Can You Use Persuasion For Good? Understanding Positive Persuasion

Persuasion is often viewed negatively, connected with words like coercion, manipulation, and pressure. However, persuasion is not necessarily unhealthy when used in healthy ways. Many successful businesspeople use persuasion to succeed and become positive leaders and role models. Understanding that persuasion doesn't necessarily mean "manipulation" can be the first step in understanding how to use it to benefit all parties. 

What is persuasion?

According to the American Psychological Association (APA), persuasion is an attempt by one to change another person's attitude, beliefs, emotions, or actions. Persuasion can be positive or negative, depending on the intentions of the person persuading another individual. 

Persuasion often comes up in workplace settings. For example, a coworker might try to persuade their boss to promote them by preparing a presentation about their goals for the company's future. In the context of a romantic relationship, one partner might try to persuade the other to go on a trip or try a new activity.  

What is positive persuasion vs. negative persuasion?

Persuasion may be unhealthy or healthy, depending on the context. A few examples of negative persuasion include the following: 

• Pressuring a friend to try an addictive substance
• Trying to persuade your boss to fire a coworker you dislike 
• Coercing someone into physical affection 
• Convincing others to believe a lie 
• Persuading others for personal gain at a detriment to them 

Positive persuasion can be seen when both individuals have a choice and can consent to the interaction. In addition, the intention behind the persuasion may make a difference. If you intend to hurt someone, the persuasion is harmful, regardless of the outcome.  

How do you use persuasion healthily? 

You can use a few core concepts and persuasion strategies when attempting to persuade others healthily, including the following. 

Intent vs. impact

Note that your intent and the impact you have on others are both parts of positive persuasion. If you intend to offer support to someone but hurt them instead, you might not be practicing persuasion healthily. Similarly, if you intend to hurt someone but they aren't impacted negatively, your intent can still indicate an unhealthy habit. 

Contrarily, if you intend to achieve a promotion to block another employee from a position you don't want, you may be using maladaptive persuasion to fulfill your underlying motives to harm others. 

Honesty 

Healthy persuasion often involves honesty about the ethical development of your request. If you withhold information from someone that they need to make an informed decision, you're not giving them agency over their choices. If you believe one area of your request is unhealthy or would upset them, it is still essential to tell it to avoid practicing negative persuasion. Being able to cope with rejection and understanding that you were honest are often healthier than being dishonest to get what you want. 

Acceptance

Your request is part of a personalized persuasion process, not an irrefutable demand. If a person or one participant in a group doesn't want to do what you asked for, you cannot push them to do so, as it may move into coercion and manipulation territory. 

Instead, learning to accept when persuasion fails is often a vital aspect of a personalized persuasive dialogue system. It can be distressing to be told "no," but learning to accept rejection can build up your tolerance to future requests.

There are often multiple steps to persuasion. You may receive a "no" at first. If it is not unhealthy to keep adding information to your request that may change someone's mind, you can do so. 

However, this step does not apply to physical boundaries or strict emotional limits from someone else. If it is clear that someone does not want to be persuaded and is not open to discussing the topic, move forward with acceptance instead of pushing them more. 

Dialectic thinking 

Dialectic thinking means understanding that two realities can exist simultaneously. For example, you can want a piece of candy and know it wouldn't be the healthiest choice while you have an unfilled cavity. You can love someone and understand that how they treat you is unkind. 

In persuasion for good toward others, dialectic thinking can remind you that persuasion can be healthy and taken roughly by others. You may also learn that despite your intent, persuasion might have a negative impact in the long term if it’s employed in a way that doesn’t consider each person’s needs.  

DEARMAN skills

One therapeutic modality that incorporates many facets of dialectic thinking is dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). Within the DBT workbook are several skills individuals can use to better their emotional state, relationships, and mental health. One of these skills is DEARMAN, a technique used to persuade others healthily. Below are the steps outlined in this skill: 

1. Describe the situation to the person you're hoping to persuade (i.e., "You might remember how I mentioned I was hoping to move to a new state"). Doing so allows them to respond "yes" or "no" and further opens the discussion. 
2. Express your feelings about the situation and why it matters to you without assuming they already know it.
3. Assert yourself, asking for what you want (i.e., "I am ready to move, and I want you to come with me”).
4. Reinforce the individual by offering "rewards" or positive consequences ahead of time (i.e., "You could be closer to your parents").
5. Be mindful of their body language, and don't interrupt. Focus on your goals and maintain your needs without giving in. 
6. Appear confident by using a solid tone of voice, healthy posture, and eye contact. 
7. Negotiate if needed and be willing to give something in return (i.e., "If we move, I'll take on the energy bill and internet account to give you time to find a new position as well”).

If the individual continues to say "no" to your request, you may be faced with a personal decision: whether to let go, accept the situation, or leave the relationship. 

Empathy 

You can use empathy during persuasion to understand when you might be harming someone else. Watch the person's body language and consider their point of view honestly. If you're in a group, consider the individuals' personal backgrounds.

Try not to get caught up in your desires to the point that you don't listen actively to theirs. Use empathy to see errors in your initial request and find new ways to go about what you're looking to achieve. Others may have helpful insight and unique psychological backgrounds that change your mind or offer a compromise to your request. 

Intelligent persuasive conversational agents and a healthy dialogue system for social interactions can be essential to change people's opinions and move towards a personalized and compelling result that is healthy for all. 

Choices

Maintain the idea that you and the person you're persuading have free will. If you enter a conversation expecting to dominate and control the other person, it may immediately turn unhealthy. Instead, remind them that you respect their opinion and want to collaborate on your idea. 

Approaching a conversation with a team-oriented mindset can reframe persuasion, making it seem less like manipulation and more like an effort to make positive changes together. Remember to reiterate what the other person will gain from your request. 

Support for using positive persuasion in relationships

Persuasion can be challenging sometimes, and it may not be easy to understand when you’re heading into unhealthy territory. In some cases, the need to persuade others occurs in an unhealthy environment, and you might feel your needs aren't being met. In these cases, you may face difficult decisions you struggle to cope with alone. If you're living with these concerns, consider contacting a therapist. 

Regardless of your income, identity, or location, you can try online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp. Internet-based platforms often offer the option of choosing the type of therapy you're comfortable using: video, phone, or chat sessions. You can also attend counseling from home, and your therapist can send you worksheets and resources to quickly review during or after your sessions. 

Research studies have also supported online therapy’s efficacy. It has been found highly effective for reducing burnout, as well as symptoms of anxiety and depression. Burnout may occur in those who work busy schedules or have to make many significant life decisions. If you're living with this symptom, online therapy might benefit you.