Being Dominant In A Relationship: Important Mental Health Considerations

Many relationships often involve one partner taking a dominant role and the other a submissive one. However, it's crucial to understand the fine line between being a dominant partner and practicing controlling behavior in a relationship. Dominance is not an excuse for manipulation, controlling behavior, or abuse, which may have severe implications for the mental health of both partners involved. Instead, a dominant partner can show leadership, understanding, and respect in healthy ways, always prioritizing the well-being of the relationship and their partner. 

Dominance in a relationship can take many forms and have varying impacts on both parties involved. Dominance may be a positive factor, embodying leadership and decision-making skills, but there’s a risk it may cross the boundary into manipulation and coercion. Striking a balance can be challenging, and it may be helpful to understand the mental health implications that may arise and feed into unhealthy dominance patterns. 

The effects of personality and being dominant in a relationship 

Dominant relationships are often characterized by assertiveness, control, and leadership, and they can have complex implications on mental health. It's important to understand that being dominant within a relationship is not inherently negative. For example, if a woman assumes the dominant role with kindness and empathy, she can provide structure, decision-making abilities, and a sense of security that benefits both partners.

When can dominance become unhealthy?

However, some behavioral traits associated with dominance may become problematic when they undermine the other partner's autonomy, worth, or emotional well-being. Such situations can have significant impacts on mental health, potentially leading to anxiety, depression, and diminished self-esteem.

To have a healthy relationship, it is key for both partners to maintain open communication, respect, and mutual consent regarding all matters, including the dynamics of dominance and submission. That way, both partners feel comfortable and heard. 

Can anyone be a dominant?

For some, being a dominant person within a partnership comes naturally, resulting in them taking on a more dominant role within their relationships. These individuals may find empowerment with taking charge, offering them a sense of control and assurance. 

BDSM as a lifestyle

The difference between a submissive partner and a dominant one lies in the dynamics of control and decision-making. BDSM, an acronym for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadomasochism, attracts individuals interested in exploring the roles of dominance and submission within their relationships. BDSM practitioners may often experience an improved sex life and deepened trust between partners. By setting clear boundaries and safewords, couples practicing BDSM can experience a unique form of communication and mutual respect. It's a lifestyle choice that many couples, including women who take on the dominant or submissive role, find empowering and fulfilling. 

Identifying as a submissive or dominant in a relationship

In the context of BDSM, the dynamics of dominance and submission are not just about control but about exploring desires and boundaries in a safe, consensual manner. Friends, family, and even those at the beginning stages of their partnership can benefit from understanding that BDSM when practiced responsibly, can lead to stronger bonds and a more satisfying connection. Whether one identifies more as a leader or is eager to explore the submissive role, the key to a healthy BDSM relationship should be open dialogue, informed consent, and mutual enjoyment.

Dominance vs. abuse

While dominance may come naturally and can be empowering for some individuals, it's important to distinguish between dominance and abuse. Dominance, within a healthy context, involves taking charge in a manner that encourages their partner to speak freely, ensuring a partnership where mutual respect, boundaries, and well-being are the point of emphasis. It does not equate to suppressing or controlling the submissive partner but rather leading with their agreement and well-being front of mind.

Signs of abuse may include:

• Control over communication: The dominant partner may control who the other person can talk to, how often, and about what topics, limiting their freedom of expression.
• Mandating roles: The dominant partner may assign roles or tasks based on their preferences, disregarding the other person's interests or comfort.
• Disregard for personal boundaries: An abusive partner may continually violate clear boundaries that have been set, showing a lack of respect for personal space and individuality.
• Criticizing constantly: Persistent criticisms, even for minor issues, could be a sign of dominance as it affects the other person's self-esteem.
• Manipulation: The dominant partner may use emotional manipulation tactics, like guilt-tripping, making the other person feel disempowered and dependent. 
• Dictating social life: The dominant partner may control who the other person can socialize with, limiting their social interactions outside the relationship.
• Ignoring the needs of the partner: The dominant partner may prioritize their needs and desires, showing little to no concern for the other person's needs.

Abusive behaviors often indicate potential mental health issues and are not a characteristic of a personality type. Abuse often entails exerting control over someone in harmful ways, infringing upon their rights, and disregarding their feelings or well-being. It can involve emotional manipulation, physical harm, or other damaging behaviors that are detrimental to the submissive partner's mental health. It's important to remember that dominance should always be about mutual respect, consent, and understanding, never about fear, coercion, or harm.

What does healthy dominance look like?

Dominance is a natural trait in humans that we evolved during a time that was much different than our own. Dominance has deep roots in the social structure of ancient human societies and has evolved significantly over time. For primitive societies, dominance was often associated with physical strength and prowess, which were essential characteristics for a survival and stress-driven environment. 

Fast forward to the present day, where the interpretation of dominance in relationships has shifted dramatically. It's no longer solely about physical strength or superiority but rather includes psychological and emotional aspects such as empathy, leadership, and self-love. 

Understanding assertiveness within modern society

Healthy dominance within our present society involves being secure in oneself and standing for a set of values that you truly believe. This form of dominance may often feel more gentle and subtle than the physical and aggressive dominance we typically think of. Healthy dominance also respects their partner's autonomy and individuality. This individual may take the lead in decision-making processes, keeping the best interests of both partners at heart. 

The dominant partner may provide stability and direction for the partnership, which can be reassuring for some individuals. Their strong, goal-oriented approach often promotes personal growth and mutual development within the relationship. When the dominant partner has a positive, supportive demeanor, it can lead to an empowering dynamic where both partners feel appreciated and valued. Ultimately, healthy dominance can enrich marriages and the lives of both partners. 

Stress, anxiety, and a dominant personality

Dominance within a relationship can often be significantly influenced by how individuals handle stress and anxiety. Stressors are known to exacerbate dominant tendencies as individuals may use power and control as a coping mechanism. 

Managing stress

Dominance as a response to stress often reflects a need for control in uncontrollable situations. By learning to manage stressors effectively, individuals can foster more balanced and equitable partnerships characterized by mutual respect and understanding.

Partnership dynamics

In a revealing study on relationship dynamics, researchers looked into the role of non-verbal communication processes and how they affect the quality of relationships. Their team found that non-verbal social dominance behaviors negatively impact romantic relationship quality. Additionally, they highlighted that this aggressive non-verbal conduct often led to increased conflict, with partners feeling threatened or undermined, which in turn harmed the harmony and mutual respect that are crucial to a healthy relationship.

The implications of these findings shed light on the complex nature of power dynamics within romantic relationships. The subtleties of non-verbal communication, such as body language, tone, and facial expressions, when used to manipulate and/or assert dominance, may engender feelings of insecurity, resentment, and dissatisfaction. 

Assertiveness, dominance, and control

While some level of assertiveness can be beneficial in certain situations, it becomes detrimental when it evolves into a pattern of dominance and control. These insights underscore the importance of fostering open, balanced, and respectful communication, highlighting the role of mental health professionals in facilitating constructive interactions and coping mechanisms. 

Online therapy for dominant and submissive partners in relationships 

Online therapy may be the answer for couples looking to navigate their relationship dynamics in a healthy way. It may be especially helpful for those with trouble balancing dominance within an asymmetrical relationship, offering a safe avenue to explore desire, responsibility, and other aspects of their romantic relationship. Virtual platforms may help break down traditional barriers to therapy, such as geographic proximity, scheduling conflicts, or stigma, allowing couples to engage with professional help in a setting that respects their comfort and space. 

How cognitive-behavioral therapy can help

Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can be used to address power dynamics within relationships. This evidence-based approach helps individuals and couples recognize and challenge harmful patterns affecting thinking and behavior. It encourages clear boundaries and healthy communication, fostering a balance of power that respects each partner's personality type. By unpacking the roots of these patterns, CBT paves the way for a healthier, more balanced relationship dynamic.

Effectiveness and potential benefits

In one study, researchers looked into the efficacy of online therapy in enhancing relationship satisfaction and overall mental health. Participants who engaged with online therapy reported marked improvements in their relationships, experiencing heightened levels of satisfaction as time progressed. Furthermore, the study suggested that online therapy positively impacted mental health, with participants showing improved scores across various measures of psychological well-being. These findings underscore the importance of establishing clear boundaries and understanding personality types within a relationship, as well as the potential of online platforms like BetterHelp for individuals and Regain for couples in fostering healthier, more fulfilling relationships.