The Impact Of Parenting Style: How Positive Parenting Affects Children

So much information and advice exists centering on parenting and child-rearing that it can seem overwhelming. If you have been wading through these resources trying to figure out what parenting style is best for you, you may have encountered conversations about positive parenting. 

Positive parenting is a relatively new technique that research indicates may help foster healthy relationships with your child and teach them appropriate behaviors to navigate life constructively. It may be beneficial to better understand this parenting technique and how you can implement it into your parenting style. 

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What is positive parenting?

Positive parenting is a parenting method that is exactly what it sounds like – focusing on positive interactions with your child. That does not mean you need to praise your child all the time, even if they are behaving poorly. A positive parenting approach entails prioritizing problem-solving and encouragement to correct problematic behavior. 

The effect of the punishment-rewards system on children

Recent child development knowledge also concludes that a punishment-rewards system is a generally ineffective means of behavior modification in children.

Positive parenting techniques tend to be more proactive than reactive, i.e., responding positively when a child is behaving well to help foster better behavior in the future. Positive parenting solutions rely on a strong bond between parents and children, so a key component of the approach is spending quality time with your child and enhancing communication with them. 

Positive parenting tips and examples

Positive parenting approaches emphasize teachable moments with children and empower them to make their own decisions (when developmentally appropriate). There are several core components of positive parenting and various ways to enact positive parenting skills in your interactions with your children. 

Being mindful of feedback

Positive feedback has been found to be one of the most effective ways of impacting children’s behavior, but the setting and content of positive feedback can matter. Acknowledging beneficial behavior by saying something like, “I really appreciate that you tried a new food that you weren’t initially sure about,” can be more productive than saying, “If you eat everything on your plate, then you can have dessert!” or “If you don’t finish your dinner, I’m sending you to bed early.” 

How phrasing of positive feedback affects your children’s learning

The phrasing of positive feedback can also teach your children important lessons about themselves and the world. If your feedback focuses on your children’s actions, not personality traits, you can help foster a sense of agency and autonomy in your kids. For example, instead of saying, “You’re such a good soccer player!” you could say, “You’ve been working really hard at soccer practice, and I can see it’s leading to improvements in your game.” 

The first option may teach kids that the world is divided into people who are innately “good” or “bad” at certain activities (and that if their soccer game ever worsens, it’s not something they have the power to improve). In contrast, the second option can teach children the value of hard work and that they can control elements of their success, which can lead to higher levels of self-esteem. 

Using natural consequences as a form of positive discipline

Natural consequences involve letting the logical impacts of your child’s behavior play out. While natural consequences are often associated with negative results (likely because of a negative association with the word “consequences”), they can also lead to positive events. 

If your child is refusing to put on their coat, a natural consequences-oriented approach could be to let your child know that if they don’t wear a coat, they will probably be cold, and then allow them to decide for themselves (if the natural consequences of an action are likely to be negative, it’s important to always let the child know beforehand). You can also communicate to your child when their behavior’s natural consequence is positive, i.e., “You spent a lot of time studying for that test, and you ended up getting an excellent grade!” 

How natural consequences as a positive parenting approach impact a child

Natural consequences can be a helpful way of introducing the concept of cause and effect in a child’s life. When using this positive parent approach, though, it is crucial to make sure everything stays age-appropriate – younger children may not be capable of fully understanding the choices that they are making. 

Natural consequences should also never veer into compromising a child’s safety, i.e., children should be taught to look both ways before crossing the street instead of experiencing the natural consequence of being hit by a car.

Other examples of using natural consequences as a form of positive discipline

 Other examples of positive behaviors include the following (some examples are developmentally appropriate for some ages, but not others):

• Developing a balance between the needs of parents and children 
• Providing consistent behavior guidelines and consequences
• Modeling good behavior (which can include prioritizing taking care of yourself and, if applicable, your relationship with your partner)
• Allowing a child to provide feedback when setting rules and expectations
• Spending one-on-one quality time with your child
• Encouraging your child to share their feelings, especially when you suspect strong emotions may be the driver of negative behavior
• Creating opportunities for your child to assume some responsibility in their lives and the running of the household, such as helping out with chores (while still allowing plenty of time for playing and being a kid)
• Paying attention to your children and letting them know they are important to you – negative behavior may sometimes be the result of your kid trying to get your attention in any way they can 

Finding support for parenting concerns, especially when it comes to disciplining a child

Deciding to adopt a positive parenting style can be easier said than done. There are many resources for those striving to become positive parents, including support groups with other parents, parenting courses, and parenting focused-therapy. Speaking to a therapist can be a helpful way of understanding yourself better and recognizing how to show up in the best way for your kids.

How online therapy can help you manage the demands of positive parenting 

With the many demands on parents’ time these days, it may seem overwhelming to try and find space in the calendar to attend an in-person therapy appointment. Online therapy may be a helpful therapy alternative for parents. With online therapy, you can access your therapist from anywhere you have an internet connection, including from your couch in between naptime and playtime. You can schedule video conferences, take part in phone calls, or simply text if you have a minor question.

The efficacy of online therapy for a parent or guardian

Research has indicated that there may be no difference in efficacy between therapy attended online and traditional therapy attended in person. One study found that online therapy can be a beneficial method of teaching parenting skills, including positive parenting, with parents able to make substantial shifts in their parenting methods and styles after completing a course in online therapy. If you are looking for ways to be a more positive parent, online therapy could be a helpful choice for you.