How To Stop Dreaming Of Your Ex And Process Unresolved Feelings

While some people may be able to avoid the experience of being broken up with, they, at some time or another, may endure the emotions and experiences that can be involved with the end of a relationship. 

Consciously, we might do anything we need to in order to forget about the person or the experience. However, there can be instances where we might be reminded of our past relationships—such as in our dreamscape. 

Dreaming of your ex can be a bittersweet experience for some and may also leave you with mixed feelings about it being over. But what does it really mean when you dream about your ex?

Read on to explore possible causes, meanings, and experiences below, as well as helpful tips that can help you to redirect your thinking—and possibly your dreams.

Dreams: What are they and how do they work?

Many may dream several times a night as they go through the different sleep cycles. 

Our brains can cycle through different stages of sleep that can have different sets of benefits for the mind and body. The cycle in which we most vividly dream is known as REM or rapid eye movement. 

The role of dreams in processing repressed memories

Sigmund Freud is generally regarded as one of the most prominent psychologists who studied the concept of dreaming and is attributed with identifying that the things we might dream about can stem from repressed memories or experiences in the unconscious mind. 

With this in mind, you may consider the possible implications of your recent dreams about your ex. For example: During waking hours, we may not want to remember them—as these memories can cause nervous feelings or a distracted focus in many. It could be a possibility, then, that a part of our consciousness may subconsciously filter these emotions so we can get on with our day. Then, when we are in deep sleep, the memories and thought patterns may surface in our dreams. 

Many researchers believe that we may not have control over this possible influence.

What does dreaming of your ex mean?

Many leading psychologists agree that when a significant and known person in your life appears in your life, and you have strong feelings for that person, this person may show up in your dreams.

Understanding dreams about your ex: Signals and insights

Dreaming about your ex can be a signal that you still think about them. Maybe not amorously, but perhaps with a concern about the current state of their life. While this can feel overwhelming to consider, we do want to encourage you that dreaming about your ex might not mean that you have true romantic feelings towards them or that there's a possibility for you to get back together. You are generally able to retain control of your life in that sense, choosing not to act on those dreams unless you have a desire to do so. 

Dreams of past loves

Inspiration can be another possible meaning that can be related to frequent dreams of past loves. For example: You may be inspired to find ways of finding a new, “true” connection, perhaps offering you the same intensity and “thrill” as you had with your ex. 

Exploring your dreams: Taking the next step

If you’re considering speaking with a therapist regarding dreams about your exes, you may find that keeping a diary or dream journal can be a helpful way to track and recall your dreams. 

Additionally, by writing down what you recall about your dream, you can begin to sort through what your dream might mean. Talking with friends, family or a therapist may help you work through the feelings brought on by your dreams. Recollections don’t have to be extensive for this method to work. Your thoughts could be in the form of a statement or bullet points as well, so long as it’s something that you can come back to when you need to refresh your memory.

How can online therapy help those processing their feelings?

If you're having concerns or excessive thoughts about a past relationship, online therapy may be the ticket to dealing with those issues and letting them go for good, possibly leaving you to dream about other things. 

This method of therapeutic delivery is convenient for many, empowering them to seek help even if they feel too overwhelmed by feelings or emotions to leave the home. With online therapy, you can meet with a therapist at a time that works for your schedule, completing your session anywhere that you have an internet connection.

Is online therapy effective?

Online therapy has been suggested to be very successful for many as they work through a variety of conditions and concerns. A recent analysis conducted by the National Council on Aging notes that this form of therapy can be especially effective for those who are living with certain mental health conditions (such as anxiety disorder or depression)—both of which can be exacerbated by frequent thoughts about your past loves. It can also be an effective means to discuss your feelings and find empowerment to move forward, whatever that looks like in your specific context.