Understanding Why I Can’t Stop Thinking About Him

Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA, LCSW
Updated October 14, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Breaking up is often a difficult and emotional experience, and it's not uncommon for people to struggle with finding closure after a relationship ends. Finding closure might be ideal for healing and moving forward in life. It could help individuals let go of the past and focus on personal growth and self-improvement.

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Take the first step towards finding closure from your ex

Understanding why I can’t stop thinking about him

Obsession with an ex may be a common issue many individuals face after a breakup. It could manifest in different ways, such as constantly checking their social media, replaying old conversations in their mind, or even stalking them in person. This type of behavior might damage your mental and emotional well-being, as it prevents you from moving on and finding closure.

Some signs of obsession with an ex

  • Constantly thinking about them

  • Having difficulty moving on or letting go

  • Difficulty focusing on other things

  • Feeling a sense of longing or yearning

  • Stalking their social media or reaching out to them frequently

It is ideal to understand that this behavior may not be healthy and could prevent you from moving on. To try and find closure and move forward, it might be a good idea to try to address and confront these feelings of obsession.

Identifying the root cause

When someone might be struggling to move on from an ex, it might be best to understand the underlying reasons why they may be having difficulty letting go. There could be various reasons for this, such as past experiences, unresolved issues, and unmet needs. When this finding goes unaddressed, it might make the process of moving on more challenging. To identify the root cause of the obsession, it might be helpful to reflect on these issues; perhaps by seeking the help of a therapist or counselor who could provide guidance and support in helping you identify what may be causing the obsession. It may also help if you journal or talk to a trusted friend or family, which might also be beneficial in identifying the root cause of the obsession.

Practical strategies for moving on

Moving on from an ex might be a challenging process, but there are practical strategies that might be implemented to aid in the healing process. One of the most effective strategies that may help you to limit contact with the ex-partner may involve unfollowing them on social media, not checking in on their whereabouts, and avoiding places where you know you might see them. Another strategy could be to try to avoid things that present triggers for you. Triggers tend to remind you of your ex-partner and could be virtually anything you connect with that partner,such as a song, a place, or a particular smell. Identifying these triggers and avoiding them may help prevent the obsession from resurfacing.

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Tips to move forward

After a breakup, you should try and focus on personal growth and self-improvement. 

Some of the things you could do

  • Setting goals

  • Learning new skills

  • Taking care of your physical and mental health

Change your mindset to move forward

When you are able to change your mindset and focus on these activities, it might help you to let go of the past and move forward with your life. Finding closure could be a complex process, but understanding the root cause of the obsession, and implementing practical strategies to move on may be helpful. With dedication and patience, you may be able to find closure after a breakup. And if the path for moving forward seems too hard, it might be a good idea to seek the help of a therapist or counselor. 

Confront these feelings with a strong mindset

Understanding your obsession with an ex and taking the necessary steps to move on could open up the door for new possibilities and opportunities that may come your way. Try to keep in mind that you are strong enough to confront these feelings and empower yourself to look ahead instead of staying stuck in the past. 

Take one step at a time

With this knowledge, take one step at a time and believe in yourself; you have all the strength needed within you to find closure after a breakup.

Benefits of online therapy 

Working with a counselor or therapist could help identify the root causes of the obsession and provide strategies for moving on. Through online therapy, individuals might gain insight into their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs surrounding the breakup, and they may be able to learn how to adapt healthier coping strategies. Additionally, therapists might teach skills such as assertiveness, which help set boundaries to defend you from potential emotional harm. By talking openly in a safe environment about deeply personal issues with an unbiased professional, individuals might have the opportunity to discover new ways of approaching their situation that may lead to lasting change.

Effectiveness of online therapy

Therapy might be a powerful way to help you find closure and free yourself from the obsession. A study published in the Journal of Clinical Psychology found that individuals who received CBT for post-breakup distress reported a significant decrease in symptoms of depression, anxiety, and attachment distress. This study suggests that therapy might effectively address feelings and issues associated with breakups, providing individuals with personalized feedback and tailored guidance designed to help them heal. With the proper support, you could overcome the challenges related to your breakup and find closure on your terms.

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Take the first step towards finding closure from your ex

Takeaway

Moving forward might be the ultimate goal after a breakup but try to remember that it's a process that takes time. It's normal to have ups and downs, and taking things at your own pace is okay. Finding closure might not be a linear process, but with a positive mindset, patience, and self-care, it could be possible to let go of the past and focus on the present and future. Getting over your ex doesn't necessarily mean that you have forgotten about them or removed them from your memory. It's mostly about finding a way to try and coexist with the memories and emotions that come with a past relationship and eventually finding peace with it. And with the help of an online therapist, you might be able to identify the root causes of the obsession and adopt healthier coping strategies that lead to lasting change.

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