Marriage Counseling: Is Couples Therapy The Right Choice For My Relationship?
No intimate relationship is perfect, and many married couples experience challenges at some point. If you and your partner have concerns about your communication skills, trust, intimacy, or another aspect of your marriage, you may want to consider marriage counseling. Marriage counseling can involve various methods based on several different psychological and relationship theories. While marriage counseling cannot be guaranteed to prevent outcomes such as separation or divorce, research demonstrates that it can make a significant difference in marital satisfaction levels. One study found that over 70% of couples who participated in couples counseling described it as beneficial for their relationship.
Whether you and your spouse are experiencing challenges regarding finances, life transitions, divorce, or raising children, it may be helpful to seek therapy from someone who practices marriage and family therapy. Learning more about the different psychological theories behind marriage counseling may also be beneficial. Keep reading if you’re interested in learning how marriage counseling could be instrumental in strengthening and preserving your union.
Understanding the psychology and methods of marriage counseling
When choosing to attend marriage counseling, there are several methods a marriage and family therapist may utilize to offer support and guidance. Depending on the needs of you and your spouse, the issues you’re facing, and what your goals are, your therapist may employ one of the following techniques to help:
The Gottman Method
- Assertive communication, in which each partner learns how to identify and advocate for their own needs as well as listen to and respect their partner’s needs
- Finding ways to continually demonstrate your love and affection for your partner
- Developing trust between the two of you
- Identifying and communicating dreams, aspirations, visions, and hopes
- Honing problem-solving skills
- Finding a sense of perspective when addressing problems
- Realizing which behaviors may be detracting from relationship satisfaction
- Building a belief in commitment and trusting that while every relationship encounters road bumps, reconciliation is possible
Part of the Gottman Method also involves creating “love maps”, which are charts that you and your partner make together to reflect the history you have. In these charts, you and your spouse detail what makes you happy and what brings you stress. You also discuss any hopes or fears you may hold for your future together. One research study suggested that Gottman's couples therapy was effective for reducing emotional divorce, making it beneficial for couples facing divorce proceedings.
Emotionally focused therapy
Emotionally focused therapy, which differs from the similarly named emotion-focused therapy, is one of the most successful methods of couples therapy. It is based on Gestalt psychology theory and was specifically developed for use in marriage counseling by psychologist and couples therapist Dr. Susan Johnson. Although it was designed for marriage counseling, you don’t have to be married to reap the potential benefits of this method.
Emotionally focused therapy can also be a beneficial tool in divorce counseling. It allows couples to navigate emotions associated with divorce, including sadness, grief, and anger. It teaches emotional processing, coping mechanisms, and provides an overview of attachment theory, helping you navigate the separation process during divorce.
- Stabilization: In the stabilization step, the therapist and couple work together to identify a conflict or conflict pattern in their relationship. Each partner processes and discusses their emotions related to the conflict, which can help both partners start to reframe the conflict and understand how the other person experiences it.
- Bonding: In bonding, the couple uses their enhanced understanding of the emotions behind a specific conflict to effectively express their needs and wants to their partner. By being open and vulnerable, they may find a way to address the conflict that honors the emotions behind it.
- Consolidation: During the final stage of consolidation, the therapist teaches the couple how to take their emotional understanding of the conflict to develop a new solution to the concern. The couple also learns how to apply a similar solution to other conflicts in their relationship.
Narrative therapy as a couples therapy technique
Narrative therapy is a therapeutic technique originally developed for use in processing conflict in family therapy situations, but it has also been found to be effective in marital therapy. With narrative therapy, the therapist will ask you and your partner to choose a specific conflict you have been experiencing and then talk about that conflict in the form of storytelling.
By separating yourselves from the conflict in this manner, you and your partner may both gain some perspective related to the conflict. You may start to see the conflict as one small story in the overarching narrative of your marriage and realize that, while it may feel overwhelming when you are experiencing it, conflict is not the crux of your marital story so far. Moreover, you may decide that it does not need to be the defining feature of the story that you two can continue to write together.
Marriage counseling: Finding support for marital problems and mental health
Finding a time when both you and your spouse are available to attend an in-person marriage therapy appointment with a licensed therapist can be complicated, particularly if you have different work schedules, you’re taking care of children, or are in a long-distance relationship. Online therapy may be a helpful option in these circumstances. You can attend couples therapy through an online therapy platform like Regain. With online couples therapy sessions that typically happen once a week, you can address the challenges in your relationship and work with a therapist to come up with potential solutions—all without ever needing to leave your home.
Efficacy of online couples counseling and marriage counseling for improving relationships and mental health
Research demonstrates that online therapy for couples counseling can be just as effective as traditional in-person marriage therapy. One study analyzed an online couples therapy program and found that couples who completed the program were especially satisfied with its convenience and availability. They also believed it helped them develop a stronger connection with their therapist than in-person therapy could. A stronger therapeutic alliance can lead to more powerful outcomes for couples who are engaged in the therapeutic process. Also, research shows that online therapy can also be effective for individuals experiencing a variety of mental health conditions. Those who want to complement couples therapy with individual therapy may want to speak with a licensed therapist individually. There are online couples and individual therapy platforms available that offer services for mental health conditions, including talk therapy and personalized treatment. You might also be referred to a psychiatrist for medication management. These services are typically scheduled once a week, depending on the severity of the condition.
Takeaway
What is marriage counseling, and how does it differ from general couples therapy?
Marriage counseling is a type of counseling that is focused on addressing the unique needs of married couples. Marriage counseling may focus on resolving current marital issues, improving communication within the marriage, and strengthening relationships with children and families. Its goal is to fortify the marital bond between the husband and wife. On the other hand, couples therapy can encompass any romantic relationship or partnership, whether married or not. Couples therapy addresses the holistic aspects of relationships, including relationship dynamics and any mental health concern expressed by the individuals involved. It dives into the mental health issues of individuals and how they impact relationships, or vice versa.
Regarding the approach, marriage counseling aims to resolve specific conflicts. It focuses more on present-day issues, so it often uses practical skills and strategies to navigate marriage problems, such as resolving conflict, improving communication, and rebuilding trust. A licensed marriage and family therapist may employ cognitive behavioral and solution-focused therapy for these marital issues. Meanwhile, a couples therapist may typically utilize emotionally focused therapy, the Gottman method, or Imago relationship therapy.
How can therapy or couples counseling help a couple resolve conflicts and improve their relationship dynamics?
Couples counseling can help a couple resolve conflicts and improve their relationship dynamics by providing a safe space to learn how to communicate better, identify issues in the relationship, and understand each other better. Guided by a licensed therapist, couples therapy provides a platform for clients to express their feelings and discuss the issues troubling their own relationship. Through couples therapy, partners may learn effective communication skills, which can help improve their interactions and prevent problems or misunderstandings.
If you plan to seek traditional or online couples counseling services, talk about it with your partner and ask for their opinion. It can be a significant roadblock if only one person is eager to try couples therapy to improve their relationship. Make sure that both of you are committed, and it's not only one person who makes an effort in couples therapy sessions. The main point of couples therapy is to help partners come together and solve problems together, not just for the improvement of the relationship, but also for the benefit of their families and children.
What therapy techniques do marriage counselors use in marriage counseling to address common marital issues?
Marriage counseling may involve using different therapy types, including cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), the Gottman method, and emotionally focused therapy (EFT).
Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): This type of therapy helps clients identify and challenge negative thought patterns and behaviors contributing to relationship problems. It can also help couples improve communication and resolve conflicts effectively.
Gottman method: This research-based approach, developed by the Gottman Institute, helps couples by enhancing communication, intimacy, and conflict resolution, leading to a more stable connection.
Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): EFT focuses on improving partner attachment and emotional connection. EFT sessions may help you identify and process emotions, leading to increased understanding, emotional regulation, and greater empathy.
Other techniques used in sessions of marital and premarital counseling include solution-focused therapy, Imago relationship therapy (IRT), reflective listening, and narrative therapy. Aside from marriage counseling, there are other types of counseling for couples, such as premarital counseling, online couples therapy, Christian counseling, and discernment counseling. It depends on the couple’s needs which type of counseling service is suited for the concerns they are currently dealing with. Individuals within a couple may also attend individual therapy in addition to couples therapy. Individual therapy allows for a personal exploration of emotions without the presence of a partner.
Typically, couples therapy sessions are not covered by insurance. However, couples may request coverage from their insurance provider, especially if there’s an underlying mental health condition that affects the relationship. Couples can check for available in-network therapists who accept their insurance plans at a reasonable price.
How does couples therapy benefit a couple's communication and emotional connection?
The main goal of couples therapy sessions is to provide a way for couples to learn and practice healthier communication skills and understand their partner’s perspectives more deeply. It provides a safe space for couples to talk about their thoughts, feelings, and life issues in a healthy way, helping them come together and address the matter on the same page. This can lead to a stronger emotional bond and a better relationship in the long run, which can impact not only themselves but also their children and families.
What qualifications should one look for when choosing marriage counselors for effective psychology marriage counseling?
Ideally, marriage counselors should have a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy (MFT), a specialization in couples therapy and relationship issues, and relevant experience in the field. Couples might also want to look for a counselor who is licensed to practice individual therapy or marriage and family therapy. Some couples may also consider a marriage and family therapist or counselor based on their communication style and approach to treatment. A good therapist knows which methods to use in marriage and couples therapy sessions, depending on what the couple is dealing with, whether it be communication problems, divorce, or issues with children and families.
More questions to explore in therapy:
How do marriage and family therapists approach couples counseling to address relationship issues?
In couples counseling, the marriage counselor or therapist assesses your current situation in the first sessions. The therapist employs various techniques to identify and explore thoughts and fears that may be contributing to the matter at hand. There may be underlying life issues that cause problems for most couples, children, and families that need to be resolved. These life issues may involve financial struggles, lack of intimacy, infidelity, stress, divorce, and even childhood experiences and family dynamics that can affect current relationships at some point.
After identifying those issues, the therapist devises interventions that may benefit couples. The therapist guides couples by teaching problem-solving and relationship skills to address the current problems in a healthy way. This may involve teaching couples proper skills for dealing with specific situations or encouraging them to no longer engage in unhealthy habits and behaviors that only bring stress and problems to their relationships. In couple therapy sessions, focused therapy techniques will be taught so you can actively hear your partner’s thoughts and insights. It may be essential to be aware of what your partner is thinking, what to expect in the relationship, and to gain insight into other things that matter to you as a person and to your partner.
What are some common issues addressed in marriage and family counseling, and how are they typically resolved?
Usually, the common issues being addressed in sessions of marriage and family counseling can include difficulties in conflict resolution, poor communication skills, parenting challenges, unhealthy boundaries, family dynamics, mental health issues, divorce, and infidelity, among others. These issues are typically addressed in family therapy, wherein partners work together under the guidance of a therapist. Family counseling can help couples and families navigate life transitions, such as having children, relationship changes, divorce, retirement, grief and loss, and career changes.
Communication problems and conflicts are commonly addressed by allowing couples to talk about their thoughts and feelings in a safe and supportive environment, such as in couples therapy sessions. A licensed clinical psychologist and therapist may address mental health issues through talk therapy and other forms of treatment. You may be referred to a psychiatrist for medication management if necessary. Meanwhile, dealing with infidelity or divorce with your partner might include developing strategies that focus on healing and reconciliation, and sometimes separation, if necessary.
How can couples counseling or couples therapy benefit partners both individually and as a couple, in terms of psychological well-being?
Couples therapy sessions can help both partners in the relationship learn healthier coping mechanisms to handle stress and challenges within their relationship, and thus improve their own mental health and well-being. Couples and individual therapy sessions may help couples understand differences between their partner in terms of values, parenting styles, needs, and more.
Does insurance cover couples therapy?
Commonly, insurance plans do not cover couples therapy sessions as a means of treatment for relationship issues, since most insurance companies require a diagnosis of a mental health condition to cover treatment. Insurance plans mainly focus on and cover individual therapy for mental health treatment. You and your partner may want to check with insurance providers to see if there is an in-network therapist who can cover the mental health condition, issue, or matter you are dealing with for individual therapy.
How to resolve a conflict in a marriage?
Conflicts in marriage can be resolved through open and effective communication between partners. If the matter at hand cannot be fixed simply by communication, it may be a good idea to seek help from a professional. There are several types of couples therapy and counseling for partners, including premarital counseling, online couples therapy, and discernment counseling.
Premarital counseling: This is a form of couples therapy to help partners talk about important topics in marriage, such as intimacy, communication, personal values, parenting styles, and career goals. Premarital counseling can help future families reduce the likelihood of divorce by building a strong foundation in marriage. Premarital counseling is commonly scheduled once a week, but the frequency can be adjusted depending on the situation of the couple.
Online couples therapy: This is a form of couples therapy where couples meet a licensed couples therapist virtually to talk about relationship concerns, improve communication, and resolve conflicts. Online couples therapy sessions may offer emotional support and guidance for partners going through the process of divorce, including issues involving their children and families. Sessions are commonly held once a week.
Discernment counseling: This is a counseling approach to help couples who are facing uncertainty in relationships or for those on the brink of divorce, to give them clarity on making decisions. This process may also allow couples to reduce hurt feelings by creating a safe space for expressing emotions. Discernment counseling sessions typically occur once a week.
Individual therapy can also help in dealing with marriage conflicts. Individual therapy can be a valuable tool to supplement couples therapy, helping partners address personal issues that may be affecting their relationship.
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