Do Long-Distance Relationships Work? Research, Tips, And Coping Techniques

Although updated evidence may be needed, research suggests that approximately 40% of long-distance relationships break up during any given six-month period. The same figure applies to non-long-distance relationships as well, suggesting that distance does not necessarily indicate that a relationship will terminate. Still, long-distance relationships tend to encounter unique challenges, and couples therapy may be beneficial for those who are struggling to maintain their relationship health.

Long-distance relationships research

Research suggests that distance can play a significant role in the development of romantic relationships. In a 2018 study, researchers compared the risks faced by couples in long-distance relationships (where partners must travel one hour or more to see each other) and short-distance relationships (where partners travel less than one hour). The risks associated with long-distance relationships may include the following:

• Reduced intimacy: Individuals in long-distance relationships may have fewer opportunities to spend time with their partners face-to-face. This typically means a lower amount of sexual and physical intimacy compared to partners who live close together. Less intimacy may lead to strain on a relationship for multiple reasons. For example, individuals could become worried that their partners are seeking sexual contact with someone outside the relationship. Reduced physical intimacy may also have an impact on a person's mental health, potentially increasing anxiety or lowering self-esteem. 
• Higher cost: Greater distance between partners is often associated with higher maintenance costs for the relationship. Individuals in a long-distance relationship will likely want to travel to one another with some degree of frequency. If they are within driving distance, this can mean purchasing gas, paying for vehicle maintenance, and buying food for the drive. If partners are too far apart to drive to one another, travel could involve purchasing plane tickets, booking accommodations, and taking time off work, all of which tend to come at a significant cost. 
• More stress: Long-distance relationships could lead both parties to experience higher stress levels. This stress may have various causes, such as travel, loneliness, separation anxiety, and sexual frustration. Distance can also make communication more difficult, potentially increasing the stress of disagreements and conflicts. While partners could attempt to bridge this communication gap with phone calls, online messaging services, or video chats, misunderstandings could still happen. Over time, miscommunications could result in so much stress that one or both partners decide to terminate the relationship. 

However, long-distance relationships may also have several benefits, such as higher levels of idealization and more appreciation for time spent together. These factors could contribute to how rewarding the relationship is, which can be crucial in determining whether partners stay together. 

Overall, researchers concluded that distance can significantly impact both the rewards and costs of relationships, potentially increasing the likelihood of termination. To avoid a possible breakup, it may be helpful to find ways to strengthen your long-distance relationship.

Tips for making a long-distance relationship work

Various strategies may benefit those with long-distance partners, including those discussed below.

1. Communicate clearly and consistently

Communication can be a significant obstacle in any relationship, regardless of distance. In long-distance relationships, maintaining consistent and clear communication may reduce stress and increase relationship satisfaction. Doing so may involve determining which communication formats work most effectively for both parties. This could mean trying different options, including phone calls, texting, video chats, and emails or letters. Combining several types could prevent communication from growing stale. In addition to format, scheduling can be an essential factor to consider. In many cases, contacting one another on a daily basis can be beneficial.

2. Set reasonable expectations

Establishing expectations in a long-distance relationship can help both parties understand what is needed to stay satisfied. This could involve discussing how often individuals in the relationship will communicate, who will travel to visit the other, and ways to ensure that important topics are being addressed. The boundaries you establish can help both partners stay comfortable and avoid worrying about what time a person will check in or who will be responsible for making a trip to the other’s residence. However, it can also be important to stay flexible when situations change. If your partner plans to travel to you, but a situation arises that prevents them from doing so, being able to adapt could ease your partner’s stress. 

3. Learn your partner’s love language

Meeting a long-distance partner’s needs may be easier if you understand their primary love language. There are typically five love languages:

• Acts of service: The “acts of service” love language typically involves performing tasks that show a partner you understand (and can meet) their needs. These tasks may include doing chores around the house, taking pets to veterinarian appointments, or paying utility bills. While some acts may be more difficult in a long-distance relationship, it could still be possible to take care of certain tasks. These may include those that can be completed online, over the phone, or during visits. 
• Receiving gifts: Individuals who show love through giving and receiving gifts may enjoy the thought that goes into getting and giving tokens of appreciation. The idea behind this love language is typically less about the monetary value of a gift and more about the sentiment behind the gift. The right gift can convey that you were thinking of your partner while you were away and that you understand their wants and needs.
• Words of affirmation: Those with “words of affirmation” as their love language may respond to verbal expressions of praise, as this can offer a sense of validation and security. Expressing your love for your partner, even through phone calls or video chats, can show them how much you value the relationship and them as an individual. While the exact words can vary, examples may include telling someone you miss them, saying how much they mean to you, or explaining why you love them. 
• Quality time: While some may think it could be difficult to spend quality time with a partner in a long-distance relationship, that may not be true. In addition to making the most of the time you spend together during visits, long-distance partners can spend quality time through various communication formats. For example, watching a movie together over a video chat service or having an attentive, lengthy conversation over the phone could show a “quality time” love language partner that you care about them. 
• Physical touch: Those with the “physical touch” love language may struggle in long-distance relationships due to the infrequent opportunities to see their partner in person. This may result in dissatisfaction or conflict over time. In these cases, it may be beneficial to plan to travel more frequently. For those who are within driving distance, regular short trips may maintain physical intimacy. However, individuals in relationships that require a flight to see one another could find the distance more challenging. 

Determining which love language most resonates with your partner can take time and require experimentation, but in most cases, this effort can be worth it. However, even with this and other long-distance relationship tips, it may be difficult for romantic partners to cope. In these cases, it may be necessary to explore other techniques to ease the potential difficulty of these relationships. 

How to cope with a long-distance relationship

While each couple is different, one coping method that may be beneficial is couples therapy. Couples therapy can help romantic partners address potential difficulties in their relationship, build important communication and conflict-resolution skills, and identify ways to strengthen their connection moving forward. However, it may be difficult for those in a long-distance relationship to get together and attend in-person therapy. In these situations, it may be necessary to utilize other options, such as online therapy.

Research suggests that online couples counseling can be a viable alternative to face-to-face therapy. In a 2021 study, researchers compared the efficacy of in-person and online couples therapy. They found that online therapy could successfully produce positive results and client satisfaction while delivering comparable outcomes to in-person couples counseling. In addition, both forms of therapy often reduced depression, anxiety, and stress levels.