5 signs you may be in an unhealthy relationship

No relationship is perfect all the time. Both healthy and unhealthy relationships experience moments of discord and disagreement. These instances may not mean that a relationship is unhealthy, but may simply be a part of the natural ebb and flow of human interaction. However, there are warning signs that may be helpful to be aware of that indicate a potentially toxic relationship. 

Unhealthy dynamics can sometimes develop in our romantic relationships unnoticed until they've caused substantial emotional harm. By learning to recognize these signs, we can protect our well-being and know when it may be time to seek the necessary help. 

Understanding what constitutes an unhealthy relationship is the first step to addressing the issue. These relationships are often characterized by a persistent pattern of emotional abuse, manipulation, or excessive control, causing one or both partners to feel trapped, undervalued, or even fearful. 

These patterns can manifest in subtle ways, making them difficult to identify on your own initially. If you are experiencing any of these signs, a mental health professional may be able to help you find clarity around your emotions and develop a more realistic perspective of the quality of your relationships. Everyone deserves to feel safe in their partnerships, and it is important to remember that abuse and neglect are not your fault. 

5 signs that your relationship may be unhealthy 

Relationships can shape our experiences, influence our emotions, and form the basis of our personal stories. However, not all relationships are healthy. By understanding some of the most common red flags of unhealthy relationships, you may be able to know when to move on or to seek professional help. 

The most common signs of an unhealthy relationship include: 

1. Verbal abuse and harassment 

Verbal abuse and harassment are major warning signs of an unhealthy relationship. Verbal abuse, which could manifest as derogatory remarks, constant criticism, or belittlement, can leave deep emotional scars. This form of abuse can potentially erode self-esteem and instigate feelings of worthlessness. 

Harassment often entails aggressive pressure or intimidation, frequently leaving the person feeling trapped and helpless. The abuser might also use manipulative language to make their partner doubt their perceptions and feelings, a tactic often referred to as 'gaslighting'. This form of abuse can leave individuals feeling confused, helpless, and doubting their self-worth. Everyone deserves respect, and any form of abuse or harassment is unacceptable in a relationship. 

Both verbal abuse and harassment are used to control and exert power. Recognizing these signs can be a critical first step toward seeking help and ending the cycle of abuse. If you or someone you know is facing such circumstances, professional help is available. Remember, verbal abuse or harassment is not a sign of love or care, but rather control and disrespect.

2. Sexual abuse

Any non-consensual or abusive sexual act or behavior is a clear sign of unhealthy behavior. This includes pressure to engage in sexual activities, the use of force, or any form of sexual exploitation

Sexual abuse in a relationship is a form of mistreatment that violates physical boundaries and may deeply scar the mental and emotional well-being of the individual. It encompasses any sexual activity that is coerced or forced without the explicit consent of the individual. This can range from unwelcome sexual comments or advances to forced sexual acts. Everyone has a right to set boundaries in their relationship, and these boundaries should always be respected.

Recognizing the signs of sexual violence can often be complex due to the presence of manipulative tactics. Manipulation through the form of coercion and gaslighting may cause the individual to question their own experiences and perceptions. However, there are several key indicators to look out for. These include:

• Feeling uncomfortable or scared during sexual activities
• Pressure or force to participate in sexual acts against your will
• Guilt-tripping or threats if sexual demands are not met
• Physical harm or discomfort resulting from sexual activities

If you or someone you know is potentially experiencing sexual abuse, you are not alone, and it is not your fault. Various resources and professional services are readily available to provide support, guidance, and therapeutic aid. Trust your instincts, prioritize your safety, and reach out to a trusted friend, family member, or professional organization when you feel ready. Consent is a fundamental aspect of any relationship, and everyone deserves to be treated with dignity and respect.

3. Domestic violence

Violence in a relationship is a severe form of abuse. It can be physical (like hitting, shoving, or strangulation), or also include threats of violence and destructive behavior towards one's property. Domestic violence includes a pattern of controlling and abusive behavior used to exert power. Anyone, regardless of gender, age, or socio-economic status, can become a victim of domestic violence. 

Domestic violence, a prevalent yet often hidden issue, manifests in numerous ways and can immensely impact the psychological, emotional, and physical well-being of the victims. It often starts subtly, with a seemingly harmless comment here and there, or an unusual demand. Domestic violence may include:

• Verbal and emotional abuse
• Intimidation
• Threats
• Forced isolation 
• Physical violence

4. Control and manipulation

Control and manipulation are often subtle yet potent signs of an unhealthy relationship. Signs of control and manipulation to recognize include:

• Dictating the other's behavior, decisions, or emotions
• Gaslighting
• Coercion
• Lack of vulnerability and/or honesty 
• Environment of fear, anxiety, and/or guilt  

These experiences are often used to diminish your feelings and invalidate your experiences, employing guilt tactics to make you feel indebted to them. 

This manipulation often happens under the guise of "care" or "love," making it difficult to discern. However, a healthy relationship encourages autonomy and respects individuality, where one does not feel pressured, controlled, or manipulated.

5. Isolation from friends and family

One of the subtle signs of an unhealthy relationship is experiencing isolation from friends and family. If you find that your partner is continuously discouraging you from interacting with your close social circle or becoming overly possessive and jealous when you spend time with others, it may be cause for concern. 

This controlling behavior may lead to a damaging sense of isolation, often intended to make you more dependent on your partner. Remember, a healthy relationship values balance and understands the importance of maintaining individuality and healthy relationships outside of the partnership.

What to do if you are in an unhealthy relationship 

Recognizing that you're in an unhealthy relationship can be the first step towards gaining clarity and reclaiming your individuality. If you constantly feel belittled, controlled, or fearful around your partner, it may be time to consider if the relationship is in your best interest. If you find yourself in an unhealthy relationship, start by confiding in someone you trust. This could be a close friend, family member, or a mental health professional. While reaching out for support may seem difficult at time, isolation and lack of help can be detrimental to your safety and well-being. Try not to be afraid of reaching out for help.

If you think you may be in an unhealthy relationship, consider seeking professional help. Therapists or counselors can provide valuable insights and tools to help you navigate your feelings and establish your next steps. Online therapy services such as BetterHelp offer online counseling services that can be accessed from the comfort and safety of your home. Working with a mental health professional may help you to better understand your emotions and recognize harmful patterns that could signify an unhealthy relationship. 

Nobody deserves to endure unhealthy behaviors and/or unhealthy relationships. If you or someone you know is experiencing any form of domestic violence, abuse, or manipulation, help is always available.

In cases of domestic violence and abuse, reach out to a local domestic violence hotline immediately. These hotlines are staffed by trained professionals who can provide advice, resources, and immediate assistance. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a reliable resource available 24/7 in the US. 

Online therapy for relationships 

Online therapy has emerged as a leading source of treatment and support for those grappling with the complexities of relationships. This form of therapy offers a convenient platform for individuals to explore their feelings, patterns, and behaviors in relationships. 

For those who may be concerned about their relationships, online therapy provides an accessible space to gain insights into relationship dynamics and to develop strategies to navigate these challenging situations. With the guidance of a professional therapist, individuals may learn to establish boundaries, enhance communication, and foster healthier relationships. Online therapy may serve as a vital tool for empowerment and change in the face of unhealthy relationships, enabling individuals to take control of their relational well-being from the comfort and safety of their homes.

In one study, researchers demonstrated the potential effectiveness of online-delivered cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) in helping couples navigate the challenges associated with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and the intimate relationship problems that often accompany it. 

The study found that couples undergoing online CBT reported significant improvements in their relationship dynamics and a decrease in PTSD-related symptoms, underscoring the potential of online therapy as a tool for addressing the driving factors of unhealthy relationships. These findings suggest that online interventions may provide a lifeline to individuals who may be grappling with the impacts of PTSD from unhealthy relationships and who may require guidance to escape harmful patterns. 

Takeaway 

Recognizing the signs of an unhealthy relationship is the first step toward creating a positive change. Feeling constantly belittled, experiencing excessive control, enduring frequent criticism, feeling fearful, and experiencing a lack of personal freedom are significant red flags. If you identify with these signs, it may be time to seek guidance. Remember, everyone deserves a relationship that's based on respect, trust, and mutual understanding. Don't hesitate to seek professional help if you feel that you may be trapped in a harmful relationship.