How To Improve Emotional Regulation In Personality Disorders

Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant, LMHC
Updated October 8, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Struggling with intense emotions can be overwhelming for anyone, but it can be particularly difficult for those with personality disorders. Regulating emotions can be a key part of managing symptoms and improving quality of life if you’ve been diagnosed with one of these conditions. For instance, if you have borderline personality disorder (BPD), you may experience intense emotional swings and find it difficult to maintain stable relationships or consistent behavior. 

Effective emotion regulation strategies can be an important part of personality disorder management. Techniques like mindfulness and self-compassion may help individuals with personality disorders achieve better emotional balance, potentially improving relationships and leading to a more stable life. A licensed therapist can help people with personality disorders learn to effectively regulate their emotions.

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Extreme mood swings can impact your relationships

Emotional regulation vs. emotional dysregulation

Emotional regulation generally involves being able to manage different emotional states to ensure that your emotions are appropriate for various situations. It often involves skills like recognizing emotions, controlling emotional reactions, and managing uncomfortable feelings. You might use these strategies to stabilize your emotions during stressful or challenging times.

On the other hand, emotional dysregulation typically refers to trouble managing emotions. It can result in intense and often inappropriate emotional reactions, such as extreme anxiety, sadness, or anger. Emotional dysregulation can be common in many personality disorders, frequently making it hard for individuals to maintain stability in their emotional lives.

Examples of personality disorders other than borderline personality disorder in which emotional regulation can be key include the following:

  • Antisocial personality disorder
  • Narcissistic personality disorder 
  • Histrionic personality disorder 
  • Avoidant personality disorder 
  • Dependent personality disorder 
  • Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder
  • Paranoid personality disorder 
  • Schizotypal personality disorder 
  • Schizoid personality disorder 

What are the emotional challenges of personality disorders?

People with personality disorders often experience emotional challenges that can affect their mood, relationships, and overall well-being. Emotional challenges can vary by person, with some experiencing more severe challenges than others.

Mood swings

Mood swings can be a common symptom of personality disorders like borderline personality disorder (BPD). You might experience sudden changes in emotional states, ranging from intense happiness to severe depression, within a short time. Unpredictable mood swings can affect relationships and make it hard to carry out daily activities. If you’re emotionally sensitive, you might amplify minor setbacks into major emotional crises. For example, a small disagreement with a friend could lead to prolonged sadness or anger.

Extreme anger

Extreme anger is another challenging symptom often seen in BPD. You may have episodes of intense anger that seem disproportionate to the situation. This anger can lead to impulsive behaviors and may severely affect interpersonal relationships. Anger may arise in response to perceived slights or being misunderstood. For instance, you might react with intense anger if you perceive someone is ignoring you, even if they are simply busy or distracted.

Fear of abandonment

A fear of abandonment is commonly linked to personality disorders. For those with BPD, this fear can lead to desperate efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. People who fear abandonment may experience clinginess, frequent checking in with loved ones, or emotional outbursts when they sense distance in a relationship. These behaviors can push people away and create a cycle, potentially reinforcing the fear of abandonment. An example might be calling or texting a partner repeatedly throughout the day for reassurance, possibly putting strain on the relationship.

Sense of emptiness

If you have a personality disorder, you may experience a persistent sense of emptiness. As a result, you may try to fill that emptiness with external validation or impulsive behaviors like binge eating, substance abuse, or risky sexual activities. For example, you might go on excessive shopping sprees to temporarily fulfill yourself, only to experience a sense of emptiness again shortly after.

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Impulsivity

Impulsivity tends to be a common sign of many personality disorders. Impulsive behaviors can include reckless driving, substance misuse (previously called substance abuse), binge eating, or other risky behaviors. You might struggle with thinking through the consequences of your actions. After engaging in the behavior, you might experience immediate but short-lived emotional relief followed by regret and shame. For instance, you might decide to spend all your savings on a whim, only to regret it later when financial responsibilities arise.

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is commonly seen in people with personality disorders. You may perceive yourself in a negative light, which can contribute to overall emotional distress. Low self-worth often plays into other symptoms, like the fear of abandonment or a sense of emptiness. For example, you might avoid social situations because you see yourself as unworthy or fear rejection, potentially leading to further isolation.

Difficulty trusting others

Difficulty trusting others can be a problem for many people with personality disorders. Being betrayed or rejected in the past may cause you to be reluctant to form new relationships. This mistrust can lead to isolation and make it difficult to maintain positive social connections. In some cases, you might question the motives of close friends and family members, seeing their actions as potential betrayals.

Ways to manage emotional regulation in personality disorders

Managing emotional regulation in personality disorders may involve a blend of therapy, self-care practices, and emotion regulation skills. What works for one person may work differently for another. Therefore, it’s generally recommended to try different methods to maintain emotional stability and improve quality of life.

Cognitive behavioral therapy

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) typically focuses on identifying and changing negative thought patterns that can affect emotions and behavior. It usually encourages you to recognize and replace distorted thinking with realistic, positive thoughts.

CBT may help you understand the link between your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. By doing so, you may learn to manage emotions more effectively. CBT sessions may include activities like role-playing and problem-solving exercises.

A mental health professional typically guides you through these exercises. Over time, you may see a reduction in symptoms and better emotional regulation skills.

Dialectical behavior therapy

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) may be used to treat emotional dysregulation, especially in BPD. It normally combines cognitive-behavioral techniques with mindfulness practices.

DBT can teach emotion regulation strategies, such as distress tolerance, emotional management, and effective interpersonal communication. Therapists may use both individual sessions and group therapy.

A key feature of DBT may be its focus on accepting uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. It can encourage you not only to change behaviors but also to accept and understand your emotions.

Mindfulness practices

Mindfulness normally involves paying full attention to the present moment without judgment. Techniques like meditation and deep breathing exercises may help you stay grounded and aware of your emotional state.

Practicing mindfulness can increase positive affect and reduce emotional reactivity. This approach may be useful for people with personality disorders who often experience intense emotional swings.

Regular mindfulness practices may improve concentration and reduce stress. Mindfulness can promote an attitude of self-compassion and patience, which tend to be key for emotional regulation.

Medication

In some cases, medication can help manage emotional dysregulation. Antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics may be prescribed to balance chemicals in the brain that affect emotions.

Medication is often used alongside therapy and not as a standalone treatment. A mental health professional may look at your overall needs and prescribe the appropriate medication.

Regular follow-ups can be important to monitor effectiveness and adjust dosages. Medication may reduce symptoms and make it easier for individuals to stick with other forms of treatment, such as therapy.

Journaling emotions

Journaling can be a simple yet effective way to manage emotions. Writing down your thoughts and emotions may help you process emotions and gain insight into your emotional patterns. This practice may enable you to identify triggers and track your progress over time.

Journaling can also provide a safe space to express negative emotions that might be hard to communicate verbally. It may be a useful tool for self-reflection and emotional management.

Stress management techniques

Stress can worsen emotional dysregulation, so it can be important to learn how to manage it. Techniques like yoga, deep breathing, and physical activities may reduce stress.

Stress management usually also involves maintaining a nourishing lifestyle. Eating nutrient-rich foods, getting enough sleep, and staying physically active may contribute to emotional stability.

People can also benefit from developing a strong support system. Connecting with friends, family, or support groups can provide emotional and social support, making it easier to manage stress and emotional challenges.

A man in a black shirt with a backpack stands outside of a tall building in a large city while gazing off.
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Extreme mood swings can impact your relationships

Seeking support for emotional difficulties

Professional support can be a key part of a complete treatment plan for those struggling with emotional regulation and personality disorders, but online therapy may not always be accessible or convenient. Platforms like BetterHelp can match individuals with licensed therapists, providing a way to access mental health care from home.

If you’re living with emotional regulation challenges related to a personality disorder, online therapy may be a helpful treatment option. Studies have shown that online therapy may be effective for managing personality disorders.

Takeaway

Problems with emotional regulation can directly affect daily life and relationships. If you have a personality disorder, you may struggle with regulating your emotions, which may cause or worsen other symptoms, such as impulsivity, a fear of abandonment, and low self-esteem. However, there are ways to manage emotions through emotional regulation skills. Mindfulness, journaling, and lifestyle adjustments can be beneficial. In many cases, sessions with an online or in-person therapist may be helpful for learning how to improve emotion regulation.
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