Being Single: The Mental Health Effects Of Having Or Not Having A Romantic Partner

People can have widely different opinions on the experience of being single. Some find it empowering, while others become frustrated or sad. Some prefer it, while others are actively seeking a long-term relationship. People have diverse needs, feelings, and experiences regarding romantic relationships. Being single, like being in a committed romantic relationship, may affect mental health in positive and negative ways. Below, discover what it may mean to be single and how this experience may affect a person's emotional well-being.

What it means to be single

Being single refers to not currently having a romantic partner. For many people, this label refers to not being married or in a committed romantic relationship. A single person may be actively involved in dating culture, either casually or with the intent of finding a long-term relationship, or not.

There are many reasons an individual might be single, and they may have various feelings about it. A person might have recently gone through a breakup or divorce, or they could be widowed. They may not be interested in dating, whether due to past trauma, disinterest, or other priorities, or they may be actively involved in or participating in the dating scene. A person’s identity could also play a role, as those who identify as aromantic or asexual may or may not want to date. 

Statistics on being single

According to a 2020 Pew Research Center survey, 31% of Americans identify as single, meaning they are not married, not cohabiting with a partner, and not in a committed romantic relationship. Of these, half report actively seeking a romantic relationship while the other half say they’re not searching for one. These statistics also indicate differences in terms of age and gender, with statistics for many women differing from those for individuals of other genders. For example:

• 61% of single men report being actively in search of dates or a romantic relationship, compared to only 38% of single women who say the same. 
• 71% of older women report not being interested in dating right now, whereas only 42% of men aged 40 and older share the same sentiment.

This report also includes statistics on people's feelings about being single. It shares that, among those who aren’t looking for a relationship or dates right now, there are two main reasons: having other priorities at the moment, and simply enjoying being single. Other, less-popular reasons for being single, according to this report, include being too busy, having had bad luck with dating in the past, or having health problems that a person believes would make dating more challenging.

Potential impacts of being single, whether it’s been one year or ten years

In today’s world, being single can affect a person’s life differently depending on their age, gender, sexual orientation, family, culture, and other factors. The length of time a person has been single can also influence their experience. Considering these factors, below are some potential advantages and disadvantages of being single.

Possible disadvantages of not having a romantic partner

Many societies today are constructed primarily with partnered individuals in mind, leaving some single people out or facing additional barriers in certain areas. For example, single people may sometimes experience additional challenges when it comes to adopting a child, and married people can sometimes receive tax benefits simply for being together. 

However, for many people, the social stigma around singlehood impacts them more than the practical effects. Being in a long-term romantic relationship is still considered “the norm” in many places, which may lead single people to experience persistent questions and pressure related to their relationship status. These factors may contribute to anxiety or lower self-esteem, or they may cause irritability and damage to relationships with family or friends.

Being single can also have emotional impacts on some people. A person who is not partnered may experience more loneliness, particularly if they lack other types of strong social connections. Some people may also experience low self-esteem while single, as it’s common to falsely equate one’s worth with one’s ability to find a romantic partner.

Possible advantages of not having a romantic partner

Not having a romantic partner can also come with some advantages, depending on the person and their situation. A single person may have more freedom when it comes to making life decisions, such as where they'll live or when and where they choose to travel. Not having a romantic partner may also motivate an individual to cultivate and more deeply engage in close friendships, which research suggests can benefit overall well-being. Many single people also appreciate the unique opportunities to learn about themselves and discover what they want in life. Finally, for those who experience sexual attraction, it may be possible to have more sex or learn about one’s sexual identity in a different way when single.

One year versus ten years or more: the impact of time

From one year to ten years or more, the amount of time a person has been single can also be worth considering when thinking about the impacts. In some cases, a person who is newly single may feel distressed but might come to enjoy their single life once they adjust to it. The reverse can also be true, where someone initially enjoys singlehood but comes to desire a romantic partnership more strongly over time. Similarly, a person who has never had a romantic relationship might desire one deeply, or they might not be interested in one at all.

Mental health challenges related to having or not having a romantic partner

The potential mental health impacts of being single or being in a relationship can also vary depending on the person. Some common impacts are outlined below. 

How being single can impact mental health

A lack of consensus exists on the implications of research on the mental health effects of being single. For example, some research suggests that being single is associated with depressive symptoms. In some cases, depression in single people may arise at least in part due to loneliness or low self-esteem. However, critics point out that it may not always be the specific lack of a marriage or romantic relationship that contributes to these symptoms. Instead, it may be that humans are wired for close connections and community, and that these can be easier to find in modern society, particularly with a romantic partner.

Contrarily, many people experience mental health benefits from being single. For instance, someone who left an abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationship may find that they're able to improve their mental health upon leaving it. Additionally, a person might have more time and energy to focus on their mental well-being while single. They may be more confident in their singlehood, or they may be better able to build a strong social network and advance their career, or enjoy hobbies when not in a romantic relationship.

How being in a relationship can impact mental health 

When discussing the potential advantages and disadvantages of being single, it can also be helpful to compare them to those associated with being in a relationship. In many cases, a romantic bond can be a vital relationship that provides a person with a source of emotional support and companionship. Being in a relationship may allow a person to heal past emotional wounds that can be difficult to address on one's own, and getting to know another person on a romantic level could introduce an individual to new perspectives or ways of living.

Contrarily, a person could experience negative impacts as a result of a romantic relationship. Abusive or unhealthy relationships have the potential to lead to mental health impacts like low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, stress, and trauma. Even healthy relationships can be stressful at times and may often require potentially uncomfortable conversations or self-reflections. Being in a romantic relationship also tends to require a person to consider someone else when making life decisions, whereas being single may offer a person more freedom in this sense.

Beyond the dating apps: Tips for those who don’t want to be single 

In discussions about being single versus being in a relationship, it can be helpful to remember that everyone is unique. People have widely varying needs, preferences, desires, and past experiences when it comes to romantic relationships. It is often possible to find both joys and challenges in any situation, single or not. All are valid, and there’s no shame in any of these choices.

For those who are single but are looking for a romantic relationship, there are various approaches to consider for meeting new people. In addition to using dating apps, you can also get involved in your community by pursuing activities that interest you, such as joining a volunteer organization, signing up for a book club, or participating in a recreational sports league. This type of participation may offer opportunities to meet like-minded individuals, whether they become friends or potential romantic partners. For those whose singlehood is related to a difficult past experience, such as the death of a partner, an abusive relationship, or a divorce, seeking out a support group related to that experience could be helpful. It might provide a way to process the experience while meeting people who understand.

Focusing on cultivating personal growth and engaging in activities you enjoy while single can also be beneficial, as many people believe that your most important relationship is with yourself. It's impossible to predict what your romantic future might hold, as finding a partner can sometimes take decades or unfold differently than you expect. Devoting as much time and effort to self-care and self-love as you do to dating may help you achieve balance and maintain your well-being. 

Tips for embracing being single

Whether you hope to find a romantic relationship in the future or not, being single can sometimes be disconcerting, especially if it’s a new experience for you. The following tips may help you get more comfortable with your single identity: 

• Make friends with or attend events for other single people who can relate to your reality and experiences
• Take measures to build your self-esteem if needed
• Take time to focus on what you enjoy doing, independent of a partner
• Act with self-compassion whenever you feel lonely or frustrated about being single
• Set a goal or learn a new skill to remind yourself of your own strength and abilities
• Focus on cultivating strong friendships and community relationships
• Take a break from social media, which can promote unrealistic expectations for real life and harmful self-comparison

How to seek mental health support 

Some people may find that being single benefits their mental health, while others may experience mental health challenges as a result of it. Still others may have complex or even contradictory feelings about the experience. If you’re looking for support in processing your feelings, coping with difficult past experiences, or addressing symptoms of a mental health condition, you may benefit from meeting with a therapist.

Virtual support related to singlehood or dating: Apps or websites where you can connect with a therapist

Meeting with a therapist can be beneficial, but the process of finding the right fit for you can sometimes be overwhelming. With a digital therapy website like BetterHelp, you can complete a brief questionnaire about your needs and preferences, and be matched with a licensed therapist accordingly. If you don’t receive a good fit, you can request a new provider at any time for no additional cost. Once you've been matched, you can meet with your therapist via phone, video call, or in-app messaging from anywhere with an internet connection. Research suggests that online therapy can often be similarly effective to traditional in-person care.