Compassion Vs. Empathy In Relationships: How Empathy And Compassion Impact Connection

Compassion and empathy are two terms you may have heard or practiced in relationships, the workplace, or toward complete strangers. Although their definitions are closely related, the act of practicing compassion and practicing empathy can be as different as they are similar.

Compassion vs. empathy in relationships: Key differences and similarities

Empathy and compassion involve recognizing another person’s feelings. However, compassion vs. empathy can be shown through different processes that yield different results. Understanding the nuances of compassion and empathy can be vital to fostering strong and healthy relationships in all aspects of your life. For this reason, it may be valuable to explore their similarities and differences and how the two can work together as you build your relationships with others.

What is compassion?

According to American Behavior Scientist, “Compassion is a relational process that involves noticing another person’s pain, experiencing an emotional response to [their] pain, and acting in some way to ease or alleviate someone's suffering.” In a literal sense, however, the word means “to suffer with” or “to suffer together". However, due to the connotations surrounding the word “suffer", this compassion definition may be unhelpful for some. 

When you experience compassion, you might recognize other people’s emotions and be motivated to help in some way. For example, you might want to contact a friend, family member, partner, or population. Compassion motivates people to act in a way that benefits those in pain or needing support. 

Examples of compassion: How to embrace kindness and become more compassionate

True compassion can be practiced and shown in many ways, including but not limited to the following:

• Noticing your friend has had a difficult day and offering to listen to them vent
• Holding the door open for someone who has their hands full
• Setting food out or setting up a warm shelter for a stray cat living on your street
• Volunteering at your local food bank
• Forgiving someone who has hurt you when you know that was not their intention
• Cooking a meal for someone who has recently lost a family member
• Offering to take over some work from a stressed-out colleague
• Pursuing a career in helping others, such as a nurse or veterinarian
• Donating to a non-profit organization whose mission matters to you

Why compassion matters in everyday life

Compassion can be a natural part of human experience, based on the idea that human beings need others to survive. Unlike many other species, humans care for their wounded, tend to their sick, and share resources to ensure survival for as many as possible. Humans feel so much compassion that it can lead to compassion fatigue and emotional exhaustion. However, without the compassion of others – and the actions resulting from that compassion – humans may not have evolved or grown in the ways that occurred. 

In relationships, when you experience compassion for your friends, family members, partners, or those you don’t know personally, you are taking steps to make their lives better. In turn, those such compassion may be reciprocated when you’re also struggling, letting those around you support you when you need a helping hand. 

Self-compassion and its role in feeling connected

What is compassion vs. empathy in everyday life?

Empathy helps one see a situation from another person’s perspective and feel the same emotions they may be feeling in that moment. Although often unconscious, empathy can be a learned skill, as well. Empathy can be broken down into two types: cognitive empathy and emotional empathy.

Cognitive empathy is when a person can understand logically why someone may feel positive or negative emotions. In contrast, emotional empathy involves responding by experiencing those same feelings yourself by putting yourself into that person’s shoes. Both types can be essential to understanding what a friend, family member, or partner is experiencing and supporting them. 

Examples of empathy

Although the empathy you experience may depend on the emotional level of those around you, being an empathetic person could look like:

• Feeling genuine joy when your partner is offered their dream job
• Feeling sadness when your friend loses someone close to them, even if you did not know them personally
• Feeling sad while watching a movie where a character is grieving
• Listening intently as someone tells you a story and feeling as if you were there
• Picturing yourself in another person’s situation and feeling the same positive or negative emotional experience as if it were happening to you
• Reading about a marginalized community and feeling emotions as if you were a part of that community

Why empathy matters

Empathy can be an essential aspect of mental health and emotional intelligence. When you practice empathy, you can better understand the motivations behind another person’s thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. This understanding may lead to acceptance of another’s choices as a result.

In romantic or platonic relationships, showing empathy for one another can prevent or resolve conflicts, encourage collaboration, and improve overall relationship satisfaction. By understanding why another person feels this way and empathizing with those emotions, you may better relationships in the future in the future. 

How compassion and empathy shape relationships

Although compassion and empathy share similarities, there are critical differences between the two, and both can be important in their own ways when building strong relationships. Additionally, the two can work together to grow and develop your love and understanding of those around you. 

Similarities between compassion and empathy

Compassion and empathy involve understanding other people and concern for them beyond basic kindness or sympathetic concern. Whether another person is feeling negative or positive emotions, recognizing those feelings can be vital to practicing both compassion and empathy.

Although often regarded as positive qualities in a person, compassion and empathy can lead to potential drawbacks for the person experiencing them. Living with other people's emotional experiences can cause compassion fatigue and empathy burnout. Burnout can be prevalent for those working in the non-profit sector or in healthcare, where tragedy can often be present. 

Despite the risk of burnout, compassion and empathy are often considered highly desired qualities for people. Both can be essential in supporting others and improving social interactions, including those you know personally, your local communities, and the world.

Compassion vs. empathy in relationships: Differences

Compassion drives people to act in response to people's emotions. Empathy can allow someone to mirror emotions, both positive and negative. Compassion may often result in actions aimed at helping or improving the situation, while empathy focuses more on understanding and feeling without necessarily taking action.

Additionally, empathy often focuses on the emotional side of a situation, while compassion may have an action tied to it. Someone can feel empathy without providing a solution or taking action to resolve the situation. Contrarily, compassion often leads to taking action or considering actions aiming to improve the situation.

How empathy and compassion work together

Empathy is often the first step in compassion. Empathetic leadership often starts with understanding someone’s emotional state, which may lead to the desire to help. Compassion adds to this understanding by prompting action. Compassion propels people to take action after understanding and feeling the other person’s emotions.

Although it’s possible to empathize with someone or a situation without a strong drive to take action, strong empathy can often lead to compassionate behaviors. To give support to those around you and strengthen your relationships with them, it may be valuable to practice both empathy and compassion on a regular basis. In return, those around you may reciprocate similar empathy and compassion when you need them.

Becoming more compassionate and empathic

While some aspects of empathy and compassion are natural, compassionate leadership can be cultivated. Strengthening these skills through life coaching or therapy can help people in health behavior change, improving emotional awareness and fostering shared humanity.

Online therapy for strengthening empathy and compassion

Depending on a person’s schedule or the availability of therapists near them, finding treatment can be difficult. In those cases, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be a suitable alternative to in-person sessions. Working with an online therapist may strengthen compassion and empathy as you build a therapeutic alliance. A 2021 study suggests that remote psychotherapy can lead clients to perceive their providers are more empathetic and supportive than in in-person sessions, improving their ability to receive successful treatment.