

Independent adoption

• Independent adoptions may be legal in some U.S. states or other countries but are not legal in all geographical places.
• In an independent adoption, prospective adoptive parents typically start the process with the guidance of an adoption attorney or counselor.
• Adoptive parents sometimes put up their own website or webpage to draw prospective birth parents.
• Adoption agencies enlist the help of an adoption professional to help prospective parents with the legal process.

• The cost for placement can range from about $8,000 to $40,000 or more.
• The process may involve finding a birth mother and paying her expenses. An agency may facilitate the arrangement. If both parties are interested in setting up an adoption, the next step is for them to meet in person so they can decide if the adoption is a good fit.  
• The birth mother usually chooses the parents, so adoptive parent characteristics (age, financial status, marital status, or sexual orientation, for instance) may depend on her preference.
• Depending on the state, there is usually a short period where the birth mother can determine if she wants to change her mind about the adoption.
• The length of the process can vary depending on the time it takes to connect with a birth mother and complete the legal adoption process.
• Many states do not have an option for open adoption. Where this is the case, the birth mother is not allowed to contact the adoptive family after the adoption.

Questions to ask yourself when considering how to adopt a child

For many families, adoption is a time-consuming process, and there are many factors to consider along the way.

Some questions to consider for adoption include:

• Why do I want to adopt?
• Can I make a lifetime commitment to a child?
• Can I offer a child unconditional love?
• Do I have patience and flexibility for parenting?
• Will I be able to handle unexpected challenges and stress?
• Will I be dedicated to being the best parent I can be even if my parenting expectations go unmet?
• Can I effectively advocate for and attend to a child’s needs?
• Can I tolerate rejection?
• If I am married or have a partner, can we work together as a good parenting team?
•  Can I change my lifestyle to accommodate my child’s needs?
•  Is my home stable and supportive for a child?
•  If my child has or develops special needs such as physical, emotional, or cognitive challenges, or comes from a background involving neglect, abuse, or trauma, or is older when adopted, will I have the resourcefulness, dedication, openness, and pursuit of knowledge to parent them?

The impacts of adoption: Seven core issues

Expanding your family through adoption can be joyful. Welcoming a new child to love and be loved is momentous. Families who adopt can live healthy, happy family lives. Still, understanding the potential impacts of adoption can be helpful for the well-being of each individual and the family. Many agencies offer classes for adoptive families to better prepare them for taking such an important step.

There are seven core issues related to adoption that may be important to consider:

1. Loss: A sense of loss is often felt. Birth parents may feel a loss of their parenting role or of the child whom they won’t know or might not see again. The child may also feel the loss of their birth parents and extended birth families. They may also feel a loss of cultural connection. Sometimes, the feelings of loss are vague and can resurface throughout life. There are resources, including support groups, the Child Welfare Information Gateway, and therapy, to help with managing and understanding feelings of loss.
2. Rejection: Those who are adopted may have a lingering sense that they were rejected by their birth parents. At some point in their lives, they may want to contact their birth parents. Children may be disappointed if they are not allowed to have contact. These feelings can affect their self-esteem, sense of belonging, and relationships. Offering acceptance and compassion to children feeling a sense of rejection is crucial.
3. Shame Or Guilt: For example, a child may feel shame about being adopted, birth parents may feel shame or guilt about choosing adoption, and adoptive parents may feel guilty about a child being adopted from their birth parents.
4. Grief: Birth parents and adopted children may feel grief about the separation from one another. The grief may reemerge periodically throughout their lives. If adoptive parents experienced infertility, they may grieve the children they were not able to have biologically.
5. Identity: Adopted children may have questions about their identity or feel their identity is incomplete when they are born into one family and adopted into another.
6. Intimacy: Unresolved issues about identity or fear of loss or separation can lead to intimacy issues in relationships for adoptive children later in life.
7. Mastery And Control: Adoptive parents, birth parents, and the adopted child all give up some control. They may feel uncertain about control or find it challenging to develop a sense of mastery or power over their own lives.