Different Disciplinary Styles For Children: Learn How To Discipline A Child Effectively
There may not be one answer to how to discipline a child effectively. Every parent and child can be different, and what works for one may not work for another. However, a few evidence-based general principles may guide you as you develop a discipline strategy that’s right for your family.
Disciplining your child
Rules are often an inescapable part of life, shaping appropriate behavior for both children and adults. Many of us follow the rules to get along in society, from the laws to the unwritten rules of social etiquette. A well-disciplined person, exhibiting self discipline and self control, may know how to follow them and learn from their mistakes.
Child discipline serves as a learning tool, and parents teach children how to function effectively in society. By setting consistent rules and providing positive discipline, we encourage good behaviour and help children understand the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. In doing so, we can guide them towards becoming successful, well-adjusted adults with a strong parent child relationship.
Parenting styles and how to discipline a child
Child discipline is not an exact science. Every parent and family may have their own style and approach. However, most psychologists agree that there are four primary parenting styles.
How to discipline a child: The different disciplinary styles for children
While there is not necessarily a best way to discipline, a perrson’s parenting type tends to influence the way a parent disciplines their children.
Permissive parenting
Permissive parenting is characterized by low demands and high responsiveness, with parents often exhibiting a good relationship with their kids. These parents tend to be nurturing and encourage good behaviour, but provide few basic rules and guidelines. While they may set realistic expectations, their approach to discipline often involves more lenient consequences, such as time outs or verbal warnings. These parents often fail to set clear limits.
As a result, permissive parents may seem more like friends to their children, especially to younger children. While this may seem good in some ways, permissive parenting may confuse children as they might struggle to understand the boundaries between acceptable and bad behavior.
Uninvolved parenting
Uninvolved parenting, often referred to as neglectful or distant parenting, is a style in which parents are entirely hands-off. These parents may not set a good example to promote positive behaviour, potentially hindering the child's brain development and learning. They may be absent from the child's life or only provide necessities for survival, lacking consistent discipline and positive behaviour reinforcement. This approach may lead to older children and adolescents feeling disconnected and possibly misbehaving due to the absence of guidance and support.
Authoritarian parenting
Authoritarian parenting is characterized by high demands and low responsiveness, with parents often setting strict expectations for their children's behavior. Parents using this style may have very high expectations of their children, yet provide little feedback to help the child learn and improve. Mistakes tend to be punished harshly, sometimes involving physical punishment or verbal abuse. Physical punishment or other harsh discipline strategies may contribute to children misbehaving in response to the pressure. This approach often overlooks the importance of nurturing good behaviors and exploring other forms of discipline that foster a more positive learning environment.
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
Authoritative parenting
Authoritative parenting strikes a balance between authoritarian and permissive styles, effectively addressing situations when children misbehave. There are rules and expectations, but authoritative parents also engage in a dialogue about the reasoning behind these rules. They set boundaries and implement consequences for misbehavior, while also giving their children some independence and choices of their own. This balanced approach fosters a respectful and supportive environment, which helps children understand the importance of abiding by rules and making responsible decisions.
While most parents employ a combination of parenting styles depending on the situation, experts consider some types healthier. For example, studies have shown that children raised by authoritative parents have higher self-esteem and quality of life.
Effective methods of discipline for children
Parents may utilize several methods of discipline to better their child’s behavior.
Punishment or negative reinforcement
Punishment is the imposition of an undesirable outcome in response to a specific behavior. Examples may include spanking or scolding. Punishment may teach a child that certain behaviors have consequences. However, it may also have detrimental effects on a child’s mental health in the short and long term.
Negative reinforcement removes an unpleasant condition after the desired behavior is displayed. For instance, you might tell your children that they cannot play video games until their room is cleaned. This method of discipline is often used to reinforce the behaviors you want to see. However, punishing very young children, like those who are one year of age or around that age group, may result in children fearing caregivers rather than trusting them, since they may be too young to understand why they are being punished.
Positive reinforcement
Positive reinforcement is a discipline that rewards good behavior to encourage future good behavior. This process can be done with verbal praise, tangible rewards, or by providing opportunities for the child to engage in their favorite activities.
Although positive reinforcement may not come to mind when thinking of discipline, research has shown that it fosters appropriate behaviors and skills in children.
Grounding as a form of discipline
Grounding can mean removing privileges from your child if they break the rules. These privileges may be something they enjoy. For example, if your child is playing too many video games and not studying enough, taking away their gaming privileges could be a form of grounding. This can also be a vicarious punishment. The child's siblings may also avoid playing too many video games to avoid suffering the same punishment.
Natural consequences for children: Learning from mistakes
At times, punishment may be natural. If your child runs without watching where they are going and then trips over something, it may be considered a natural consequence. After they experience natural consequences, it can be beneficial to discuss these with your child to reinforce the lesson, ideally helping the child be more careful next time.
Spanking a child
Spanking, or any other form of corporal punishment, is often debated as a discipline. However, the science of corporal punishment is settled.
Virtually without exception, studies have shown that corporal punishment is associated with higher levels of aggression, among other adverse outcomes. Some studies indicate that it can cause childhood trauma.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Helping your child figure out their values
As children grow, parents often work with them to figure out their values. Effective positive discipline techniques may be valuable in this process. Communicating your expectations and consistently following through with consequences may help your children understand what you value and don’t.
Your children may learn from examples, and seeing you setting solid boundaries and showing empathy at the same time may be a valuable lesson.
An effective discipline plan
An effective discipline plan may be consistent and predictable but also fair. You may explain to your child why specific actions are wrong and why others deserve rewards.
You might also ensure that your discipline plan grows with your children and evolves as they age. The expected behaviors of a baby tend to be different for teenagers. For instance, if a teenager pulls your hair, some discipline may be appropriate, while disciplining a baby for the same thing may not be. As children age, they often begin to understand the difference between right and wrong. They also tend to develop more autonomy, meaning they can have more opportunities to make their own decisions (with guidance).
It may feel challenging to find the right discipline plan for your family. Not only does every child respond differently to various techniques, but some children also have conditions that can make it difficult to distinguish right from wrong. Consider tailoring your discipline plan to work best for your child and family.
When emotions overwhelm you, try to remain calm
You may struggle to discipline your child if your emotions start to take control. For example, your child might do something that makes you upset, and you get the urge to yell or cry. It can be normal to feel this way. If you find yourself in this position, consider taking a break and some deep breaths before responding to the situation.
Allow yourself some time to cool down before you respond to your child. If you react out of anger in the heat of the moment, you may regret your behavior later. When you’re ready to speak to your child, consider using a neutral and soft tone. Studies have shown that people tend to remember words better when they are spoken to in a neutral tone.
Seek out support to learn how to disciple children
Determining the best discipline plan for your child and family can be difficult. However, you’re not alone.
Many parents doubt whether their discipline strategies are fair or effective. You may seek professional advice if you feel as if disciplining your child is too challenging. Raising a child can take a village, and parents sometimes need help. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has been shown to improve child, parent, and family outcomes.
You might consider trying online therapy if you’re busy with family life. With online treatment methods, you can meet with licensed therapists from wherever is most convenient and comfortable for you. Additionally, research indicates that online therapy is as effective as in-person therapy.
If you’re interested in trying professional online therapy, you might sign up for a platform such as BetterHelp, which offers a database of online therapists specializing in various subjects.
Takeaway
Discipline can play an essential role in the learning process for children. While there are a variety of parenting styles that can impact how we discipline our children, the authoritative style is generally considered by experts to be the most effective.
Consider staying fair and consistent and allow your discipline plan to evolve as your children grow. By setting clear expectations and consistently following through, you may better equip your child to thrive.
If you’re feeling alone and unsure, consider taking the first step in getting help by reaching out to a professional counselor.
How to discipline a child that doesn't listen?
According to a 2018 statement released by the American Academy of Pediatrics, aversive punishments like yelling or physical punishment (i.e. spanking), are not effective, and can have negative effects. Instead, the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends a proactive, loving approach in which your child is taught the rules, and you are consistent in applying clear consequences,
How to punish your child effectively?
Experts agree that punishment can be more effective when the rules and limits are set out clearly, and the consequences for breaking them are consistent. Reinforcing good behavior with positive words and rewards can also be helpful.
How to discipline a child without yelling or hitting?
Aversive punishment (yelling or hitting) has been shown to not only be ineffective, but can also have long term negative effects like mental health issues, a higher risk of aggressive behavior, and substance misuse. A more effective and positive way to help your child learn how to behave is using a proactive approach. Here are steps to implement this:
- Choose your battles. Especially for young children and toddlers, you may have to readjust your expectations about their behavior
- Set, and make sure your child understands, your rules and boundaries
- Be consistent with punishments (effective ways to punish can be time out in a boring place, or taking away toys or privileges)
- Reinforce their good behavior with positive words
- Manage your reactions. If you need a moment to calm down, take it
How to discipline a stubborn child?
Consistency can be helpful when trying to teach a strong-willed child. A consistent schedule, consistent limits, and consistency in your approach. In addition, offer choices where possible, so they feel a sense of control over their own lives (choosing their daily outfits, for example).
How do I get my child to listen without yelling?
According to experts, yelling is not an effective way to get your children to listen. What works better is a calm and proactive approach. Children should understand ahead of time what you expect from them,
What kind of discipline is most effective?
Child care theory has shifted after years of research. Experts agree that proactive rather than reactive discipline is the most effective. This means, rather than using aversive tactics such as yelling or spanking, setting clear limits and using consistent punishments that take away a valued activity. Lots of positive reinforcement when they behave well or do a kind thing is also helpful.
How should I punish my child for being disrespectful?
Some approaches to managing disrespectful behavior from experts include:
- Ignoring attention-seeking behavior
- Use when/then statements, for example “when you lower your voice, I will talk to you”
- Have an immediate consequence (time out corner, for example)
- Use a reminder and let them try again, for example if they say something in a disrespectful way “I want dinner now!” pause and say “Oh, could you try that again?”
- Use restitution. If your child hits their sibling, you may have them do their chores. Sorry isn’t enough, have them take responsibility and make reparations
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