Feeling Unwanted In A Relationship? Strategies For RRekindling Connection And Building Self-worth

Medically reviewed by Nikki Ciletti, M.Ed, LPC and Laura Angers Maddox, NCC, LPC
Updated November 13, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Feeling unwanted in a relationship can be like walking through a fog, unsure of where you lost your way. It's a space where silence seems louder than words and once warm glances now feel distant. This feeling, often a mix of confusion, hurt, and longing, not only impacts your relationship but can also take a toll on your self-worth and mental health. Emotionally, it can be challenging to navigate, especially when you're unsure how to bridge the gap or rekindle the a connection with your partner that seems to have dimmed.

This article will explore strategies to help you return to feeling valued and connected in your relationship. We understand that feeling unwanted isn't necessarily just about the relationship itself; it may also be. It's about how you perceive yourself within it. Building self-worth is an important foundation in most relationships because knowing your value is key to any healthy partnership.

 This article will explore strategies to help you return to feeling valued and connected in your relationship, including .? We'll discuss ways to communicate your feelings, understand your partner's perspective, and work together to reignite the spark that first brought you together. 

We will also focus on building your self-worth because knowing your value is key to any healthy relationship. Whether you're in the early stages of a relationship or have you share years’ worth of memories together, this guide will offer compassionate advice for those tough moments when you feel unloved or undesired.

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Do you feel like you can't find your way in your relationship?

Understanding the root of feeling unwanted in a relationship

Before we jump into strategiesstrategic solutions, it's essential important to recognize that feeling unwanted in a relationship can stem from many reasonsfactors. Sometimes, it may be due to your partner's actions or lack thereof. Other times, your own insecurities and past experiences could impact how you perceive yourself in the relationship.

Research from the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy has shown that satisfying relationships can positively impact our mental and physical well-being. In contrast, dissatisfying relationships can lead to distress and instability. Central to this idea is how partners regulate their emotions and communicate with each other.

The importance of emotional regulation for a fulfilling relationship

Emotional regulation is the process of managing and expressing our feelings, and it plays a significant role in relationship satisfaction. When partners are emotionally attuned to each other's needs and can communicate effectively, their relationships will tend to be more stable and fulfilling. 

On the other handConversely, a lack of emotional regulation or communication can create a disconnect between partners, leading to feelings of being unwanted. It's essential to understand that these feelings can stem from various sources and may not always be a reflection of the relationship itself.

In any relationship, it takes two both individuals to make it work. Therefore, each of both the two partners play a role in creating an environment where both feel wanted and valued. When one partner's actions or behaviors trigger feelings of being unwanted, it's essential critical to address them as a couple and work together to find a solution.

The importance of communication in a romantic relationship

Long-term relationships often go through phases of highs and lows, and it's natural for feelings to change over time. However, when you feel unwanted or unloved in a relationship, the first step is to have an open and honest conversation with your partner.

Having an effective conversation requires both partners to be present, listen without judgment, and communicate their thoughts and emotions clearly. It may not be easy, but it's crucial to approach the conversation with a compassionate and empathetic tone of voice.

Tips for having open and honest conversations with your partner

Here are some tips for having an open and honest conversation with your partner about your feelings:

  • Setting aside quality time: Sometimes, it can be challenging to have meaningful conversations when there are distractions around. Choosing a time and place where both of you can focus on the conversation without interruptions can make a significant difference.
  • Using "I" statements: Instead of accusing or blaming your partner, try using "I" statements to express how you feel. For example, "I feel undesired when you don't show me affection" rather than "You never show me any affection."
  • Practice active listening: When your romantic partner is sharing their thoughts and feelings, try to listen actively. Pay attention to their words, tone of voice, and body language without interrupting or getting defensive.
  • Validating your partner's feelings: It's essential to acknowledge and validate your partner's perspectives, even if you don't agree with them. Validation shows that you are genuinely listening and understanding their point of view.
  • Being honest about your needs: Don't be afraid to express your needs in the relationship. Your partner may not know how their actions or lack thereof are impacting you, and it's crucial to communicate your needs clearly.

Open and honest communication is a two-way street. It's essential important to give your partner the same space and understanding that you expect from them when expressing yourself. When both partners feel heard and understood, it creates a sense of connection and can strengthen the relationship.

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Rebuilding connection and intimacy

Romantic partners may need to make a conscious effort to maintain the emotional and physical connection in their relationship. It can be challenging to find the time and energy to do so, especially when life gets busy. However, small gestures and physical touch can go a long way in rebuilding connection and intimacy.

Tips for rekindling emotional and physical connection in a relationship

Here are some tips for rekindling the emotional and physical connection when you're feeling unwanted in your relationship:

  • Planning regular date nights: If you can, try setting aside time every week or month to have a special date with your partner. It could be as simple as watching a movie at home or going out for dinner.
  • Surprising your partner with thoughtful gestures: Small surprises can make a big impact. It could be leaving a love note, making their favorite meal, or planning an activity they enjoy.
  • Physical touch: Physical touch is often essential foundational in romantic relationships. Holding hands, hugging, and kissing help to release oxytocin, a hormone that can promote bonding and trust. Research shows being touched can also make a person feel less lonely, which can combat feelings of being unwanted in a relationship.
  • Trying new things together: It's easy to fall into a routine in a long-term relationship. Trying something new together, like a hobby or activity, can bring excitement and novelty back into the relationship.

The specifics of what is appropriate in your relationship may differ, but the underlying idea is to make an effort to show love and appreciation for each other while respecting their boundaries. Patience and understanding can also go a long way in rebuilding connection and intimacy. 

Self-esteem and self-love can break the cycle of feeling unwanted

Sometimes, you can stop feeling unloved by focusing on yourself and working toward building self-esteem and self-love. Your worth is not determined by how someone else treats you, even in a romantic relationship. If a partner is acting uninterested, it does not reflect your value as a person.

Ways to foster self-esteem and self-love outside a romantic relationship

Here are some ways to foster self-esteem and self-love independently of your romantic relationship:

  • Practicing positive self-talk: The way you speak to yourself impacts how you feel about yourself. Make an effort to practice positive affirmations daily, such as "I am worthy of love and respect."
  • Engaging in self-care activities: Taking care of your  well-being, physically, mentally, and emotional well-beingly, is crucial for building self-esteem. It could be as simple as taking a bubble bath or going for a walk.
  • Pursuing personal interests and passions: You shouldn'tIt’s likely in your best interest not to neglect your own interests and passions for the sake of in a relationship. When you make time for the things you love, you continue to grow as an individual.
  • Setting boundaries: It's essential to have clear boundaries in your relationships, including a romantic one. Boundaries help protect your self-worth and well-being and ensure that your needs and wants are respected.

Breaking the cycle of feeling unwanted by building self-esteem and self-love

Building self-esteem and self-love takes time and effort. There may be moments when it feels challenging but know that you are worth the effort. You should be patient and kind to yourself as you work toward loving and valuing yourself as an individual. No one can make you feel unwanted without your permission, so don't give it away. When you focus on fostering self-esteem and self-love, you can break the cycle of feeling undesired in your relationships. 

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Do you feel like you can't find your way in your relationship?

Getting support when you need it

If you are worried your concern that your partner may lose interest and hasit's taken a toll on your mental health, it may be time to seek support from a professional. Seeking help doesn't mean there is something wrong with you or your relationship. Instead, it shows that you are taking it as a proactive step toward improving your well-being.

Couples therapy or individual counseling can be beneficial for addressing feelings of being unwanted in a relationship. A therapist can provide unbiased and nonjudgmental support and help you both communicate effectively. Research indicates couples therapy can effectively reduce relationship distress and improve relationship satisfaction. Individual therapy may also be helpful in addressing underlying issues that may contribute to feelings of being unloved.

In recent years, online therapy via platforms like BetterHelp has become a popular option for seeking support. Online therapy offers convenience and flexibility for individuals and couples looking to improve their mental health, which may . This level of availability can make therapy an option for those who may have previously been hesitant to seek help due to conflicting schedules or transportation barriers. 

CBT can help with overcoming feelings of unwantedness in relationships

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a widely used and effective form of psychotherapy, is also available as an online modality. CBT can help individuals address negative thought patterns and behaviors that may contribute to feelings of being unwanted. Psychiatric studies suggest CBT treatment may contribute to greater self-esteem and may also be effective against depression. Through this evidence-based approach, individuals can learn to challenge and change unhelpful thoughts and behaviors that may be impacting their perception of themselves and their relationships.

Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness. It takes courage to acknowledge when you need help and take the necessary steps toward self-improvement. If you are feeling unwanted in your relationship, know that there is hope and support available to help you through this difficult time. You are deserving of love and happiness, and with the right support, you can overcome these feelings and build a stronger, more fulfilling relationship with your partner and with yourself and your partner. 

Takeaway

 You may feel unloved or unwanted at times in your relationships, but these feelings are not a reflection of our your worth. As you work toward rekindling your connection and fostering self-esteem, you may learn that your value is not dependent on someone else's actions or feelings toward you. Online therapy can be a helpful resource in addressing these complex emotions, even when traditional therapy may not be an option.

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