Five Signs To Look For In A Toxic Relationship
- For those experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988
- For those experiencing abuse, please contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- For those experiencing substance use, please contact SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357
Being in a toxic relationship can be harmful and exhausting, and it can make you feel confused and frustrated, impacting your physical health and well-being. Not all toxic relationships are the same, and not all have the same severity, but they can all be damaging for the people involved.
If you are in a relationship that you suspect might be toxic, it may be helpful to consider the differences between healthy relationships vs. toxic ones. This article explores health and unhealthy relationships, common toxic behaviors, warning signs, and how to set healthy boundaries.
What is considered a toxic relationship?
A toxic relationship is one that is unhealthy for the people involved, and it may have a few glaring hints you may have missed. The relationship may have started as positive and healthy, but somewhere along the line, things shifted, and it became emotionally and/or physically harmful to one or both partners. Healthy relationships might experience occasional hiccups, but they are generally not severe, and conflict isn’t a constant backdrop to the relationship. In a healthy relationship, the partners are able to work through disagreements in a reasonable way, and each partner is willing to do the work to make the relationship stable, safe, and healthy.
By contrast, in a toxic relationship, there might be a high level of conflict and competition, especially when one partner starts fights on purpose. No matter how many little fights there may be, there is always the chance of them spiraling into something worse.
Serious signs that a relationship might be toxic include physical or emotional abuse, lying, cheating, gaslighting, dislike, and distrust. Understanding that this is just not the smart thing to be engaged in is a good place to start.
Healthy relationships vs. toxic relationships
Healthy relationships are built on open and honest communication, where both parties feel heard and understood. This is true in all types of intimate relationships, whether it’s a romantic relationship or a relationship with a family member.
Mutual respect and support are key behavior patterns exhibited in these types of relationships. They foster an environment where individuals can grow, engage in self-care, safeguard their own feelings, and pursue their goals while maintaining a strong connection.
Trust forms the foundation of these relationships, allowing for vulnerability and emotional intimacy to thrive, creating a harmonious and fulfilling partnership. Healthy relationships can improve your self-esteem and provide support for mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder.
When relationship issues arise in healthy relationships, they’re not solved with unhealthy actions or bad behavior. Instead, partners might consult a relationship therapist or have a healthy discussion.
This isn’t to say that fights don’t happen in healthy relationships, but those fights do not include abusive and controlling behavior like physical violence, threats, and breaking down the other partner’s self-esteem.
Five signs of a toxic relationship
1. Emotional abuse
Manipulation, degradation, jealousy, and other forms of emotional abuse may occur frequently in toxic relationships. If your partner makes you feel bad or guilty all the time, that could be a toxic sign. Healthy relationships avoid inflicting emotional damage. Partners should support each other emotionally rather than tearing each other down; they are able to talk to each other without fear of judgment or harassment. You should be able to enjoy your own hobbies and feel supported doing so, even if your partner does not enjoy them quite as much as you do.
Emotional abuse can be made up of many small actions that, over time, make a person feel isolated and degraded. These actions can include hiding seemingly innocuous things. There are seven key things to watch out for, including verbal abuse, bullying, control, emotional manipulation, shaming, lack of communication, and jealousy. Emotional abuse might not leave physical scars or marks, but it can create emotional instability, be extremely damaging, and lead to long-term problems for the person who is being abused.
2. Physical abuse in toxic relationships
Physical abuse is not a part of healthy relationships; it is considered intimate partner or domestic violence and is a serious sign of a toxic relationship. Physical abuse is when someone uses their body or an object or weapon to control you or gain power over you. In these situations, your partner might physically restrain you, hit you, kick you, choke you, or otherwise harm your body to get their way and make you feel inferior.
If you are experiencing physical abuse from your partner, resources are available to help you. Agencies such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline (below) can help you put together a safety plan so that you can get away from the person who is hurting you as safely as possible.
3. Lying or cheating
Lying or cheating in a relationship can be very hurtful. Neither lying nor cheating is a frequent part of a healthy relationship. Lying and cheating can often become a cycle without meaningful change. You might know that your partner is lying or cheating, but those behaviors continue despite confronting your partner, or you may be afraid to speak up or leave.
4. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse intended to make the person being gaslit doubt their reality. The aim of gaslighting is for one partner to gain control and power over the other, or to cover up their own wrongdoing by confusing their partner and making them doubt their memories. Toxic people may also use this method to stop a partner from engaging in their own solo activities.
Some signs that your partner might be gaslighting you include intentionally confusing you, running hot and cold, including too many details, denying things that they said or did, lying, manipulating you, ignoring you, making you question yourself, and criticizing you or those who agree with you. If a person completely ices your viewpoint, this may be a sign of gaslighting.
5. Distrust and dislike
If you and your partner are often saying mean, hurtful things to each other or often accusing each other of cheating, these can be signs of a toxic relationship. If this happens often, it may feel totally normal even if it is unhealthy. If you can’t remember when or even if you and your significant liked or trusted one another, your relationship might have been toxic from the start, or it might have become toxic over time. Accepting this fact can help you avoid unnecessary pain and live with the truth of your relationship.
How to leave an unhealthy relationship
Leaving any relationship can be challenging, but often, leaving a bad relationship comes with additional hurdles—you may be afraid to leave, or you may have a hard time communicating with your partner, for example. If you are in a bad relationship and you want to leave, below are a few options to consider to help you through the process:
1. Check out relationship resources
Local and national services like the National Domestic Violence Hotline can provide support if you are in a hurtful relationship and need help. Reaching out for assistance can be challenging, but there are many resources out there when you are ready.
2. Gather support from other relationships
Gathering support, whether from friends and family, a support group, or a counselor, is important when making the decision to leave a bad relationship, or when recovering from having been in one. If your relationship has left you isolated from other people, reconnecting with people you love may be especially important in helping you to recover from the harm caused by the relationship. This is no minor difference, as family and friends are a big part of recovery for many individuals.
3. Seek help with a toxic relationship through therapy
Connecting with a counselor or family therapist may help if you are navigating an unhealthy relationship. They may provide you with tools and skills to help you further your healing and deal with difficult emotions more effectively.
A toxic relationship can have deeply negative effects, even leading to relationship trauma in some cases of abuse. To heal from such harm, online therapy may be an effective option to consider, as there is significant evidence showing that online therapy can help individuals dealing with trauma. For instance, one study found that online therapy “proved to be a viable treatment alternative for PTSD with large effect sizes and sustained treatment effects.”
Takeaway
Some of the main characteristics of toxic relationships include emotional bitterness, abuse, physical abuse, lying and cheating, gaslighting, and dislike or distrust. The vast majority of individuals who experience unhealthy relationship patterns could potentially benefit from online therapy.
Continue reading below to find reviews of some of our mental health professionals from people seeking help for navigating toxic relationships and trauma.
What are the signs of a toxic relationship?
Relationship issues are common in romantic relationships, but there is a clear distinction between typical
relationship challenges and signs of a toxic relationship. A toxic relationship is characterized by patterns
of behavior that are harmful to one or both partners.
Toxic signs in a relationship include:
- Controlling behaviors: One of the most prominent signs of a toxic relationship is when a partner
exhibits controlling behaviors. Controlling behavior patterns may include dictating what the other
partner can do, wear, or who they can see. Control might also involve monitoring their
movements, checking their phone, or isolating them from friends and family members. Such
behaviors can significantly undermine the other person's independence and self-esteem. - Physical violence: Any form of physical violence is a clear sign of a toxic relationship. Intimate
partner violence can include hitting, pushing, grabbing, or using any other form of physical force.
Physical abuse is not only a sign of a toxic relationship but also a serious crime that should be
addressed immediately. - Emotional and psychological abuse: Apart from physical violence, emotional and psychological
abuse can be equally damaging. Abusive behavior can include verbal abuse, constant criticism,
belittling, gaslighting, and manipulation. Such behaviors can leave deep emotional scars and
significantly affect the mental well-being of the other partner. - Lack of trust and respect: Trust and respect are essential to a healthy relationship. In a toxic
relationship, partners may not trust or have mutual respect for one another. This behavior can lead
to dishonesty, betrayal, and disregarding each other's feelings. - Constant conflict: While disagreements are normal in intimate relationships, constant conflict and
arguing can signify a toxic dynamic. In a healthy relationship, partners can communicate
effectively and respectfully resolve conflicts. In a toxic relationship, however, arguments may
escalate into hurtful and destructive behaviors. - Neglect or Indifference: Persistent neglect, lack of emotional support, or indifference towards a
partner's needs and feelings can also signify a toxic relationship.
It can be difficult to distinguish between healthy and unhealthy relationships. However, aggression and
manipulation are clear signs that your relationship may be toxic.
What are the signs of a toxic person?
Recognizing the signs of a toxic person can be crucial in helping you understand how to manage your
interactions with them effectively. Here are common signs of a toxic person:
- Manipulative behavior: A toxic person often manipulates others to get what they want. They
might use guilt, shame, or deceit to inflSudden mood swings or intense emotional reactions over
minor issues can be characteristic of toxic individuals.
While some of these behaviors may stem from mental health conditions, including narcissistic personality disorder or borderline personality disorder, it's important to remember that a mental health diagnosis is not an excuse for harmful behavior. Seeking help from a therapist can be beneficial in understanding and managing these behaviors.
Toxic behavior can refer to any actions or patterns that are harmful, destructive, or damaging to others. In
relationships, toxic behaviors can manifest as controlling, manipulative, and abusive behavior. It can also
include disrespect for boundaries and a lack of empathy for others.
Toxic behaviors can stem from various underlying issues, such as past trauma, mental health conditions,
or unhealthy coping mechanisms. However, it's essential to understand that these factors do not excuse the
toxicity of one's actions and should be addressed through therapy or other forms of support.
Breaking up with a toxic partner can be challenging, but it's an important step towards ensuring your own
emotional and physical well-being.
Breaking up with a toxic relationship:
- Planning your conversation: You should approach the breakup with honesty and transparency. By
planning what you want to say, you can ensure your message is clear and direct. - Choosing a safe environment: If there's any concern about your safety, choose a public place for
the conversation or have a friend nearby. If you're in an abusive relationship, consider doing it over
the phone or in a text to maintain your safety. - Expressing your feelings: Remember that your own feelings are valid. You can explain your
reasons for the breakup without assigning blame. You can also express how the relationship has
impacted you and why you believe it's best to part ways. - Setting boundaries: A toxic person may try to persuade or manipulate you into staying. Setting
clear boundaries and sticking to them can help you stay firm in your decision. - Taking care of yourself: Breaking up with someone can be emotionally draining, especially if it's
a toxic relationship. Prioritizing self-care during this time and surrounding yourself with
supportive friends or family can help you cope with difficult emotions.
It's important to remember that ending a toxic relationship is not a failure on your part. You deserve to be in a healthy and supportive relationship, and breaking up with a toxic partner is an act of self-care and self-preservation.
If you feel unsafe, do not hesitate to reach out for help. It can be difficult to break free from a toxic relationship, but know that you are not alone and there are resources available to support you. Organizations such as the National Domestic Violence Hotline offer support and resources for those experiencing abuse in relationships.
Toxic love refers to a relationship that is characterized by unhealthy and harmful behaviors, such as manipulation, control, and abuse. This type of love can cause emotional distress and damage to one's self-esteem and overall sense of well-being. In toxic relationships, love often becomes conditional and can be used as a tool for control rather than a genuine feeling.
Love should not come at the expense of your mental and emotional health. Healthy love involves mutual
respect, trust, support, and open communication. If you are experiencing toxic love in your current
relationship, it may be time to re-evaluate and seek support from a relationship therapist.
While every relationship has ups and downs, some red flags may indicate a toxic or unhealthy dynamic.
Here are five signs to look out for:
- Constant criticism: It can indicate an unhealthy communication style if you or your partner
constantly criticize each other without providing constructive feedback. - Lack of trust: A lack of trust in a relationship can manifest as controlling behavior, jealousy, and
constant suspicion. Healthy relationships are built on mutual trust and respect. - Isolation: If your partner tries to isolate you from friends and family or discourages you from
having a life outside of the relationship, it may be a sign of toxic control. - Blame-shifting: Toxic individuals often try to shift blame onto their partners, making them
responsible for their actions and emotions. - Lack of empathy: Healthy relationships are built on empathy and understanding. If your partner
cannot empathize with your feelings or perspective, it can create a toxic and unsupportive
dynamic.
If you notice any of these signs in your relationship, it may be helpful to seek professional support and
reassess the health of your relationship. Remember, no one deserves to be in a toxic or unhealthy
relationship, and it's okay to prioritize your well-being and safety.
How do toxic people repair relationships?
Toxic individuals often have difficulty taking responsibility for their actions and may struggle with
genuine apologies. Here are some ways in which toxic people might apologize:
- The deflecting apology: This type of apology involves the toxic person shifting the blame onto
someone or something else rather than taking personal responsibility. - The non-apology: These apologies often involve using vague language and avoiding
accountability for their actions. For example, they may say, "I'm sorry if you feel that way," rather
than acknowledge the harm they caused. - The manipulative apology: Toxic individuals may use apologies to manipulate and guilt-trip their
partner into staying in the relationship. - The conditional apology: This type of apology comes with strings attached. The toxic person may
apologize but demand something in return, such as forgiveness or a specific action from their
partner.
A genuine apology involves taking responsibility for one's actions and trying to change the harmful
behavior. If you constantly receive insincere apologies from your partner, it may be a sign of a toxic
relationship.
There is no one specific factor that causes a person to have a toxic personality. Their behavior can be influenced by a combination of factors, including upbringing, past experiences, and personal traits.
Causes of toxicity:
- Childhood trauma or abuse: Experiencing childhood trauma or abuse can impact an individual's ability to form healthy relationships and control their emotions.
- Unhealthy coping mechanisms: People with toxic personalities may have learned unhealthy ways of dealing with their emotions and relationships, leading to harmful behaviors.
- Lack of empathy: Some individuals may struggle with understanding and relating to other people's feelings, making it difficult to form healthy connections with others.
- Mental health disorders: Certain mental health conditions, such as narcissistic personality disorder, can contribute to toxic behavior patterns.
While these factors may contribute to a person having a toxic personality, it does not excuse or justify their harmful actions in relationships. Seeking therapy and actively working on personal growth can help individuals break out of toxic patterns and develop healthier ways of relating to others.
How do I stop being a toxic partner?
Recognizing that you may have toxic tendencies in relationships is the first step toward changing your behavior. Here are some steps you can take to stop being a toxic partner:
- Reflecting on your patterns: When you take the time to reflect on your actions and behaviors in past relationships, you can start to identify any toxic patterns you may have.
- Communicating openly: Healthy communication is key in any relationship. Learning to express your needs and emotions effectively without resorting to manipulative or hurtful tactics can help improve the dynamic.
- Taking responsibility: Rather than blaming others or making excuses, taking ownership of your actions and working towards making amends for any harm you may have caused can help break toxic patterns.
- Seeking therapy: A professional therapist can provide the tools and support to improve relationships and work on personal growth.
Remember that change takes time and effort, but breaking out of toxic behaviors and having healthy, fulfilling relationships is possible. Patience and self-compassion are key in this journey.
How do you safeguard yourself from toxic people?
Living with toxic people can be emotionally and mentally draining, so it's important to prioritize your well-being. Here are some ways to safeguard yourself from toxic individuals:
- Setting boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries with toxic people, whether it's limiting contact or setting guidelines for communication, can help safeguard your emotional and mental health.
- Surrounding yourself with supportive people: Having a strong support system of friends and family who respect and care for you can provide a buffer against the toxicity in your life.
- Prioritizing self-care: Taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being is crucial when dealing with toxic individuals. You can practice self-care by engaging in activities that bring you joy, setting aside alone time, or seeking therapeutic support.
- Seeking professional help: If the toxic people in your life are causing significant harm and distress, it may be necessary to seek professional help. A therapist can provide coping strategies and support to navigate these challenging relationships.
Remember, you have the right to defend yourself and prioritize your well-being, even if it means distancing yourself from toxic individuals. While it may be difficult, setting boundaries and seeking support can help you navigate these challenging relationships.
- Previous Article
- Next Article