Parenting With ADHD: Effects On The Mental Health Of The Parent And The Child
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a complex developmental disorder that typically arises during childhood but frequently persists into adulthood. Adults living with ADHD may experience complications in multiple facets of life—including their ability to parent, if they have children. Raising a child while living with symptoms of ADHD can present varying challenges, potentially causing trouble with organization, emotional instability, and difficulty maintaining balance in life. Below, we’re providing an overview of ADHD, discussing the challenges of parenting with the disorder, and outlining options for seeking support as a parent with ADHD.
An overview of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD)
Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by inattentiveness, overactivity, and/or impulsivity. Individuals living with ADHD can experience significant impacts on their emotional health, physical well-being, social lives, and ability to function in daily life, particularly when symptoms are left untreated.
While ADHD typically develops before the age of 12, symptoms often persist into an individual’s adult life. Research suggests that approximately 50–80% of cases of childhood ADHD result in adult ADHD.
Genetics and ADHD: why people with ADHD may end up parenting a child with ADHD
While the exact causes of ADHD are unknown, researchers believe there is a strong genetic component, with studies suggesting that the disorder is frequently passed down in families. According to some estimates, children whose parents live with ADHD have at least a 36% chance of developing the disorder themselves. Because of this, parents living with ADHD may experience the compounding effects of also raising a child who also has ADHD.
Symptoms of ADHD
To be diagnosed with ADHD based on the guidelines outlined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5), people aged 17 and over must present with at least five of the listed symptoms, for a minimum of six months, that impact their ability to function. Individuals who are under 17 must experience at least six symptoms.
There are three subtypes of ADHD: the primarily inattentive presentation, the primarily hyperactive/impulsive presentation, and the combined presentation. Below are key symptoms of each.
Inattentive ADHD
The primarily inattentive presentation of ADHD is characterized by the following symptoms:
- Distractibility
- Difficulty completing tasks
- Trouble listening
- Disorganization
- Reluctance to participate in activities that require sustained focus
- Difficulty locating possessions
Hyperactive/impulsive ADHD
The primarily hyperactive/impulsive type of ADHD is characterized by the following symptoms:
- Trouble staying still
- Overactivity in inappropriate situations
- Difficulty quietly engaging in activities
- Appearance of being “driven by a motor”
- Frequent interjections, even when not involved in conversations
- Impatience when forced to wait
Combined ADHD
Combined type ADHD is characterized by a mixture of inattentive and hyperactive/impulsive symptoms. This is thought to be the most common subtype of ADHD.
If you believe you may be living with ADHD and have not yet been diagnosed, consider consulting with a healthcare provider. A licensed medical or mental health professional can provide you with screenings and determine whether further testing, an ADHD diagnosis, and treatment may be necessary.
The challenges of parenting with ADHD
The symptoms of ADHD can affect parenting in various ways. The following are potential challenges that parents or caregivers with ADHD may face.
Emotional dysregulation
Difficulty managing emotions is a common challenge of ADHD. Individuals with the disorder may be more likely to experience uncontrolled anger, emotional outbursts, sensitivity to perceived rejection, and related challenges that can impact their ability to parent. When their child disobeys a rule, for example, a parent with ADHD may be more likely to react based on emotion instead of coming up with a reasoned response based on established rules and consequences. This can lead to further emotional distress on the part of the child and the parent.
Executive dysfunction and ADHD parenting
Executive dysfunction, a primary feature of ADHD, is a group of symptoms that cause individuals to struggle engaging in goal-directed behavior. As a result, parents with ADHD may have a hard time planning ahead, organizing their time, and solving problems. Additionally, this can make it difficult for parents to model healthy or good behavior in this area for their children.
Comorbid mental health concerns
ADHD symptoms frequently co-occur with the symptoms of various psychiatric disorders, which can further complicate parenting tasks. Depression, anxiety, substance use disorder, personality disorders, and other developmental disorders are all potential comorbidities with ADHD.
Modeling healthy behavior, self-care, and more: tips for parenting a child with ADHD
For a parent with a child who also has ADHD, helping them address their symptoms can benefit their academic, social, and family life. The following are strategies for parenting a child with ADHD.
Model healthy behavior
Serving as an example for your child can help reinforce the concepts you teach them, such as the value of organizational skills, emotional regulation, and self-care. By regularly modeling healthy, appropriate behavior, you can directly demonstrate to your child the benefits of these practices.
For example, at the beginning of each week, you might sit down with your child and plan your week together. You can show them how you plan each day, whether you use the time-blocking technique, a to-do list, or other organizational strategies. This can not only help them glean ideas for time management but also teach them problem-solving skills.
Practice self-care
In addition to common accompanying mental health challenges—such as stress, depression, and anxiety—ADHD can have several physical effects. Individuals with ADHD may be more likely to experience chronic pain, fluctuations in weight, a weakened immune system, asthma, and related concerns. Self-care practices may sometimes help reduce both the mental and physical health challenges of ADHD.
For example, research suggests that mindfulness meditation may help improve cognition in individuals with ADHD. Centered around an enhanced awareness of the present, mindfulness may also lead to less stress, better sleep, reduced chronic pain, and improved emotional regulation.
You might try to help your child incorporate a variety of self-care activities into their daily routine. Consider developing a healthy nutrition program together, attending the same yoga classes, or spending time in nature with each other. You might also instill in them the potential benefits of taking time for themselves to pursue their interests.
Create structure
Individuals with ADHD often struggle without a schedule, boundaries, and clearly defined rules. You might ensure you offer this sense of structure so that your child knows exactly what behavior is expected of them. When you create and enforce rules, try to explain your reasoning to your child.
Consider also coming up with a daily schedule so that your child knows what to expect from each week. These forms of structure can give your child direction and help them feel safe.
Help organize their environment
It can be hard for people with ADHD to keep their room or workspace organized, which can further hinder their productivity and increase stress levels. You might start by helping your child remove clutter from their desk by filing papers they aren’t using, finding a place for school supplies, and removing visual distractions.
Additionally, children with ADHD may be more likely to leave their possessions out if they don’t have a designated storage area. Try to find a home for all of your child’s items, then clearly mark it so that they can find it easily. You might also consider rewarding your child when they maintain an organized space. Positive reinforcement can help lead to consistent positive behaviors.
Mental health care for ADHD
Treatment for ADHD may help parents address adult ADHD, develop healthy coping strategies, and learn more about their child’s symptoms too. ADHD is typically treated with medication and psychotherapy. Adults may be prescribed either a stimulant or non-stimulant medication to help with focus, impulsivity, and other symptoms. Always consult with a healthcare professional prior to starting, stopping, or changing any medication.
Psychotherapy may help a parent seek emotional support, learn more about their symptoms, and address potential comorbidities. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a commonly utilized form of therapy for ADHD. With CBT, participants are taught how to identify negative thought patterns that may be influencing their behaviors and feelings.
For example, a parent with ADHD may believe that any time their child misbehaves, they have failed. This is a common cognitive distortion in people with ADHD called black-and-white thinking. A therapist could help this parent reframe that thought process by finding evidence, for instance, that their child’s behavior has improved over time.
Additionally, many parents participate in parent training, a form of therapy in which parents can learn how to care for a child with ADHD. Usually conducted in eight to 16 sessions, parent training can lead to caregivers developing helpful parenting skills and fostering positive parent-child interactions. The therapists who provide this type of training are often experts in ADHD or other aspects of what’s called abnormal child psychology.
Navigating ADHD parenting with online therapy
Busy parents may not have time to commute to a therapist’s office or sit in a waiting room. If you’re seeking a more convenient way to receive help as you address the challenges of ADHD or parenting, you might consider online therapy.
How an online therapist can help you address the challenges of parenting with ADHD
When you sign up with an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist from a huge team of mental health professionals based on your needs and preferences. You can then meet with them remotely via phone, video, or in-app messaging from the comfort of home. Your therapist can also connect you with helpful resources, such as ADHD worksheets or parenting exercises that you can complete with your child.
The efficacy of mental health care through online therapy
Research suggests that online therapy may help parents living with ADHD manage their symptoms. In one study, for example, researchers indicate that online therapy can lead to “statistically significant improvements in self-reported ADHD symptomatology” as well as improvements in quality of life. The study also mentions the ability of online therapy to reduce common barriers to treatment, such as geographical limitations, stigma, and costs.
Takeaway
Being a caregiver or parent with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder can be a challenge, particularly if your child develops ADHD as well. Parents with ADHD might ensure they’re providing a nurturing, healthy environment to their children by effectively managing their own symptoms, modeling healthy behavior, and practicing self-care. If you’d like guidance as you navigate concerns related to ADHD or parenting, consider working with an online therapist. With the right support, you can continue to foster mental wellness and develop a healthy parent-child relationship.
What age is hardest for ADHD?
According to Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), some of the most difficult years for children living with ADHD tend to be the years from middle school through early high school. During this stage, children typically have to manage numerous tasks without always being able to choose academic subjects that they enjoy.
What is the best parenting style for ADHD?
One of the best parenting styles for ADHD is believed to be authoritative parenting. Authoritative paren is different from authoritarian parenting, which tends to focus on behavior and punishment. In contrast, authoritarian parenting typically establishes clear rules while also being nurturing and empathetic.
What should you not do with a child with ADHD?
There are several phrases that are typically best to avoid saying to a child living with ADHD. For example, you might avoid saying, “Just focus.” Children with ADHD typically experience a form of neurodivergence that often can’t be overcome by just focusing. They may have difficulty paying attention or experience symptoms of hyperactivity (or both), depending on the type of ADHD they have. With the right type of assistance, children with ADHD can often enjoy academic achievement and fulfilling relationships with peers. Parents might consider coaching other family members, such as siblings, on phrases to avoid with a child with ADHD.
What is the Positive Parenting Program for ADHD?
The Positive Parenting Program, often called Triple P, serves parents and caregivers of children with special needs up to 12 years old. Families can find the course for free in many states, and it’s often available both in person and online.
What do moms with ADHD struggle with?
Mothers living with ADHD may experience the disorder in different ways. Some mothers with ADHD may experience feelings of overwhelm as a result of having to manage multiple tasks. Oftentimes, ADHD affects executive functioning, which can make it difficult to oversee all the organizational tasks involved with caring for children and keeping a home, the work of which is often unfairly distributed. Specifically, moms living with ADHD may experience difficulty with repetitive tasks that they don’t find rewarding.
Some parents with ADHD may also experience substance use disorder (formerly called “substance abuse disorder), possibly as a way to cope with symptoms. Future research on parent ADHD may shed light on the connection between ADHD and comorbid disorders.
How do you discipline a child with ADHD?
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) recommends not scolding or spanking children living with ADHD. Instead, the CDC recommends using time-outs or revoking privileges to discipline children with ADHD. By providing consistent consequences, parents may find that children respond more favorably. Parents may benefit from behavioral parent training for further guidance on discipline.
What is the best environment for a child with ADHD?
The best environment for a child with ADHD is typically highly structured and organized with low risk of injury. An ideal environment may also include visual aids and designated spaces for learning. This type of environment may alleviate stress while still allowing children designated time and space to practice social skills.
For more information on parenting a child living with ADHD, see the following resource from the Child Mind Institute: https://childmind.org/guide/parents-guide-to-adhd/
Can a person with ADHD be a good parent?
A person with ADHD can be a good parent. They may benefit from seeking help from a counselor who has experience helping parents living with ADHD. Oftentimes, ADHD impacts a person’s ability to focus or organize multiple parenting tasks. Also, sometimes ADHD runs in families. Parents who have a child living with ADHD may benefit from seeking mental health services for both themselves and their child. A licensed therapist may be able to offer professional advice for parents’ symptoms as well as ideas for play dates and children’s activities that can help children learn. Therapists may tailor their advice to each case, as one family may be affected by ADHD differently than another.
For more information on ADHD, see the following resource from the National Institute of Mental Health: https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd.
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