What Is A Reciprocal Relationship? Mental Health Benefits And Overview

You may have heard the expression, “I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine.” If so, then you may be familiar with reciprocity, which describes a mutual exchange between two parties.

In this article, we will take a closer look at how couples can incorporate this healthy reciprocity into their relationship. 

What are reciprocal relationships?

The idea of a reciprocal relationship starts with the concept of reciprocity. The American Psychological Association defines reciprocity as “benefit. The quality of an act, process, or relationship in which one person receives benefits from another and, in return, provides an equivalent benefit.” In other words, reciprocity is a balanced state of equal give and take. 

In romantic relationships, reciprocity means that each partner gives and receives the following in equal measure the same amount of things: 

• Love
• Support
• Intimacy
• Respect
• Quality time
• Commitment

If you are wondering whether your relationship is reciprocal, try asking yourself the following questions:

• Does your relationship involve mutual respect?
• Does your relationship involve mutual trust?
• Do you and your partner and I listen to each other? Do we make each other feel heard?
• Are you and your partner able to compromise in a way that it’s fair to both of you?
• Do my partner and you and your partner each feel valued by each other?
• Do my partner and I feel satisfied by what you receive similar things in this relationship?

Reciprocity can benefit an intimate or toxic relationship in various ways, such as:

• Fairly balancing responsibilities
• Helping each partner to feel heard and understood
• Giving each partner a sense of support and safety
• Making it easier to solve conflicts
• Preventing resentment
• Encouraging collaboration and loyalty

With this in mind, we can start to see it becomes apparent why reciprocity may be of fundamental importance in relationships. But what exactly does this look like?

Reciprocal relationships

Reciprocity in a relationship can take several different forms. Understanding each of them may help you figure out if you need to take a more balanced approach in your relationship. Types of reciprocity may include:

Balanced

You might think of balancing reciprocity as a classic “trade.” It means doing something for someone with the expectation that they will do something similar for you. For example, if one partner gives the other one an anniversary present, it may be natural to expect one of a similar value in return. In these cases, communication can be of notable importance. Whatever is being exchanged is usually of a similar value.

Generalized

Between family members, friends, and loved ones, it can be common for one person to do a favor for another without expecting anything in return. They might do this selfless act out of love or because they know the other person would do the same thing for them if the roles were reversed. This type of selflessness between loved ones is called generalized reciprocity. 

Negative reciprocity in a toxic relationship

Negative reciprocity is generally an unhealthy form of reciprocity. When does it occur? When one person tries to get more from someone than they’re willing to give in exchange. An example of this in a romantic relationship might involve your partner expecting you to shower them with gifts and favors when they only return the affection once in a while.

Negative reciprocity may lead to toxic or unwanted effects in a reciprocal relationship, such as:

• Resentment
• Unequal division of responsibilities
• Mistrust
• Power imbalances
• Unhealthy behaviors
• Trouble resolving conflicts
• Difficulties in communicating

In a committed relationship, striking a fair balance of effort may help prevent these effects and keep the dynamic healthy. 

Tips for fostering a healthy relationship, reciprocal relationship

A healthy relationship is one where there is a reciprocal exchange, ensuring mutual benefit for both partners. If you notice that your relationship does not seem reciprocal, you may be able to make it more balanced by being proactive and working with your partner. Practicing reciprocity in your relationship may include the following:

Practicing active listening

Active listening is about paying focused attention to what your partner is saying instead of just waiting for your turn to talk. Asking questions and giving them your full attention can also make your partner feel heard and understood. For example, incorporating physical touch, such as a reassuring hand on the shoulder, can complement active listening and show that you are fully present and honest in the exchange. As you work to nurture a reciprocal relationship, get into the habit of using active listening when you communicate, and encourage your partner to do the same.

Balancing responsibilities in relationships

Responsibilities related to childcare, household chores, financial commitments, and more commonly arise throughout daily life. Consider sitting down with your partner to make a list of tasks, then discuss how to balance them out fairly. For instance, you might be in charge of cooking dinner, and your partner might be in charge of taking the kids to school. 

Solving problems fairly

Compromise is a two-way street and can be a key part of a reciprocal relationship, especially during arguments. Consider approaching conflicts with a problem-solving mindset. This often means being willing to meet in the middle so each person can get what is most important to them, even if they do not get everything they want. Signs of a healthy relationship include the ability to respond to each other's needs effectively and with empathy.

Remembering balance and addressing a lack of support

Considering counseling for improved mental health

Sometimes, finding reciprocity in your relationship is hard to do without help. Other times, you might just want a second opinion on the balance between you and your partner. Either way, getting professional advice can often be helpful. A therapist or relationship counselor may be able to help you and your partner develop the right habits for a sustainable, reciprocal relationship. For example, they may be able to help you develop more open communication and interdependence. 

Online therapy options to address toxic relationships