Avoidance Of Emotional Intimacy Due To PTSD

Emotional intimacy is typically a cornerstone of healthy relationships of all kinds, including romantic connections. Without this type of intimacy, it can be difficult for all parties in a relationship to feel safe and connected and for their relationship to grow. While there are many reasons why people in a romantic relationship might struggle with emotional intimacy, one of the potential causes is intimacy avoidance due to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). This article aims to define intimacy avoidance in PTSD and to explore treatment options for this and other symptoms of the condition. 

Experiencing emotional avoidance due to PTSD?

Connect with a licensed therapist

What is PTSD?

PTSD is a mental health disorder that arises as the result of an individual experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event. This disorder can develop at any age and can be caused by many different types of stressful and life-changing events.

Combat veterans and sexual trauma survivors are often at risk of developing PTSD, and those who have experienced abuse from family members, romantic partners, or peers at school or work may be as well. Those who survive other types of life-threatening experiences—such as a violent assault, war, a natural disaster, or a serious car accident—could also develop this mental health condition.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources. 

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

PTSD symptoms

The symptoms of PTSD can vary somewhat from person to person, but they typically fall into four categories:

1. Reexperiencing, such as flashbacks to or nightmares about the traumatic event
2. Hyperarousal, such as being easily startled, having trouble sleeping, and showing irritability or having angry outbursts
3. Mood and cognition changes, such as feelings of shame or guilt, lack of interest in activities once enjoyed, negative thought patterns, and social withdrawal
4. Avoidance behaviors, such as avoiding reminders of or conversations about the event or trying to avoid emotions and emotional intimacy altogether

What causes intimacy avoidance in PTSD?

Intimacy avoidance can fall under the category of avoidance symptoms, sometimes referred to as the “avoidance cluster.” These symptoms may arise when the individual tries to keep traumatic memories from being at the forefront of their minds by avoiding triggers. They might try to emotionally “block” recollections of or emotions related to the experiences that traumatized them in an attempt to avoid panic attacks, psychosis, or other severe potential symptoms of PTSD. 

While avoiding reminders of trauma may help an individual with PTSD prevent themselves from feeling triggered, it often results in them avoiding their emotions altogether. This can exacerbate symptoms of PTSD, create additional complications, or even cause the development of PTSD in those who have experienced trauma but haven’t yet shown signs of this condition. 

Effects of repressing feelings

Repressing emotions can lead to a variety of negative health effects in the long term, including increased pain levels, elevated risk of cancer and cardiovascular problems, and an increased likelihood of depression and anxiety. 

Fear and avoidance of emotional intimacy due to PTSD

If you are experiencing PTSD or are the romantic partner of someone with this condition, you may be able to recognize some of the signs of emotional avoidance. These may include things like:

• Emotional numbness, or emotions and reactions to experiences being dulled, delayed, or nonexistent
• Emotional distancing from friends, family, and/or romantic partners
• Chronic worry or stress
• Lack of interest in things one enjoyed, such as hobbies or physical intimacy
• Nervousness and anxiety

Additional symptoms of PTSD may exacerbate or coexist with signs of emotional avoidance as well, such as:

• Difficulty sleeping
• Irritability
• Flashbacks to traumatic events
• Anger issues
• Poor impulse control
• Engaging in unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as substance misuse

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Emotionally avoidant behaviors can cause individuals to lose interest in establishing or deepening emotional and/or physical intimacy with their romantic partner(s). They can also decrease or entirely eliminate one’s capacity for emotional availability and/or sexual desire. Getting treatment for PTSD may help an individual manage these symptoms to improve their well-being and the health of their relationships. 

Experiencing emotional avoidance due to PTSD?

Connect with a licensed therapist

Mental health services for PTSD treatment

Treatment for PTSD typically consists of some form of therapy, sometimes in combination with medication. Talk therapy in particular may help those with PTSD regain their ability to become aware of and process their emotions. It may also support them in learning to manage other PTSD symptoms, develop healthy coping mechanisms, and improve their mental health and relationships overall. 

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is one type of talk therapy that’s commonly used for those with PTSD, and it can be an effective way to treat symptoms like intimacy avoidance. Its core aim is to help the individual learn to recognize and then shift distorted thoughts that may be contributing to negative feelings and various symptoms. Another type, known as acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), could also be helpful, as it’s designed to directly address avoidant behaviors and help individuals experience their full range of emotions. 

Online therapy for coping with PTSD

While therapy can be an important component of treatment for those living with PTSD, some people may find it difficult to speak about their trauma or their symptoms with a therapist face to face—particularly if they’re experiencing signs of emotional avoidance. It’s an example of a situation in which online therapy can represent a more comfortable alternative. It allows individuals to meet with a licensed therapist remotely via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging from wherever they feel comfortable, as long as they have an internet connection. Research suggests that virtual CBT in particular can be as effective as in-person CBT for those with PTSD.