Setting Boundaries With Adult Children Living At Home
In our current cultural landscape, the rise of adult children living at home generally continues to persist, whether out of choice or necessity for the families involved. It can be challenging to navigate the parent-child relationship once all family members have reached adulthood, but setting healthy boundaries can be key. It may be best for parents to ensure their children aren’t taking advantage of them, while it can be vital for adult children to exercise both assertiveness and compassion while working toward self-sufficiency. Online or in-person therapy may be a helpful tool for managing this potentially difficult dynamic.
Understanding the parent-child relationship
One cultural shift of the modern era that has largely changed the family dynamic and added stress to the relationship between adult children and their parents may be the increasing prevalence of adult children living at home. Recent census statistics tell us that over one-third of young adults may still be living at their family home, and these numbers may be increasing.
The recent normalization of this phenomenon has left many parents at their wits’ end. An adult child living at home can often mean added financial stress for their parents. For instance, in situations like a single elderly mother taking care of her adult daughter who is not saving money and does not pay rent, family members can grow to resent one another.
Sometimes, an adult child living at home contributes to the household and makes efforts to eventually leave the house, but they may experience a lack of independence or feel suffocated by their parents. This can lead to great strain on parent-child relationships, which can have an adverse effect on the mental health of all involved. Since the parent-child relationship is usually one of the earliest and strongest bonds in a person’s life, it can be of the utmost importance. A strong parent-child relationship, even in adulthood, often enhances mental health.
Why are more adult children living at home?
While you have perhaps heard snide jokes and dismissive comments about “lazy adult kids living in their parents’ basements,” the reality of why more adult children are living with their parents may actually be a serious economic issue. The reality is that the average adult child living at home usually wants to move out, but due to economic factors, a majority of 18- to 29-year-olds today may find living with parents to be their best or only option.
This situation has generally worsened since the COVID-19 pandemic. The sharp decrease in economic mobility for young adults in today’s world may have not only an adverse effect on the dynamics of parent-child relationships, but also a harmful impact on the economy as a whole. Since the 18- to 29-year-old age bracket is often the first to take a pay decrease or be laid off from a job, this has largely decreased the number of renters available and has thus taken a toll on the housing market as well.
Boundary-setting tips for parents
Parents of adult children living at home can sometimes feel as if they are being taken advantage of, or they may believe that their generosity is going unappreciated. Setting boundaries can be crucial for parents who wish to have a healthy and prosperous relationship with their grown-up kids living at home. Establishing a set of house rules for your adult child can be important to make sure they are on the right track.
Some tips for boundary-setting for parents can include the following:
- Setting a limit for the length of time your adult child is allowed to live at home
- Establishing a plan of action for helping your adult child achieve financial independence
- Not allowing yourself to feel guilty for expecting your adult child to contribute or show self-sufficiency
- Knowing your personal limits and when it might be time to remove the adult child from the home, such as in situations of abuse
If you or a loved one is witnessing or experiencing any form of abuse, please know that help is available. You can call the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
Boundary-setting tips for adult children
Children often grow up following their parents’ sets of rules and boundaries. As children grow into adults, they often begin to find independence and establish boundaries of their own, which can be difficult for some parents to accept.
To ensure a healthy parent-child relationship, it can be vital for adult children to set boundaries when living with their parents. An adult living at home is not a toddler, and it can be important for parents to know which parts of their child’s life they should not attempt to exert control over.
Adult children living at home can practice these tips to establish healthy boundaries:
- Be assertive but compassionate with your parents
- Help them understand it is not okay to interfere with your personal life beyond the obligations upon which you and your parents have agreed
- Establish a place in the household where you can have peace
If establishing boundaries with parents is too difficult, it may be best to make efforts to save money and move out of the family home. Some parents might want to interfere with finances or relationships, and they might not take your efforts to set boundaries seriously. Regardless, establishing and respecting boundaries is usually the key to a successful living arrangement for adult children and their parents.
How therapy can help
If you are an adult child living at home or the parent of an adult child living at home, you may have reached a crossroads or boiling point in the living arrangement. Maybe your mental health has taken a sharp decline. Attending therapy sessions may help you navigate this difficult situation, as well as work through your thoughts and feelings surrounding it.
Benefits of online therapy
Online therapy can be a great resource for both adult children living at home and their parents. It can offer a convenient, accessible way to seek help with challenging thoughts, feelings, and situations. Users can choose between video conference, phone call, and online chat for sessions, and they can attend appointments from the location of their choice at a time that fits into their existing schedule.
Effectiveness of online therapy
While research on the efficacy of online therapy for this particular family dynamic does not yet exist, current evidence suggests that online therapy can be an effective way to manage a variety of mental health and relationship concerns. For instance, one 2021 study supported the effectiveness of family therapy delivered through telehealth.
Takeaway
Economic factors have generally increased the prevalence of adult children living at home with their parents, and the parent-child relationship and the mental health of those involved have frequently experienced great strain as a result. The key to navigating a healthy and productive parent-child relationship in this scenario may be both parties establishing healthy boundaries that meet the needs and desires of those involved. Online therapy can also be a great resource for those looking to improve their mental health and parent-child relationship.
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