Things To Talk About With Your Boyfriend
Communication can be a critical skill, whether you’re experiencing relationship challenges or wanting to improve your already positive connection. Communication problems are among the most common reasons for conflict in romantic relationships. For this reason, having personal conversation starters on hand may help you reconnect with your partner in a relationship and learn more about them than you may have previously known.
Why use conversation starters in a relationship?
You may have limited control over how another person behaves or talks in a relationship. Although you may be able to ask them to make changes, it may be healthiest in your relationship to focus on what you can do to make changes in yourself. Knowing you are in control of yourself can mean understanding you are responsible for your thoughts, behaviors, and feelings.
Conversation starters are a way to ask your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner about how they feel and what they want to talk about. You may learn more about each other, connect more profoundly, and find new interests to participate in together. Take control over communication by coming up with unique topics that can interest you both in conversation.
Six things to talk about with your boyfriend
Below are six questions you can ask your partner to improve communication and strengthen your relationship.
“What would you like to do together that we haven't done yet?”
It may help you start a conversation by asking your boyfriend to think about a fun activity they've always wanted the two of you to do together but you've never tried. Although there can be a tendency to assume this question refers to a sexual fantasy or adventure, it can also be an opportunity to explore new interests and hobbies. Another way to frame this question might be, “If we had one week to do whatever you wanted, what would you want to do together?”
There may be an activity your partner is interested in that you weren't sure about trying before, or perhaps they never mentioned it but have had it on their bucket list for their whole life. For example, they might be interested in traveling to a new country, entering a dance competition, rock climbing, or trying fresh cuisine.
If you’re looking for inspiration, consider asking your boyfriend about exciting or fun activities they’ve done in the past. You could ask about a time they threw caution to the wind, their most memorable vacation, the spiciest food they’ve ever eaten, or the “craziest” activity they’ve done that they enjoyed and want to re-do.
New experiences can also help create new conversations. For example, if you decide to take a class together or do an activity you've never done, such as paddle boarding, you can create new memories and have new topics to explore together. Be open-minded and try. You may be surprised by how much fun you can have and how you might bond over it.
“What is it about us that makes you happy?”
It can be expected to want to know what makes another person want to be in a relationship with you. Understanding what about the relationship makes your partner happy can help you be more confident. It can also help you continue to value them in the relationship and show love in ways that make sense to them.
Knowing what makes someone happy in your relationship may bring up profound questions, so it may help to phrase it like, “If you could sum up your favorite thing about our relationship in one word, what would it be?” or “What’s one aspect of our relationship you wouldn’t change?” You may get a more profound sense of your partner's priorities by understanding the answer to this question, which may also help you in other areas of your relationship.
“How can I show you I love you?”
Everyone has different ways in which they express love and feel loved. There are five primary love languages often discussed in psychology, including:
Quality time
Physical touch
Words of affirmation
Gift giving and receiving
Acts of service
Learning your primary love languages and your partner’s can prove crucial in understanding one another and expressing your love. Although there are many theories about love, being able to express directly how you want to be loved may also open up communication in other areas.
“Can I help you with anything at all?”
Asking your partner how you can help them may show them you care. They might ask for a favor, like picking up the groceries, helping with laundry, or sitting and talking with them. Asking for one way to support them may help them realize you're thinking of them and show them they are appreciated and seen.
When asking this question, follow through as long as the request is reasonable and doesn’t go against your values or boundaries. Maybe your partner would love to have your company at a mandatory class or sports meet or for you to take over the cooking on a particularly stressful work week. Helping them can be a way to show you are listening and caring. If you can’t help them with their request, ask if there is a way to compromise or another request they’re interested in receiving.
“What is one thing you want me to change in our relationship?”
It may be unhealthy if your partner wants you to change anything about your personality or appearance. It can be unhealthy for someone to ask you to change who you are to make them happy. However, behaviors are not necessarily part of a personality and can be changed. Perhaps there are habits you could partake in to support them more efficiently. Asking this question allows you to discuss potential changes in your relationship in a light-hearted and friendly way.
Maybe your partner would prefer you put your clothes in the hamper rather than on the floor, listen to music more quietly, keep your books or action figure cluster in a different place, or do more activities with them. Maybe they want more quality time with you when you come home from work. It can be perfectly normal for every person in a relationship to have small actions they wish their partner would do differently.
If their request doesn’t harm you or does not cross your boundaries, it may be helpful to work on making the change. However, note the difference between making little changes and altering who you are. If someone asks you to be someone you aren’t, they might be acting in an unhealthy or abusive way.
This question may be intricately linked with question three, depending on your situation and your partner's answers. People receive and give love in different ways. Understanding each other’s love languages can be helpful to know what to do to ensure you are both loved and respected in the relationship.
If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 for support. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788. You can also use the online chat.
“Name a way we could improve our relationship together as a team”
There may be room for improvement in any relationship. If you're unsure about the health of your relationship or your partner's happiness, you might ask what is most challenging for them to cope with in the connection. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re asking them to tell you what they don’t like about you but what you can work on together as a team.
Take a step back and examine the state of your relationship. Are you fighting often? Is one of you frustrated or stressed, either separately or together? Have an honest discussion about changes you might want to make. For example, you might decide to work together on household chores more, tell them you appreciate them more often, or give them space when they request it.
If your relationship has significant conflict, approach this topic kindly without passive aggression or aggression. Don't ask this question to raise your complaints, dig into past relationships, or get defensive and claim that any issues are someone else’s fault. Instead, actively listen and ask questions to understand your partner more deeply.
Support options
The riskiest part of challenging conversations can be their potential to unearth new emotions and sources of frustration, possibly leading to an awkward moment or argument. If you’re struggling in your relationship or want to grow your relationship with your partner, it may be helpful to talk to a therapist. Couples counseling allows you and your partner to learn strategies to help you improve your communication and connection.
Find more things to talk about with your boyfriend
Online therapy may also be a beneficial resource for couples with busy schedules or those in a long-distance relationship. Through platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples, you can get matched with a therapist with experience in your area of concern. In addition, couples can meet online from two separate locations and choose between phone, video, or chat sessions.
Research shows that online therapy is an effective tool for strengthening couples. One study found that 94% of users reported feeling satisfied with online relationship services, with 57% making significant progress in overall relationship satisfaction.
Takeaway
How do I keep a conversation going with my boyfriend?
Keeping a conversation going might be challenging when it seems you've run out of things to say. It typically involves a mix of genuine interest, active listening, and a willingness to share your own thoughts. However, there are some "tricks" that will keep him engaged in your conversation. Here are suggestions for keeping the conversation going:
Ask open-ended questions
Avoid simple "yes" or "no" questions. Instead, ask questions that encourage him to share. For example, instead of asking, "How was your day?" reframe the question as "What interesting things happened to you today?" Other examples include "How do you feel about (topic)?" or "What are you most excited about right now?"
Encourage him to elaborate
Once he's answered your question, consider asking him to expand on the topic with a "Then what happened?" or "How did you feel about that?" when appropriate. If he talks about work, you might ask him to tell you more about the project he's working on or what's happening with his coworkers. If he tells you about a hobby, ask how he got into it and why he loves it so much.
Share your own thoughts and feelings
Open up about your own day, thoughts, and feelings. When done with the right timing, it can create balance in the conversation and lets him know that you're willing to share personal information, too. Sharing your experiences allows him to connect on a deeper level and provides good material for continuing the conversation.
Talk about personal growth or common goals
Discuss your future and the goals you share. What dreams do you both have? What's on your "bucket list"? This might build a deeper connection and encourage longer more meaningful conversations.
Try talking about something new
Introduce different subjects, such as fun memories or embarrassing moments, to keep things fresh. Discuss travel plans, what skills you've always wanted to learn, or live performances you'd like to see.
Be playful
Introduce flirtation, playful teasing, humor, and lightheartedness to the conversation. To get the ball rolling, you might consider games like "Would you rather?" or share quirky hypothetical scenarios to laugh and bond.
What topic should I talk about with my boyfriend?
What topic you should choose depends on your intentions for the conversation. If you're unsure of the status of your relationship, you might (gently) approach the topic. If you'd like to make him laugh, share some jokes or funny anecdotes about your day. If you'd like to learn more about him, ask "could you ever," "would you ever," or "have you ever" questions. You might also ask him "ranking" questions. For example, ask for his top five favorite bands or movies. What are his top five least favorite movies? What are his top three favorite foods? You can also use such strategies to pass the time or alleviate boredom.
What are 100 questions to ask your boyfriend?
You can divide questions depending on the information you're looking for. For example, you might ask questions to learn more about him or learn how he feels about you. You might ask questions to understand what he wants from your relationship or to find ways to deepen your bond. Or you may ask questions simply to entertain him or pass the time. Here is a list of 100 questions you can ask your boyfriend to spark deeper conversations, get to know him better, or just have fun together:
Questions to get to know him better
1. What's your favorite childhood memory?
2. What's something you've always wanted to try but haven't yet?
3. What's your biggest fear?
4. What's the best gift you've ever received?
5. What's your dream job?
6. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
7. What's something most people don't know about you?
8. What's the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?
9. What's one thing you can't live without?
10. What's your biggest pet peeve?
Questions about your relationship
11. What was your first impression of me?
12. What's your favorite thing we've done together?
13. What do you value most in a relationship?
14. How do you show love and affection?
15. What's something you've learned from being in this relationship?
16. How do you handle disagreements in relationships?
17. What's your idea of a perfect date?
18. How do you feel about public displays of affection?
19. What's one thing you think we could work on as a couple?
20. What's your favorite way to spend time together?
Questions for fun
21. What's your guilty pleasure movie or TV show?
22. If you could be any fictional character for a day, who would you choose?
23. What's the weirdest food combination you've ever tried?
24. If you won the lottery, what's the first thing you'd do?
25. What's one superpower you'd love to have?
26. If you could have dinner with any three people, dead or alive, who would they be?
27. What's the funniest thing that's happened to you recently?
28. If you could time travel, where and when would you go?
29. What's your favorite board game or card game?
30. If you were an animal, what would you be?
Questions about interests and hobbies
31. What's a hobby you'd like to pick up someday?
32. What's your favorite way to unwind after a long day?
33. What's your go-to karaoke song?
34. What's your favorite sport or outdoor activity?
35. Do you have any hidden talents?
36. If you could learn any skill instantly, what would it be?
37. What's the most interesting place you've traveled to?
38. What's your favorite type of music or band?
39. Do you prefer reading books, watching movies, or playing video games?
40. What's something creative you enjoy doing?
Questions about personal values and beliefs
41. What motivates you to keep going on tough days?
42. What does success mean to you?
43. Who has had the biggest impact on your life?
44. What values are most important to you in life?
45. How do you handle stress or difficult situations?
46. Do you believe in fate or that we create our own destiny?
47. What's the best advice you've ever received?
48. What role does faith or spirituality play in your life?
49. What are your long-term goals for the next 5-10 years?
50. What does happiness mean to you?
Questions about family and friends
51. What's your relationship like with your family?
52. Who in your family are you closest to?
53. What's your favorite family tradition?
54. How do you handle conflicts with friends or family?
55. Who's someone you've looked up to your whole life?
56. What's one lesson your parents taught you that you'll never forget?
57. How do you like to spend time with your friends?
58. Do you believe it's important to have close friendships outside of a romantic relationship?
59. What's the craziest thing you've ever done with a friend?
60. How would you describe your family dynamics?
Questions about the past and the future
61. What's the most challenging thing you've ever done?
62. What's a mistake you've learned the most from?
63. How do you imagine your future self?
64. What's something you're really proud of accomplishing?
65. What do you hope to accomplish in the next year?
66. What's a goal you're working toward right now?
67. How do you think you've changed over the last five years?
68. Where do you see yourself living in the future?
69. What's one thing you'd like to improve about yourself?
70. What would you like your legacy to be?
Questions about love and romance
71. What's your love language?
72. How do you feel about marriage and starting a family?
73. What's the most romantic thing you've ever done for someone?
74. How do you like to celebrate anniversaries or special occasions?
75. What's something small I do that makes you feel loved?
76. What's your idea of a perfect romantic getaway?
77. What's one way you think we can keep the romance alive long-term?
78. How do you feel about surprises?
79. What's your favorite memory of us together?
80. What's something romantic you've always wanted to do?
Questions for deep, thought-provoking conversations
81. What's a belief or opinion you've changed over the years?
82. How do you deal with failure or disappointment?
83. What do you think is the meaning of life?
84. If you could change one thing about the world, what would it be?
85. What's something you wish more people understood about you?
86. What's a cause you deeply care about?
87. What's something you've learned about yourself recently?
88. Do you believe people can truly change?
89. What's the hardest lesson you've had to learn in life?
90. What do you think happens after we die?
Questions for a laugh
91. What's the weirdest dream you've ever had?
92. What's the strangest thing you've ever eaten?
93. If you could switch lives with anyone for a day, who would it be and why?
94. If you had to eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?
95. What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?
96. What's a funny memory that always makes you laugh?
97. What's one fictional place you wish was real?
98. If you could have a theme song play every time you entered a room, what would it be?
99. What's your favorite joke or pun?
100. What's a skill you wish you could master overnight?
How can I talk to my boyfriend without boring him?
Keeping conversations engaging with your boyfriend might require a balance between fun, depth, and curiosity. Begin with open-ended questions like "What was the best thing that happened to you today?" or "If you could go on vacation anywhere, where would it be?" Keep it flirty by adding a bit of fun and playfulness. Teasing each other in a light-hearted way or complimenting him can bring in positive energy.
Show genuine interest in his goals, dreams, and challenges, and talk about things you would like to do together—whether it's a small activity or a bigger adventure. This keeps the conversation forward-looking and exciting. Also, changing where or how you talk (over dinner, during a walk, or on a trip) can change the dynamics and make things feel fresher.
Share things about yourself, too, like personal stories or experiences that spark emotion or interest. For example, it could be a news headline that piqued your interest, a funny memory, strange things you've seen, or something thought-provoking. In some cases, sharing your insecurities, dreams, or more profound thoughts can lead to more meaningful conversations. It also opens the door for him to share, deepening your connection.
How do you talk romantically with your boyfriend?
Self-report, vulnerability, and thoughtfulness can help to ignite a romantic conversation. Tell him the things you genuinely love the most about him. For example, you might tell him how much you appreciate his kindness or sense of humor and how those qualities enrich your life. Share with him how he makes you feel. For example, if he makes you feel loved or like every moment you spend together is special, let him know.
Talk about memorable moments in your relationship that are meaningful to both of you. For example, you might ask romantic questions like, "Do you remember the first time we held hands? I still get butterflies thinking about that." Talking about things you look forward to doing together in the future can be romantic. For example, "I love the idea of us growing old together, still laughing and enjoying life like we do now." Flirting is a hallmark of romantic conversation, too. A mix of playful and sweet will get the point across, for example, "You're distracting me right now with how good you look in that outfit."
What should I talk to my boyfriend about over text?
You can talk to your boyfriend over text in many of the same ways you talk in person or on the phone, but remember that your words can get lost in translation without tone, body language, or gestures. Ask him questions about what's going on in his life right now. Play the "Would you ever" game or say something fun and random to get the conversation flowing. Show interest by following up on something he may have told you about at work or with his family. If you run out of things to say, try playing the "Would you ever" game or ask him to list his "top fives" for movies, shows, music, etc.
What are 36 questions to fall in love?
The "36 questions to fall in love" phenomenon started in the 1990s when psychologists Arthur Aron, Ph.D., and Elaine Aron, Ph.D., developed the set of questions as an experiment. The aim was to see if people could form an intimate connection through asking and answering a series of curated personal questions. The questions are divided into three sets of 12. They include:
Set one:
Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
What would constitute a "perfect" day for you?
When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set two:
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
What do you value most in a friendship?
What is your most treasured memory?
What is your most terrible memory?
If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
What does friendship mean to you?
What roles do love and affection play in your life?
Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set three:
Make three true "we" statements each. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling..."
Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share..."
If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for them to know.
Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you've just met.
Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how they might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
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