Dealing With Romantic Rejection: Six Strategies To Heal And Move On

Regardless of how many times you’ve experienced romantic rejection, the process of moving forward usually takes time, patience, and self-care. This process may be difficult, but with a strong support system and some targeted techniques, you can begin to heal and enter the next phase of your dating life. Whether you’re recovering from a recent breakup or supporting a loved one in the aftermath of rejection, you may find it helpful to validate your emotions, focus on the present, and connect with both yourself and the people you care about. Talking to a licensed therapist online or in person may help you work through your thoughts and feelings surrounding the rejection.

How does romantic rejection affect your brain and body?

Experiencing romantic rejection may have physical effects on the brain. In a study of reward, addiction, and emotional regulation systems associated with romantic rejection, researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging to study 15 young adults who had recently experienced unwanted breakups. 

When shown images of their ex-partners, the participants’ brains generally lit up in the midbrain reward system. This pattern suggests they were still neurologically “in love,” even though they understood their relationships were over. The researchers also frequently noted activity in the orbital frontal cortex, which is typically involved in learning from emotions and controlling behavior. Finally, activity tended to increase in brain areas that typically fire in people living with substance addiction. 

Broadly, these results can illustrate the powerful physiological effects of romantic rejection. Other studies continue to add to this body of research. Beyond the brain, researchers have found that rejection, breakups, and other forms of emotional trauma can inflict temporary damage to the heart. In a condition known as takotsubo cardiomyopathy, or “broken heart syndrome,” people may experience chest pain, shortness of breath, and other symptoms due to the weakening of the heart’s left ventricle. 

For many people, heartbreak and breakups may be inevitable aspects of life. With this understanding, some researchers emphasize the potentially motivational power of rejection. Lost relationships may cause sadness and other negative emotions, but the experience of rejection can actually motivate people to behave in ways that protect their most important relationships.

The aftermath of rejection: Six tips to move on

Learning to handle rejection may take time, and the experience can have significant effects on your physical and mental health. Still, healing can be possible. As you begin the process, consider the following six strategies, and adapt them to your needs and goals. 

1. Validate your emotions

When those negative feelings surface, you may want to give yourself an opportunity to self-reflect. For example, you could write about your emotions in a notepad or journal, call a friend or loved one, or go on a walk to calm down and check in with yourself. Rather than condemn certain emotions, consider reframing negative feelings as a reminder to slow down, be gentle with yourself, and attend to your needs in the moment. 

2. Stay present, but allow yourself to look forward

By focusing on the present moment, you can foster a deeper connection with yourself, your environment, and your loved ones. As you heal from past rejection, the future can also be a source of inspiration and excitement. Every connection – and perhaps every rejection – can be seen as an opportunity to learn, grow, and develop a clearer sense of how you’d like to approach your future romantic relationships.

If you choose to reenter the dating pool after a rejection, consider making a physical or digital “vision board,” documenting your relationship goals and sources of inspiration in clear detail. Using the power of mental imagery and mindfulness, visualization tools can clarify your relationship goals and offer a creative, hopeful framework for the future. 

3. Prioritize basic acts of self-care

Regardless of your current circumstances, taking care of your basic needs may be essential to long-term health and well-being. The concept of “self-care” may sound obvious, but when you’re recovering from a recent rejection, daily acts of self-care can easily fall by the wayside.

If you’re struggling to take care of your needs in the wake of a breakup or rejection, you may want to go back to the basics. Prioritize getting enough sleep, food, hydration, and physical activity. If some days are more difficult than others, consider being kind to yourself. Self-care can take many forms. Depending on the day, brushing your teeth, or getting outside for a few minutes may be acts worth celebrating. 

If you’re struggling to take care of yourself, consider thinking about how you’d look after a friend, pet, or someone else you care about. You might also want to reach out to loved ones for support and encouragement. When you approach self-care with this mindset, caring for yourself can become a powerful expression of self-worth. 

4. Connect with loved ones

As you work through your emotions during this time, you may feel tempted to isolate from others. Perhaps you’re nervous to open up about your experience or feel unsure as to how to cope with rejection in the presence of other people.

Allowing space for solitude and self-reflection can be part of your healing process, but it can be equally valuable to connect with friends, family members, and other trusted people during this time. Social connection tends to be the natural antidote to loneliness, which tends to be strongly associated with depression and other negative health outcomes.

When you’re ready, you can reach out to someone you trust. Even small amounts of quality time can give you a much-needed boost, so consider scheduling a short phone call with a family member, a lunch date with a coworker, or another low-stakes social activity. You may or may not decide to talk about your romantic experiences with this person, but the interaction can enrich your day – and, in the long term, your life – with feelings of joy and connectedness.

5. Connect with yourself

To accept rejection and avoid feelings of self-loathing, therapists recommend taking a moment to reflect on your relationship with yourself. After all, you may be the only person who fully understands your needs, thoughts, and hopes for the future. While you may feel hurt by rejection, the aftermath can provide an opportunity to “tune in” to your desires and deepen your self-relationship.

The process of self-discovery may look different for everyone, but the following activities can guide you.

• Take a personality quiz to reflect on your strengths, core traits, and areas for improvement.
• Begin a regular journaling or meditation practice. 
• Schedule alone time for your hobbies, self-education, or simply resting and recharging.
• Take yourself on a date. You might try lunch at a new restaurant, explore an art gallery on your own, or go on a walk through your favorite neighborhood.

At first, alone time may feel uncomfortable or awkward. Still, these exercises can help you slow down, attend to your thoughts and emotions, and reconnect with yourself before returning to the dating scene.

6. Match with an online therapist

Learning to cope with rejection and move forward might take time. In some cases, you may benefit from working with a licensed mental health professional to clarify your dating goals and improve your self-esteem and relationships.

Benefits of online therapy

When dealing with rejection, it can be difficult to talk about your feelings with a stranger. A growing number of individuals may choose to use online therapy to attend to their mental health from the comfort of their homes. This might make you feel more at ease when discussing personal challenges like romantic rejection. Online therapy could also prove more flexible for your schedule since you can generally access it at a time that’s convenient for you. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

Several studies show that online therapy can be as effective as in-person interventions. For instance, a 2022 study investigated the efficacy of online cognitive behavioral therapy for treating symptoms of depression and feelings of loss, such as those that may occur after a breakup or rejection. Most participants “showed a clinically significant reduction in depression and loss symptoms,” suggesting that online therapy can be an effective form of treatment for those experiencing the negative impacts of romantic rejection.