Parenting Support: Best Advice For New Parents
Being a first-time parent can be a joyful yet nerve-wracking and overwhelming experience. It can be important to remember that parenting advice generally isn’t one-size-fits-all and that everyone’s experiences as a parent can vary. You may find it helpful to manage your expectations, establish a support system, communicate regularly with your parenting partner (if you have one), care for your physical health, and expect continuous learning. A therapist, whether in person or online, can help you through any doubts or concerns you may have.
Advice for new parents
Perhaps the most important thing to know as a first-time parent is that being one may not always be easy. The unrealistic expectations that society often places on parents may only increase the feelings of inadequacy and isolation that modern parents can face. Raising children can be a challenge for all parents, so keep in mind that you are not alone.
How lack of sleep, lack of support, and routine changes affect new parents
New parents usually experience many emotions after bringing home their first child. Joy and excitement can be common, as can feelings of fatigue and frustration.
Some of the advice below is more focused on the adjustments associated with bringing a new child home, but you’ll find that much of it applies to coping with the stressors of parenthood in general. Some parents may experience feelings of frustration upon using the advice they’ve been given, only to find it doesn’t work for them. It may be essential to remember that there are generally no absolutes when it comes to parenting advice. What works for one parent may not work for you and your child.
It can be beneficial to seek help and advice from a range of resources for parenting, including healthcare and mental health professionals.
The best advice for new parents is to manage your expectations
Some new parents can underestimate the ways in which their child’s needs will impact their daily lives. They may also underestimate the adjustments they will need to make to accommodate their baby’s needs. You may find that your old routines are no longer sustainable, or that you need to shift your work habits. You may have less free time to enjoy hobbies or socialize. These scenarios can be common for new parents, so anticipating them realistically may help you later.
Expectations may also extend to how you behave after the child comes home. For instance, new parents may expect to keep their home in immaculate condition while working full-time and taking care of a baby. Attempting to keep up with an overextended workload may not only be unrealistic, but it may also lead to parental burnout. Acknowledging your limits as you juggle various roles can be one way to practice self-care.
Many first-time parents also underestimate the cost of caring for a child. It can be helpful to assess your budget and spending behaviors prior to the baby’s arrival and make a new budget that includes the increased costs of taking care of your child.
Establish a support system
Support from friends, family, community, and healthcare providers can be vital for new parents. There are many ways your support system can help you adjust to your new role and continue to help after you’ve assimilated into parenthood. For example, you can ask for their assistance with cooking, cleaning, and running errands, including taking you and your child to doctor’s appointments.
In addition to helping with practical tasks, your support system may aid you in other areas of your life. For example, you might ask a friend to babysit so that you can enjoy a date night with your partner. You may find relief in socializing, playing team sports, or slowly easing back into the activities you liked to do before becoming a parent. In general, you need not lose your sense of self to be a better parent.
Communicate regularly with your parenting partner
Open and honest communication about expenses, work obligations, household tasks, and personal difficulties can provide a foundation of confidence and trust between you and your parenting partner, if you have one. Effective communication may be challenging at times, especially when paired with difficulties like sleep deprivation and added stress from work. It may take you some time to learn how to productively discuss these topics, especially if they’re uncomfortable to address, even under ordinary circumstances. Navigating these discussions can become easier when both people practice a willingness to listen and empathize.
Remember to love yourself
Studies show there can be a clear connection between our physical and mental health, which may be why caring for both is often essential to our overall well-being. New parents frequently face sleep interruptions, physiological changes associated with giving birth, and neglected nutrition and exercise due to changes in daily routines.
Have patience when feeding and changing diapers
One way to cultivate physical well-being may be by seeking support from others. For instance, asking a close friend or relative to temporarily help with your newborn’s nighttime feedings and diaper changes can give you a few nights of uninterrupted rest. You could also ask for their assistance in preparing healthy meals throughout the week. In addition to daily self-care, it can be crucial to keep up with any doctor or other healthcare appointments.
Expect continuous learning
Every parent may make mistakes, and perfection isn’t always necessary to be a good parent. For some people, growing as a parent can mean accepting that developing confidence will likely take time. An open attitude toward learning through mistakes is perhaps one of the best ways to strengthen parenting abilities.
Consider seeking support through therapy
Reaching out for help and support from friends, family, community, and your child’s healthcare provider can be integral for cultivating a sense of confidence as a parent. Many people also seek the insight of a therapist while adapting to life as a new parent. A therapist can provide you with tools to process and cope with the complex emotions that arise during parenting.
Benefits of online therapy
For many new parents, in-person visits with a psychologist aren’t feasible. Time constraints, feeding and naptime schedules, and physical and mental exhaustion may be just a few of the barriers to therapy that some new parents face. Online therapy generally offers the flexibility to get help on your schedule from any location with an internet connection.
Effectiveness of online therapy support
A 2019 study reported that online interventions for new parents may be effective in enhancing parental bonding, parental satisfaction, and perceived social support. This study joins a growing body of evidence suggesting that online and in-person therapy tend to be similarly effective.
Takeaway
What is the best advice for new parents who love their newborn?
Some top tips for new parents may include managing your expectations and preconceived notions of a happy baby—such as realizing that there’s no such thing as being a “perfect parent”—developing a strong social support system, communicating regularly with your parenting partner, and caring for your own well-being along the way. Many parents also find it helpful to have the support of a therapist to lean on.
What questions may a first-time parent have aside from diapers, feeding, and sleep issues?
Besides questions about the proper care and health of babies, which can be directed to their child’s doctor, many moms, dads, parents, and other caregivers may wonder about how to manage expectations for themselves. Holding oneself to too high a standard can lead to distress, since perfection is unattainable. New moms, dads, and parents may also think about how to balance quality time with their kids with adequate self-care for themselves. For example, taking a moment for practicing mindfulness and taking deep breaths, going for a walk in fresh air may reduce stress and benefit one's well-being. Others may be concerned with how to adjust to their new life in a healthy way amid all the chaos of having a new kid, may miss their time outside the house, and hope to find ways to balance their new responsibilities with time for themselves.
What is the biggest challenge for new parents?
New parents may face many diverse challenges depending on their situations. Examples could include trouble adjusting to the parenting lifestyle, lack of sleep or time for self-care, relationship strain with their partner if applicable, financial challenges, getting comfortable with making mistakes, figuring out how to bond with their new baby, and develop a close and healthy relationship as their baby grows. That’s why some of the best advice for new parents is often to be patient and self-compassionate, practice self-care as much as possible, lean on social support, and consider meeting with a therapist for additional support.
What worries and concerns could new parents be having?
New parents might worry about knowing exactly how to take good care of their baby, since there are so many components of health and care that an infant requires. They could face concerns about maintaining a healthy relationship with themselves and their partner, if applicable, during the early years of the baby’s life in particular. They could also fear making mistakes or being an imperfect role model as their infant grows up, even though both are an inevitable and human part of raising a child.
What are some common parenting challenges?
Moms, dads, and parents may face many different challenges after the birth of a baby, as it represents a major life change. They could lack self-confidence around their abilities to learn what they need to know about infant care and parenting or fear making mistakes. They might struggle to take adequate care of their own physical and mental health after the birth, since balancing self-care and infant care can be difficult. Practical struggles to maintain a clean house and keep control of surroundings while watching out for a child's safety may also be challenging for many parents. Moreover, many parents compare themselves with other moms and dads, a practice that may affect their sense of competence and well-being. They may also experience mental health conditions like peripartum depression or anxiety related to a birth or adoption, for which treatment is available.
What emotional factors impact new parents aside from losing patience?
Becoming a parent is often a highly emotional experience. For example, new parents may feel joy at welcoming a child into their life, fear or anxiety about making parenting mistakes, and sadness at the thought of challenges their child may grow up to face in the world. Mental health challenges like peripartum depression could also affect the emotions of a new parent. Parents may hear about the experiences of others and compare themselves unfavorably. Some parents also worry about bonding with their newborn. However, it may be helpful to learn that babies love to gaze at faces rather than objects and are predisposed to interact with parents and others who are close to them. Even so, it may take time for a baby and their parents to adjust.
What is the best advice for new moms concerned about language development?
A few ways to help your child build speech and language skills include having conversations with them, asking them questions, repeating words and phrases to help them learn new ideas and vocabulary, and using music and song to help what they learn stick. Reading together is also associated with helping to build brain power and language skills. Engaging in a simple set of techniques like these works wonders in many cases to help keep your child on track.
What are the top stressors for new parents?
Findings from the Pew Research Center indicate that the vast majority of parents claim that being a parent is rewarding most of time but many also find it more challenging than they had expected. Some stresses that new parents may face are general, such as worrying about whether their child’s development is on track, whether they will make parenting mistakes along the way and be a "bad parent,", and finding time for their own sleep and self-care, especially during the first few years. Others may be specific to a particular family’s situation, such as unique health challenges faced by the baby or the parent, financial challenges, and relationship challenges. Some parents also may experience practical challenges with breastfeeding, wonder when to switch to solid food, worry about what to do when babies cry, ask themselves whether to co-sleep or not and how it may be safely done, and seek to distinguish what may be just a phase from what may be concerning. If you are experiencing a particular challenge or question you hope to address, it's helpful not to be afraid to talk with your doctor about the matter.
How do you keep a healthy relationship routine after having a baby?
People who are in a romantic relationship when they have a baby may feel motivated to find ways to preserve the health of this pre-baby relationship once the child is born, since keeping a close bond like this can sometimes be challenging during the first few years of a baby’s life. Some tips include maintaining open communication with your partner, striving to make time for self-care for you both, dividing duties and responsibilities as evenly as possible, and each leaning on best friends, family members, and other forms of social support along the way. After the first few months, parents may also seek to provide sleep training to help their baby learn to self-soothe on their own.
How to give parenting advice?
The best parenting advice tends to consider that each parent may have a unique experience with their own child. While there may be commonalities among first-time moms and dads in relation to expectations, challenges, and adjustments, it's usually not recommended to give unsolicited advice. There are many helpful resources for a new mom or dad, including books, articles, and the advice of healthcare professionals to address particular concerns.
It might be helpful to aim to listen to the parent's concerns and focus on being part of their support network. For example, many parents are sleep-deprived in the first few weeks of having a child and may choose to limit visitors in the early days as they dedicate their time to adjusting and bonding with their newborn. However, if they express the wish for help, you may, for example, offer to be present while the baby sleeps to allow the parent to take a break and nap. Moreover, there may be welcome gifts for a parent, such as a diaper bag so they may be able to carry more than one diaper at a time.
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