Healing After A Breakup: Coping Strategies For Reclaiming Your Life

Why is it so hard to get over a guy I never dated?

For many people, getting over a guy they never had a relationship with is difficult because they're mourning the loss of a potential future with someone special. Depending on your level of attachment, grieving the fantasy of that person can be as difficult as grieving a full-fledged relationship. 

How do you stop obsessing over a guy you never dated?

While you may not have as much control as you'd like initially, it is possible to tame the obsessing mind and move on from your feelings. Here are some suggestions:

• Accept the reality and embrace your feelings

This may be easier said than done, but acknowledging on a deeper level that the relationship never happened and the "what-ifs" aren't possible is often the first step toward moving on. As you ponder this truth, allow yourself to feel the emotions that arise without judgment. Get to know them by writing them down in a journal or a letter to him that you'll never send. Accept the relationship didn't (and won't) happen, and label the feelings you're having. 

• Limit exposure and set boundaries

Avoid contact with the person if necessary and unfollow/unfriend them on social media. If you're worried about how they'll react, you can hide their posts and others in which they're included. Delete texts and pictures, get rid of mementos, or put them somewhere you won't see them. Avoid places where you're likely to run into them. 

If no one else knows how you feel, and you'd like to keep it that way, prepare for potential conversations or unexpected social gatherings where he shows up. Have an exit plan or a coping strategy ready. If applicable, establish boundaries with the person to prevent further emotional attachment or involvement. This might involve telling them how you feel, but it might be necessary to stop obsessing and move on. 

• Focus on yourself

A self-care routine featuring exercise, nutritious eating, and good sleep hygiene can help you stay physically and mentally healthy during this challenging time. Engage in activities that nourish and bring you joy, such as spending time in nature, meditation, or the company of people you enjoy. Little things like cleaning your living space while listening to your favorite music or lighting a scented candle during a warm bath can go a long way towards self-soothing. 

• Engage in activities that promote self-growth

Now might be a good time to learn a language or an instrument. Try that new sport you've always wanted to play or throw yourself into an important project at work. Pursuing a promotion or interviewing for that dream job can help draw your focus away from the fantasies of him and towards the possibilities of a more successful you. Self-growth might also mean nurturing your humanitarian side by volunteering for an organization you care about or helping out a friend in need. 

• Seek support and meet new people

Share your feelings with trusted friends and loved ones who can provide support and perspective. They can provide the encouragement you need to move forward and find dating prospects (if you're ready). If you'd like to meet new people but don't know where to start, try participating in group activities that do fun things in your area, take a class, or simply get out and socialize more with friends and family.

If your emotions are too overwhelming to cope with on your own or with support from loved ones, consider seeking guidance from a counselor or therapist who can assist you during this difficult time. A mental health professional can provide you with the insight and coping skills necessary to heal. 

• Focus on the present

Shift your focus to the present moment and the things that bring you happiness and fulfillment in your life right now. When we're still obsessing over someone we've developed strong feelings for, it can be easy to slip back into fantasies over what might have been. Keeping yourself grounded in the now can help you break the habit. 

How do you end things with a guy you're not dating?

Ending things can be a little different with someone you've never technically dated than someone you've been involved with, but addressing the issue as soon as possible is imperative. If you're not feeling it, letting them know right away will free you both to move forward and find partners for whom you're better suited. 

Here are some tips on navigating this potentially tricky conversation with as little hard feelings as possible:

• Have the conversation in person somewhere neutral, like a coffee shop or out for drinks somewhere casual. Avoid going out for a full-fledged meal, and don't have it at your house (or theirs). 
• Tell them honestly but gently how you feel using "I" statements like "I feel like it's unfair to you if we don't have this conversation" or "I'm so overwhelmed with work and family, and I'm just not interested in a relationship."
  
• If they have input or questions, listen attentively and respond thoughtfully. They might take it personally, and intense emotions may emerge. In this case, provide as much reassurance as possible without being disingenuous. Stand by your perspective and stay firm. 
• It may seem like the right thing to do but don't offer to stay friends. A friendship is only likely to complicate things at this point. If they express interest or insist on staying friends, you might offer to rekindle a friendship sometime in the future, but for now, it might not be a good choice. 
  
• Don't stick around after you've wrapped things up. It'll probably be awkward for both of you, and you might be tempted to give in if they try to change your mind. If you think this will be tricky, make plans for which you'll be held accountable, like dinner with your family or a friend. 
• For their mental health and yours, don't call, text, or comment on or "like" their social media posts. Avoid places and social situations where you might run into them, at least for a while, until you're confident it won't hurt their feelings. Don't ask about them to friends, colleagues, or others unless you're confident that your interest in their life won't get back to them.  

Is it normal to be heartbroken over someone you never dated?

It is normal to be heartbroken over someone you never dated. Just because you never developed a relationship doesn't mean that your feelings about them are any less valid. Be kind and compassionate to yourself and allow yourself to feel those emotions fully and without judgment.  

Why do I miss him so much when we never dated?

There are many reasons why you might miss your love interest intensely, even though you never dated. You might miss his presence in your life and how he made you feel—but you might also feel regret if you never actually told him how you feel. Living with the questions and fantasies of what might have been can be extremely painful, especially if you don't have any way to gain closure and know for a fact how he felt about you. 

You might worry that he'll forget about you or leave you behind, but depending on the situation, it might be awkward or inappropriate to reach out to him and stay in his orbit. Finally, you might miss him deeply if you don't think you talk about it with the people you rely on for support. You may feel reluctant because you think your feelings aren't valid or you don't want to appear desperate.

How do you forget a guy you never dated?

Forgetting about a guy you never dated might take time and effort. You'll need to come to terms in a compassionate, nonjudgmental way with your feelings about him, the reality about the nature of your relationship, and the fact that you must now move on. Distance yourself from him and resist the urge to text or monitor his social media activity. Avoid going to places you know he'll be and talking about him to mutual friends or colleagues. 

Take care of your body by exercising, eating nutritiously, and sleeping well. Take care of your mind by doing things that bring you joy, reaching out to loved ones for support, and practicing generosity and gratitude in your daily life. Be sure to keep busy doing things that promote self-development and make space for someone new if you're ready to move on. 

Why am I obsessing over a guy so much?

There are many potential reasons you might be obsessing over a guy. On the surface, it could be because you're lonely and are enjoying the fantasy of what could be. You may be afraid and are more comfortable obsessing over someone than actually engaging with them. 

But there are deeper reasons, too. For example, it could be because of how you identify with what you see on the outside. You might admire him or are envious of his qualities. You might want to be with him as a sort of personal validation. If he's the type of guy who could have anyone he wanted and he chose you, that could be a pretty significant boost to your self-esteem. There's also the possibility that you might be obsessing over him because you're using him as an escape from reality or are avoiding facing things about yourself that you need to address. 

Regardless, obsession over another person is often rooted in self-esteem issues. If obsessing over him negatively impacts other areas of your life like work, school, socializing, or family relationships, reach out to a counselor or therapist for help. A mental health professional can guide you and provide tools to help you stop obsessing and move on healthily.

How do you stop thinking about someone you're not dating?

If you're trying to stop thinking about someone you aren't dating, it would be helpful to identify and avoid (as best you can) the things that prompt you to think about them in the first place. Pay close attention to your thoughts associated with that person and challenge whether they are true or based on unfounded or irrational beliefs. You might see more clearly how your thoughts negatively impact your mental well-being, making it easier to let them go.

In the meantime, focus on self-care and personal improvement. Enjoy time with your friends and loved ones, stay busy, and practice mindfulness to keep your thoughts in the present moment instead of obsessing over the past or fantasizing about what "could be" in the future. 

How do you let go of a guy completely?

To let go of a guy in your life, accept first that you must make the change to move on to happier times in the future. This could be painful, but give yourself nonjudgmental permission to experience those feelings deeply and label them for what they are. When we let go of someone, there are often complicated feelings involved. Understanding them can make it easier to cope and move forward. 

Practice self-kindness and compassion during this time and put your needs first. This might be challenging if you're letting go of someone who doesn't want to end the partnership, but it's better for your mental health and his in the long run if you do. 

Keep busy doing things that nourish and bring you joy. Take time to exercise, eat a nutritious diet, and sleep well. Spend plenty of time with people who support you, including a mental health professional. A therapist or counselor can help you navigate intense anger, sadness, disappointment, and other emotions associated with letting go and prepare you to move on confidently.