Rationalization

Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA, LCSW
Updated October 18, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Life can be challenging for everyone at times, and managing the heartbreaks, disappointments, and curve balls can be difficult. Sometimes, we use a variety of defense mechanisms, such as rationalization—without even realizing. In this article, we’ll explore how rationalization works in practice, why rationalization can be unhealthy, and what you can do to move on from rationalizing in the future.

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Constantly justifying actions?

What is rationalization?

The American Psychological Association defines rationalization as “an ego defense in which apparently logical reasons are given to justify unacceptable behavior that is motivated by unconscious instinctual impulses.” For example, most people have done something they shouldn’t have at one point or another. Let’s say that you ate your co-worker’s sandwich. It was in the office refrigerator and was marked with his name. You knew it was his, but you still took it and ate it.

Afterwards, you might have felt guilty about your actions, but maybe you told yourself something like, “It wasn’t really that bad because he usually goes out to eat anyway.” Perhaps you thought, “It’s not a big deal. He has time to get something else to eat if he wants. I have back-to-back meetings all day.”

Both of these are examples of rationalization. Put simply, to use the definition by Merriam Webster, rationalization is “a way of describing, interpreting, or explaining something (such as bad behavior) that makes it seem proper, more attractive, etc.” 

If we connect this definition back to our example, we can clearly see that the person who ate their co-worker’s sandwich used rationalization to convince themselves that their behavior was justified. In this scenario, we can see how rationalization helps people to think that their behavior is justified even when it isn’t. 

The results of rationalization

Rationalization is not always inherently wrong. For example, let’s imagine that you interview for your dream job and you get rejected. Shortly thereafter you receive an offer for another job. This one isn’t quite what you wanted, but you’re happy to have a job.

When your friends and family ask if you got your dream job, you might say something like, “No, I actually decided to turn it down for this one that has a better salary, better commute, and more affordable rent close to work.” Of course, that isn’t true at all, but this is a classic example of how people use rationalization as a defense mechanism. 

Although rationalizing or making up an excuse about your new job isn’t the worst thing in the world, it can have negative consequences for you and your mental health. Below, we’ll take a look at some downsides of rationalization and ways to stop rationalizing moving forward.

The downsides of rationalization

Rationalization often seems positive in the moment, but it can have some negative consequences in the long run. For example, lying about your job may seem pretty innocent and might spare you some initial awkwardness, but it can still be problematic for you, even if no one else finds out. That’s because it can be easy for us to believe the lies we tell ourselves.

Rationalization becoming a pattern

Because the human brain is wired to crave bursts of pleasure, we tend to want more of the things that help us feel good. If it seems encouraging to rationalize your behavior, it’s likely that you may continue to do so over and over. Rationalization can become a pattern for many people, and that’s when it can become a toxic thought process and a maladaptive coping mechanism.

As you increasingly rationalize your behavior, you may run the risk of hiding your emotions from yourself. For example, breakups and moments of rejection can be painful for anyone. If you experience these things, it’s okay to feel sad, hurt, or angry. In these cases, rationalization can be problematic when you convince yourself that these circumstances don’t bother you.

How rationalization can affect you

If someone experiences a painful breakup that really produces genuine sadness, they may say something like, “Maybe it was for the best,” or “Maybe it was meant to be; I’ll find the person who’s right for me in the end.” Both of these are positive ways of looking to the future with hope and can help you establish a realistic and positive outlook for your future. Statements like these may allow you to feel sad in the moment while reminding you that you won’t be sad forever.

Avoidance of working through hardship

However, if you instead comfort yourself by saying something like, “It didn’t really bother me that much,” or “We’re just taking a break,” you may be setting yourself up for unhealthy and unrealistic thought patterns. When you rationalize a situation in this way, you may shield yourself from coping with the pain you’re feeling and prevent yourself from working through the pain in a healthy way.

How rationalization can affect your growth

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There are other potential downsides to rationalization. If you develop a holistic pattern of shielding yourself from uncomfortable truths through rationalization, you may also become blind to the reality of many situations, such as instances of your own inappropriate behavior you have rationalized. 

Blocking out uncomfortable experiences

Perhaps you get too drunk at a party and say something inappropriate or behave in a way that leads to discomfort in others. Similarly, if you get angry in the heat of the moment, you might lash out and hurt others with your words. No one likes to think that they’ve embarrassed themselves or offended other people, but sometimes, that’s the unpleasant reality of our actions. In those cases, it’s likely best to acknowledge the embarrassment and discomfort you feel.

Once you’ve managed your emotions in a healthy way, you can make amends, if possible, and begin to think about your behavior, its causes, and your future course of action. However, if you prevent yourself from experiencing any pain or discomfort, you may rob yourself of the learning opportunities that come when you grow through the pain.
Getty/Xavier Lorenzo
Constantly justifying actions?

Addressing rationalization

If any of these rationalization examples sound familiar to you, then you might be rationalizing some of your behavior. However, whether you only rationalize on occasion or you’ve rationalized for years, it’s never too late to improve skills outside of rationalization. You might start by identifying the feelings you have been rationalizing and the types of circumstances that motivate you to tell yourself something comforting, especially if you realize that the rationalizations you’re telling yourself are different from reality.

Taking the first step

This initial step can be painful, but it may also be an empowering moment of self-discovery. As you examine your rationalizations, you may find that there are many situations you have rationalized that you have the power to change. Breaking free from rationalization can show you that you have the power to create a better future for yourself. As a result, you may find that you can live a happier, more authentic life away from rationalization.

Getting help for rationalization

If you want to deconstruct this thought pattern and reach your full potential, you don’t have to do it on your own. There are licensed therapists with experience helping people through the process of exploring rationalization. However, if the thought of going to a therapist’s office to discuss sensitive topics creates discomfort in you, you might try online therapy, which research has shown to be just as effective as traditional in-office therapy

Online therapy

With BetterHelp, you can engage in therapy via phone or videoconferencing from the comfort of your home at a time that works for you. Additionally, you can write to your therapist at any time via in-app messaging, and they’ll respond as soon as they are able. 

Licensed counselors at BetterHelp can guide you through a specialized treatment plan that can help you work through your thought processes and develop new, healthy coping mechanisms. As you learn these new patterns of behavior, you may find that you can live your life with more authenticity and freedom.
"Nels is the rational voice when you need one. Besides being a calm and pleasant presence, she’s also genuinely listening and caring. A lovely soul."
— BetterHelp member’s review of their therapist

Takeaway

If you think you may be engaging in rationalization and would like to address it, you don’t have to face it on your own. With BetterHelp, you can be matched with a licensed therapist with training and experience helping people explore their rationalization and other defense mechanisms. Addressing your role in different experiences can lead to substantial long-term growth. Take the first step toward growth in this area and contact BetterHelp today.
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