Do I Really Like Him Or Am I Drawn By Something Else?
It may be normal to feel drawn to someone, whether it be a romantic interest or a strong connection with a friend. However, it's ideal to take a step back and consider whether your feelings towards this special person are based on genuine affection and respect, or if they stem from something else. Try to be honest with yourself about your true feelings, and it's probably a good sign to make sure that you are attracted to someone for the right reasons. This may help ensure that any relationships you form, whether through dating apps or meeting in person, are healthy and fulfilling for you and the other person. Remember, it's okay to have feelings and attractions, but try to ensure it comes from a place of authenticity.
So if you’re constantly asking yourself, “do I really like this person?” read on for more helpful insight about your situation.
What is the definition of attraction?
Attraction might also refer to a general interest or desire for something, such as being attracted to a guy because of their interest in a particular hobby or activity.
Keep in mind that attraction is not the only factor to consider when forming a relationship. Whether the other person has similar values and beliefs, friends and family connections, and whether the relationship is based on genuinely affectionate feelings are also key to determining how a romantic life may play out well. By being honest with yourself and considering all factors, you may be able to determine if your feelings of attraction are coming from a healthy place.
Do I really like him? Reasons for feeling drawn to someone
The reason for someone to feel drawn to another person may vary from person to person. Knowing these reasons may help you figure out if you may be drawn to the first person for the right reasons.
- Physical attraction is often the first thing that draws people to each other. This might be based on appearance, body language, or other physical qualities. While physical attraction may be one way to form a relationship, it's perhaps a good idea to remember that it is not the only factor.
- The same interests and values may also be a powerful way people are drawn to someone. When two people have similar hobbies, goals, or beliefs, it might create a sense of connection and compatibility.
- Emotional connection is another reason why people may feel drawn to each other. An emotional connection may help create a sense of trust and support in a relationship, making it feel natural and providing a sense of safety; therefore, it is possible to feel more drawn to a person.
- To some, certain relationships hold a strong spiritual meaning—that is, they feel that a relationship has a significance tied to something greater than themselves. Some people believe in a “soul contract,” where two people are spiritually connected from birth. Others believe that a deity or cosmic power has brought them together for a special purpose.
Deciding whether to pursue a relationship
While attraction is a natural and enjoyable part of forming relationships, it is ideal to consider all factors when deciding whether to pursue a relationship with someone. Take a step back, be honest with your personal thoughts, and ensure that the relationship is based on genuine affection and respect. Once you have done so, you may be able to make an informed decision about the relationship. Talking with an online therapist and using other resources may provide a safe space to discuss feelings of attraction, relationships, and other issues. Having an experienced and knowledgeable therapist may allow you to explore these topics further and make the best decisions for yourself. By taking the time to consider your feelings, you may be able to create meaningful and fulfilling relationships in your life.
The right reasons for attraction
Some modern research has shown that there are a few parts of attraction that tend to lead to healthier relationships. Here are a few key factors you might want to consider.
- Taking the time to reflect on your motivations and feelings might help you determine whether you really like someone. Try viewing your values, goals, and other factors that shape your relationships.
- Genuine affection and respect: Attraction based on natural affection and care is often the most fulfilling and sustainable. This may involve feeling a deep connection with someone and valuing their qualities. When the attraction is based on genuine affection and respect, it might help foster a sense of mutual support and understanding and maybe a foundation for a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
- Honesty and authenticity: Having an open conversation with yourself and the other person is ideal in any relationship. Being open about your feelings and motivations will likely create a sense of trust and understanding with the other person. This may help ensure that your relationships are based on honesty and authenticity, which might help you weave connections that are strong and long-lasting.
What should you do if you find yourself asking, “Do I really like him?”
Overall, be mindful of the reasons behind your attraction to someone. By considering all factors, engaging in conversation, and being honest with yourself and the other person, you might be able to determine if your feelings of attraction are based on mutually respectful reasons and if you really like him. Take the time to imagine your future together and weigh the pros and cons before deciding if the relationship is worth pursuing.
Explore and process feelings in a discreet and safe space with online therapy
When you feel drawn to someone, it may be helpful to have a space to reflect on your motivations and consider the consequences of acting on these feelings. Online therapy may provide a safe platform for you to do this, which may allow you to explore your emotions in a safe and supportive environment. Additionally, the secrecy of online therapy might allow you to feel more comfortable discussing sensitive topics such as dating, family, or future plans, and communicating your thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
"I believe that two people are connected at heart, and it doesn't matter what you do, who you are, or where you live; there are no boundaries or barriers if two people are destined to be together. Julia Roberts"
Effectiveness of online therapy
Research has shown that online therapy may be an effective way to process emotions and explore relationships. A study by the Journal of Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment examined the effectiveness of online therapy for new couples. They found that online therapy may have similar results to in-person therapy in promoting self-awareness, learning new strategies for managing emotions and relationships, and increasing relationship satisfaction. These findings may suggest that online therapy may be an effective method of exploring relationships and gaining insight into motivations and feelings.
Benefits of talking to an online therapist or counselor
So if you find yourself wondering "do I really like them or just the idea of being in a relationship?" you may want to talk to an online therapist. Talking with a counselor can help you gain clarity and insight into why you feel the way you do, as well as explore potential red flags or warning signs that may indicate if the relationship is worth investing in.
For instance, if you notice that they want to spend time with a lot of time with other people, it's a potential sign that they may not be as serious about the relationship as you are. Similarly, if you get the feeling that other friends are more important to them than you, it could be a sign that they may not have the same level of commitment to you as you do to them.
Takeaway
What is it called when you are drawn to someone?
Being drawn to someone can be called several things depending on the context in which you are drawn to that person. For example, if you're physically drawn to them, you might say you're attracted to them. If you're drawn to a person because you enjoy them as a person, you might say you have a connection. Other examples of words you could use to refer to being drawn to someone include:
- Pulled
- Lured
- Appealed
- Enticed
- Captivated
- Charmed
When you feel drawn to someone, do they feel it too?
In some cases, your pull towards that person might go unnoticed. For example, if you're drawn to someone you don't speak to often (or at all) or are attracted to someone at work who is in another department or area.
In many cases, however, you may feel drawn to someone you interact with regularly. It's highly possible that the longer you interact or, the more intense your feelings become, the more likely it is that they'll intuit you're drawn to them. Individuals who are mutually attracted are also more likely to feel the unspoken connection.
Can you feel unspoken attraction?
Yes, examples of unspoken attraction can be found in many places. Sometimes, individuals who have a brief encounter with another person in passing can feel attracted to someone without speaking at all. You might also feel an unspoken attraction if you are drawn to someone with whom it's "off limits" to communicate your feelings. Your boss, for example, or the partner of a friend or relative. In such instances, you may feel attracted to the person, but you also know those feelings are inappropriate or won't be reciprocated.
What makes two people drawn to each other?
People may feel drawn to each other for a diverse number of reasons. The reasons might be considered "shallow," such as when you are strictly physically attracted to each other with no other connection, or you might be deeply attracted to each other because you have a lot in common, you enjoy each other's company, and you're physically attracted.
Ultimately, the reasons why people feel drawn toward one another are usually highly personal and are reflected in one's past relationship experiences, tastes, and influences.
How do I stop being drawn to someone?
It might take a little time, but with mindful behavior and interaction, it is possible to stop being drawn to someone. Here are a few tips on how to move on from someone you're drawn to:
Avoid contact
If you "bump into each other" in certain places, try to steer clear of those places. For example, you might need to take a different route to work or school or change where you have lunch during the day. You may even need to alter your daily routine, such as working out before work or during your lunch hour, if you regularly saw each other during your run or workout after work.
Stay mindful of your contact with them
If you do run into the person you're attracted to, keep your interactions as brief and insubstantial as possible. For example, if you're attracted to someone at work, focus on discussing work and not discussing your personal life. Pay attention to your body language, as well. If you find yourself touching them casually or leaning in during your conversation, it may send the wrong signals to them and make it more difficult for you to move on from your attraction.
If the connection is mutual, and they can't remain neutral or professional, you may need to communicate your boundaries with them. For example, you may say something like, "I'm trying to stay professional; thanks for respecting those boundaries," or if the feeling is mutual, "I'd like to stay cordial, but I don't think it's a good idea for us to have a relationship beyond that."
Avoid social media
To distance yourself, you may consider avoiding interaction or seeing their activity on social media. Seeing updates on their life can leave you feeling conflicted or make it harder for you to break the attraction. If you think it might be noticed and questioned, you don't necessarily have to unfriend or unfollow them; muting them will ensure you won't see their posts without drawing attention.
Spend time with friends and family
Surrounding yourself with your support system can provide a pleasant distraction. Go out and do something fun with friends (just be sure to avoid places your "crush" might go), or make your family dinner followed by board games and dessert. It might be even better to enlist them to take a trip out of town with you for a long weekend (or longer).
Stay busy
If there's something you've always been interested in learning, now might be a good time to explore that. Perhaps there are home projects you've been meaning to do or a hobby you know you enjoy but haven't participated in in a while. Doing something distracting can help you cultivate a sense of accomplishment and perhaps learn something new.
How can you psychologically tell if someone likes you?
While it might be easy to tell if someone likes you most of the time, there are instances where someone will like you, and they don't show it, or, in some cases, they might not realize it themselves. Psychologically speaking, there are some cues to watch for that might indicate they have feelings for you:
- They show interest in your life— If someone listens actively while you speak and engages deeply in the conversation, it could be a sign that they genuinely want to know more about you and your life.
- They remember small details of your conversations— If you mentioned in passing last week that today is your birthday, and they make a small gesture to let you know they remembered, they might like you. Remembering minor details about your life indicates they care about you and are potentially invested in your feelings.
- They communicate readily with you— Just as someone who likes you might remember small details about your life, they might want to share details of theirs with you. Doing so may increase the connection between you, particularly if you have things in common.
- They share your emotions— When someone likes you, they may try to understand your perspective and empathize with your feelings. They might celebrate your successes with you or be there for you during challenging times.
- They invest their time in you— If someone likes you, they might make it a point to carve time out of their day to call or message you to check on how your day is going or share something they think you'd be interested in. They might stop to grab your favorite coffee or lunch and bring it to you. This shows they're willing to take time out of their day to engage with you.
- They want to introduce you to their family and friends— We can learn a lot about a person through their friends and loved ones. If they want you to know those influential people, it's a sign that they want you to understand their experiences, background, and their past. (And perhaps they want to "show you off" to the people they care about.)
Why do I feel so drawn to someone I barely know?
There are many reasons, obvious and otherwise, why you might feel drawn to someone you barely know. For example, it may not be the actual person you're drawn to, but one who fits into the fantasy of a specific type of relationship you're looking for. They might remind you of someone you admire or have feelings for. You might be attracted to their appearance and project qualities onto them that you find attractive in a mate.
How does a man act when he's attracted to a woman?
Body language cues such as maintaining eye contact, lightly touching your arm or shoulder, or leaning into you while you're talking are examples of how a man might act if he's attracted.
He might go out of his way to run into you or find reasons to interact. If a man is attracted, he may remember small details about you or make small gestures like bringing you a coffee or something you mentioned that you needed.
How does your body feel when you're attracted to someone?
Hormones like dopamine and norepinephrine are released when we interact with someone we're attracted to, leading to excitement, giddiness, euphoria, and increased energy. Also, when we encounter someone we're attracted to, our gut can signal emotional centers in the brain responsible for the experience of "butterflies" we sometimes have in the stomach.
Why do we feel drawn to certain people?
The reasons we feel drawn to certain people might be on the surface, like if we're attracted to them physically. They might remind us of someone we were once attracted to or have qualities we like. Sometimes, people are drawn to someone for reasons they may not understand themselves. For example, research suggests that we might be attracted to others with similar interests and values. With these similarities comes a sense of social acceptance from that person, which may contribute to feelings of attraction.
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