Examining Authoritarian Vs. Authoritative Parenting
While the names are quite similar and come from the same root, authoritative and authoritarian parenting styles present opposite sides of the same concept—control—as methods to interact with your children. From the early newborn days through the moody adolescent years and into adulthood, your parenting style can leave a lasting impact on your children. Read on to learn about authoritarian and authoritative parenting styles, their differences, and how therapy can help you learn better ways to relate to your child.
What are parenting styles?
According to established psychiatric history, parenting styles refer to the methods parents use to control and socialize their children, including many elements, such as boundaries, affection, expectations, guidance, the family dynamic, and emotional climate. Each style is measured by how responsive (attentive and caring) and demanding (controlling and strict) parents are with their children.
- Authoritarian Parenting—High Demand, Low Response
- Authoritative Parenting—High Demand, High Response
- Permissive Parenting—Low Demand, High Response
- Neglectful or Uninvolved Parenting—Low Demand, Low Response
Parenting can be as individual an experience as the children being raised, and no one-size-fits-all approach is perfect for everyone. Few people fit neatly into one parenting style and most often show elements from multiple types.
How attachment theory influences parenting style
Psychologist John Bowlby first proposed the evolutionary psychological attachment theory in the 1940s to help explain how humans form relationships with each other. He believed people form attachments as a survival mechanism, and the theory states that how caregivers treat someone as an infant and through childhood can influence how they relate to others for the rest of their lives. Bowlby and fellow psychologist Mary Salter Ainsworth later developed the four primary attachment styles: secure, preoccupied (anxious), dismissive (avoidant), and fearful (disorganized).
Childhood abuse, neglect, or trauma can lead to a person developing one of the insecure attachment styles, which can lead to several mental health conditions, social difficulties, and relationship instability later in life. Your attachment style can also impact your parenting and, through you, how your children will parent in the future.
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Authoritarian parenting and its effects on children
Authoritarian parents are seen as overly strict, serving as their children’s dictators, demanding unquestioning obedience while maintaining excessive control and lacking warmth and affection.
Characteristics of authoritarian parenting
- One-way communication where the parental and child roles are clear. All the power is with the parents, who don’t often explain rules, and children are rarely given choices.
- Extremely, often impossibly, high standards with dire consequences for disappointment.
- Failure is not an option.
- Home life is very strict, with little ability to negotiate limits.
- Harsh consequences for misbehavior
- Demanding parents with high expectations and rigid boundaries without explanation but little in the way of affection or emotional support.
How authoritarian parenting affects children
Children of authoritarian parents generally grow up well-behaved because they were punished severely for misbehavior. However, they may exhibit difficulty controlling their anger, trouble making decisions, and a tendency toward rebellious behavior as they get older. They may find it easier to work in a group dynamic with a clear authority figure and easily conform to others’ standards. These children may also associate obedience with love and tend toward dependent behaviors.
Authoritative parenting and its effects on children
Authoritative parents are typically seen as offering reasonable demands and a high level of responsive affection.
Characteristics of authoritative parenting
- Open, constructive communication where the child is allowed to express opinions, but the parent has the final say. Children are given age-appropriate choices and responsibilities.
- Clear, realistic standards and practical consequences for not acting as expected
- Failure is an opportunity to learn.
- Home life includes rules, guidance, and the freedom to make mistakes and learn.
- Parents use positive discipline to reinforce acceptable behavior.
- Parents have high but attainable expectations, which are explained, and offer their support and guidance to children as they grow.
How authoritative parenting affects children
Children of authoritative parents generally become well-adjusted, confident adults able to function freely in society. This parenting style may produce children with higher self-esteem who value independence and regularly use creative thinking to solve problems. After a lifetime of comfort with discussing thoughts and feelings, these children are more likely to have increased emotional intelligence and literacy.
What is the ideal parenting style for a child?
The authoritative parenting style is generally considered ideal due to the inclusion of parental guidance and expectations alongside age-appropriate responsibility and nurturing emotional support. Studies show that children can benefit from healthy limits that offer the room to make and learn from mistakes, clearly defined roles between parent and child, and a strong bond built on open communication.
A medical journal paper about parenting styles noted that “an authoritative parenting style has consistently been associated with positive developmental outcomes in youth…and academic achievement.”
Comparing authoritarian vs. authoritative parenting styles
Punishment and discipline
Authoritarian: Punishments tend to be harsh and more for the sake of shaming bad behavior than reinforcing good behavior. Children may be punished for even the slightest infraction and often disproportionately for the offense.
Authoritative: These parents approach misbehavior with the intent to learn and grow from mistakes. Bad behavior is met with an explanation of why it was wrong and the consequences for repeated occurrences. Punishments tend to be fair, without shame and focused on doing better in the future.
Demands and expectations
Authoritarian: Ruling their kingdoms with iron control, authoritarian parents have strict demands and exacting expectations for their children, much like recruits in the military. Children are to obey without question.
Authoritative: Expectations and rationale are explained, and children are allowed to express their feelings, though parents do not change rules merely due to disagreement. Demands tend to change depending on the child’s age and ability.
Freedom and boundaries
Authoritarian: Children are given little freedom and expected to remain within steadfast limits. Obedience is framed as a highly desirable trait.
Authoritative: Children are encouraged to be independent and make appropriate choices (and mistakes) for their age to learn how to handle disappointment and failure. They are given flexible boundaries that shift as they age and the support to learn from mistakes.
How to develop a positive parenting style
While it can take a while and much effort to change your parenting style, it can be done if you notice patterns you don’t like in your behavior or your children’s reactions. Working with a therapist can help you identify unhealthy attitudes and beliefs, replacing them with more constructive patterns. They may suggest some of the following tips.
- Teach them to talk to you early in life and maintain those open lines of communication.
- Establish clearly defined parent and child roles and expectations.
- Offer children choices and independence appropriate to their age.
- Maintain parental authority while remaining fair and listening to your child’s experiences.
- Set well-defined rules and consistently enforce them.
- Communicate how you expect your children to behave.
Reaching out for support
Help is available if there are problems with your parenting strategies. Your primary goal should be to raise a healthy, happy child capable of managing their emotions and functioning in the “real world” as an adult. Many people need help to get there. The first step is recognizing and admitting that your current parenting style may not be the healthiest choice for you or your child. Family therapy can strengthen your family dynamic, and individual therapy can help you replace negative patterns and ideas with more constructive examples.
How therapy can help you improve your parenting skills
No matter your parenting style, it can sometimes feel like you don’t know how to relate to your children. Working with a therapist can teach you communication and parenting skills, help you examine your parenting style, and look for ways to improve. Many people choose virtual therapy platforms like BetterHelp for treatment due to flexible appointment formats, reduced costs and wait time, and increased availability and convenience.
According to recent research, online attachment-based family therapy has been a popular and effective alternative to treatment in the traditional office setting. For those seeking individual therapy, online CBT treatments have been an effective and convenient option, with younger people more comfortable in the virtual environment often showing better results.
Takeaway
What is an example of authoritative parenting?
When setting boundaries and consequences, authoritative parenting considers the child's needs, wants, and feelings. It includes providing for the child's physical (if necessary) and psychological safety while explaining the reasons for those boundaries and consequences.
An example of authoritative parenting practices may include holding a child accountable for cleaning their room and giving them specific instructions for what they expect and when to finish it. If the parent finds the room hasn't been cleaned per the set standards, they may ground the child from participating in social events or playing video games for a set amount of time.
These consequences should fit the circumstances of the child's behavior and provide a clear "cause-and-effect" relationship between what they're expected to do and what happens if they don't do it.
What are the four types of parenting styles?
Parenting styles are often shaped by a parent's experience with how their parent/caregivers raised them. It's also shaped by cultural norms, values, and personal beliefs. Through their chosen parenting method, individuals guide their children's morals, behavior, and how they interact with others.
Researchers in child development, child and family studies, and clinical child and adolescent psychology typically reference four different descriptions of parenting styles:
- Permissive— While permissive parents are warm and nurturing, they may also establish minimal or no expectations with their children. This lack of boundaries, however, can lead to harmful habits, hinder development, and stunt the child’s sense of self-control. Permissive parenting is sometimes associated with neglectful parenting.
- Authoritative— Parents of authoritative families typically have clear expectations for their children, and the reasons for disciplinary actions are clearly communicated. This style typically develops close, nurturing relationships where children learn that discipline is meant to teach boundaries and provide support rather than harsh punishments.
- Neglectful— Neglectful or uninvolved parenting is characterized by detachment from the child's life while meeting their basic needs. This type of parenting usually has no specific communication or discipline style. While children raised with this type of parenting may become more self-sufficient than some, it may result in trouble with emotion control and coping strategies, creating difficulties in nurturing relationships later in life.
- Authoritarian— Parents with an authoritarian style may employ a more linear mode of communication with the parent, establishing rules while the child obeys without question. There is typically little to no room for negotiation, and punishment is typically inflexible. Authoritarian parents are typically less nurturing and more expectation-driven. Research indicates that both permissive and authoritarian parenting styles are most associated with antisocial behavior in children.
Who is an authoritative parent?
An authoritative parent can be anyone with a balanced, nurturing approach to parenting. They are more focused on using discipline as a way to learn and grow than administering it for the sake of discipline alone.
How is an authoritative parent different from an authoritarian parent?
There are several differences between authoritative and authoritarian parents. A few of these include:
- Authoritative parents tend to be more concerned with administering punishment to ensure the child performs to standard than using punishment as a learning tool for teaching their child healthy boundaries.
- Authoritative parents tend to be more patient with misbehavior, while authoritarian parents are much less flexible.
- Authoritarian parents often set more rules, while authoritative parents set fewer rules but may be more thorough and consistent in enforcing them.
Effectiveness of authoritarian vs. authoritative parenting styles
Each parenting style has advantages and disadvantages. However, current research has shown that children raised with authoritative parenting often do better in academics, have higher confidence, and develop strong social skills.
What are two examples of an authoritarian parent?
Authoritarian parents come in many forms. An example of authoritarian parenting may be a parent who shouts or employs corporal punishment when a child brings home lower grades than expected, even if the expectation wasn't communicated clearly. This type of parent may expect the child to understand and follow the rules without question— for instance, if the parent takes their teenager's driver's license away during a random fit of anger without a direct reason.
Which parenting style is most effective for children?
Every parent is different, and what may be a comfortable parenting style for one person may not be for another. However, current research indicates that authoritative parenting appears to be the best for raising kids with healthy self-confidence and better social and problem-solving skills. Studies also suggest that kids raised with this style tend to have better academic performance.
What are the pros and cons of authoritarian parenting?
Authoritarian parenting uses rigid rules in disciplining and handling children, and it may result in negative outcomes. There are pros and cons to each parenting style, and the authoritarian style is no exception. Some posit that authoritarian parenting can create a sense of structure for the child and teach children to obey people with authority. Children of authoritarian and authoritative parents may be equally well-behaved, but the good behavior established by authoritarian parenting is typically short-term.
How an authoritarian parenting style can negatively impact a child
Those pros of authoritarian parenting are generally short-lived, and this punishment style can ultimately undermine itself. Kids parented with this style may become shy, fearful, and aggressive and experience lower life satisfaction. Studies also suggest that kids raised with this parenting style may be more susceptible to depression and anxiety.
Why do parents choose authoritarian parenting?
Parents may choose an authoritarian vs. authoritative parenting style because of cultural influences or because they were raised the same way. Some may believe a strict approach is more effective at gaining obedience.
Which parent has an authoritarian parenting style?
Though societal and media stereotypes may portray one parent as the "disciplinarian" over the other, any parent can have an authoritarian parenting style. Some famous examples in TV and movies include Captain Von Trapp from The Sound of Music, Red Foreman from That 70s Show, and Queen Elinor from the movie Brave.
Which style of discipline is most effective for child development?
The most effective discipline style for nurturing a child’s development functions with the purpose of helping the child. Sometimes called "positive discipline," this type teaches kids the cause-and-effect ramifications of their actions and reinforces parent expectations with accountability.
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