Couples Therapy: Homework Exercises For Communication And Bonding
A common part of couples therapy for many is partaking in exercises outside of sessions, which are often known as “homework” exercises. Below, we’ve compiled some easy and helpful homework exercises that might aid you in your journey to strengthen your relationship, including gratitude lists, relationship check-ins, journaling, and more. These homework exercises can be tailored to specific romantic relationship goals, so feel free to get creative with how you use them. It can also be a good idea to complete these exercises under the guidance of a licensed mental health professional, which you can do in person or online.
Improve communication and strengthen your bond
Couples therapy is not just for couples experiencing challenges; anyone can benefit from improving relationship skills, bettering communication, and strengthening their bond with their partner. Researchers have looked into the impact of communication on relationships and found evidence that the better a couple communicates with each other, the more long-lasting and fulfilling their relationship is likely to be.
What to expect in couples therapy
Couples therapy can go beyond the therapist’s office. Professional relationship therapists often recommend homework to their clients, such as the exercises included in this list. Relationship counseling is often the most effective when both members of the couple are willing to put in the work, both inside and outside of the therapist’s office.
When you first attend couples therapy, the therapist will likely get to know you as a couple and then may want to talk to you individually. After determining your goals as a couple and as individuals, the therapist can support you in reaching those goals with evidence-based therapeutic interventions and relationship-building exercises.
Depending on the therapist’s approach to counseling, they may use a variety of techniques, such as behavioral experiments, cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavior therapy, psychotherapy, and homework.
Best couples therapy homework exercises
Below are a few of the best couples therapy homework exercises recommended by couples therapists. You can use these couples therapy homework exercises at home with your partner, but they may be more impactful when combined with talk therapy from a licensed professional. A therapist can guide you through couples therapy exercises with tips for how to get the most out of the experience.
Letter writing
If you go to couples counseling, you might practice letter writing as a homework assignment. Writing a letter to your partner can have many benefits, such as making it easier to express things that are hard to say out loud. By writing the letter, you may also discover underlying feelings, beliefs, or thoughts that can shift your perspective on a particular issue or subject.
A great writing prompt for couples therapy that you can try at home is writing a letter to your partner describing all their best qualities and what you love about them. Then, you can have them write the same letter from their perspective, describing what they love about you and your relationship. This couples therapy exercise can help you better understand your partner’s views and recognize their best qualities.
Gratitude lists
Making gratitude lists can be an ongoing homework exercise for couples to reflect on the positive things in their relationship and better appreciate each other. A gratitude list normally involves writing everything you are grateful for, or, in this case, what you are grateful for in your relationship. This exercise can be all about recognizing what the other person does that makes you happy and showing appreciation for them.
For two weeks or more, write down a few things that made you happy or went well that day. When you look back on your list of positive moments, it may reveal patterns in the relationship. Talking with your partner about the list and noticing the patterns together can help you determine what is working in your relationship and how you can create joyful memories together.
Studies show that displaying gratitude can have powerful benefits for mental health and well-being, such as reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression. Giving thanks has been found to make people happier overall, including in their relationships.
One study on the benefits of gratitude for couples found that mutually expressing gratitude not only tended to make couples feel happier, but also made it easier to express what they wanted to change in their relationships. Positive encouragement from being shown gratitude could also help couples engage in more relationship “maintenance,” such as spending time together, checking in with each other, and being more responsive to each other’s needs.
Scrapbooking memories
A fun and romantic couples therapy activity to try is making a scrapbook out of your memories together. Instead of a scrapbook, you could create a picture book with handmade drawings, collages, or online cut-outs. This can be an opportunity to assemble a cohesive memory book for you to reflect on your relationship together.
If you have mementos, like romantic letters from the beginning of the relationship, or sentimental items, such as your first concert tickets together, you can put them in your memory book. You can also print out photos from your favorite memories together. Create the narrative of your love story in your scrapbook, then label the images with context about the memories and how you each feel about them.
Icebreakers
When you are first getting started with couples therapy, doing some fun and easy exercises like asking each other “icebreaker” questions may be beneficial. You may be surprised to find that there are things you do not know about your partner, even if you have been in a long-term relationship. These icebreaker questions are generally meant to be light-hearted and get couples comfortable before they delve into more challenging communication exercises.
- What is your favorite childhood memory?
- Is there a funny story from your past you can share with me?
- Would you ever want to be famous?
- What is your favorite love song?
- Do you know any random or useless facts?
- What was the first album or CD you purchased?
- If you had to eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
- If you were a candy, what kind would you be?
- What is your favorite thing to do when you are home alone?
Relationship journaling
Studies have shown that journaling can be a beneficial therapeutic device for tapping into your inner feelings, thoughts, and beliefs. Journaling together as a couple can be a homework exercise that bonds you closer through shared communication. You may choose to journal weekly or daily.
For journaling to be most effective in a therapy setting, the couple should be honest with themselves and their partners about their feelings. Recording your feelings, thoughts, experiences, and goals in a journal can help you better understand what is going on in your partner’s inner world. Reflecting on journal entries can make patterns in the relationship more transparent, showing you what is working versus what you may need to adjust.
The journal can be used to reflect on positive memories together and as a safe way to express frustrations about the relationship or things that you wish were different. The journal entries can also be reviewed with your therapist during couples therapy sessions later on, helping you create a plan for how to best support each other in reaching your relationship goals.
Relationship check-in
Around once a week, try to set aside 30 minutes to an hour to discuss your relationship and check in with each other about your feelings. You may also want to record your check-ins in your relationship journal or with couples therapy worksheets so you can reflect on them later. There are couples therapy toolkits that you can download for free online, or your therapist may provide resources.
Checking in with each other can be an important step in maintaining healthy relationships, ensuring that you are both on the same page communication-wise and not letting anything slip through the cracks.
Benefits of online therapy
These homework exercises for building bonds and improving communication may be the most impactful when combined with guidance from a licensed therapist. You can find highly qualified couples therapists online with therapy platforms like BetterHelp. Couples with busy schedules or travel limitations may have an easier time accessing online couples therapy than traditional therapy at an office.
Effectiveness of online therapy
One 2022 study examined the effectiveness of online and in-person couples therapy and found that internet-based therapeutic interventions could be just as effective as traditional sessions. However, online sessions typically offered the benefit of being more accessible and appealing to couples who may not otherwise attend. The data collected by the researchers in this study showed overwhelmingly positive results for the majority of participants.
Takeaway
What are some couples therapy exercises?
There are many different relationship activities a therapist might use during a couples therapy session to help romantic partners deepen their connection and build a healthy relationship. These can include letter writing, gratitude lists, relationship journaling, soul gazing, and more. Another common exercise is the miracle question, in which therapists ask clients to imagine that a miracle occurred overnight, and then envision how their life would change and what it would look like. This exercise can help you learn more about your partner’s dreams as well as your own dreams, and then consider possible ways to create your ideal relationship.
What is the 40-20-40 process for communication?
The 40-20-40 process aims to enable good communication between partners, by allotting 40% of the allotted time to each partner, with 20 minutes left over for discussion. This process gives each person a chance to express their own needs while the other person engages in uninterrupted listening. While listening, it can help to keep an open mind, listen actively, and maintain eye contact. This process can help each partner feel heard, learn more about what is going through their partner’s mind, and discuss the relationship together in a healthy way.
What is the best couples therapy method?
Different couples may benefit from different approaches, and the best therapy method for you can depend on what you and your partner specifically want to gain from sessions. Some couples may want to learn how to manage conflict in a more productive manner, others may want to identify and address negative cycles of unhealthy behaviors, and others may want to improve communication and listening skills. The most effective couples therapy approaches can vary depending on the relationship problems and dynamics, but research shows that the Gottman method, emotionally-focused therapy, and cognitive behavioral therapy can all be effective. A key part of achieving positive change in any approach is ensuring that both partners make a concerted effort to improve the relationship.
What is the 7 breath forehead connection?
The 7-breath forehead connection can be a great exercise for helping you and your partner improve emotional intimacy and feel connected on a deeper level. In this exercise, one partner gently rests their forehead against their partner’s, and then they take seven slow, deep breaths together.
What are some icebreaker questions a couples therapist might use?
As you and your partner are getting started with couple therapy, a therapist might use icebreaker questions to help you both get more comfortable before having to answer questions on more difficult topics regarding the relationship’s health. Some possible icebreaker questions a couples therapist might suggest include:
What is your favorite snack when watching a movie?
Who was a major role model for you growing up?
What is a funny moment you remember from the early stage of the relationship?
What is your favorite song and top six categories of music?
If you could switch roles with anyone in the world, who would it be?
Answering icebreaker questions like these can help you and partner connect in lighthearted ways, and then feel more at ease in the next session.
What is the hugging exercise for couples?
The hugging exercise for couples involves hugging your partner for an extended amount of time. This simple but powerful exercise can help couples build intimacy.
What is the 40-20 work method?
The 40-20 work method can refer to a time management technique in which a person works on a project for 40 minutes, and then takes a 20-minute break. In other contexts, the 40-20 method can also refer to a workout technique in which a person does interval training of 40 seconds on and 20 seconds off.
What is the 40 40 20 strategy?
In the context of couples therapy, the 40-40-20 strategy is more likely referring to the 40-20-40 process of communication, in which each partner talks for 40% of the time, with 20 minutes remaining for discussion.
What is the 40 40 40 rule in the context of mental health?
In the context of mental health, the 40% rule may refer to the idea that when you’re feeling tired and your mind is telling you that you can’t do any more, you’re only 40% done—suggesting we have more energy and motivation still inside. However, this way of thinking may not always be useful or accurate, so for personalized support, consider seeking individual therapy.
What approach do therapists most commonly use in couples therapy?
Different couples counselors may draw on a variety of different approaches, and some may employ different methods between the first session and last session as the couple makes progress. Some common approaches include cognitive behavioral therapy, dialectical behavioral therapy, and solution-focused brief therapy, which incorporates positive psychology principles. A couples counselor may also have couples complete homework, such as where each person, in a worksheet, describes the relationship and has to identify strengths they can use to improve marital satisfaction. With any of the methods used, couples therapy can be a safe space and great resource for couples looking to strengthen their connection.
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