How To Handle Rejection From A Crush: Five Ways To Support Your Health And Healing

Feeling rejected by a crush can be a common experience, but the aftermath is rarely easy. Romantic rejection can leave you feeling confused, hurt, and unsure of how to move forward with your dating life. If you’re wondering how to handle rejection from a crush, learning more about the psychology of this experience can help you develop strategies to move on and invest in your mental health, as well as your future relationships. As you recover from rejection, consider spending time with loved ones and focusing on your relationship with yourself, as well as working with a licensed mental health professional.

Why does rejection hurt so much?

Whether it’s a crush, a friend, or the interviewer for your dream job, being rejected by anyone can bring on a tide of negative emotions. After rejection by a crush, you may struggle with negative thoughts and generally feel worse about your dating prospects.

More recently, a group of researchers synthesized current findings on emotional responses to interpersonal connection. They described a psychological system known as a “sociometer,” which research suggests is mediated by the dorsal anterior cingulate cortex and anterior insula, two brain regions associated with physical pain. 

The sociometer usually monitors the social environment for cues to determine one’s “relational value” to other people. Feelings of low relational value can result from rejection by a crush, as well as exclusion from a group, or even subtle expressions of disinterest or disapproval. 

Regardless of the source of rejection, these social cues can lead to a range of negative emotions, including loneliness, jealousy, guilt, shame, social anxiety, embarrassment, sadness, and anger. Although these emotions can be painful, they can also motivate people to engage in prosocial behaviors and protect their interpersonal relationships.

With time, self-care, and social support, most people eventually move on from these feelings and go on to build healthier relationships. In the strategies that follow, we’ll describe clear, concrete ways you can handle rejection by a crush and improve your mental and physical health.

Finding a healthy way to heal from rejection: Five strategies

Healing after rejection can take many forms and generally involves making peace with your experience and spending time with people who make you feel accepted, seen, and supported.

As you review these five strategies, remember that every healing journey tends to look different and may take more or less time than you expect, so feel free to adapt these tips to your unique needs and circumstances.

Spend time with loved ones

Whether you’ve just been rejected by a crush or are simply recovering from a long day, spending time with loved ones can be seen as a time-tested strategy to boost your immediate well-being. 

Research shows that quality time with loved ones often has tangible benefits for your health, including higher self-esteem and a reduced risk of loneliness, anxiety, depression, and even heart disease, which can be linked to stress.

Reaching out to friends and loved ones in the immediate aftermath of rejection may be difficult, as you may not feel ready to talk about your feelings. While solitude and self-reflection can be a critical part of the healing process, isolating yourself from loved ones may increase your susceptibility to anxiety, depression, and other consequences of loneliness.

To combat these effects, try scheduling a weekly check-in with a friend, coworker, or family member. You might go on a short walk, catch up over coffee, or chat on the phone for 20 minutes. However brief, these moments can provide the connection and encouragement you need to move on from rejection. 

Gather (and give) feedback

If you’re comfortable asking your crush for feedback, their insights may help you reflect on and improve your behaviors in future relationships.

Frame your request for feedback as an opportunity to learn and grow. To increase your chances of receiving quality, insightful feedback, be clear that you want honest feedback and focus on the future. You might ask about what you can do better going forward rather than focusing solely on past mistakes.

Strive to listen to your crush’s feedback without judgment and reciprocate with your own insights if they ask for feedback on their own behavior. Ideally, this moment can be a chance for both people to receive honest, constructive insights, as well as positive feedback about things that worked well in the relationship.

Focus on your relationship with yourself

When a crush rejects you, you can reframe this experience as an opportunity to get to know yourself on a deeper level. The relationship you build with yourself may be one of your most important connections. Investing in your physical, mental, and emotional health can help you feel more prepared to commit to a romantic relationship when the right person comes along. 

Building a healthy self-relationship can be a lifelong pursuit, and the process may look different for everyone. That said, the following tips can help you reach a place of self-love and security:

• Take yourself on a date. Identify an activity you enjoy doing or something you’ve always wanted to do, and then make a plan to do it. Go dancing, make a delicious meal, or take yourself to the movies. You have the power to decide what activities feel best and most interesting to you. 
• Establish, communicate, and honor your boundaries. By imposing these healthy limits, you can let others know what behaviors will and will not be accepted when they engage with you.
• Unfollow any accounts on social media that make you feel stressed or insecure.
• Take a free personality test, which can help you self-reflect on insecurities, strengths, and areas for improvement. 

Protect your self-worth

If your crush rejects you without warning or feedback, you may be left feeling less confident in your self-worth. Perhaps you’re worried that you “messed up,” did something wrong, or made a mistake that led to the rejection. 

While these fears can be common, it may be important to remember that rejection does not necessarily reflect your personal worth or value. Of course, this lesson can be challenging to accept – especially if you still have feelings for your crush. Building your sense of self-worth often takes time, and you may experience multiple crushes or relationships before truly accepting this lesson. 

At its core, self-worth can be defined as your belief in your own value as a person. To foster this belief, mental health professionals usually recommend focusing on the basics. Ensure your daily needs are met, both physically and emotionally. These normally include adequate nutrition and movement, as well as social support from friends and other loved ones. 

Firm boundaries can be essential for the health and longevity of these relationships, as well as your self-worth. When we communicate our needs and limits to loved ones, we can foster more open, honest, and reciprocal relationships in which all people feel valued and supported. 

Work with a therapist

If you’re recovering from a breakup or continually feel rejected by an important person in your life, you may benefit from working through these challenges with a licensed therapist. You don’t need to go through rejection alone. With a therapist’s support, you can develop personalized tools to heal old hurts and forge new connections.

Some people prefer to begin the healing process with an in-person therapist, but many are turning to online platforms like BetterHelp to invest in their mental health and relationships. In general, each BetterHelp therapist is thoroughly vetted and has at least three years of professional experience, and many support their clients through breakups, dating, and other related concerns.

A growing body of research suggests that online therapy can be just as effective as face-to-face options, including a 2021 study of the scalability and effectiveness of online cognitive behavior therapy (iCBT) for symptoms of anxiety and depression during COVID-19. The study assessed the results of an iCBT program delivered to 6,132 adults during the pandemic. After completing iCBT, participants generally reported significantly lower levels of generalized anxiety and depression. The researchers also noted that iCBT could scale to meet the growing demand for quality mental health services, depicting a future with more affordable, accessible therapeutic care.