Supporting Difficult Teenage Girls: Advice For Parents Of Teenagers
Teenage girls often confront difficulties in navigating high school, hormones, and increasing levels of independence. However, parents can have just as much difficulty working with their teen daughters journeying through adolescent development. When considering how to relate to teenage girls, stay calm, try to understand where your child is coming from, remember your own teen years, and remain active in your girl's life. Below, find tips for getting started.
Improving your relationship with your teenage daughter
While it might seem like your teenage daughter is pushing back on purpose, making you say, "My teenager hates me,” try to examine the situation from a different perspective and set your own opinions aside. Doing so may help you and your teenage daughter work together by building confidence and trust, avoiding mixed messages that may encourage bad behavior and poor choices.
Endorsing the stigma that teenage girls are closed-off, difficult, and angst-ridden might not bring you both together; instead, it could start a rift between you and negatively impact your self-worth. Resources are available to bring you closer, help you better understand each other, and find daily happiness.
Understanding puberty and adolescent growth in teenagers
While it may not seem like the best advice at first, you might consider that teenage girls’ attitudes may have nothing to do with anything you’ve done. As puberty begins, a teen girl is experiencing many different changes both in the physical growth of her body and in her mind. During puberty, the rapid physical development and the maturing of the brain responsible for impulse control may come with various difficulties for teen girls. For teen girls going through puberty, this stage brings hormonal changes, uncomfortable growth, becoming physically mature, mood swings, and social difficulties that could be affecting their attitude at home.
Many teenagers face physical challenges and self-esteem issues during adolescence that can affect their mood and mental health. While it may not be fair for teenage girls to vent their frustrations on an innocent party, these instances can be teachable moments for your household. Mood swings may indicate the need to discuss appropriate ways to cope with and control difficult emotions.
How teen defiance could be related to mental health
You might not know how to stay positive when your difficult teenage daughter rolls her eyes every time you give directions. However, as a major part of their support system, be a parent coach and show concern and interest in certain personality changes. In some cases, these behaviors are signs of an underlying mental health challenge.
In some cases, when parents notice that their teen girl begins to show an increase in negativity, attitude, or defiance, they may brush off the symptoms with “growing pains.” Often, parents think, “She’ll eventually grow out of it.” However, it may be more likely that your teen doesn’t enjoy making life more difficult for you. Instead, she might be experiencing a challenge like mental health concerns, such as depression, body image issues, or eating disorders. Getting your child a screening for mental illnesses can ensure you catch them early, which can improve treatment outcomes.
Teens often question the world
As young children, individuals may go through a phase where they seem to question everything. The question of "why" is often unanswered. Teen girls may have a second wave of peaked interest now that they have a bit more background information and a renewed sense of wonder for the world in their growing adolescent brain. This curiosity may be misunderstood as defiance by parents. Many parents may think that their teenage girls should have passed the questioning phase by now, and instead, they should focus on what's in front of them. Avoid misunderstanding a difficult teenage girl by realizing that she is going through a mindset change. Try to remember the way you felt when you were a teen.
Looking for answers and new experiences impacting mental health
Looking for answers may be part of your girl finding her own path and creating an independent sense of self. For many teen girls, part of this journey to becoming a fully mature individual involves changing friend groups and searching for where they fit in. In some cases, they may want to experiment with sexual activity, style of dressing, or self-expression, which can be difficult for parents to understand or manage. For this reason, parents may teach teens about positive risk-taking, which may help improve teen mental health. You can also talk about difficult topics with your teenage daughter, so they are armed with the facts rather than potentially untrue information they found on social media.
Stress and anxiety are often heightened as a teen girl realizes the responsibility inherently tied to independence. Notice when your teen's questioning turns aggressive or is accompanied by inappropriate behaviors. In some cases, mental health conditions like teen depression and anxiety can result in their defenses being at an all-time high.
Difficult teenage girls: Tips for communicating with teenage daughters
Instilling quality communication skills within your family at an early age may ensure your peace of mind and your teen’s mental health. Knowing they can talk to you openly about concerns or questions, even about the small stuff that matters to them, can help your teen gain self-esteem and reduce the chance of them withholding their feelings. Below are a few tips for parents when communicating with their children.
Check your biases
Examining your own biases as a parent before jumping to negative conclusions about your teen’s difficult behavior may reduce the risk of conflict. Suppose you believe your teenage girl is becoming more rebellious, risk-taking, aggravated, or negative. Have a conversation and express your concern and discomfort, instead of thinking your teen will eventually grow out of complex behaviors.
Showing vulnerability to teens doesn’t give them an upper hand in the household. Instead, you are respectfully showing them how to bring up issues and talk them out without managing the situation alone. Respectful communication can be especially key for your daughter if they experience others’ negative emotions.
Examine the social impacts on difficult teenage girls
Teenage daughters and their friends are often immersed in social media, with people tagging, liking, and commenting on content. One survey by Common Sense Media reported that the average daily screen use for teens ages 13 to 18 is eight hours and 39 minutes daily, which is a large portion of teens' waking hours.
Social media can have some benefits, but many experts have reported negative impacts on growing teens’ brains. For example, the media may cause a teenage girl and her friends to be self-conscious and have body image issues, which may sometimes lead to eating disorders. In addition, girls may encounter risks from interacting with strangers online. Parental control measures may reduce some risks by limiting your teen girl's exposure to specific content. You might also suggest getting more physical activity daily or joining you on outdoor adventures to limit your teen's screen time.
How to find guidance and help for difficulties with a teen daughter
Regardless of how much you think you’re ready for your child’s teen years, there may not be such a concept as a “perfect parenting strategy with no struggle.” You may be thrown a curveball even if you’ve mentally prepared, developed a plan, and checked your resources. In this stage, a mental health professional can provide guidance for you and your teen girls. In therapy, for example, you can develop strategies for spending more time with your family, improving your relationships, parenting with mutual respect, active listening, and controlling your body language. Practicing open communication with the help of a therapist can help parents and teens work through complex topics, including sexual behavior and mutual consent.
Alternative mental health support options
Through online mental health resources like BetterHelp (for 18+) and TeenCounseling (13 to 19), you may find a therapist who fits your family’s needs and expectations. Whether you and your teenage daughter are struggling with communication, openness, or other barriers, consulting a specialist can help you pinpoint what are often common misconceptions and misunderstandings.
Many parents may appreciate online therapy for its flexible scheduling and the ability to attend appointments from home. Flexible scheduling is an asset for families with divorced parents who live in separate time zones. In addition, online therapy can be helpful for parents with teenage daughters who are causing household difficulties due to their moods or behaviors.
One web-based intervention program consisting of six modules was successful in improving parents’ psychological flexibility, emotion control, mood, and coping skills. Online psychodynamic therapy has also proven effective for helping adolescents experiencing symptoms of depression, which may be causing your daughter to lash out, withdraw, or fluctuate in mood.
Takeaway
If you’re overwhelmed, consider seeking a therapist for support. Your teenage daughter may also find therapy a valuable resource where they can confide in a compassionate professional, better understand their emotions, and feel empowered to learn and practice new communication and decision-making tools. You may also consider attending family therapy sessions.
Why is my teenage daughter so difficult?
Teen girls are experiencing a rush of physical, emotional, hormonal, and social changes in their life stage, even if homeschooled or not living a traditional teenage life. Teens are at a higher risk of stress, depression, and anxiety, and they may be fighting with their urges to connect with their family and their urges to be independent and make their own choices. In addition, teens may struggle with invisible challenges at school, such as bullying or pressure to succeed. Parents may get farther with teens by being open, vulnerable, and compassionate rather than by trying to force a connection or calling the teen “difficult,” “dramatic,” and other names. Try not to blame your teen for their reaction to being a teen, even if it’s different than how you would typically act.
Why are teenage girls so angry all the time?
Teens may be angry because they are having more hormone fluctuations during puberty and often work hard at school and at home to complete various responsibilities. They may worry about the future while trying to establish an identity and understand their dreams and desires. If parents are frequently pushing them to talk about their feelings or calling them “difficult” for their emotions, they might become even angrier, believing their parents don’t understand how difficult their experience truly is.
Telling your teen you have been in their footsteps may also not help, as they may be more likely to think the world revolves around them at this age, and they may still believe you don’t understand them. Instead of telling them this, ask them how you can help, be curious, and remind them they can talk to you about anything at any time. Try to remind them that you’re their biggest support system and want to help them make independence work better for them. Support their dreams and try not to push them to pursue any interests they don’t like or take on more extracurricular work than they can mentally handle.
How do I teach my teenage daughter self-respect?
It is normal for teens to struggle with self-esteem. During puberty, bodily changes occur that can confuse teen girls, such as more estrogen production, periods, body hair, and body odor. Teens who struggle with hygiene might face bullying, and those who come from low-income homes might be teased for their gym clothes, shoes, or underwear in gym class. Because a significant part of teen life is being socially accepted, those who aren’t might struggle to have respect for themselves and others. You can model positive self-respect by doing affirmations with your teen, teaching them mindfulness, offering mental health education, and considering a therapist for professional support.
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