What Is Secure Attachment? Psychology And Definition

Have you ever wondered why some people seem to have a natural comfort level with nearly every relationship? An individual's natural ability to form secure attachments and connections generally begins with a secure attachment in early infancy. However, when a child’s needs aren’t met, they may develop an insecure attachment style, which can be broken down into ambivalent, avoidant, and disordered attachments. Various developmental milestones can help you determine whether your child has developed a secure attachment style. Therapy, whether online or in person, may be a helpful tool for learning parenting skills and improving your child’s attachment if there are any delays or challenges.

What is attachment?

Attachment is a term often used in psychology to describe the relationship between children and their caretakers, generally their parents or guardians.Attachment theory was first proposed by psychologist John Bowlby, who posited that an inborn desire for closeness to attachment figures evolved in humans over time. According to attachment theory, a healthy relationship with an attachment figure is vital during early childhood, serving as a secure base that protects and provides for the child.

Psychologist Mary Ainsworth built on Bowlby’s theory, developing the concept of attachment styles, different patterns that grow out of early interactions with a parent or other figure. These attachments are typically classified as insecure attachments or secure attachments. While it can be easiest to form a secure attachment bond with an infant, attachments can be formed at any time or age.

Initially, attachment theory concepts were applied to issues in child development. Over time, though, proponents of attachment theory began viewing an individual’s attachment style as an enduring presence that can eventually affect their adult relationships, including friendships, romantic relationships, and family connections.

Insecure attachment

An insecure attachment typically occurs when a child's needs for understanding, comfort, and safety are unmet, preventing the child's developing brain from organizing itself effectively. This can affect emotional, mental, and physical development, potentially leading to difficulties in learning and forming relationships later in life.

There are usually three types of insecure attachments: avoidant, ambivalent, and disorganized.

Insecure attachments can be characterized by inappropriate reactions to the presence of or attachment to a primary caregiver. For example:

• Ambivalent attachment: Children are usually wary of strangers. They may be distressed when their parents leave and are not comforted by their return. Individuals with ambivalent attachment typically hesitate to form close relationships, worry that their partners don't love them, and become distraught when relationships end.
• Avoidant attachment: Children may not feel comfort from parents, may avoid them, and don't necessarily prefer parents over strangers. Adults with this attachment style may avoid intimacy, invest little in romantic relationships, and be unwilling or unable to express their innermost feelings with others.
• Disordered attachment: Children may show a mix of avoidant and ambivalent behavior and may seem dazed, apprehensive, or confused. They may also be inclined to act as a parent or caregiver to their parents, siblings, or others. This attachment disorder may be most often seen in the homes of children who have experienced physical or sexual abuse*, who have psychologically impaired parents, or who live with parents who have substance use disorders.

Secure attachment

A secure attachment generally ensures that a child feels safe, understood, and calm. These feelings can optimize a child's brain development and provide a foundation that promotes a sense of safety. A secure attachment can lead to in healthy self-awareness, empathy, trust, and an eagerness to learn.

Securely attached children normally prefer their parents to strangers and can separate from them, knowing their parents will return. Children with secure attachments may seek comfort from their parents when they're scared. Securely attached children tend to be social individuals with trusting, lasting relationships and good self-esteem.

Developmental milestones related to secure attachment

Evaluating a child's progression in developmental milestones can be one way to determine if they have attachment challenges. Because children who have secure attachments are usually eager to learn, it can be easy to identify those who have insecure attachments by referring to age-appropriate developmental milestones.

During wellness checkups, a pediatrician or nurse may ask questions about a child's development and interact with a child to evaluate their ability to perform some of these milestones. If a child falls behind, this might suggest that they are not securely attached, which can indicate the need for an intervention.

However, a child who does not meet all developmental milestones is not necessarily cause for concern. The guide to developmental milestones is typically used as part of an assessment, not as a stand-alone measurement. 

Age-appropriate development milestones may include, but are not limited to, the following:

• Notice and follow movement and bright colors 
• Turn toward sounds
• Watch people’s faces with interest
• Return smiles

• Show joy when interacting with parents
• Make sounds when happy or unhappy
• Display enjoyment during playtime by smiling frequently

• Use facial expressions and sounds when interacting
• Alternate back and forth with gestures, smiles, and sounds

• Play simple games like peek-a-boo
• Use various sounds
• Recognize their name when called

• Know and understand at least 10 words
• Communicate needs with signals, words, and gestures, like pointing at something or leading you to something
• Show familiarity with body parts of people by pointing or looking at them when mentioned

• Know and understand 50 or more words
• Use more than one word together to express themselves
• Show interest in playing with other children 
• Respond to questions about familiar people and objects 

• Put thoughts and actions together, like "sleepy, want a blanket," or "hungry for yogurt" and walking to the refrigerator
• Enjoy playing and talking with other children
• Answer "who," "what," "when," and "where" questions without too much trouble

Obstacles to creating a secure attachment bond

Difficulties in creating a secure attachment bond may first appear when the child is an infant. A parent may deeply love their child but be unequipped to meet the child's needs. If parents cannot manage their own stress or regain calm and focus in stressful situations, it will likely be difficult to calm a baby. This may contribute to a child developing an anxious attachment style or one of the other insecure attachment styles.

Older children often still look to their parents as a source of safety and connection. If a parent is frequently angry, depressed, anxious, or preoccupied, they may not be able to provide that safety and connection. Therefore, the older child's physical, emotional, or intellectual development may be affected, preventing them from developing a secure attachment style.

How a child's well-being may affect the secure attachment bond

Experience often shapes the brain, and this can be especially true for newborns whose nervous systems may be largely undeveloped. Still, infants can overcome many difficulties. It may take a few months, but if the primary caretaker remains calm, focused, understanding, and persistent, a baby will generally relax enough to create a secure attachment.

A child's experience and environment usually affect their ability to form a secure attachment bond. However, unavoidable circumstances may affect the bond. While the situation may be inevitable, children may not understand. The child may feel like they are in the way or that no one cares. In response, the child may begin to distrust others and feel unsafe.

Can insecure attachment bonds be repaired?

Your pediatrician or primary caregiver can assess your child's progress with developmental milestones and advise you on any possible remedies should there be any delays. If you feel that the difficulty in establishing a secure attachment may be emotional for either you or your child, seeking the help of a licensed therapist can be beneficial.

It can be perfectly normal for a child to develop skills or behaviors slowly. But if a pattern emerges and your child shows other signs of an insecure attachment, it could be worth seeking help. Numerous methods can have high success rates in treating insecure attachments.

In one study, researchers found that psychotherapy could deliver significant results. In the control group, 63% of kids with a secure connection generally showed healthy neurological development, and about 75% of those with an insecure connection had experienced delays. 

In the treatment group, in which parents and their children received counseling sessions and other resources, there was usually no correlation between connection type and developmental progress. In other words, the treatment generally brought every family up to a similar level.

If you would like to improve your connection with your child and foster their development, a mental health professional may be available to help. Online therapy can be an excellent resource for learning effective communication and coping skills as you progress as a caregiver to your infant or child and begin to establish secure attachments. 

Benefits of online therapy

Online therapy can have many benefits, particularly for busy parents. You may attend therapy online from the comfort of your home or anywhere you have an internet connection, which may make it easier to find the time for treatment. It may also eliminate the need to plan for transportation and childcare.

Although not much research currently exists on the efficacy of online therapy for parenting skills and improving children’s attachment styles, a growing body of research generally supports the idea that online therapy is as effective as face-to-face therapy.