Signs of Readiness For An Exclusive Relationship Vs Casual Dating

Transitioning from dating to an exclusive relationship can be a significant step, making a relationship go from casual to a more serious commitment and making way for a more intimate connection. However, knowing when you’re ready for such an exclusive commitment can be challenging. When deciding whether to commit to an exclusive, monogamous relationship, learning about the signs you are ready and the signs you may not be could be helpful. In addition, insight into how to have these conversations with the person you're dating can be beneficial when attempting to navigate mismatched desires.  

Exclusive relationships vs casual dating in romantic relationships

While different people may have different definitions of exclusivity, an exclusive relationship is often defined as both parties agreeing not to date other people.  

Exclusively dating may often involve a physical and emotional commitment where both partners agree to stop pursuing romantic relationships with other people. However, some couples may only choose to be exclusive physically or emotionally. The rules of an exclusive relationship can depend on the couple's preferences and goals. 

For some, being in an exclusive relationship signals the beginning of a committed relationship and a deeper connection. For others, exclusivity is simply a natural progression or stepping stone between "casually dating" for a few months and "in a relationship" to determine whether the pair wants to commit to a long-term relationship. Because exclusive dating can have many meanings, it can be important for both parties to be clear about what being in an exclusive relationship means to them. Being upfront initially can avoid hurt feelings and help ensure everyone gets what they want. 

Impacts of exclusive relationships & dating on mental health

Being exclusive can have a host of impacts on you and your partner. It may change the dynamics of the relationship and influence your mental health. For example, once you decide to focus on each other, it can take your connection to a deeper level and make both parties more comfortable in the relationship.

Should you take your relationship to the next level and become exclusive? 

If you are unsure whether you're ready to be in an exclusive relationship with the person you're dating, there are a few signs that indicate you might be, as well as signs you may benefit from more time to be comfortable taking that step. Below are eight signs you might be ready to be exclusive with someone: 

• You don't want to date anyone else
• You picture them in your future
• You're beginning to be more comfortable being yourself around them
• You want a closer connection and more emotional intimacy with them
• You've had minor disagreements and resolved them healthily
• You spend significant time together
• You've introduced them to the essential people in your life
• You make time for each other

When you're not ready for an exclusive relationship

Below are eight signs you might not be ready for an exclusive relationship: 

• You think someone better may be out there
• You are nervous about committing
• You have a difficult time picturing them in your future
• You want to date other women, men, or people a bit longer
• You are experiencing pressure to commit
• You're worried about introducing them to the people in your life
• You aren't ready to let down your walls with them
• You've noticed some red flags that make you nervous

Not being ready to commit yet is normal. Hesitancy doesn’t necessarily mean you have to end your relationship with the person. You can continue to date them more casually until your thoughts cement one way or another. After reflecting, you might want more time to get to know them to eliminate your doubts, or you may find that they weren't suitable for you and decide to look for a better match. Acknowledging your wants and needs can be crucial to finding the right romantic partner and having a healthy relationship in the future. Online therapy can help you navigate the complexities of romantic relationships.

Considering your partner's wants and needs in the relationship and open communication

Transitioning to an exclusive relationship: Emotional intimacy in a monogamous relationship

If you've determined you're ready to become exclusive with someone you're dating, below are a few tips for conversing with your partner and transitioning to a relationship. 

Clarify what you want from an exclusive relationship

Before discussing being exclusive, be clear about wants and what becoming exclusive means to you. The conversation may be better if the person initiating the next step can lead the conversation with clarity. Consider your intentions clearly before you bring them up in the relationship.

Be open and honest

Express how you feel and why you're ready to take your relationship to the next level. Be direct about what you want as an exclusive couple. While you might be vulnerable in verbalizing your feelings, vulnerability can help you have a productive and fruitful conversation and contribute to emotional security.

Be ready for any answer

There may be a possibility that your love interest isn't prepared to commit. If this is the case, try to have a plan.

• Do you still want to continue dating casually?
• Do you want to end the relationship if you're on different pages?
• What will you want to say if they decline?

Being prepared may ensure you aren't taken off guard and are ready to stand up for yourself and your feelings in a way you'd be proud of later. 

When you're not ready for dating exclusively 

If your partner is ready to be exclusive, but you aren't, be open and honest about it. While it may initially hurt the person, and possibly the relationship, it can be healthier for both of you in the long run. 

Being honest about your feelings can be possible while still being compassionate. For example, if you feel pressure to commit, you can tell your love interest you aren't ready to commit right now but express your intentions for your relationship. While turning down an offer to become exclusive may end your current dating relationship, it could also allow you the space to find what you want rather than forcing something that isn’t right. If you're uncomfortable expressing yourself this way, consider contacting a therapist for support. 

Support options: Getting help in online therapy

If you're unsure whether you're ready to commit or have other doubts about your relationship, unbiased outside advice might be helpful. While your friends and family can be a valuable resource for discussing challenges, they may have preconceptions that make it difficult for them to be completely neutral. For example, if your parents are eager for you to get married, they may push you to commit when you aren't ready. Alternatively, maybe your friend has seen you with a broken heart, so they hesitate to encourage you to try again.  

If fitting therapy sessions into your busy life sounds too overwhelming, online therapy may be an option to consider. With online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or ReGain for couples, you can schedule appointments at a time and place that works for you, allowing you to work your sessions around your dating life and other obligations. Additionally, research shows that online therapy is as effective as in-person treatment for treating a range of common mental health conditions and concerns, so you don't have to worry that you're sacrificing quality treatment for convenience.