Possible Signs She's Cheating On You

Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA, LCSW
Updated October 17, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

In a monogamous relationship, finding out that your partner cheated on you can feel like a betrayal of trust. Different people have different definitions of what constitutes cheating in their relationship, so it is important for couples to discuss the rules and boundaries of their unique relationship. Despite clear boundaries, however, people still cheat

If you suspect your partner may be cheating on you, it can be hard to know if you’re misinterpreting innocent signs or picking up on something significant. Speaking directly to your partner about your concerns is often the best course of action. If you’re trying to decide if it’s time to do so, this list of possible signs of infidelity might help.

Concerned your partner may be cheating?

Behaviors that could potentially point to cheating

For many people, being cheated on is one of the worst fears in their relationship, so how to know if your girlfriend is cheating? If this concern is often on your mind, it is possible that you may misinterpret your partner’s behavior at times. But, if you’re looking to check your gut feeling against some behaviors sometimes associated with infidelity, read on.

Your communication patterns have changed

Only you can know what constitutes a “standard” communication level with your partner. With that unique context in mind, have you noticed a change lately? Perhaps they’ve pulled back and no longer volunteer information about their day. Maybe they’ve started taking much longer to respond to your texts or return your calls. As with most of the signs on this list, a change in your communication patterns could be due to any number of factors. 

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 They are less interested in sex with you

For many sexual people, sexual desire naturally ebbs and flows. Different sexualities and identities experience varying levels of attraction, and all are valid, but if physical intimacy is part of your relationship and your partner seems to be experiencing decreased desire for such intimacy, there could be many reasons for it. 

It could be a natural downswing, a side effect of medication, an effect of a mental health condition like depression, or a response to stress they’re experiencing elsewhere in their life, for example. It could even be a sign that they’re feeling emotionally disconnected from you during sex, which was one of the common factors associated with a partner’s loss of interest in sex uncovered in one study. Their recent disinterest in sex with you could also mean they’re getting their needs met elsewhere with another sexual partner.

They’ve expressed unhappiness with the relationship

Neglect” was one of the key reasons given for cheating identified by one study. If your partner is unhappy with the relationship for this or a similar reason, they may use their feelings as a justification for infidelity. Checking in with each other regularly about the health of your relationship may allow you two to address problems as they arise before they become bigger issues.

Has your partner tried talking to you about issues they may have with the relationship? If they’ve brought up their dissatisfaction about some element(s) of your relationship recently—especially if their concerns were never properly addressed by the two of you together—it’s possible that they’ve decided to connect with someone else out of frustration or unhappiness.

They go above and beyond out of guilt

If you’ve noticed the other behaviors on this list in your partner and this one, it could be a sign that you may want to have a conversation with them about the state of the relationship. Sometimes, to compensate for the guilt they may feel for cheating on a partner they care about, a person may go out of their way to show love and affection. Cooking an extravagant meal for you or showering you with compliments or gifts could be potential indicators of this if those represent unusual behavior for your partner.

Determining if these signs mean infidelity

People and relationships are complex, so there’s no formula you can use to determine, without a doubt, that your partner is cheating on you. Even if they’re exhibiting all of the behaviors above, it’s possible they are not having an affair. These behaviors could simply reflect natural changes over time, the effects of outside stressors, physical illness, a mental health condition, or even a lack of sleep. Direct communication is often the only way to find out what’s behind their unusual behaviors.

Talking with your partner

Having a conversation with your partner about the concerning behaviors you’ve noticed in them can be an important but intimidating step. Going into this discussion, you may consider the following tips:

  • Seek advice from someone you trust first. If you suspect your partner may be cheating, confiding in someone you trust may help you organize your thoughts and feelings. If they agree with your concerns, talking with them may also help you to enter the conversation with your partner more confidently.
  • Set aside a time to talk. Waiting for the “perfect moment” to arrive can result in weeks or months going by without addressing the issue. Instead, consider trying to set a time when you and your partner are both available and then get together to bring up how you feel in a safe and comfortable place.
  • Do your best to remain calm. Being aggressive or accusatory may cause your partner to react defensively. By staying calm, you may be able to create a space where your partner feels safe to be honest, rather than feeling attacked.

What to do next

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Concerned your partner may be cheating?

If your partner offers a reasonable explanation for why they’ve been behaving unusually, you may be able to move forward without any further conflict or concern around the topic. But, what if she cheated on me? If they admit to cheating or if you later find proof that they have, you may have to decide how you want to proceed. You may also find out that they haven’t cheated on you, but they’re unhappy with the relationship on some level. In any of these cases, you may want to work through things together, or you may decide to end the relationship.

Working on a relationship after a partner has cheated

If you choose to stay together and work on the relationship, engaging in couples therapy may be a helpful route to try. For instance, one study examined the effectiveness of an online therapy program for couples in relationship distress. The study found that the online program significantly improved both relationship and individual functioning

Spending time away from one another

When you are navigating through a difficult relationship period, you and your partner may choose to take some time away from each other physically; if you are taking such space but still want to engage in therapy, online therapy can be a convenient option. With online therapy through BetterHelp’s sister platform Regain, you and your partner can join sessions from different locations.

If you prefer to try individual therapy for help in navigating relationship challenges, you might consider connecting with a qualified online therapist through BetterHelp. 

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Takeaway

Having concerns that your partner may be cheating can be stressful and challenging at many points—from interpreting possible signs of cheating to having a difficult conversation with your partner to find out what is happening, to processing their answers. If you need additional support throughout this process, online therapy may be able to help.
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