Ways To Offer Support When Dating Someone With PTSD

Medically reviewed by Andrea Brant, LMHC and Majesty Purvis, LCMHC

Updated October 10, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include suicide, substance use, or abuse which could be triggering to the reader.

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Has your partner experienced a traumatic event?

Online therapy can help you support them

Dating someone living with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can be challenging. You may feel confused, frustrated, and overwhelmed by your partner's symptoms or reactions to certain triggers. However, it can be important to remember that PTSD is a mental illness that can require patience, understanding, and care as you support your partner through their healing journey. It’s often helpful to educate yourself about PTSD, create a safe and supportive environment, and encourage your partner to get the professional help they deserve. Oftentimes, PTSD affects both the survivor and their partner. For this reason, you may also benefit from speaking to a therapist online or in person as you navigate relationship challenges and any of your own mental health concerns.

Understanding PTSD and its symptoms

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, PTSD can be defined as a disorder triggered by exposure to a traumatic event, such as war, physical or emotional abuse*, or natural disasters. It can cause intense emotional and physical reactions in the person living with the condition and interfere with their daily life.

When it comes to understanding what your partner is going through, it can be important to understand the root causes of PTSD and its common symptoms. PTSD is usually caused by a traumatic experience ranging from a single intense event to multiple events over time. Risk factors for developing PTSD can include prior trauma, exposure to violence, or existing mental health conditions.

Common symptoms of PTSD may include the following:

Re-experiencing the trauma through flashbacks and intrusive thoughts
Avoidant behavior in which your partner may try to avoid any reminders of their trauma
Negative changes in mood and beliefs
Hyperarousal and reactivity, potentially making them feel anxious or on edge all the time

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Having a partner with PTSD can be difficult for both people in the relationship, potentially making communication an even more important factor in how you support each other. Emotional distancing and trust issues can arise, as well as communication challenges and intimacy concerns.

The most important thing may be for both of you to be open about how the condition affects you and what your needs are to make the relationship work. When your partner feels seen and heard, they may trust you more and feel safer in the relationship.

Supporting and understanding your partner through their healing journey

While it can be important to understand PTSD and its symptoms, it may also be vital to take action to support your partner through their healing journey. To show your partner that you are there for them, it can help to:

Educate yourself about PTSD: Resources on the condition are available online and in books. Understanding triggers and recognizing signs of a flashback or panic attack can be essential in providing support when your partner needs it most.
Create a safe and supportive environment: Encouraging open communication, establishing trust and boundaries, and practicing patience and empathy can create a safe space for both of you. This type of environment can be essential so you can work together to heal without fear or judgment.
Encourage professional help: Professional intervention may be necessary for both your partner and you. Alternative treatments like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), mindfulness, and meditation can also be beneficial and should be discussed with your partner.

Getty/AnnaStills

Has your partner experienced a traumatic event?

Online therapy can help you support them

Supporting someone through their healing journey can be a difficult but rewarding process that typically requires time, patience, and understanding. With the right approach, you can ensure that both of you have a healthy relationship despite the challenges posed by PTSD. When you have an open dialogue about how to best support each other, you may find it easier to manage the condition and have a fulfilling relationship.

Navigating relationship challenges through honest communication

Remember that you and your partner are in this together, and with some effort and patience, you may work through any challenges that come your way.

Let's look at some strategies for addressing difficult relationship issues together.

Communication strategies: Active listening and nonviolent communication techniques can be valuable tools for creating a safe environment to discuss any challenges arising from your partner's PTSD. Additionally, seeking external support from a relationship coach or therapist can provide an objective perspective and help both of you positively manage any conflict.
Navigating intimacy: An open dialogue about fears, boundaries, and trust can be key to rebuilding intimacy in the relationship. You may also want to explore alternative forms of intimacy, such as cuddling or massage, which can be less intense but still foster closeness between partners.
Coping with setbacks and progress: Celebrating small victories while acknowledging and accepting setbacks may play an important role. Having a long-term perspective on healing can be important, as it may help both of you stay focused on the end goal rather than getting bogged down in any individual obstacles along the way.

Following these strategies and staying committed to each other can create a safe relationship that may weather even the toughest challenges. As you learn each other's needs, provide empathy and compassion, and remember that you are a team, working toward common goals may become easier. On this journey, you may find it worth every effort as you remain connected and grow together in a meaningful and healthy relationship.

Self-care for the supportive partner

To be an effective and supportive partner, taking time for yourself and practicing self-care tend to be crucial. Self-care may seem like a luxury, but it can be essential for maintaining your emotional well-being. It can help you manage stress and be more present when your partner needs you the most.

Clinical research indicates self-care may reduce stress and increase resilience. Resilience can be defined as your ability to bounce back from challenges. This ability generally helps you stay emotionally connected, calm, and understanding during difficult times.

Set personal boundaries

Setting personal boundaries can be one of the most important elements of self-care. Establishing and maintaining boundaries may help you feel safe and in control, as well as provide structure within the relationship. Boundaries can include anything from scheduling regular check-ins to taking a break when needed.

Pursue hobbies and interests

Pursuing hobbies and interests can also be essential for self-care. You may want to take up an old hobby or try something new that helps you relax and unwind. Activities outside of your relationship may ensure that both partners have independent lives, which can be beneficial.

Have a support network

Another important element may be connecting with a support network. Friends, family, or a licensed mental health professional can provide emotional support. Connecting with those who understand and empathize with your situation can help you gain perspective and maintain a healthy emotional state.

Finally, if needed, seeking professional help may always be an option.

Benefits of online therapy

Online therapy can be an effective way to receive support from a qualified therapist in the comfort of your own home. The therapist can help you work through any relationship difficulties and provide guidance for overcoming challenges with PTSD. To provide support, your therapist may also create a plan to address common issues such as communication, trust, and intimacy.

According to a 2019 study, online cognitive behavioral therapy may be an effective treatment option for PTSD. This study joins a large body of evidence suggesting that online therapy is usually just as effective as in-person therapy. It may be a helpful treatment option for people with PTSD, as well as their partners.

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Takeaway

A supportive partner can be an invaluable aid in managing the symptoms of PTSD. By understanding what your partner needs and offering empathy, compassion, and support while taking care of yourself, you can work together as a team to build a strong and healthy relationship. It may not be easy right away, but your efforts will likely pay off over time as you learn to navigate life with PTSD and strengthen your bond along the way. Both you and your partner may benefit from the support and guidance of a licensed therapist as you learn to foster a healthy relationship.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

What should you expect when dating someone with PTSD?

If you’re dating someone with PTSD, you will likely witness one or more of their symptoms. Familiarizing yourself with these symptoms may help you understand why your partner behaves like they do and how you can support them.

People with PTSD may feel like they can’t trust anyone and often feel misunderstood, which can make having a relationship challenging. They may have periods of intense guilt, anger, or grief related to the event or experience persistent anxiety, which can cause problems with concentration or sleep.

People with PTSD may have flashbacks or nightmares about traumatic events, and almost anything can trigger them. Some people with PTSD avoid social situations when experiencing more intense symptoms, including spending time with their partner. Avoidance is another symptom of PTSD where the person avoids anything that reminds them of their trauma. They may isolate themselves from loved ones or feel numb or detached. They may turn to substance use to cope.

People with PTSD can also experience physical symptoms, usually associated with high anxiety, like nausea, sweating, rapid heart rate, or stomach pain. If you’re experiencing physical symptoms, it may be a good idea to speak with a healthcare professional to ensure that a physical condition is not responsible for your symptoms.

What are the struggles of dating with PTSD?

Dating someone with PTSD can have many challenges. If your partner has PTSD, they may struggle to regulate their emotions and become distant or abusive. Solving even minor conflicts can be overwhelming. They may become increasingly dependent on their partner, which can shift the relationship dynamic so the partner becomes or feels like more of a caretaker. Someone with PTSD may have little interest in sex or be traumatized by intimacy. They may not want to participate in family activities, and your support system may not understand the severity of the condition and how much it impacts the couple’s actions.

Can a person with PTSD live a normal life with trauma-informed therapy and other treatment options?

With treatment, people with PTSD can learn to manage their symptoms so they may have less of an impact on their day-to-day lives. Some PTSD treatment options may be effective, including cognitive behavioral therapy, exposure therapy, eye movement desensitization, reprocessing therapy, and group therapy. These treatments and the support of friends and family can help someone with PTSD avoid destructive coping mechanisms and improve their quality of life.

How do people with PTSD act in relationships?

According to the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, most people “are able to resume their prior level of closeness in relationships” after trauma, but as many as 10% of people with PTSD may have long-term relationship problems. They may feel numb or distant and have little interest in sexual activities or being social; because they are often on guard, nervous, or jumpy, they may be unable to relax. People with PTSD may experience flashbacks and have trouble sleeping, which could make sharing a bed more difficult. Survivors may also have intense anger and engage in impulsive behavior, which may lead them to push people away. Some people with PTSD may attempt to cope with their symptoms by using drugs or alcohol, which can lead to other relationship issues, like physical or verbal abuse. These symptoms can be so challenging to deal with that a survivor may be unable to focus on their partner.

Is it hard to be in a relationship with someone with PTSD?

It can be challenging to be in a relationship with someone with PTSD, especially if they are not getting treatment. Someone with PTSD may not feel safe in a relationship, possibly even more so if their trauma stems from a relationship or sexual abuse. Unresolved trauma can cause many problems in a relationship, including depression, stress, anxiety, reduced sex drive, and emotional reactivity. Treatment can address these issues, but if the person with PTSD is unwilling to get help, it can strain the relationship and the odds of PTSD recovery.

How can I be a good partner and support someone with complex PTSD?

Try to be as supportive and understanding as you can. Talk to your partner and try to communicate clearly about how you can best support them. Learn about your partner's triggers and try to keep your environment free of them. Check in with them when you go to new places to make sure there isn’t anything that can trigger symptoms. If you are with your partner when they are triggered, be prepared with a plan to help them cope, even if that means changing plans or leaving to make sure they feel safe.

Encourage them to get help from a professional to learn effective coping skills and overcome the symptoms that may be impacting their life. Having a clear daily schedule can also help. For example, you can sit down every morning and have breakfast together or walk the dog together after dinner every evening.

Try to remain patient and understand that you may not be able to relate to what they are going through, no matter how hard you try. Don’t try to minimize their feelings or expect them just to shut it off or switch gears. Sometimes, the best thing you can do in these situations is remind your partner that you’re there for them and that, although you’re having trouble relating, you know that what they are experiencing is valid and challenging.

What is daily life like for someone with PTSD triggers and severe anxiety?

Everyone’s experience with PTSD may be different, but it can significantly affect everyday life. Some people with PTSD can make them feel like they are on high alert all the time. Depending on the cause of the trauma, sounds like doors slamming or footsteps behind them, smells, and even emotions can trigger feelings of fear and dread, and the person may re-experience the traumatic event.

People with PTSD may always be in a heightened state of alertness, making it hard to concentrate on tasks or fall asleep. Childhood trauma or any single traumatic event can change the brain's structure, increasing stress hormones. The person may lose interest in or be unable to get enjoyment from things they previously enjoyed.

What's it like living with someone who has PTSD?

Living with someone experiencing PTSD symptoms can be challenging, but it can help to remember that you and your partner are in it together. Talking to a relationship therapist or counselor can help you and your partner learn communication techniques to help you create a safe environment and learn how to discuss the challenges arising from your partner’s symptoms. Having open discussions about boundaries, fears, and trust can help improve intimacy issues.

If you’re in a relationship with someone who has PTSD, you may also need to come up with a way to cope with setbacks and celebrate progress. Celebrating small victories can help, but so can accepting setbacks.

What should you avoid when dating someone with PTSD?

One thing you may want to avoid doing to someone with this mental health condition is trying to fix them. You can be supportive and respectful of your partner's PTSD symptoms, pain, and what they are going through and help them feel safe without trying to solve their problems for them. Pushing someone into talking may have negative effects; wait until they’re ready to talk. When they do open up, don’t judge them or offer advice. Just listen and encourage them to speak to a licensed mental health professional with specialized training in PTSD.

What behaviors do people with PTSD have?

People with PTSD may re-experience their past trauma through intrusive thoughts and flashbacks. They may be anxious or on edge all the time, experience negative changes in beliefs and mood, or engage in avoidant behaviors to avoid reminders of the trauma.