How To Know If Your Girlfriend Is Cheating

People rarely want to experience being cheated on in a relationship. However, cheating is more frequent than some may think. If you suspect that your girlfriend is cheating, you may experience uneasiness in your relationship. You may have noticed a sudden change or new behavior in your significant other that you can’t quite explain. Your instincts may also lead you to believe that something is amiss in this relationship, raising red flags. 

If you’re wondering how to tell if your girlfriend is cheating, you’re not alone. Below, explore a few signs that your girlfriend may be cheating and how to proceed if your suspicions are confirmed, as well as how to remain levelheaded and unbiased to ensure that you don’t jump to conclusions. Cheating can be a challenging experience. Below, you can also find information on ways to cope and access support. 

How to know if your girlfriend is cheating: Spotting signs she’s cheating

According to various mental health professionals, there are numerous signs in a relationship that could indicate that you may be dealing with a cheating partner. While following your gut feeling can help you know in many situations, experts may advise looking first for sudden changes or new behaviors in your significant other. If your girlfriend suddenly displays suspicious behavior that is out of the ordinary or you notice that she has changed emotionally without warning, it could be cause for concern. 

There are also some more obvious signs to look for. For example, you might look for physical signs, such as “hickies” and other marks. Some people scrutinize whether their partner is receiving gifts from an unknown source or “new friends” they are unwilling to identify, which may be a sign of a new lover. However, signs of cheating are typically more subtle and difficult to identify, including the following. 

You notice a sudden change in phone habits

A sign your partner may be cheating is if they suddenly become strangely protective of you being near their phone, and this change seems to be a significant shift. While it’s not required in romantic relationships that both partners have complete access to each other’s property, partners may occasionally use each other’s phones, especially for practical reasons, such as sending a message while one partner is driving or making calls when one’s phone dies. 

Perhaps your partner’s phone is receiving more text messages than usual, or they have suddenly implemented additional security measures to lock their phone, which could be one of several signs that they're developing an interest elsewhere. Perhaps they always set their phone with the screen facing down, seemingly anxious about what messages may appear, or they’re easily annoyed when you happen to walk by while they’re on their phone. 

In addition, their social media posting habits may change if they are cheating. For example, they might become more secretive about their social media accounts. These behaviors, especially if they seem to appear suddenly and require a lot of effort, could indicate that your girlfriend is doing something they don’t want you to know about. 

Your girlfriend is spending more time out of the house without contact

While it’s normal in romantic relationships to have a social life outside of your partner, especially in a long-distance relationship, you may go for a while without direct conversation, and excessive time away can be concerning. People who are cheating on their partners may spend more time out of the house and seem to drop out of contact for long periods. They may spend time dressing differently and making sure they look their best before they go out for these outings, in some cases, making sure to wear new clothes. 

Your partner might exhibit other suspicious behaviors, such as spending more time at work, trying new hobbies, running errands, or going out with friends, but not answering your calls or texts and seemingly disappearing. This behavior may be suspicious, especially if it occurs regularly and is accompanied by other suspicious behaviors. In these cases, it could be a subtle sign they’re cheating. Try not to jump to conclusions or act under the assumption that your partner is cheating before you talk to them. 

You notice overly affectionate behavior

Another sign that your partner could be cheating may be if they appear to be acting overly affectionate and start paying attention to you more frequently. For example, they may say "I love you" more often or shower you with gifts without warning. This behavior is not conclusive proof and does not necessarily indicate cheating, but if it appears abnormal, it may be something to take note of. 

Some people who are cheating on their partners may try to compensate because they feel guilty. They may go overboard with kind gestures to keep their partner from suspecting what is going on or to try to make themselves feel better about pursuing a new partner. Pay attention to what your gut instinct tells you for this sign; as the saying goes, “If it feels too good to be true, it often is.”

Distant behavior and changes in intimacy

If your partner suddenly seems more emotionally distant and appears to have lost interest in you, exhibits a change in their body language, or shows less interest in physical intimacy, especially if you're in a committed relationship, you may wonder if they’re interested in someone else. They might also have unexplained mood swings or become easily annoyed if they sense you’re intruding on their personal space. A sudden shift in your sex life might indicate that your partner is getting these needs met outside of the relationship or that they’re hiding something. 

Although these behaviors could be signs your girlfriend may be cheating, don’t jump to conclusions if you see some of this behavior happening. There can be many signs she’s cheating or other explanations for why a couple’s sex life could shift over time, including stress in day-to-day life and mental or physical health challenges. If you notice a shift in your relationship that is concerning, it’s essential to discuss these concerns directly with your girlfriend, rather than letting your mind fill in the blanks.

How to act when your girlfriend is cheating

Openly discuss your concerns

Discuss your concerns with your girlfriend openly and honestly. Try to maintain a calm, even tone, as she may be less receptive to a conversation in which you come across as angry or accusatory. Instead of making statements such as "Who have you been going on dinner dates with?" “Why are you spending all this time with that new friend?” or "Why don’t you ever want to have sex anymore?" focus on conveying how you feel with ‘I’ statements. This may sound like “I feel scared or uneasy when…”

Observe her response

While you are having this discussion, pay attention to how your girlfriend is responding, both verbally and non-verbally. Is she avoiding eye contact while she’s talking? Is she quick to become defensive, denying that she is doing anything wrong, and responding with anger? Or is she receptive and open to hearing your concerns? How your girlfriend reacts to your problems may provide more clarity on whether your suspicions may be true. However, consider that everyone responds to conflict differently, and some people may not react calmly when accused of something they haven't done.

Look at other possible scenarios

Processing betrayal in a committed relationship

Perhaps your fears have been confirmed, and you have discovered that your girlfriend has been unfaithful. There may be many thoughts racing through your head, from "Why would she do this? How could this have happened?" to "Should we stop talking?” and “Should I give her another chance?" It can be challenging to decide how to move forward from your girlfriend cheating, whether it means working to repair the relationship or parting ways.

How to know if your girlfriend is cheating: What to do if you find out she is 

First, it can be beneficial to reflect on the relationship. Maybe she provided some indication of why she felt the need to cheat. If not, you might reflect on the relational dynamic. There are many potential reasons why an individual might cheat on their partner, ranging from anger about unmet needs to feelings of "falling out of love." Best-selling author and relationship expert Esther Perel notes that some of the multitude of reasons why a partner might be unfaithful include physical, mental, and emotional factors. Some individuals may experience fears surrounding commitment, which can lead them to seek a way out of the relationship.

Others may struggle with low self-esteem and find affirmation from a new or particular person intoxicating. If your girlfriend has a history of struggling to find self-worth and she’s being fawned over by a “perfect” person outside of your relationship, she may turn to them for that attention. Regardless, you do not have to take responsibility for her choices; even if there are relationship problems, you have no control over the decisions your partner makes. Being cheated on is not your fault. 

You may not have all the answers as to why your girlfriend did what they did. However, recognize that cheating is a complex issue, with many factors contributing to it. These factors may or may not be related to you or the health of the relationship. Tell yourself that you are not responsible for your partner’s actions. Even if there was a disconnect within the relationship, cheating is ultimately the decision of the other person. 

Rebuilding after cheating: What to do if you want to stay in your relationship 

It is possible to repair the damage caused by a betrayal and move forward in a relationship. However, it does take time and effort. It requires both individuals to be fully committed to putting in the work to rebuild trust. In some cases, a relationship coach or support group can be beneficial for working through underlying problems. 

Making a decision

If you decide to move forward with your girlfriend, are the same problems bound to keep repeating themselves? Professional relationship therapists say that phrases like "once a cheater, always a cheater" dismiss an individual’s ability to grow and change. If your girlfriend takes full responsibility for her actions and is determined to examine the underlying issues, this is a positive sign that she is committed to making sure it does not occur again. Being willing to put in the work to address the root of her behavior and any issues in your relationship may help you both avoid challenges in the future. 

If a partner blames you or external factors for their actions, this is one indication that the same patterns may repeat themselves. If your girlfriend shows little insight into why she cheated, perhaps due to immaturity associated with a young age, or if she seems unremorseful, it can be a sign that she might not be ready for a serious commitment like a marriage proposal.

Reflect on the relationship

You may try to recognize that there is no guarantee against future injury. While this reality can be difficult to accept, any relationship carries the risk of potential hurt. You cannot guarantee how another person will feel or how they will treat you; Instead, you can only decide whether the relationship is worth showing up for, even though the future is uncertain.

Take time to reflect on the relationship and what you would like for the future. If you find that your girlfriend seems to be committed to gaining an understanding of her behaviors and finding a way to move forward, that leaves only you to decide what is right for you. You might take the time to ask yourself: Do you believe you will ever be able to trust her again? Do you still want to be in this relationship after what has happened? Do you think these problems are fixable, and are you willing to put in the work to try to resolve them?

There is no right answer to these questions. Some people may decide that cheating is not something they could ever tolerate. In contrast, others are open to working through it if their partner is remorseful and committed to remaining in the relationship. Try to remind yourself that, in the end, this is your decision. While you may receive input from others, proceed in a way that is right for you.

Coping after cheating

It can be extremely difficult to come to terms with betrayal in a relationship, as it often evokes painful emotions. You may recall moments that now seem suspicious, such as when she claimed to be going out with just a few friends but didn't provide more details, raising doubts about her fidelity. You may find that you are trying to avoid your feelings or block out what happened. 

Ultimately, allowing yourself to acknowledge what has happened and feel your emotions may help you move through the healing process. Instead of pushing your feelings down, name what you are experiencing, whether it’s grief, humiliation, or shame. You may also want to consider writing in a journal, as expressive writing can be beneficial in reducing the intensity of difficult emotions. 

In addition, prioritize self-care as you move forward. Try to pay attention to what your body needs; do your best to eat consistent meals even if you don’t feel hungry, and remain hydrated. Carve out plenty of space to engage in calming activities, like taking a relaxing bubble bath, listening to music, reading, or watching your favorite TV shows. During this time, it is okay to set boundaries with your girlfriend. You may find that you need some space without seeing or talking to her to work through your emotions. Don’t be afraid to set healthy boundaries and ask clearly for what you need.

Lean into your support system during. Clearly express how others can help you, whether by accompanying you on a fun activity to provide distraction, listening without offering feedback, or offering alternative perspectives. You may also seek out the support of a licensed mental health professional, such as a licensed clinical psychologist or a therapist, whether that be through an in-person practice or online. They can provide a safe space for you to process the complex emotions you are experiencing and find ways to cope and move forward.

Mental health support options 

Whether you decide to work on your relationship or part ways, connecting with a mental health professional can help you navigate any difficulties you are facing. If you have decided to remain in the relationship, you and your girlfriend may want to consider couples counseling. If you’ve decided to leave your partner, you can also try individual therapy. Through online platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples, you can work with a therapist who can help you find ways to rebuild trust, develop emotional intimacy, and communicate in healthy ways about concerns within your relationship.

Online therapy is an affordable and convenient option that allows you to connect with a licensed therapist from the comfort of your own home. You can participate in sessions over the phone, via video chats, or through live messaging. These different options allow you to choose the method of communication that feels most comfortable for you.

Whether you believe you are dealing with a cheating boyfriend or girlfriend or have any other problems you’d like to discuss, online therapy can be a valuable resource for both individuals and couples. One study found that online cognitive behavioral therapy improved the self-esteem of young adult women. Additionally, it increased their ability to forgive themselves and their partners after living through a harmful relationship.