The Psychological Effects Of Rejection: Why Emotional Pain Hurts

Social rejection leads to emotional pain for many people. This may be because it tends to activate the same regions of the brain that typically activate when a person is experiencing physical pain. Rejection can lead to a variety of positive and negative impacts, depending on how an individual responds to it. It can be healthy to take time to process your emotions, examine the circumstances of the rejection, and seek insight and guidance from an in-person or online therapist after experiencing rejection.

The relationship between physical and emotional pain

Experiencing rejection can threaten our need for social acceptance. This need is typically not trivial or inconsequential – it is normally hardwired into our brains as a survival mechanism. 

In general, living in groups of people was evolutionarily advantageous in the early days of human beings. It typically brought about several benefits, such as warning systems to alert others to the presence of predators and the division of labor, which often enabled more complicated achievements than would be possible for one person acting alone, such as the construction of buildings. 

Today, human brains tend to continue to associate social acceptance with survival, even though society has generally progressed to a point where, hypothetically, one person could survive independently without assistance from others. 

Considering the strong evolutionary drive for social acceptance, scientists have assessed whether the emotional pain one experiences from social rejection can be compared to physical pain. When scanning the brains of participants who had been told to think about a social rejection (in this case, a former romantic partner ending their relationship), the dorsal anterior cingulate and anterior insula brain regions were usually activated. These sections of the brain are normally associated with the experience of physical pain. 

Scientists have also found that treatments for physical pain may treat emotional pain as well. Rejection could potentially be alleviated by using anti-inflammatory medication, which researchers found usually caused less activity in the pain-related regions of the brain when study participants experienced a mild social rejection. 

Psychological impacts of painful rejection

Different people can react to the same feelings of rejection differently. For example, some people may respond to rejection with anger, outrage, and aggression, which can lead to further rejection. Others may react by becoming more conscientious and paying more attention to the needs of the people around them.

In addition, rejection can have more psychological effects than immediate pain. It can lead to a variety of emotional, cognitive, and physical responses.

Common effects of rejection may include the following: 

• A lower sense of self-esteem
• Increased irritability, frustration, and anger
• A greater probability of developing depression
• Higher levels of anxiety
• Reduced performance on cognitive and intellectual tasks
• Worsened sleep quality, including a higher likelihood of sleep disturbances
• A weakened immune system
• Lower levels of impulse control
• Feeling less socially connected to other people, which can lead to a vicious cycle in which rejected people reject other people and perpetuate their own social isolation
• Increased aggressive behavior
• Paying more attention to social cues
• An increased desire for conformity or the need to “fit in”
• A greater tendency to experience jealousy, sadness, or insecurity in relationships
• Acting more friendly 
• A higher likelihood of helping other people

How to handle rejection in a healthy way

Rejection can result in complicated and unpleasant feelings. However, it may also be an opportunity to learn about yourself and lessen the possibility of future rejection. Methods to handle rejection that may lead to personal growth can include the following:

Process your emotions

Hurt feelings might be the toughest side effect of rejection. With social acceptance as an evolutionary drive, rejection can sometimes seem like the end of the world. If you are experiencing pain after being rejected, it can be important not to run away from that sensation. Trying to stifle or numb your unhappiness could lead to behaviors like angry outbursts and substance use, potentially leading to further rejection and contributing to a vicious cycle.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

Negative feelings can be helpful signals, so understanding why you’re hurt may give you beneficial information that can inform future decision-making. Some ways to process your unhappy feelings may include journaling, meditating, exercising, creating art, or talking about your experience to someone you trust. 

Examine the circumstances of the rejection

Once you have processed your hurt feelings and gotten some distance from the situation, you may be able to look at your rejection through more objective eyes and analyze what happened. Here is where you may be able to start learning from the rejection. 

It may take certain levels of reflective abilities and self-awareness to rationally examine your rejection without being clouded by emotions, and it can be helpful to talk the situation through with someone who knows you well to gain a different perspective. If you can objectively reflect on the rejection, you may take away strategies and ways to potentially alter the outcome of similar situations in the future. 

Benefits of online therapy

One helpful way to talk through your emotions with someone else and process your experiences with rejection with a neutral observer can be to talk to a licensed therapist. However, if you are encountering depressive symptoms from rejection, reaching out to a therapist and scheduling an appointment to meet in person may seem overwhelming. In this instance, you may want to consider online therapy, which can be accessed from your home, meaning you may feel more comfortable opening up about what can be a painful experience. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

Scientific research has demonstrated that attending therapy online may be as effective as attending traditional in-person therapy sessions. One study found that online therapy can be a helpful method of reducing perfectionist tendencies, a personality trait that may be associated with experiences of rejection. If you need help processing your rejection experiences, online therapy may be beneficial.