Dependent Personality Disorder And Parenting Styles: An Overview
Research suggests that certain parenting styles, particularly overprotective and authoritarian ones, may contribute to the development of dependent personality disorder. This personality disorder typically involves the belief that one cannot care for themself and must depend on others in all aspects of life. Often, people with dependent personality disorder (DPD) rely on others to make even minor decisions for them, such as what to wear or what to eat for lunch each day. Those with DPD often benefit from therapy to instill a sense of independence and confidence in their ability to take care of themselves.
An overview of dependent personality disorder
The American Psychological Association (APA) defines dependent personality disorder as "a personality disorder manifested in a long-term pattern of passively allowing others to take responsibility for major areas of life and of subordinating personal needs to the needs of others, due to lack of self-confidence and self-dependence."
Formerly referred to as having a “passive-dependent personality,” those with dependent personality disorder (DPD) tend to experience difficulty making daily decisions without reassurance from others, and they typically don’t believe they can be alone or take care of themselves.
However, some researchers note that while older theoretical models tended to link dependency with passivity, "contemporary integrative models of interpersonal dependency and Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) conceptualize dependency‐related responding as proactive, goal‐driven, and guided by beliefs and expectations regarding the self, other people, and self–other interactions."
Cultural norms and gender roles may also play a role in how one's dependence manifests, but researchers distinguish between "destructive overdependence" and "healthy dependence." While the former may be characterized by more impulsive help-seeking behavior, the latter is usually linked to the mindful seeking of support. In other words, some dependence in relationships can be healthy, but depending too much on others can be harmful.
In relation to DPD, a dependent person may have the following traits:
- Behavior that is perceived as clingy
- Submissiveness in a bid to be taken care of
- A tendency to seek reassurance and guidance for making routine decisions, such as what to wear, where to go out, and what to say or do
- A lack of self-confidence
- A constant fear of being abandoned or left alone
- Avoidance of disagreement with others
- A lack of assertion
- Failure to take initiative
- Frequent requests for help or assistance
- A tendency to give in to unreasonable demands
- Anxiety when alone
- Reluctance to take risks
- A propensity to disregard their own needs
The development of DPD: Attachment styles and learned behavior
Researchers have linked the development of dependent personality disorder with an anxious-insecure attachment style, indicating that "adults who have an anxious attachment tend to be self-critical and insecure and seek approval and reassurance from others in order to validate their self-worth, but deep-seated expectations of rejection make them constantly worried and not trusting."
However, the same researchers note a moderate correlation between insecure attachment styles and dependency, as the latter is typically viewed as learned behavior within the context of early caregivers and family members. In addition, a sense of learned incompetence may be linked with unhealthy dependency. For example, in a parent-child relationship, a child may learn that acting as if they are unable to do something for themselves is effective in eliciting emotional rewards from their parents, such as reassurance, approval, and care.
Parenting styles and DPD
DPD usually manifests before early adulthood but can shape the way a person functions throughout their life, with the object of a person’s dependency shifting from early caretakers to peers, mentors, partners, or perceived authority figures.
Overprotective parenting may involve excessive nurturance, help, and coddling behaviors, whereas authoritarian styles may be characterized by strict rule-setting without much regard for the child's input. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines the authoritarian parenting style as a form of parenting "in which the parent or caregiver stresses obedience, deemphasizes collaboration and dialogue, and employs strong forms of punishment."
Meanwhile, overprotective parenting can be described as "parents’ provision of developmentally inappropriate protection and is associated with dysfunctional developmental processes and outcomes in adolescence and emerging adulthood."
Researchers have noted that overprotective parenting can impede a child's development of healthy independence and psychosocial skills, potentially increasing their vulnerability to mental health conditions like anxiety and depression. Overprotective parenting can also contribute to attachment insecurity and dependence on others.
The same researchers suggested that while "overprotective parenting may reflect well‐intentioned efforts to keep a child safe, encouraging dependence on the parent frustrates a child's core emotional need for autonomy and independence."
Overprotective parenting may also be associated with “adult child syndrome,” an unofficial term referring to an adult who has difficulty navigating challenges associated with adulthood. Usually tied to childhood trauma and growing up with parents who had mental health conditions, an "adult child" may experience self-doubt, challenges with authority figures, and difficulty making their own decisions without reassurance or guidance. It’s possible that “adult children” may be living with dependent personality disorder in some cases.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Therapeutic approaches for DPD
Some therapeutic approaches to address dependent personality disorder include the following:
- Psychodynamic therapy, which typically involves examining the contributing role of past relationships in encouraging dependent behaviors while fostering independence and self-reliance by employing cognitive techniques to reframe one's core beliefs about relationships
- Cognitive behavioral therapy, which usually consists of cognitive restructuring techniques to identify and change unhelpful thinking patterns, foster confidence in the ability to care for oneself, manage distressing emotions, and introduce skills in assertiveness, mindfulness, and boundary setting
- Cognitive-existential therapy, which often incorporates psychoeducation with cognitive and existential theories and approaches like mindfulness, aiming to reframe decision-making behavior
Therapy with a licensed mental health professional can support your mental health goals, reducing DPD symptoms and fostering self-reliance. For some people, however, in-person therapy is inconvenient or inaccessible. A platform like BetterHelp can enable you to connect with a licensed therapist by video conference, phone, or online chat at a time that suits your schedule.
According to a 2022 study, online therapy interventions for personality disorders appear to be a promising form of treatment. While more research is likely needed on the efficacy of online therapy for dependent personality disorder specifically, existing evidence suggests that online therapy is equally effective as its in-person counterpart.
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